Relationship confussion

LegacyUser

OK this is alot to put down, so not to sure where to start. i think a list would suit.
1. I'm currently in a long term relationship with a guy.
2. I'm a sex addict and finding it harder and harder to stay faithful.
3. Its not that he doesn't attract me any more, or that he doesn't satisfy me, it all the other fcuking cr#p that goes with the addiction, when someone touches me, smell of people etc.
4. Also I am craving women at the moment as well.

so yeah thats pretty much it in a nutsell.
I don't want to hurt him, He does know of my addiction, he wouldn't have an open relationship.
and i do love him. its just the physical side thats eating away at me.
suggestions?

Rattlehead_ie

1) Define Long Term (it doesnt really matter)
2) Your a sex addict, thats fine, but is it that you dont get enough of it or that you want to have sex with other people. Why not talk to your boyfriend, most guys would be v happy for their gf to want to have sex more often.
3)So basically what your saying here is that if someone else touches you, you smell another guys after shave you get horny and want that person specifically or do you just want to have sex, why not use that with your current bf.
4) Have you talked to your bf about this? see point 2 :P once again guys would probably be open to seeing their gf with another girl. If thats what you want or you mean in a completely seperate situation?
5)How do you know your man wouldnt have an open relationship, is it something you have talked about or something he had said in the past that has made you think this?

OP:
I think, if you are serious in your post and in looking for advice, 1st port of call is your BF, talk to him sit him down and tell him about your nitial needs (sex addict - high libido)and see what his reaction is? Then move onto the other things, open relationship, interest in women. I know some guys who would consider their gf being with another woman as cheating while some others (even if they are not involved) dont mind.

davyjose

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

4) Have you talked to your bf about this? see point 2 :P once again guys would probably be open to seeing their gf with another girl. If thats what you want or you mean in a completely seperate situation?

That is a fallacy; intimacy is intimacy and if my OH got intimate with another person, regardless of sex, it would break my heart.

Weidii

davyjose wrote: »

That is a fallacy; intimacy is intimacy and if my OH got intimate with another person, regardless of sex, it would break my heart.

Mm, but not everyone thinks like that.

OP, maybe you should try to test the water with your boyfriend, let him know about your attraction to women. See if he's willing to spice things up a bit.

If this can't work then I suppose the only thing you can do (to satisfy your own feelings) would be to break up with him and go on a bit of a rampage, get it out of your system. This is the more selfish route, and it probably wouldn't be recommended if you are in love with this guy.

Rattlehead_ie

davyjose wrote: »

That is a fallacy; intimacy is intimacy and if my OH got intimate with another person, regardless of sex, it would break my heart.

As Weidii said its not fallacy, just not for you or prob alot of other ppl here. I think there was a thread about it before I just cant find it.

OP What think is best way to aproach this is as Weidii said exaust all paths that involve your bf if you have too. It would be a shame if you were unfaithful to him (without his knowledge) to later find out he woulda been more open that u think

davyjose

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

As Weidii said its not fallacy, just not for you or prob alot of other ppl here. I think there was a thread about it before I just cant find it.

OP What think is best way to aproach this is as Weidii said exaust all paths that involve your bf if you have too. It would be a shame if you were unfaithful to him (without his knowledge) to later find out he woulda been more open that u think

Well if it's not a fallacy, it's a strong generalisation.

once again guys would probably be open to seeing their gf with another girl

I'm not being pedantic, I just don't think that asking her OH can she have sex with another person is a real solution to the issue here, and could cause trouble.

Gemini Sister

Hmm. Interesting post. You describe yourself as a sex addict. Exciting but... no moreso than drink or drugs or gambling... Addictions are ultimately painful and interrupt your life. Is this what you're talking about? In that case google treatment.

Or.... oh how mundane... maybe you just don't fancy your boyfriend enough right now? In that case see about 20% of other threads around here.

Go-Go-Gadget

Your addiction needs to be controlled or else you will most definitly hurt your partner time and time again.

Cant ALOT of sex with one partner not alleviate the pressure? If not its not just an addiction to sex.

MIN2511

Am not going to criticise you or anything, the world is not perfect and whats good for goose is not neccesarily good for gander


1. Break up with the bf, please don't put him through your confused state!
2. Once you are single, explore your sexuality...


You are in no state of mind to be in a relationship with someone, except if its an "open" relationship where ye are free to have sexual relationships outside. He doesn't want an open relation and if your desire to be with someone else is greater than staying in a relationship then there is no point fighting it

mr_atif

hi i would ask you to think about yourself in solitude, be serious and ask yourself, are you sincere with yourself? listen to your heart what it says?

MIN2511

mr_atif wrote: »

hi i would ask you to think about yourself in solitude, be serious and ask yourself, are you sincere with yourself? listen to your heart what it says?

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

huh... Are you kidding me?

The human nature would lean towards what they think they need... You think you hear a voice telling you what you want:rolleyes: but it's probably the option you want more...

Animal instincts has no heart!





Why do people make a big issue out of sex?

Macha

Jeez some of the advice here is just awful. I don't think people would be encouraging the OP to go have sex with lots of people if she were a guy. When was the last time the indulgence of an addiction was considered a good idea/the solution?

OP - as another poster said, a sex addiction is just like any other addiction. I would recommend you go to your GP & get diagnosed (have you been diagnosed?) & then go into therapy for it.

Do not break up with your boyfriend! Crazy advice. Obviously talking with your partner is vitally important because communication & trust are key in any relationship. You say you love him & that you don't want to hurt him so try to hold on & not give in (I suppose this is where a sex addiction is slightly different to another type of addiction).

Really - you must accept that you do not have to be like this & can beat your addiction.

http://www.csa-addictions.ie/Centre/whatis.html

kayos

Talk to your BF. Plain and simple. He might be more open than you think. But you need to talk to him before you go making any choices.

Miss Fluff

Try and get an appointment with Beth Fitzpatrick, mentioned in following article

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/are-you--addicted--to-sex-1419911.html

Do you have a problem with sex?
Find out if you have a problem. Answer the following questions 'yes' or 'no' as honestly as you can.

1) Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?

2) Have you subscribed to or regularly purchased sexually explicit magazines?

3) Did your parents have problems with their sexual behaviour?

4) Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?

5) Do you feel that your sexual behaviour is not normal?

6) Does your spouse (or significant other) ever worry or complain about your sexual behaviour?

7) Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behaviour when you know it is inappropriate?

8) Do you ever feel bad about your sexual behaviour?

9) Has your sexual behaviour ever created problems for you or your family?

10) Have you ever sought help for sexual behaviour that you did not like?

11) Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?

12) Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behaviour?

13) Are any of your sexual activities illegal?

14) Have you made promises to yourself to quit some aspect of your sexual behaviour?

15) Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual behaviour and failed?

16) Do you have to hide some aspects of your sexual behaviour from others?

17) Have you attempted to stop some parts of your sexual activities?

18) Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behaviour?

19) Has sex been a way for you to escape your problems?

20) When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?

21) Have you felt the need to discontinue a certain form of sexual activity?

22) Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?

23) Have you been sexual with minors?

24) Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?

25) Do you ever think that your sexual desire is stronger than you are?

* If you answer 'yes' to 13 or more of these questions, it is likely that you have a sex addiction and should seek treatment.

kayos

Bloody hell thats a loaded set of questions

14) Have you made promises to yourself to quit some aspect of your sexual behaviour?
15) Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual behaviour and failed?
17) Have you attempted to stop some parts of your sexual activities?
21) Have you felt the need to discontinue a certain form of sexual activity?

Those 4 pretty much are all the same

6) Does your spouse (or significant other) ever worry or complain about your sexual behaviour?
9) Has your sexual behaviour ever created problems for you or your family?
22) Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?

And those 3 as well

That pretty much means if you answer yes to 2 you just shoot up to 7!

tonyinuae

This problem requires you to see a specialist in the area of sexual dysfunction/addiction. First you have to establish the nature of the problem: ie: are you really an addict? After that, you have to have therapy to deal with the problem, whatever it is.

Going on a rampage is certainly not the answer and could hurt yourself and others, seek professional help for this one. If you have an addiction, you will have to address the reasons behind it - it can be done, and you can have a satisfying and healthy sex-life again. Good luck.

pants20

Op, I know exactly how you feel.. I am in the same situation.... its incredibly hard.... but if you love your partner, you will get the will power you need.

The answer lies within.

Best of Luck,

LegacyUser

Gemini Sister wrote: »

Hmm. Interesting post. You describe yourself as a sex addict. Exciting but... no moreso than drink or drugs or gambling... Addictions are ultimately painful and interrupt your life. Is this what you're talking about? In that case google treatment.

Or.... oh how mundane... maybe you just don't fancy your boyfriend enough right now? In that case see about 20% of other threads around here.

Ok, I am a sex addict, I've seen the specialists, done off the tests, questionnaires, ink blots (ok there werent any o them but i thought id throw it in) and I have been told i am in the top 1.2% of people with problems. And NO being a sex adict is not exciting. it ****ing hurts (mentally) and it is ****ing horrible to have it. you cant understand ow degrading it is to have it. yes my partner knows i have this, he is not that interested in sex, he has an average sex drive and normally he satidsfies himself moreso than both of us. I have spoken to him about what i want and etc and blah blah blah i have also suggested the women side of it and he has said no. which i can understand.
I have taken that 25 answer questionaire and i can unfortunately say i tick yes on 22 of them. I have been with this guy for four years. I have been 'controlling' myself for each of them years, and i have slipped,and he does know of them slips, and i'm just fed up of constantly going 'one day at a time'. bit like you see alcoholic in tv/films going on. its just with sex not alcohol.
and above all that I DO LOVE MY PARTNER i'm just slipping again.

LegacyUser

ITs addictive behaviour that you have,you have underlining issues of where this problem has derived from,if you want to change that you have to get your behaviour under control by seeking help,or you could loose your BF.

A family member of mine was in the rutland centre for 6 weeks for heroin addiction,he said that all addiction is treated the same way and there were a number of sex addicts there at the same time,its a treatment centre to help put a support system in place for addicts,you cant do this on your own,you need to face your past and the issues that have taken you to here,you know in your heart what that is,there is always a logical explanation to human behaviours,dont feel isolated and alone get some help and save your relationship with your BF and ultimetly yourself.

MagicMarker

I'm unsure what you're asking......

What do you want your BF to do here?

birdie08

Rattlehead_ie wrote: »

1) Define Long Term (it doesnt really matter)
2) Your a sex addict, thats fine, but is it that you dont get enough of it or that you want to have sex with other people. Why not talk to your boyfriend, most guys would be v happy for their gf to want to have sex more often.
3)So basically what your saying here is that if someone else touches you, you smell another guys after shave you get horny and want that person specifically or do you just want to have sex, why not use that with your current bf.
4) Have you talked to your bf about this? see point 2 :P once again guys would probably be open to seeing their gf with another girl. If thats what you want or you mean in a completely seperate situation?
5)How do you know your man wouldnt have an open relationship, is it something you have talked about or something he had said in the past that has made you think this?

OP:
I think, if you are serious in your post and in looking for advice, 1st port of call is your BF, talk to him sit him down and tell him about your nitial needs (sex addict - high libido)and see what his reaction is? Then move onto the other things, open relationship, interest in women. I know some guys who would consider their gf being with another woman as cheating while some others (even if they are not involved) dont mind.

Im kinda confused cause i understood that a "sex Addict" is like any other addiction but using sex, emotion etc. as their short term relief. So if it is that, would doing all the open relationship thingy be just feeding the addiction instead of facing the real issues??