arrrrgggh, am i being unreasonable

Madame Razz

Ladies,

This has been bugging me since Friday, but i thinkk i have had a lucky escape and am hoping you will agree with me and see this as i saw it.

Im quite a social person but i believe there is a certain decorum when you are in an almost strangers house and that you should always be polite andmannerly, and certainly not too forward or too comfortable.

To cut a long story short, i was seeing a guy a little while ago.we didnt know each other well and it was very early stages

I walked into the kitchen one Sunday morning, our third nite together i might add, to find him looking into all of my kitchen presses. He didn't so much as flinch when i came in, and instead commented that there really wasnt much food in here and that i should become more domesticated(!!!!!) and that he would like to 'fix me'.

I was obviously slightly taken aback by that, anyhow, he left and things kind of cooled between us for a while.

Two weeks ago he came over and shared a bottle of wine one evening, he asked me had i any crackers and 'some good cheese'. I said no. Again a bit taken aback by his request.

He came for wine the nite before last again. it went ok, again looked for cheese, then looked for crisps, then wanted a sandwich( i was getting very pissed off at this stage).

Then he was looking for some sort of cocktail to finish off the evening, and asked had i some odd sort of liquer, i hadnt, so he got up and said he would go make himself a cup of tea. So im looking very bemused at this stage. He gets up and heads for the kitchen, and again i find him poking thru my presses.

Im annoyed at this, and ask him if he usually just looks thru peoples presses. He says Lighten up that its no big deal, i say well, actually i think its a bit forward and a bit rude. He gets mad at this stage, Says he will leave, but first wants a glass of water, then complains i have no bottled water and leaves with two apples- for the drive home he says, before telling me to 'look in the mirror'

Is it me or is that behaviour ridiculously forward and bordering on rude and was i right to be annoyed by it???

:eek: AAAAAARRRRRGGGGH


Easy to see why he is 40 and single n'est pas?

minxie

the bloody cheek of him:eek:
i think you had a lucky escape there...... what a
(nutter):eek::eek::eek:

jam_mac_jam

I think if somebody is asking for a sandwich or a some cheese with their wine in your house maybe you are not being as hospitable as you could be? I would be very embarassed that I did not have food to offer somebody when I asked them over for wine. Yes it is strange that somebody is poking around your kitchen but I also think its strange that a vistor should ask for food.

tribulus

Sounds like a complete tosser tbh, have you any "odd liqueur"?

Lol, smoooth.

Quality

Sounds like an ass...

If you do plan on meeting him again...

I would suggest the following

A. Go stay in his house.

or

B. Tell him to bring his own supplies, all the cheese, crackers and whatever else he requires...:pac:

Clare Bear

Hmmm...ah sure get rid of him, he sounds annoying

Unless you really like him then I don't think you should dump him just because of that but have a word with him that you're not too impressed I suppose. I do think you're getting waaaaaaaaaay too worked up though.

Madame Razz

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

I think if somebody is asking for a sandwich or a some cheese with their wine in your house maybe you are not being as hospitable as you could be? I would be very embarassed that I did not have food to offer somebody when I asked them over for wine. Yes it is strange that somebody is poking around your kitchen but I also think its strange that a vistor should ask for food.

I didnt ask him over, he invited himself. I stick to eating healthily by not keeping things like cheese and chocolate(oh he asked for that aswell HA!) and crisps in my house, because if i buy them i will eat them. He is aware of this.

He arrived at ten pm on a Friday night, earlier in the evening i would provide food but at that hour i feel it is past eating, i had some nice wine a good dvd, a roaring fire and some good beer, i think thats more than enough to be honest.

Madame Razz

Clare Bear wrote: »

Hmmm...ah sure get rid of him, he sounds annoying

Unless you really like him then I don't think you should dump him just because of that but have a word with him that you're not too impressed I suppose. I do think you're getting waaaaaaaaaay too worked up though.

not worked up, just stunned by his carry-on, and he turned it all round on me and said that i had a problem and that what he was doing was perfectly normal.

Normally it takes a lot to work me up but jaysus, im feckin dumbfounded by this lad!!

And no, i NEVER want to see him again!!!

jam_mac_jam

you never want to see him again because he asked for something to eat? yes you are over reacting.

Madame Razz

There is a lot more to the story than the above, which for reasons of briefness i will not go into.

this man is completely detached from reality and the above is another example. looking thru peoples presses when you dont really know them isnt acceptable behaviour, neither is demanding food, whether i should have provided it or not.


Its not just about this episode, its so much more, but this was the final straw for me.

Clare Bear

Well sure good riddance then. Lucky escape and all that.

jam_mac_jam

looking through presses is a bit strange. I agree with you there.

sam34

manukahoney wrote: »

looking thru peoples presses when you dont really know them isnt acceptable behaviour

you knew him well enough to allow him stay over.... after that i dont think looking through someones kitchen presses for food is too unreasonable. its not like he was looking through your bank statements

Kintarō Hattori

OP I absolutely agree with you. When I'm at a strangers house I'll take what's offered but I certainly wouldn't go asking for something or rifling through their drawers. I wouldn't be hungry as I'd have made sure of eating something before going there.

1 - 'Fix You' - F*ck off, obviously an idiot.
2 - Wine. He should have been happy enough that you invited him for wine. Looking for cheese then crisps and finally a sandwich, gob****e.
3 - He gets in a huff and wants to leave. He makes his point by asking for some water and then taking two apples for 'the road'... priceless.

Young lady, he's obviously an eejit of the highest order. Don't fret about it. In reality I bet you knew you didn't have to come on here and reassure yourself about this guy. He was totally out of place. Just be glad he's a bad memory.

Madame Razz

sam34 wrote: »

you knew him well enough to allow him stay over.... after that i dont think looking through someones kitchen presses for food is too unreasonable. its not like he was looking through your bank statements

He stayed over as he drove and had drink taken so i allowed him stay in the spare room. intimacy did not go beyond a kiss

Maybe you would be ok with somebody looking thru your kitchen presses for food when you dont know them that well, but i am not.

It was a good few months before anybody that i went out with ever helped themselves to my food etc. Maybe they thought the same way as me but i thought this guy was far too forward in doing what he did.

and as i said there is more to the story so its not as clear cut as the above.

Nevyn

The thing is as he has stayed over and presumable had been on rather intimate terms with you the night before and on previous occasions it seems he didn't think he would still have to be standing on formalities.

It's not like it was a one night stand and he expected to have to leave asap.
If a guest ( no matter how formal or informal ) in my home was going hungry I would be embarrassed and see it as my hospitality being in error.

Having cheese and wine is not unusual at all, nor is wanting something eat to accompany alcohol being consumed, it's the civilized way to drink tbh and it how it is done in most country's. Seems you both have different ideas of entertaining.

As for the next morning seems he was hungry or maybe he was looking to cook you both breakfast. Don't under estimate the joys of a man who will bring you at least a cup of tea in bed while he rustles up food after an active night before.

Seems you have a different idea of how a kitchen and a fridge should be stocked.
Personally having to go to the shop every time you want a bite to eat is a chore and again shows up the hospitality of the person that would invite a person over and not have thought ahead and considered that not everyone is on the same diet or never eats after a certain hour.


I would not take kindly to a person saying that why wanted to 'fix me' mind.

Madame Razz

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

OP I absolutely agree with you. When I'm at a strangers house I'll take what's offered but I certainly wouldn't go asking for something or rifling through their drawers. I wouldn't be hungry as I'd have made sure of eating something before going there.

1 - 'Fix You' - F*ck off, obviously an idiot.
2 - Wine. He should have been happy enough that you invited him for wine. Looking for cheese then crisps and finally a sandwich, gob****e.
3 - He gets in a huff and wants to leave. He makes his point by asking for some water and then taking two apples for 'the road'... priceless.

Young lady, he's obviously an eejit of the highest order. Don't fret about it. In reality I bet you knew you didn't have to come on here and reassure yourself about this guy. He was totally out of place. Just be glad he's a bad memory.

My god, you have verbalised my exact thoughts!!! I just wanted to reassure myself i was socially noraml by posting this, i really did think it was very off the wall behaviour stuff!!

And yes, hes now a very VERY bad memory!!!

Cathmandooo

He sounds very rude, you're well rid. If I'm going over to someones house I'll bring food / drink. You can't expect to sponge off people like that.

I wouldn't be comfortable if a guy I was dating started looking through all the presses and moaning about the things I didn't have, tell him to bloody grow up! I wouldn't even dare do that in friends houses who I've known all my life, actually I wouldn't even do it in my sisters house. Poor form really.

Lucky escape definitely.

Caoimhín

Without even reading the original post, and this being the ladies lounge,

Yes, yes you are being unreasonable.







Awaits infraction.

sam34

manukahoney wrote: »

He stayed over as he drove and had drink taken so i allowed him stay in the spare room. intimacy did not go beyond a kiss

Maybe you would be ok with somebody looking thru your kitchen presses for food when you dont know them that well, but i am not.

It was a good few months before anybody that i went out with ever helped themselves to my food etc. Maybe they thought the same way as me but i thought this guy was far too forward in doing what he did.

and as i said there is more to the story so its not as clear cut as the above.

if i was comfortable enough with someone to allow them to stay in my house overnight, then i would be comfortable that they would look for food in the kitchen the next morning. however, i would also be embarrassed that they had to do this and that i was not already organised and providing food for them.

Madame Razz

Thaedydal wrote: »

The thing is as he has stayed over and presumable had been on rather intimate terms with you the night before and on previous occasions it seems he didn't think he would still have to be standing on formalities.

It's not like it was a one night stand and he expected to have to leave asap.
If a guest ( no matter how formal or informal ) in my home was going hungry I would be embarrassed and see it as my hospitality being in error.

Having cheese and wine is not unusual at all, nor is wanting something eat to accompany alcohol being consumed, it's the civilized way to drink tbh and it how it is done in most country's. Seems you both have different ideas of entertaining.

As for the next morning seems he was hungry or maybe he was looking to cook you both breakfast. Don't under estimate the joys of a man who will bring you at least a cup of tea in bed while he rustles up food after an active night before.

Seems you have a different idea of how a kitchen and a fridge should be stocked.
Personally having to go to the shop every time you want a bite to eat is a chore and again shows up the hospitality of the person that would invite a person over and not have thought ahead and considered that not everyone is on the same diet or never eats after a certain hour.


I would not take kindly to a person saying that why wanted to 'fix me' mind.

We have never been intimate bar a kiss. I work away a lot and buy as i need because that suits my lifestyle, he is aware of how hectic my work is, and last friday i was just back form another business trip and didnt have a chance to go shopping.


I DIDNT invite him over, he invited himself.

As for him making breakfast in bed etc that previous occassion, i was up long before him and was getting ready to go diving for the day, he was making tea for himself, not me.


I am very hospitable. i cooked dinner for this guy before on his request and slaved over a hot stove after a hard days work to cook it. He arrived an hour late, proclaimed he wasnt that hungry anyway and ate a quarter of it, and the rest went in the bin.

I gave up feeding this guy after that.

MagicMarker

If i invite someone to my place, i make sure to let them know to make themselves at home and they're welcome to anything.

I think you're over reacting.

Plus, if i do invite people over for a dvd or whatever, i'll make sure to get some snacks... Maybe you're just a **** host?

Kintarō Hattori

Different folks, different strokes. While it may be 'normal' to have wine and cheese everyone is different. The OP says she has a hectic lifestyle and the guy was aware of that. When the GF and I have folks over and we have some wine there is no chance in hell that there'll be crackers and cheese, that's far to poncy. Wine will be sipped over dinner or afterwards. Pffttt crackers and cheese.

Madame Razz

sam34 wrote: »

if i was comfortable enough with someone to allow them to stay in my house overnight, then i would be comfortable that they would look for food in the kitchen the next morning. however, i would also be embarrassed that they had to do this and that i was not already organised and providing food for them.

I have no problem looking after guests. But he was not a guest, he stayed as he was too cheap to get a taxi home, he asked to stay on the couch, i offered the spare room.


I think that was hospitable enough in itself given the circumstances.

brianthebard

MagicMarker wrote: »

If i invite someone to my place, i make sure to let them know to make themselves at home and they're welcome to anything.

I think you're over reacting.

Plus, if i do invite people over for a dvd or whatever, i'll make sure to get some snacks... Maybe you're just a **** host?

the op repeatedly said the guy invited himself over...Maybe you're just **** at reading threads?

Madame Razz

MagicMarker wrote: »

If i invite someone to my place, i make sure to let them know to make themselves at home and they're welcome to anything.

I think you're over reacting.

Plus, if i do invite people over for a dvd or whatever, i'll make sure to get some snacks... Maybe you're just a **** host?

Read my previous posts, i DIDNT invite him.

sam34

manukahoney wrote: »

I have no problem looking after guests. But he was not a guest, he stayed as he was too cheap to get a taxi home, he asked to stay on the couch, i offered the spare room.


I think that was hospitable enough in itself given the circumstances.

he was still a guest/visitor to your home, even if the stay had been instigated at his request.

Madame Razz

Be that as it may, but as i work on average 14 hour days during the week, i have better things to do with my weekend than act as a glorified B&B, especially for people who want to crash cos they're too pissed to drive the night before.

Cathmandooo

sam34 wrote: »

he was still a guest/visitor to your home, even if the stay had been instigated at his request.

She explained that she was just back from a trip that day and had nothng in the house. She shops as she needs food as she's away a lot and it suits her lifestyle. Is she supposed to click her fingers and open a magically stocked press that's full of food that doesnt go off in case she has a guest over?

People are being too harsh on the op imo. Not everyone likes cheese and crackers, i can't say I've ever offered 'a nice cheese' to my guests Yes I'd always have food in the house and will feed whoever comes over but that's because I'm here everyday!

MagicMarker

ok after reading the whole thread, i've changed my mind...

The guy is a douche.

How Strange

OP, I think it boils down to an incompatibility and you two shouldn't be dating.

I don't think there is anything wrong per se in his behaviour but if it grates on you and it annoys you then he's not your sort of person so there's no point in continuing a relationship.

Black Swan

manukahoney wrote: »

Is it me or is that behaviour ridiculously forward and bordering on rude and was i right to be annoyed by it???

Methinks you answered your own question?

MagicMarker

brianthebard wrote: »

the op repeatedly said the guy invited himself over...Maybe you're just **** at reading threads?

touche

lily lou

I have to agree with the OP only this afternoon a friend of mine text me to say she was calling over, I made her a cup of tea and offered her a biscuit, around an hour later she said "I'm hungry" she did the same last week and it pissed me off. If I'd invited her for lunch or dinner her hunger would have been my fault but she was only calling over for a chat so I don't see why I should be expected to cook for her. You're right OP plus any time I call over to someone's house for drinks I never turn up empty handed I'd always bring chocolate or crisps or something!!

bills

definetely dont answer the door next time. TBH if he was annoying me that much, i wouldnt have bothered with him at all.

I don't understand why you let him back in after the dinner.
I'd have got him good and liquored up, confiscated his keys and shoes, took him for a spin up the mountains and dumped him.

MagicMarker

I never answer my front door unless i'm expecting someone, otherwise i just ignore it.

MagicMarker

MagicMarker wrote: »

I never answer my front door unless i'm expecting someone, otherwise i just ignore it.

Criminal TV liscense guy evader alert.

Madame Razz

Moonbaby wrote: »

I don't understand why you let him back in after the dinner.
I'd have got him good and liquored up, confiscated his keys and shoes, took him for a spin up the mountains and dumped him.

LOL:D!!! I don't know either!! I think i was just dumbfounded by his behaviour and was at a loss as to how to handle it!!

Methinks i just need to book my decent man sensors in for a full service!! Honestly!! Hairy backs and Unmannerly gobsheens:rolleyes:..... theres gotta be SOMEbody normal around the corner!!!;)

Wibbs

I'd say the looking through the cupboards was a bit off. Not good, unless he was doing it to tidy up after the night before or looking to make you something for breakfast.

The inviting himself was a bit presumptuous too(tbh I would have uninvited him in your shoes). Indeed as he invited himself you would have expected him to bring something. Sounds like you provided everything. Not good.

The "fix you" bit may have been just an off the cuff, jokey remark. Men are more likely to say such stuff and it not having any weight behind it. But considering the rest it just adds to it.

I would say he sounds like a bit of a knob. Not my cup of tea anyway if it was a woman pulling that stuff.

I would agree with How Strange, you're just incompatible and grate off each other. Some people are just like that; very presumptuous, at least to those who are more reserved(I would be the latter). Not a great match.

Nevyn

He didn't ring, he just arrived over ?
Why didn't you ask him to leave ?


Turning up late when you have cooked for him is very rude, sounds like he generally has no manners at all and expects your place to be like his mothers.

manukahoney

manukahoney wrote: »

LOL:D!!! I don't know either!! I think i was just dumbfounded by his behaviour and was at a loss as to how to handle it!!

Methinks i just need to book my decent man sensors in for a full service!! Honestly!! Hairy backs and Unmannerly gobsheens:rolleyes:..... theres gotta be SOMEbody normal around the corner!!!;)

Sometimes you just have to let things playout for the amusement factor.

Does he still live with his Mamie by any chance?

Quality

The more I was reading this thread the more it was reminding me of someone...

The looking in presses..

Turning up uninvited..

The rude comments..

He reminds me of my mother in law!!:eek: Get rid!!!:eek: If he is like this, can you imagine his MOTHER!!!

Madame Razz

Wibbs wrote: »

I would agree with How Strange, you're just incompatible and grate off each other. Some people are just like that; very presumptuous, at least to those who are more reserved(I would be the latter). Not a great match.

Yes, i would agree, i am very social and outgoing, but i am also quite reserved about certain things, especially at home, and especially about stuff like that, as im fiercely independent and really like my own space.

I think the whole thing has went beyond the amusement factor.... i think thats why i continued to entertain him, part of me wanted to see what other crazy things he'd do!! Still if i ever write a book it will at least be a most entertaining chapter.

O, and yes, i was muchos pissed off bout the dinner incident, that was a huge reason why he was never invited into my boudoir i confess!!

He no eat my meal he no get sexy time LOL;)

And for the record, he doesn't live with mammy, building his own house at the mo, and doing strange things with it by all accounts, told me he wasn't painting his bedrooom as the bare plasterwork was 'such a beautiful colour'..... WTF!!!

I had to break it to him that the beautiful colour wouldn't last and eventually it'd dry out to a sh*tty chalky pinkish-white colour..... MONG!!!!!

Wibbs

manukahoney wrote: »

I think the whole thing has went beyond the amusement factor.... i think thats why i continued to entertain him, part of me wanted to see what other crazy things he'd do!!

yea but be careful about that, as you never know with some loons out there.

O, and yes, i was muchos pissed off bout the dinner incident, that was a huge reason why he was never invited into my boudoir i confess!!

He no eat my meal he no get sexy time LOL;)

I would have put the last line slightly differently...... Seems like a fair trade in fairness.:D

And for the record, he doesn't live with mammy, building his own house at the mo, and doing strange things with it by all accounts, told me he wasn't painting his bedrooom as the bare plasterwork was 'such a beautiful colour'..... WTF!!!

I had to break it to him that the beautiful colour wouldn't last and eventually it'd dry out to a sh*tty chalky pinkish-white colour..... MONG!!!!!

Still it's his bedroom, so..... Just another tick on the list of incompatibilities though.

LadyE

I dont know why people are so hung up at "univited guests"...I love people calling over for a cuppa or whatever. Or if someone says "will I call over for a glass of wine"..thats fine by me too

I also wouldnt have any problem with someone wanting something to eat in my house either, food is there to be eaten, as a guest in my house I would have offered/or if they asked, I would have made it. Because its my house, and they are a guest in my house.

But, he annoyed you anyway, and if a friend behaved in the same way, am sure you wouldnt have been offended..he grated your nerves in the first place, so everything he did would have been noticed..Id prob be the same in that instance.

Ya should just leave it be with him. He obv really pisses ya off.

Madame Razz

A crude way of putting it i admit, but if he didnt respect my efforts to cook him something by at least turning up reasonably on time to eat it, then i didnt see why i should put out!!!

Wibbs you're so diplomatic!! I really can't think how anybody could actually conceivably like bare plaster though!!!;)

Wibbs

manukahoney wrote: »

Wibbs you're so diplomatic!! I really can't think how anybody could actually conceivably like bare plaster though!!!;)

Actually I like the colour of plaster before it's gone off. Better than the sickly magnolia common in a lot of homes.:D

Nevyn

manukahoney wrote: »

I think the whole thing has went beyond the amusement factor.... i think thats why i continued to entertain him, part of me wanted to see what other crazy things he'd do!! Still if i ever write a book it will at least be a most entertaining chapter.

Well know you know he made you feeling hugely uncomfortable in your own home, thats never a good thing.

manukahoney wrote: »

O, and yes, i was muchos pissed off bout the dinner incident, that was a huge reason why he was never invited into my boudoir i confess!!

Again I am puzzled as to why you let him back in your house.

manukahoney wrote: »

He no eat my meal he no get sexy time LOL;)

Fair enough, your life, your house, your rules.

manukahoney wrote: »

And for the record, he doesn't live with mammy, building his own house at the mo, and doing strange things with it by all accounts, told me he wasn't painting his bedrooom as the bare plasterwork was 'such a beautiful colour'..... WTF!!!

I had to break it to him that the beautiful colour wouldn't last and eventually it'd dry out to a sh*tty chalky pinkish-white colour..... MONG!!!!!

People are odd and it seems he is a tad clueless.

manukahoney wrote: »

Methinks i just need to book my decent man sensors in for a full service!! Honestly!! Hairy backs and Unmannerly gobsheens..... theres gotta be SOMEbody normal around the corner!!!

Eh at this stage I think there is no such thing as normal and once we get out of our twenties and heading to 40 we are willing to put up with a lot less and we are very well defined in what we like and don't like which makes it harder.

Madame Razz

Thaedydal wrote: »

Eh at this stage I think there is no such thing as normal and once we get out of our twenties and heading to 40 we are willing to put up with a lot less and we are very well defined in what we like and don't like which makes it harder.

Normal in relative terms then, or at least relative to me.

And im as odd as two left feet in ways i will freely admit!! (and stubborn and exact and fussy also!)

These encounters are all part of life I guess!!

Madame Razz

Wibbs wrote: »

Actually I like the colour of plaster before it's gone off. Better than the sickly magnolia common in a lot of homes.:D

Until it dries out!! I had my little heart broken by a plasterer before so i confess to not being so keen on plaster since!!!

As for said sickly magnolia i am in the process of buying a house covered in the stuff

**shudder**