Sex with the ex - playing with fire?

LegacyUser

Hi Lads & Lassies,

Long story short...broke up with my ex a year ago having been together for 5 years. We ended badly and didn't speak for most of last year. We are both happily single now and have come to terms with all that happended.

We recently met up for a pint and ended up sleeping together. It was lovely, so familiar, even his smell on my sheets the next day made me smile and rememebr the good times. I am however very aware that we'd never work out as a couple.

We talked about it and both agreed that while we love each other, for various reasons it just wouldn't work out. We said we'd stay friends and hook up on occasion. We have met up the last 3 weeks in a row and each time have had sex. Most recently was saturday afternoon. He called over for lunch but within minutes we were tearing each others clothes off.

I am happy with this situtaion cause I'm a very sexual girl but I hate one night stands and I've been feeling very frustrated sexually. Now I'm getting sexual relief, the pleasure of his company but none of the complications of a reltionship. I am still free to score who I want when I want as is he.

We even joked about it on Saturday. He commented on a mini style dress hanging in my wardrobe saying...bet all the mens jaws will hit the floor when you were that at the weekend...I just laughed and said...I sure hope so!! No jealously or illusions that we're gonna get back together.

I'm not naive to believe that this situation can run smoothly indefinitlry though and I'm scared of getting hurt. I am no longer in love with him nor him with me but what if either of us falls again or meets somebody new.

My question is, should I put a stop to this now once and for all? Does it sound like it's gonna end in floods of tears? Can this possible work out?

We enjoy each others company and are hugely attracted to each other and the sex is great but as a coulp we simply do not work. We have tried a million times.

Thanks for reading and for advice.

RedXIV

yup playing with fire. and especially from your side of things because, no offence, women tend to get attached alot easier than men. If i was to put a predicition on your situation, i'd say it'll go something like:

This continues for another few weeks, 4 or 5 maybe.
You realise you are starting to develop feelings
You start to forget the reasons you wouldn't work out.
You try to convince him to give it another shot and from here he either A) shoots you down or gives it a shot and then it all falls apart later.

This of course is not gospel, but this is how people work i'm afraid. you may be the exception to the rule, i don't know. But i ask you this, will you ever consider another relationship, while you're still stuck to an old one?

Wibbs

Red pretty much covered it. This will likely end badly. If you were in love once, love each other now as people and you enjoy his company and he yours, then something will happen on an emotional level. One way or the other.

As a matter of interest, why do you think it couldn't work? Are there things that'll never change? If you "enjoy each others company and are hugely attracted to each other and the sex is great" then why did it go south. Especially after 5 years. I would say a hell of a lot of couples after 5 years would not feel that draw to each other. Way more than would care to admit.

Even so, that connection you still have after all this time, is going to make this way more complicated than somebody having a one off ex sex dealio.

Karen_*

If you ended badly then that means you got hurt OP. And you're trying convince yourself as much as us that you won't get hurt by this new situation. But the fact that you're even asking our opinion means you don't trust your own judgement. It will end in tears for sure. Yours.

Marksie

Agreeing with the others here. Sex with the ex syndrome you can get away with once or twice.
Regular..no.
Hell friends with benefits can end badly and people dont know each other... when past feelings are stirred you really are asking for trouble.

Miss Fluff

Playingwithfire wrote: »

We recently met up for a pint and ended up sleeping together. It was lovely, so familiar, even his smell on my sheets the next day made me smile and rememebr the good times.

Dig deep and admit to yourself this is not just a "shag", it will get much deeper than that. The fact you are asking at all would suggest you already know what this could lead to, I'd be inclined to quit while you're ahead.

chump

Playingwithfire wrote: »

Hi Lads & Lassies,

Long story short...broke up with my ex a year ago having been together for 5 years. We ended badly and didn't speak for most of last year. We are both happily single now and have come to terms with all that happended.

We recently met up for a pint and ended up sleeping together. It was lovely, so familiar, even his smell on my sheets the next day made me smile and rememebr the good times. I am however very aware that we'd never work out as a couple.

We talked about it and both agreed that while we love each other, for various reasons it just wouldn't work out. We said we'd stay friends and hook up on occasion. We have met up the last 3 weeks in a row and each time have had sex. Most recently was saturday afternoon. He called over for lunch but within minutes we were tearing each others clothes off.

I am happy with this situtaion cause I'm a very sexual girl but I hate one night stands and I've been feeling very frustrated sexually. Now I'm getting sexual relief, the pleasure of his company but none of the complications of a reltionship. I am still free to score who I want when I want as is he.

We even joked about it on Saturday. He commented on a mini style dress hanging in my wardrobe saying...bet all the mens jaws will hit the floor when you were that at the weekend...I just laughed and said...I sure hope so!! No jealously or illusions that we're gonna get back together.

I'm not naive to believe that this situation can run smoothly indefinitlry though and I'm scared of getting hurt. I am no longer in love with him nor him with me but what if either of us falls again or meets somebody new.

My question is, should I put a stop to this now once and for all? Does it sound like it's gonna end in floods of tears? Can this possible work out?

We enjoy each others company and are hugely attracted to each other and the sex is great but as a coulp we simply do not work. We have tried a million times.

Thanks for reading and for advice.

You seem to really like this lad, his company, ze sex, his smell, and you love him?

And yet your happy with the odd shag, and knowing that he is with and pursuing relationships/sexx with other wimmin?


I don't know what kind of priorities and ambitions/goals/lifestyle etc. you want to have, but to me it doesn't add up.

MCMLXXXIII

Ex Sex is so good!

But it always ends badly.

Even if you two don't end up together, someone is eventually going to end up with someone else...and then it's going to be disapointing to the other person. They may even become jealous. The worst is when they want to still sleep with you and say that it "doesn't count" because you guys have done it for so long, even thuough they are in new relationships.

If you couldn't tell, it's happened to me - from both ends of the story.
Ex Sex is the best - you know each others movements and preferences and (especially after 5 years) you know exactly what to do to drive the other person mad...in a great way.
It just might not be worth it in the end, especially if it breaks apart a new relationship that has much more potential.

LegacyUser

Yeah don't go back there. I did the same, and one night she went out and pulled after getting out of bed with me - the affect on me was staggering. I didn't think I gave a crap, I mean I'd pulled a few times, but the switch of intimacy just made me sick.

It sent me down a whirlwind which included considering suicide etc. Basically, end it now and enjoy the memories - there are loads of other guys out there to ride, and if not there is always self service.