Ex's friends acting pretty oddly.

LegacyUser

Right wasn’t going to bother posting on this but am bothered by this and would like your opinions.

I broke up with someone about two years ago. Took me a long time to get past it but have finally and am in better form now than I have been in quite some time and much more confident in myself as a result. I realise now I was deeply unhappy in a lot of ways in the relationship and couldn’t ever really talk to him properly about things without sparks flying. All that said I do still miss him from time to time when feeling low, if not just as a friend as we had so much in common and really had a laugh together when things were good. Though he really hurt me (he cheated on me and dumped me numerous times over fights big and small) I actually hold no resentments at all as I was responsible for being there myself and I know I acted terribly at times too and was a clingy, emotional wreck (never cheated on him, mind you!)and that though I didn’t see as I was in such a state at the time, I was the psycho ex after we broke up, calling him incessantly etc. He completely ignored me which left me an even greater wreck and calling even more. Lesson learnt there and I can’t believe now that I was ever like that.

Anyway the reason I’m posting is I was out recently in a local bar and two of his friends were there and I was quite intimidated by their reaction to me. As soon as I walked into the bar. One sister clocked me and whispered something to the other and both proceeded to cross the dance floor and stand so close to me they were brushing against my back but said nothing to me and looked the other way. They moved off again after a while but anytime they went to the bar or outside or whatever they seemed to make sure they crossed right in front of me when there was room to move much more easily the other way around. This may not seem like anything big but it was very obvious they were trying to make me feel so uncomfortable I would leave. I was in company so didn’t but it made me feel so small and like I’d committed some awful crime. Now I know my ex can’t stand me. I went out with a mutual friend some months after we broke up and he was far from impressed. He told the guy I was seeing it was just to get back at him which I was livid about as it was nothing to do with him and that guy knew the whole story with the ex anyway and that I still wasn’t over him. My ex refuses to, so much as, speak to me, which is awkward with mutual friends who feel odd even mentioning his name and the last time I saw him when I tried to speak to him he just laughed in my face, so I’m not surprised his two friends wouldn’t be my number one fan but surely they realise he was not without fault in this as well and did some pretty rotten things himself, though I suspect he is sparing in his telling of things.

I tried to speak to him to explain things when he found out about me and the friend but he never spoke to me. I still had feelings for him at the time and was confused by his reaction as it seemed he must have still had feelings for me too to be so hurt by it. It came out around that time that he had been with others when we were together and I sent some pretty horrible texts because I was so upset by it. I did apologise then but again no response whatsoever.

I don’t really care what these two think to be honest. They’re not my friends and they aren’t even the truest friends to my ex either and pick and choose when they feel like being friends with him, borrow money, are gone if they have fella kinda thing but the thing I don’t like or understand is what my ex thinks I’ve done so wrong that he obviously has his friends hating me too and all this time later. I try to not let myself care what my ex thinks because I apologised for hurting him and he is not without fault himself but I get the feeling there's something else being said that I don't know about, because the outright hostility doesn't add up.

So my question is am I being hypersensitive to his friends reactions because of past hurts or should I say something or do something to handle the situation better if it happens again?

I don’t want to have any aspect of this hanging over me anymore as it did for long enough.

Lollipops23

hey OP.those two sound like prize winning bitches!!!tbh you've proved that this guy loves it when you give him the attention of texting/calling with a reaction!leave it be methinks!

Miss Fluff

Whatnow? wrote: »

I don’t really care what these two think to be honest........but the thing I don’t like or understand is what my ex thinks I’ve done so wrong that he obviously has his friends hating me too and all this time later. I try to not let myself care what my ex thinks because I apologised for hurting him and he is not without fault himself but I get the feeling there's something else being said that I don't know about, because the outright hostility doesn't add up.

Should it REALLY matter OP? You broke up with this guy two years ago, you both behaved badly, you did your best to make reparations, does it really matter anymore what he or his friends think? You tried your best to apologise, he consistently cheated on you and treated you with no respect and yet you still care what he thinks of you? If I were you I'd the attitude of letting them go f8vk themselves to be honest. Time to put all of this to bed and get on with your own life once and for all. Him and his buddies are part of your past, it really shouldn't matter to you what they think.

litup

As you said, they only have one side of the story so are not your biggest fans.

Either way, who cares? Ignore them, enjoy your life and they will eventually get bored.

Overheal

Just two more bodies in a packed club. proceed to the beverage dispenser for more intoxication. enjoy.

How Strange

OP, I think you just have to shrug your shoulders and say 'oh well'.

You're not being hypersensitive, I can imagine that carry on was a bit of a shock. No-one wants to be dissed in public.

However, be the bigger person in all this and let it wash off you.

Their carry was pretty pathetic and not reacting is the best thing you can do.

This situation has obviously stirred up feelings of guilt and anger and remorse among other things but regardless of what you and your ex did to each other and how you behaved before, during and after the break up you can't change it so just accept it happened (which I think you have done) and get on with your life.

Most importantly, don't let these b1tches, their carry on or your past drag you down. The best course of action with those girls is to do absolutely nothing. Let them act like silly little b1tchy teenagers if they want.

trio

Not sure why you're so confused about it - you admittedly stalked him a bit afterwards and turned into the psycho ex. You sent him vile text messages.

To be honest, if you had done that to my friend, and I didn't know the other side, I'd be a bit funny to you too.

It seems that you're real problem is that you think he did worse in the relationship and you want all his friends to see that. You want them to see you as a nice girl.

You want to be liked. This is fair enough, but it's not really their problem - it's yours. You've come right up against the old dilemma that we all have to face at some time or another i.e. "Not everyone likes me and some may have a bad view of me for things I've done long ago, and I just have to accept it and shake their dust off my feet".

Certainly there's nothing that you can do about this situation. It may always be awkward, but you just have to avoid their company (and certainly the company of your ex, who sounds unpleasant at best) and continue to move on.

Under no circumstances should you go up to them next time and try to explain behaviour that happened two years ago. You'd just look exactly like someone who isn't over it. It'd be misconstrued and reported back to your ex. Simple as that.