general apathy towards life

jesus smith

about the end of last year everything in my life went to hell. I lost my girlfriend, my apartment, all of my friends, I quit my job to start my own business then accidently lost 2 grand i was using to start it, all of my social activities went awry and my health went to pieces I even had to get my dog put down. it was pretty much one of the worst periods of my life.
About the begining of this year I decided it was make or break time, I figured I could either sit around feeling sorry for myself or treat this as a fresh start since I had nothing. I decided I wanted a fresh start so i got the money i had left over for the company and bought a plane ticket for london for my birthday (late april) and spent the rest on a gym membership. I got myself together mentally and pyshically and by time my birthday came around I had actually managed to amass new friends, a new girlfriend had managed to get enough money to start the business (albeit in a slightly smaller capacity but it is growing) and so i decided to stay here and get a new place to live.
so a year later and I actually have everything i wanted, except I for some reason can't be happy. I'm most certainly not unhappy I'm just not 'happy.'

like I think to deal with everything at the beginning of the year I just emotionally flatlined and I just can't seem to turn it back on, nothing excites me. like I waver between not to unhappy and not to happy. I feel like I'm just not really making any connections with the people around me because I'm so afraid of things going the way they went before. so I don't become close to the new friends and I recently split up with the girlfriend because the relationship had become to stressfull and i just wasn't able to deal with itand was constantly waiting for it to fall to pieces. but it wasn't just that girl I realised that I have no interest in going out with anyone. and while I am doing what i love for a living it seems to have lost its appeal somehow.

I feel like every day is exactly the same and I'm so bored with my existance. I'd love something exciting to happen but I just can't even envision what this might be.

LegacyUser

Not sure if this will help or not, but here goes. For some people it can take a very long time for their mind to heal after going through a traumatic event. The physical symptoms usually pass after a few weeks (leading people to believe they are 'over' whatever happened) but mentally it can go on a lot longer and it appears that's what is happening here.

I think your mind is currently in "defensive" mode, leading to your inability to connect with people emotionally.

I'm not sure exactly how to get over this, or if it occurs naturally with time. Maybe someone else can offer advice on this area.

jesus smith

yeah that sounds about right, has anyone else gone through this?

RossFixxxed

Had a massive trauma years ago (an accident resulting in 2 deaths and me in absolute bits after) and yeah I did disconnect. Even long after the scars had healed (and the skin grafts to cover them) I was still mentally and emotionally damaged. Even years on when rebuilding my life, making friends etc I had that apathetic numbness you mention.

Really the way that helped was firstly letting it all out, just really having a rant, a rave, a cry and writing helped an awful lot too as did opening up to people.

You'll have to give yourself a bit of a metaphorical kick up the backside, these symptoms (for lack of a better word) do share some commonality with depression, but it may well not be that. You sooner or later have to jump back in, and it's terrifying to be fair. I mean I found it so hard to talk to girls after this in case they died! I still get that horrible anxiety to this day but I know the rewards are worth it. Don't think about relationships, make some friends, find someone who you trust and open up to them. You dont need to be mopey or depressing, just talk things out!

I also found taking up something that scared me was a good way to get things open. Mountain Biking, bungie jump or something would help. I know it sounds silly but having that sheer terror can trigger things, or teach you you're ok.

I'm sorry this is a bit disjointed, I'm in work, and snowed under. I'll add more when I can, and please feel free to send me a PM if you want and I can hopefully elaborate!

Good luck man, there is a lot of light at the end of the tunnel on this! (and people who know me know how big a deal it is for me to say that!)
Ross

Carsinian Thau

Sounds rather like depression.

I know that whenever I get a little down my personality just "disengages" and I exist in a kind of neutral state, I tend not to react emotionally to things during this time and it's quite like the apathy you describe. Then I either slip a little further and become unhappy or pull myself out of it and return to my standard state.
Perhaps you should talk to a doctor/counsellor/close friend.
Also, the other posters gave some very good advice so listen to them.

jesus smith

thanks ross man thats great advice, yeah i think i need to do something new and get out more. cheers man!
if anyone else has any advice please share