Collection of Poetry: Thoughts

hada

Here's a few I wrote quite some time back, haven't written since then, but seriously thinking of writing again (it's been 3 years). Views/thoughts/opinions would much be appreciated. Thanks guys

Darkened Dawn

---

Darkened Dawn why have you foresaken me?
Has not the sleep which I have passed been enough?
Or the horrid plagues of dreams to which my
Minds eye scorched all the night,
Worn you out?

For yesterday, the sky bled grey droplets of distress,
Which beat across my head,
But I could find no shelter.
Nowhere to hide my quaking soul.

The distress upon which I bare this morning,
I thought would pass with each breath
I took last night.
But ney; instead I was greeted at the gates
Of slumber by Sorrow himself,
Pointing his long boney finger in my direction.

For in my head, I hear no clarity,
But only high cathedral bells ring one hundred times a hundred,
Over and Over and Over again,
Until all I can feel is numb.

---

The Strangling Of An Emotion

---

In the corner of my mind, my emotion sits,
Smug in the knowledge that
It controls all of my fits.

It runs, skips and shakes it's head in my direction,
All the time my jagged fingers,
Drawing closer - wanting the feeling to no longer linger
In my insides.

I first placed my thumb around it's scrawny kneck;
The beings slight stature reeling,
In his last actions of breathing.
Then, tightened I did, my grip - squeeze.

And now stared at his eyes as they bulged,
Full of mist.
And began to embrace death's kiss.

Finally his body exhaled,
One final time.
And after all was done,
I brushed off the spatters of guilt.
And although this life has gone,
My days will go on and on.

---

I watch the others,
As I was,
pening the same old tales,
If lost plots and places
But will their pain ever reach ear?
Only to be heard and brushed off
Indifferently to one side.

So how does one ever achieve such poetic license -
To have others amaze themselves in
The rantings of an old man?
To deviate the mind on the
hazy words of our dear little Dickinson?

Then which is better? -
To leave my ink dry
never to be groped by the
Oily fingers of the others,
But leaving them instead to gather dust in myself

Or do I swing open the bridge
of my pen to mind
For all those to trample by upon
My roses of thought?

No. Never. I shall choose to protect thee
And to keep thee from all eyes
And, in turn, hide all My Memories from Myself.

----

pseudonym1

No expert but U should write U are blessed (or cursed ) with a talent! Why i think inspiration is important -good to look outside a box. Best of luck.

hada

I wrote these when I was quite young before I got to college, and now since I'm finished college, it's weird looking back on them, because I have not written a single thing in the intervening time. I guess I'm not sure what things are good/bad about my writing.

Coupled with that, I'm not sure where to put things once I write them (I had a notebook half full of things, but i burnt it in a rage one night).

Suppose I just need some criticism and comments to be honest!

pseudonym1

Wouldnt know enough to offer constructive critisim.
Keeping a notebook (and not sucumbing to trival emotions ie rage) is def the best start.
Notebooks need to have some sort of order and regularly edited oh and dated!! Helps having order amogst the choas..
So go forth and write- right

Matt Holck

Darkened Dawn,
why have you foresaken me?
Has sleep passed not been enough?

It could be shorter

pseudonym1

Festival includes poetry recitals, concerts, workshops and art exhibitions. The festival also includes the €6,000 Smurfit Poetry Competition.
Contact
Gortahork, Co Donegal, Republic of Ireland

in October!!!

hada

Matt Holck wrote: »

It could be shorter

point noted - but could you please elaborate?

Matt Holck

well
I try to avoid use of "which" and "of"

"Or the horrid plagues of dreams to which my
Minds eye scorched all the night,"
Or dream's horrid plagues scorch my mind's eye all night

I don't use articals "the","a" and "an" unless I have to.


I limit cases of using the verb "to be"
Has not the sleep which I have passed been enough?
Has sleep passed not been enough?


Now,
One could argue for the flow of the longer cases of setense writing,
that words like "of" create emphasis.
But I would argue more words could be added that contain greater value for the poem.