Problems with the first time

LegacyUser

First off, I must apologise for the explicit nature of this post. Myself and my girlfriend are trying to have sex for the first time. I'm 27, she's 26. She's a virgin and I've had sex in the past. We are finding that we're having a problem with penetration. Every time I try to penetrate her, it is very difficult to do so. It's like she's too tight to allow me to enter. We've tried me on top, her on top. We haven't tried using lubricant yet, but I'm unsure if this will really help. It's beginning to get to us, because everything else up to that is great, but I just cant penetrate her. We're taking it slowly because it's her first time, but it goes so slowly, I end up losing my erection and then it's impossible! Has anyone encountered and overcome this problem before? And how did you get past it? Any help is greatly appreciated.

Adam

FirstTimer wrote: »

First off, I must apologise for the explicit nature of this post. Myself and my girlfriend are trying to have sex for the first time. I'm 27, she's 26. She's a virgin and I've had sex in the past. We are finding that we're having a problem with penetration. Every time I try to penetrate her, it is very difficult to do so. It's like she's too tight to allow me to enter. We've tried me on top, her on top. We haven't tried using lubricant yet, but I'm unsure if this will really help. It's beginning to get to us, because everything else up to that is great, but I just cant penetrate her. We're taking it slowly because it's her first time, but it goes so slowly, I end up losing my erection and then it's impossible! Has anyone encountered and overcome this problem before? And how did you get past it? Any help is greatly appreciated.

Patience is a virtue. As is foreplay.

I was in the same situation with a girlfriend years back. The solution for us at least, and similarly I apologise for being a bit graphic kids, but use your fingers. Take your time, start with one (assuming this isn't uncomfortable for her?) and work up very gradually. Communication is important during this, as you'll only end up hurting her again if you rush it. This can take five or ten minutes, more even. She also needs to be relaxed, be sure to enjoy what you're doing, and don't look at it simply as a means to an end.

pookie82

Firstly, I don't know why you're going near a girl who hasn't had sex before without lubricant. It does work wonders but you won't realise that until you try it. I wouldn't attempt it again without it if I were you.

Secondly, first time sex is more often than not pretty painful for a girl and it may be the case that she's tensing up when it comes down to it. If so you need to make her feel at ease with lots of foreplay and lubricant (!), no pressure and patience. The last thing you should do is make her feel like she's inadequate or she's frustrating you as the more pressure she's under, the less likely she is to relax. You also need to tell her that although some pain is very probable, she'll probably need to just grin and bear it for the first time.

There's a slight chance that she has a medical problem but I'd say it's more likely to be nerves and inexperience that are making it difficult. If she hasn't used tampons or been intimate in any fashion with a guy before it's likely that her hymen is still in place and depending on the type of hymen she has, it may be pretty hard to...ehm...get through it. If the problem continues too long get her to see her GP about it. He'l examine her an see if there's a physical problem. You say she's 26 - I'm not sure about this but perhaps the older a girl gets to wait for her first time the more difficult it can be, both physically and emotionally.

In relation to what the above poster said, it's a good idea to use fingers first, but if this still poses a problem - get her to use her own! She can go as gently as she needs to and this needn't be done during sex - suggest to her that she tries putting her own finger up there herself to see if there's a "barrier" problem or just a psychological one. Some women are "tighter" than others, especially to begin with, so she may need to loosen up a little herself, before you attempt penetration, by using her fingers and some lube. As strange as this may sound, it can feel really odd for your first time having something up there if you've never used tampons before so she needs to get used to the feeling of being penetrated by anything before she can relax enough to have sex.

I hope it works out for you. And remember to buy the lubrication!

coco85

Hi OP,

I'd definitly recommend the lube.. and the finger suggestion...

As for anything else maybe a small/tiny vibrator from Ann Summers?... if ye use this and it goes up ok..(god i can't believe i'm saying this!).. and it will stimulate and relax her.. then you have a better chance of getting in there...

Massage is also a good way to relax her.. but i won't go into details.. i'm sure that you are more then capable of relaxing your girlfriend!...

Best of luck...

Marksie

FirstTimer wrote: »

First off, I must apologise for the explicit nature of this post. Myself and my girlfriend are trying to have sex for the first time. I'm 27, she's 26. She's a virgin and I've had sex in the past. We are finding that we're having a problem with penetration. Every time I try to penetrate her, it is very difficult to do so. It's like she's too tight to allow me to enter. We've tried me on top, her on top. We haven't tried using lubricant yet, but I'm unsure if this will really help. It's beginning to get to us, because everything else up to that is great, but I just cant penetrate her. We're taking it slowly because it's her first time, but it goes so slowly, I end up losing my erection and then it's impossible! Has anyone encountered and overcome this problem before? And how did you get past it? Any help is greatly appreciated.

OK right.
She is so tense its untrue, you are getting each other wound up to the point where it will never happen.
1) invest in lube now.
but more importanatly.
2) For the now forget about penetration..there is so much more.
Relax each other using all the other techniques, masssage , mouth , and , touch.

Take the time fto allow her to become comfoartable with the whole thing... dont make the expectation of penetration interfere.

really do step back and say mentally and to her. If it happens it happens but its impoartant that we are both relaxed.

dont worry about losing the erection, its overrated anyways lol. Just get out of your respective heads with this.

sunshinegirl

lube,good sexy music depending on the taste, laughter,patience and dirty talk

MJOR

Sounds like she may suffer from vaginmus. It's a widely recognised problem. I guess lube and foreplay should help but a trip to the GP would not go astray. I suppose the fact that you are both nervous isn't helping

LegacyUser

Believe me, I'm taking it as slowly as I can. We have a lot of fun and I haven't pressured into anything. This is very important to her and I want to make it as pleasurable, painless and comfortable as I can for her. She's fantastic and I just wanna do right by her. I'll definately take these suggestions on board. Really appreciate the advice!

Smurfpiss

MJOR wrote: »

Sounds like she may suffer from vaginmus. It's a widely recognised problem. ........... a trip to the GP would not go astray.........

i'd really only recommend this after half a dozen or more attempts..
the advice of the lube and foreplay (esp fingers...with increasing number) is spot on.
as is a relaxed mental attitude.
if you asked me a month ago i'd have agreed with MJOR but recently i was in the exact same situation as the OP.
it took us 3 very frustrating attempts. including foreplay.
but with some lube and patience anything is possible!

castie

To be honest try your fingers if that doesnt work get some lube. Its just a matter of her getting used to it as well. Im guessing its a bit of a shock to her body as well.

Marksie

FirstTimer wrote: »

. This is very important to her and I want to make it as pleasurable, painless and comfortable as I can for her. She's fantastic and I just wanna do right by her.

You know, i believe you when you say you are taking your time etc.

But do you think you both may be putting pressure on each other by essesntially trying too hard insetead of letting it go naturally.?

pookie82

Marksie wrote: »

You know, i believe you when you say you are taking your time etc.

But do you think you both may be putting pressure on each other by essesntially trying too hard insetead of letting it go naturally.?

I dunno I think when it gets past a few tries it's inevitable that there will be some pressure/expectation on either side whenever they get down to business, regardless of it not being emphasised verbally. No matter how long you stick with the foreplay and say it doesn't have to be any more than that yet, there'll come a time when you'll want full penetration.

I think you just have to get it over with, and I'm not saying that in a harsh way. OP it's lovely that you want it to be special and painless but the truth is that very, very few women experience first time sex with no pain at all. Just make it romantic, use the lube (and the finger suggestion) and she'll be as prepared as she can be.

Noland

Nothing wrong, shes just tense - help her relax dont think too much about it,., music on have fun and lot of kissing & cuddling, make sure ye both enjoy yourselves.. no need for anything else believe me ive been there a few times.

Miss Fluff

Marksie wrote: »

But do you think you both may be putting pressure on each other by essesntially trying too hard insetead of letting it go naturally.?

I agree. Of course you both want full penetration OP but if that's the objective with every session and then you inevitably fail, this is really tough for both of you. Why not for the next few weeks make a pact that you can leave actual penetration on the back burner for now and concentrate fully on foreplay and exploring each bodies in other ways? This will enable you both to relax sufficiently for it to happen naturally (sooner than you would think!) rather than trying to force the "issue" as it were.;)