Would you say anything

LegacyUser

Hi, Im with my boyfriend 7 months now, madly in love etc. About 2 years ago i had a phone call from the brother of a friend of mine (who i used to work with). We were both drunk and we had a bit of phone s*x. Anyway found out later he had a girlfriend so i backed off, i was single. He kept ringing everytime he was out 3 and 4 in the morning looking to meet up and i always refused and told him to go back to his girlfriend. A while later i changed my phone number after leaving my old job so he didnt have my new one obviously. 2 or 3 times after that i was told by one of my friends that this guy had text him looking for my number again. He didnt give it out thank god. The last time this happend was 2 weeks ago.

Fast forward to this morning, 6.20am and im lying in bed next to my boyfriend and the phone rings, i answer, nobody there so i hung up. Got up at 7.30, had a shower and my boyfriend came in and said your phone was ringing again so i tried to answer it but there was nobody there, there was also a text message left for you. Went into the bedroom and the text message said "Heya ***, is your fella with ya, its ****". I felt sick. Meanwhile my boyfriend has asked me twice since then did i find out who it was and i said no, he didnt ask what the text message said. My boyfriend was getting ready to go away for the weekend this morning so i didnt want to bring up anything then. So i dont know whether to tell him who it was or just say nothing. He may ask me about it when he gets back or he may not but i dont want to lie to him. Then again i dont want him to feel paranoid about us because nothing ever happend with this bloke.. What would you do?? I never replied to the text by the way i dont want any contact with him but my mate is gonna have a word with him and tell him to back off and im going to be speaking to his brother aswell and tell him im not happy. The way i see it is if this was the other way around and some girl had text my boyfriend that knowing he had a girlfriend id be absolutely livid!!!! Any opinions welcome

Overheal

If you make a big deal out of it, it is a big deal. If you don't it isn't, and telling him will seem all the more easier.

togster

Tell your boyfriend

Vegeta

take 2 pills of honesty and tell the guy but don't build it up.

Clearly show him how annoyed you are by it and tell him the actions you are taking to stop the guy phone stalking you

Miss Fluff

Tell your boyfriend the truth, hiding it will make it look like there is actually something going on.

LegacyUser

If i was you id tell your BF. The guy that is stalking you is a right ****, creep. If someone was txting and phoning my GF like that dude is, I'd be really annoyed

Doop

Just tell him in an off the cuff kinda way... u've nothing to hide, plus if this guy continues ringing / texting you, and you keep it from your boyfriend, it then becomes a problem, and could easily blow up in your face!

helimachoptor

Op was in a similar situation myself a while back. Before i got with my current GF I had a f**k buddy for a few months, I stopped seeing her when I started seeing my GF anyway for a couple of years I'd get txts/missed calls/emails at 2/3/4/5 in the morning seeing if I wanted a booty call, best thing to do is to be honest.

curly shirley

Get your friend to tell her brother that she knows what he's doing and you want him to stop. (He'll prob be disgraced that his sister knows about it!)

Say it to your boyfriend also and get him to answer the phone if it rings!

If you don't be honest with him and he happens to read a text or anything he'll think you're cheating on him all the time.

Gary ITR

Tell him in such a way that you are asking for his help... Make it look like you want his advice on what to do. It'll totally change the situation

Wurly

You've done nothing wrong here and you've a lot to gain my being honest. Your boyfriend will appreciate it.

If this comes out inadvertently down the line, it will look like you have something to hide.

I'd tell him.

Drift

Hey OP,

I can't see any reason at all why you would hide this from your boyfriend. Is it because you're ashamed you had phone sex with this guy? If so chillax it's not that big a deal we all have a past.

Also when things calm down it might be worth looking at yourself and finding out why you'd be so livid if some random ex of your bf texted him. It might be a sign that you need to be more trusting of the strength of your relationship with your current boyfriend. You shouldn't be; things like this are extremely minor in the grand scheme of relationships.

To reiterate there's absolutely no reason not to tell him. I'm sure he trusts you and it's blatantly obvious from your post that you want nothing to do with the other lad.

missmatty

I'd be honest with your boyf, that's always the best idea in the long run.

I can sympathise with you. Once when we were a bit hammered on wine, me and a friend found a guy advertising in the personals who sounded nice and I texted him. It kinda got deep pretty quick and soon he sent me a pic. For some reason once I saw the pic I thought he was a bit creepy (sixth sense) so i wouldn't send him mine and stopped texting him (I did apologise and was nice about it). He didn't take it well and started harassing me, sending texts and calling from blocked numbers for weeks afterwards. Got abusive in the end. That was about 2 years ago and he called me one night a few months ago, I thought it was my granny so I answered. Jesus how do some people not get the message? Although it was my fault in the first place but he just would not BACK OFF.

Maybe you could tell this guy that if you hear from him again you will make sure his girlfriend knows about it?

How Strange

Just tell your bf who it was that rang and sent the text.

What's the big problem? It was before you met him. If you go making a big deal out of it then he will think there is more to it than you're telling him.

Tell the other guy to stop texting you.

trio

Tell your bf you've been stalked for the past two years by a guy you haven't even shifted.

Tell him you hate it, you changed your number, but now he has your new one, and it makes you feel sick.

If you hide it, he'll get the wrong idea. He'll start to think there's something going on. Which there isn't!

The way i see it is if this was the other way around and some girl had text my boyfriend that knowing he had a girlfriend id be absolutely livid!!!!

You'd be livid at that girl, but if you knew your bf was being harrassed and was upset by it all, you wouldn't be livid at him. Think about it.

Burial

There is really nothing to worry about. Nothing happened between you two. Tell you BF and tell the brother of this guy and the GF of this guy (If he still has one) The worst thing you could do is ignore this. Your BF would think "oh no she is cheating on me." However, if you make it plain and clear that this guy is annoying you and that he won't leave you alone, your BF will understand, everyone has a past. If this guy doesn't back off after you tell him, then goto the police for harressment. Keep the old texts though.

LegacyUser

thanks guys for all the replies... I suppose the issue i had was with telling him who it actually was, i dont want my boyfriend in a situation where he feels uncomfortable if this fella was out in our company (which will happen at some stage). Maybe the answer to this is just not go out if i know hes going to be there but hes still after putting me in a crappy position, i want my boyfriend to meet all my friends and be happy in their company, not wondering if hes gonna text me again. I will tell him in an off the cuff kind of way, i know this is the best thing to do and thanks for all the advise.

Oh yeah, theres no chance i would say it to his girlfriend either, i know her, shes so lovely and i feel awful that hes doing that on her but thats none of my business and id never say anything.

The reason why i said i would be livid if it was the other way around is the fact that i hate men/women who make a move on other people knowing they have boy/girlfriends. Its so disrespectful and i would be furious with the girl if it was to happen to my boyfriend. If they didnt know fair enough but to blatantly go after someone they know is taken is just wrong..

molloyjh

I think I understand OP. I had a similar situation in a way, where in reality I did nothing wrong, but it still looked bad to my OH. I can understand why you think your bf might be a bit wound up by it. And my OH was a little put out at first by what she heard but quickly got over it.

Let me first say that generally speaking guys are quite different from girls. If my OH told me the story you posted I wouldn't be put out at all. I'd get annoyed at the guy and try and sort something out so that she didn't have to deal with him anymore, but I wouldn't blame her for what happened.

You have to remember you did nothing wrong. You had phone sex with someone you thought was single, when you were single. You did the right thing by walking away when you found out he was seeing someone and you haven't entertained his nonsense since. If your bf is even half-decent he'll totally understand.

tbh

sorry if I'm missing something but...why haven't you told your boyfriend already?

LegacyUser

tbh wrote: »

sorry if I'm missing something but...why haven't you told your boyfriend already?

Because hes gone away for the weekend for his mates birthday, ill speak to him when he gets back.

tbh

so..what are you worried about? I'm not being smart You've done nothing wrong surely? maybe you should have told your boyfriend that you knew who it was from the start, but that's hardly a big deal is it?

beth-lou

Tell your boyfriend and tell that creep to stop texting you. He sounds like a right sleaze ball. Seriously, he has a girlfriend and he's texting you for phone sex. I'd cut him off fairly sharpish. God knows what he's telling his friends.

Annie Bananie

trio wrote: »

Tell your bf you've been stalked for the past two years by a guy you haven't even shifted.

Tell him you hate it, you changed your number, but now he has your new one, and it makes you feel sick.

If you hide it, he'll get the wrong idea. He'll start to think there's something going on. Which there isn't!



You'd be livid at that girl, but if you knew your bf was being harrassed and was upset by it all, you wouldn't be livid at him. Think about it.

+1 agree with all of the above.
Honesty wins, tell him.