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Screenplay, Tell me what you think please?

  • 17-08-2008 2:26pm
    #1
    jamin'
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭


    It's only the start of a screenplay / script kind of thing I started, please tell me what you think?
    I know I didn't give much away in the piece I posted here, I had written more but I cut it because I just didn't like the way it was going.

    If theres anyone who wants to help me write it too that would be cool, like write a scene each or something. pm me. The title and the storyline isn't complete at all this is just a rough version. So help writing it would be great.

    But anyways yeah crit please, it's probably rubbish but ah well :)


Comments

  • #2
    Matt Holck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭Matt Holck


    the start image pans great for the intro

    I imagine this is a story about the boys aswell
    since they were mentioned to be best friends


  • #3
    jamin'
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭jamin'


    yeah well the boys would be the gang the main character befriends.

    I was thinking the start would actually be the end. And that the next scene would be in the past and then the finish would be the first scene, if ya know what I mean.


  • #4
    Matt Holck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,706 ✭✭✭Matt Holck


    worked for Sunset Boulevard


  • #5
    ryaner012
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭ryaner012


    it's not bad. it poses questions which have to be answered, which allow for the audience to be gripped.

    where are they? what happened to the boy? etc..

    all story's need to hook the viewers early at the start.

    if you are going to use the start as the end you need to have a definitive outline of what will happen and all the events must be tied in to achieve this ending.

    but yeah it's a solid section of writing


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