concerned....

LegacyUser

hi all,

I'm beginning to worry about myself.

Im a 26 year old female, and have been single for just over two years.

I did have a 3month relationship with a not very nice guy but he treated me very badly(and i let him) but it ended very badly. i was left with badly damged self-esteem but i have worked hard to get it back and now feel that i am back on track

Prior to being single i was with my ex for 3years, it was a wonderful relationship but ended as we became more friends than each others love interest, we are still very good frineds but it is now purely platonic. thinking back the relationship naturally came to an end, so it wasn't a bad break-up.

Anyway, i have had a lot of fun living the single life, and have had plenty of fllings etc. but these have all been fun and nothing else. Recently i got to thinking that i should perhap focus on more than fun and actually look to meeting somebody, as i have been on my own for ages and am becoming quite set in my way and a bit lonely.

NOw i know you cant make these things happen but lets just say now im making an attempt at proper conversation as opposed player BS.

Anyhow, i have met a lovely guy, who is keen for things to go places between us, and i like him, i do, but i cant stand the thought of being tied down and am afraid i would be missing out on something better(i know this sounds so shallow). Last night i was with somebody almost to prove a point to myself.

Im beginning to worry now that i am fearing commitment in a very big way and its starting to concern me. will i lose this fear if i meet the right person, or is there something about my persona that i need to work on??

My self esteem is actually quite low and i dont have a lot of self-confidence, but i am very good at hiding it.

I am lonely, but i fear commitment...it makes no sense.


any enlightenment welcome....

Mr Benevolent

Anyhow, i have met a lovely guy, who is keen for things to go places between us, and i like him, i do, but i cant stand the thought of being tied down and am afraid i would be missing out on something better

Just tell him you just want to see him on a casual basis. Problem solved.

(I did it for a year with a girl who then turned into my girlfriend. I'm glad we went that way as it gives a lot of time to get to know each other without too much commitment. I'm very glad to be her boyfriend now though!)

Karen_*

Well why do you fear commitment OP? Because you might make the wrong decision if you commit to someone? Well you might. But you might not. Maybe your fear is that if you make the wrong choice you'll end up alone again and there's the lonliness back. I reckon if you're thinking there might be better out there than the guy you're with then you're not too stuck on him. Like Confab says, date him on a casual basis.

What did you prove to yourself by going out and being with someone else as a matter of interest? That you could score someone? Well you probably knew that already and maybe therein lies the root of your low self esteem. How you class yourself as ok or good enough.

MJOR

I would just go with the flow.

When we are single we want a relationship and sometimes being in a relationship where one party likes to plan ahead longer than next tuesday has us legging it for fear of commitment.


Just see how things pan out... If its for you it will work if not then nothing lost

LegacyUser

concerned2008 wrote: »

Im beginning to worry now that i am fearing commitment in a very big way and its starting to concern me. will i lose this fear if i meet the right person, or is there something about my persona that i need to work on??

I am lonely, but i fear commitment...it makes no sense.

Hi OP,

I don't know that I've any advice to pass on, but I wanted to reply because the above hopped out at me. I'm the same age as yourself and I've been single pretty much forever. I don't feel lonely, but every so often it gets to me - should I feel different, should I feel an urge to find a girlfriend and so on. I've met more than a few very attractive women that seemed interested and felt little for them and done less about it, all the while wondering what kind of eejit I am.

Like I said I don't know what to advise you. I'm still in the sure-it'll-happen-when-it-happens frame of mind because I don't know what else to think. It annoys me because I try to be deliberate in dealing with things but this just leaves me moving without direction as it were. I've thought that in my own case it could be all down to some sort of anxiety, and in your case given that you say you've low self-confidence and self-esteem it might be true too: you (I) sabotage things in well in advance so it doesn't become an issue you've to face. Perhaps you need to work on your confidence and self esteem before tackling it. Best of luck.