BoozeToLose

LegacyUser

A bit long but,,
I can stay off the booze for 3-4 weeks at a time but once I decide to go out drinking I have often ended up out 3-4 days on the trot, throwing parties, doing illegal subs and easily spending €600-€800 in a w/end. I'm 31 and notice that the people I have been on these sessions with can be as young as 21 (especially women). TBH I am sick of this lifestyle as when I go on a bender I cant eat properly for days after, cant sleep,cant concentrate in work & don't go to the gym and this depresses me. I earn good money but have no savings as a result, live on my own and have no g/f. Added to this I can be a very bad drunk e.g. being arrogant, loud and obnoxious pi**ing people off along the way - sometimes not remembering what I have done. Despite this I have close family ties and some really good friends still.
My main problem is the social acceptance of me not drinking. I have gone out before w/out drink and despite the fact that Even without booze I am fairly outgoing and chatty etc. you can see the look of disappointment on people's face when you say you are not drinking - stuff like "cop yourself on" etc.
I would love to hear anyones perspective who has been through this before, how they have managed and what changes have been made to their lives as a result. I'd love to settle down and meet someone who knows the real me not this party animal that people see at w/ends.

Marksie

Are you a slave to what others think? Is their acceptance so important to you that you would, by your own admittance go through crap for it?

Change your scene and your outlook and you will get what you want in the end.

You know exactly what you have to do

BroomBurner

I stopped drinking a couple of years back and just ignored anyone's comments. After a while, they started to be more along the line of "oh, I wish I could just stop", etc. etc. Having someone in your family to encourage you may help a good deal aswell. My OH is your age and has recently given up drinking. Some people's comments have sounded disappointed, but on the whole, his mates haven't said anything. Maybe it's the people you are hanging around with. If they are mature, they will except your choices in life. If not, then just don't listen to them.

Good luck with staying off the booze - you'll feel better!

Karen_*

OP as someone who was into the party lifestyle I have to say I would rather the look on peoples faces when I tell them that I'm not drinking than the look on their faces when I've been drunk, obnoxious and made a complete show of myself.

I couldn't give a toss what people think about me not drinking but I really really care about the morning after if I have been. Its your life OP, not theirs. You obviously can't carry on the way you are unless you want to wake up one morning with your best years behind you and absolutely nothing to show for it bar bad health and debts.

And not everyone is drinking their heads off either. the vast majority of people I go out with aren't drinking heavily.

Really you're going to awful lengths to be socially accepted when you think of it. But there's more to it than that OP because normal people aren't going off their heads with illegal substances and drink. You are the exception rather than the rule as it stands.

LegacyUser

OP,
You have to way up the pros & cons of drinking for you. It sounds like the cons far outweigh the pros - do you personally get any benefit from drinking?

I've never heard anyone who gave up drinking by choice say that they regret giving it up.

Catari Jaguar

MANY Irish people have hang ups and insecurities. They hide this behind alcohol. They use alcohol to gain confidence to dance or chat up people in a club.

Most European countries know how to drink sensibly and socially, take cities like Madrid and Paris for example. Vomiting on your shoes and blacking out isn't social. It's embarrassing, immature and pathetic.

The thing is, as long as EVERYONE is doing it, it's ok! So where you think they make you feel uncomfortable, it's only because they feel like fukn feejits that NEED to get drunk to have a conversation. You're a mirror back at them, so they peer pressure until they can feel good about their behaviour.

Just tell them you're giving it up for a while, or if that's too embarrasing for you say you're driving or on antibiotics or you can't afford it anymore what with the great depression and all Don't be a sheep. Once you've done it a few times and see how fukn retarded drunk people are you won't regret it.

Myxomatosis

Fascinating country we live in where you are deemed an outcast, or made to feel like one, if you decide not to drink.

DublinWriter

Myxomatosis wrote: »

Fascinating country we live in where you are deemed an outcast, or made to feel like one, if you decide not to drink.

True, maybe these types of friends aren't your real-friends, OP.

If I were you, I'd be more worried about the fact that you can't seem to stop drinking once you start.

The fact that you can go for weeks without drink is not that important, it's the lack of control you seem to have once you start that would be a worrying thing as it's a classic hallmark of alcoholism.

Shauna_N

OP, you are what I think is called a "binge alcoholic". In between binges, they have no problem staying off the alcohol, but when they then decide to have a drink, they can't control it and drink til they physically can't drink anymore. They then spend days recovering and stay off it til the next time.

The depression you feel afterwards is an effect of the alcohol/substance abuse. I really think you need to stop altogether, before these episodes become more and more often until it gets to the point there may not be a break in between. That will be when you hit rock bottom.

I know someone this has happened to, you really need to nip this in the bud now, before its too late. Sorry to be so blunt, but its really not doing you any good at all.

newname

Reading your story is just exactly the position I was in 2 or 3 years ago. I stopped drinking and partying altogether 2 years ago because it was getting on top of me. I could go off the drink for 4 weeks, 6 weeks etc but as soon as I had a drink again I was away for days and then a day or 2 in bed recovering or if it was really bad up to the doctor for an injection to help me stop vomiting. Thats all ok but what I found was my friends (90% of them turned out to be drinking buddies only) stopped calling as soon as I stopped drinking and partying. I am sober now and no longer keep in touch with alot of the people I ended up hanging around with - I see them still at it and it looks kinda sad now, that lifestyle is so false and shallow - people lying around houses drinking and taking drugs and talking nonsense. You have reached the age now where i'm sure it doesn't feel right anymore and new people start arriving on the scene younger and younger and your getting that little bit older. Whoever keeps in contact with you when your sober are friend all others aren't.

How Strange

InVinoVeritas wrote: »

A bit long but,,
I can stay off the booze for 3-4 weeks at a time but once I decide to go out drinking I have often ended up out 3-4 days on the trot, throwing parties, doing illegal subs and easily spending €600-€800 in a w/end. I'm 31 and notice that the people I have been on these sessions with can be as young as 21 (especially women).

OP, you're hanging around with 21 year olds because all the people your own age have gone through the binge drinking years and have moved on.

TBH I am sick of this lifestyle as when I go on a bender I cant eat properly for days after, cant sleep,cant concentrate in work & don't go to the gym and this depresses me. I earn good money but have no savings as a result, live on my own and have no g/f. Added to this I can be a very bad drunk e.g. being arrogant, loud and obnoxious pi**ing people off along the way - sometimes not remembering what I have done. Despite this I have close family ties and some really good friends still.

Ok, so these are all the reasons why you want to give up drinking.

My main problem is the social acceptance of me not drinking. I have gone out before w/out drink and despite the fact that Even without booze I am fairly outgoing and chatty etc. you can see the look of disappointment on people's face when you say you are not drinking - stuff like "cop yourself on" etc.

Who are these people? Are they your 21yr old drinking buddies? Of course your drinking would be disappointed if you stopped drinking as it's like an acknowledgement that there is something wrong with it. I got the very same thing when I gave up smoking and one or two 'friends' even dumped me very unceremoniously.
I'd say if you surrounded yourself with family and real friends who've seen the state you get yourself into on one of these benders then they would be thrillled to see you giving up drinking and would be very supportive of you.

OP, if you're serious about stopping drinking then you will have to start a new life and cut ties with all your drinking buddies. I don't think that will be too hard as I'd say they will drop you very quickly once you don't have drink and drugs in common anymore.

Then you have to establish a social life where drink isn't at the centre. There's a section on boards for non drinkers. Maybe take a look at that.
Good luck

petethebrick

I can totally empathise with you OP. I'm 27 now and don't drink much during the week. A lot of the time when I go out at the weekend however I'll be out for a few days drinking and end up depressed as hell about it come monday. I always promise myself I won't do it the next weekend but invariably end up doing so. I have great fun on these 'sessions' but realise they don't fit in with the direction I'm trying to go in now. Reckon I'll have to knock it on the head totally, at least for a while til I get a bit more sorted out. Good luck!

How Strange

petethebrick wrote: »

I'll be out for a few days drinking and end up depressed as hell about it come monday.

I don't drink very often any more but when I do and drink a fair bit (I'm a wee girl so I'd be talking 3-4 pints or 7-8 vodkas) I always feel depressed on a Monday.

I probably never noticed it when I drank every weekend but now that I might have a few drink free weekends in a row I can see the difference in my mood on a Monday after drinking.

That feeling alone has made me more inclined to limit alcohol even more as I hate it.

AARRRGH

I have a hard time drinking alcohol in moderation. I'm all or nothing. I went through a phase of regular drinking, gambling, many women and in general being destructive.

I don't regret those years, as they have made me the person I am today, and if I am honest I did have a great time, but there is only so long I could live like that.

I don't really drink anymore. Or at least, I am able to find other things (in particular, study) to keep myself occupied. I've had to tame down my social life and move away from certain friends to ensure I stay on track with my current life.

The friends who tell you to cop on -- you have to drop them. I know this is horrible, but these people are like a virus and they will keep dragging you down to their level. They don't want to see you improving your life or being successful. They want you to be drunk and hungover so they feel you're just like them -- a loser.

I gave up alcohol about a year ago. The changes since then have been amazing. Here are some off the top of my head:

Waking up early - no matter what time I go to bed at, I'm able to get up early, even on weekends. As a result, I am able to fit so much more into my day.

Money - I'm now able to save a large amount of money each month, and I'm able to keep track of everything I spend my money on. It is incredible how much money you spend when you are a regular drinker.

Concentration - alcohol damages your brain. About a month after giving up alcohol I noticed a huge improvement in my concentration and memory.

Health - I feel strong and healthy and have a lot of energy. I never have to worry about this kind of thing.

Motivation - since quitting alcohol I've been promoted, been offered a second promotion, got straight A's in my masters degree, and developed a couple of businesses on the side. There is no way in hell I could have done this if I was still a boozer.

No regrets - being sober, I'm able to make the right decision. There are no more regrets or embarrassing memories.

Of course, there are some downsides too. I miss drinking and I miss the fun I had, but I gave it 10 years and I feel it's time to move my life to the next level.