Driving BF Away

LegacyUser

Started seeing a guy recently and I really like him - we click in every way possible, but I am scared I'm driving him away! I'm not a needy girl and have in the past played in fairly cool with guys I date but for some reason I keep landing in situations where I come across as an insecure drama queen.He was away with work and I went into paranoia overdrive after seeing some messages from another girl on his homepage I freaked, cut contact the lot - turned out to be innocent but it killed me to read them! If for some reason (probably genuine) he has to cancel on me I get really upset, to the point that I find it hard to hide the fact that I'm thick from him. He kinda laughs it off as me being a drama queen, but I know if I don't start controlling my emotions/insecurities around him I'm going to drive him away! I think my biggest problem is that we don't see each other enough and this doesn't bother him in the slightest while I want my "honeymoon period" - really appreciate any advice I don't wanna lose him!!

RedXIV

first off, i'd recommend telling him how you "operate". It's how you are, he'll figure out eventually anyway so don't worry about him knowing.
Then every time you get yourself into a situation where you're going into a panic, turn the tables. if he has a random girl on his facebook, imagine if a random guy was on yours that he didn't know. view it from his side. same as when he says he can't make something, take into account if you've ever had to do this also.

EVERYONE feels the pangs of jealously, just some people control it better than others.

Best of Luck

Red

Karen_*

Well I recommend you be yourself. If he's cancelling on you often then you have a right to get thick. Everytime a situation arises where you're cancelled take a deep breath and have a think before you react. Don't go overboard but do convey your dissappointment. Even if it was a friend cancelling on you you'd be dissappointed so I don't think you're in the wrong.

Dont' do tantrums but at the same time don't turn into a doormat either. Its quite possible you're in the right.

AARRRGH

You should consider counselling so you can figure out the root cause of your issues. This will take a bit of courage, but it'll help you sort them out once and for all.

Worst case scenario it won't work. You have nothing to lose.

05D

Hypnotherapy is a good way of getting to the root of your anxiety and getting rid of negative thinking.

I went last Friday found it absolutelty brilliant and very relax, going back this sat for a top up! remember positive thoughts!

LegacyUser

I don't think counselling/hypnotherapy is necessary, I've never been this sort of insecure before - I think having to spend so much time apart so early on certainly had a huge part to play. He (being a guy) was happy to have little/no contact while I was stuck here wondering where I stood. We did chat about it at one stage and he promised to come see me but this fell through time and again, hence my decision to walk away.I'd be quite cynical but he does seem genuine in his reasons .. But I don't want to throw this one away, I do think he is just one of those guys who doesn't put relationship at the top of his list (bummer for me) and I'm trying my hardest to deal with this, just **** not knowing! I just don't know how are you supposed to keep someone interested? I know seeming uninterested is key but because we don't see each other as often as I would like I just want to grasp any opportunity we get to be together. Uh sorry guys my head is so wrecked now

LegacyUser

I don't think I need to turn to counselling! Was never like this in previous relationships. I think a big factor was being separated so soon, and him not considering communication important. When we are together I do feel like he is as into me as I am to him but I just don't get guys ability to have no contact for days or even weeks on end. He did cancel a few planned visit while he was away which drove me to end it, purely because i thought it would be saving myself. But I dunno never falled for someone so quickly before and while he seems so genuine I am just terrified of being played.