In Labour - Girls, what do you want your guy to do?

paulksnn

A question for the women here.

Wife is about to go into labor soon.
We have one daughter already, so I know the process.

The thing is, I can't help but feel like a useless twat. Rubbing her back, shoulders, playing music, cool facecloth seems very little.

I was wondering whether any of your husbands / birthing partners did anything for you during labor that you recall fondly afterwards, something to take your mind off things, that helped with the pain or just plain helped.

If the same suggestion came up more than once, I could be onto a winner.

Thanks in advance.

Oryx

Dont underrate the backrubbing. If she is having contractions that hurt her back, its a godsend.

Other than that, be there to talk if she wants, shut up if she doesnt. Troubleshoot if anything isnt going according to plan, as in you talk to medical staff if shes not able, and make sure shes got everything she needs. Just be there with her and help her through just with your presence.

PS. Dont take anything thats said to heart, its not a normal situation and you can behave in an uncharacteristic way in labour. I remember shouting at anyone who would listen to TURN THAT F**KING MUSIC OFF THE RADIO.:p

marti101

Apart from leave the room a lot its only looking back i realised he didnt want to be there,he looked very green and sick looking,so i told him to go out for 10 minutes and then come back.The baby was born by then but at least i didnt have to worry about him passing out.:D

Kashkai

Don't worry about it - all men feel like useless twats during childbirth as we can't indulge in our instinctive "How can I fix this problem" part of our nature and we have to take a back seat and let the professionals do their job in helping mum to be.

Its worth it though to be there when junior arrives. Hearing my kids cry for the first time is something I'll never forget (and I had twins so I had it in stereo:D)

littlebug

the back rubbing is a big thing. Once the nurse showed my other half how to do it properly that's all that was required of him. Well that and to occasionally back off a bit and STFU!

littlebitdull

Dont .....

decide this is the perfect time for joke telling

remark on how slim the other women look

ask if she wants her gym membership renewed now

wonder how your team are doing.

Do....

whatever she asks.

paulksnn

Thanks all - good stuff

Quality

I enjoyed the face cloth (actually a J cloth) on my head during labour. And the little sips of drinks..

My Oh wasnt there during the second labour it happened to fast...

I wanted him there to tell me that he loves me and that everything would be ok and how wonderful I am....

delly

I kept a sharp eye on the contraction monitor and gave my wife the heads up as it happended, also breathing with her and making her concentrate on my eyes during the contraction with some positive talk thrown in for good measure.

bored and tired

if its a very long slow labour, dont fall asleep on the bed unless you want to get kicked in the head:D

definately rubbing her back and watching the contraction monitor with the gas on the ready,

Victor

Oryx wrote: »

I remember shouting at anyone who would listen to TURN THAT F**KING MUSIC OFF THE RADIO.:p

For things like this - kidney stone, root canal, endoscopy - I actually find the music much more preferable than talk radio.

Oryx

Victor wrote: »

For things like this - kidney stone, root canal, endoscopy - I actually find the music much more preferable than talk radio.

I remember it being country music which I would prefer scientology silent birthing to.:)

lolly22

Hey op,

Cant really give any better advise then what youve got now, just be there for her and what ever her needs are. I remember always asking the midwife for glass of water I was always thirsty poor thing was up an down all the time with it but besides that my laybour was pretty quick so dont remember asking for much more besides WILL SOMEBODY GET THIS BABY OUT:p:p.

anyway good luck with it and hope all goes well;)


Lolly

beth-lou

Tell her she's doing great
Tell her you're proud of her
Tell her you love her
Hold her hand
Rub her back
Have water at the ready with a straw
And just generally be at her beck and call with a smile on your face

best of luck!

undecided

If your nervous try not show it! My DH started squeezing my hand with nerves never forget it coz was mid conttraction and he was nearly breaking my hand! Other than just encouragement and to be there! Good luck!

hunnybunny

Its so sweet, you sound like a really caring husband. Its wonderful that you want to support your wife. I really think you ve done as much as you can already. My father on the other hand comes from a different age.....

Way back in 1984, my poor mother was in a fierce painful 3 day labour with me.
My dad sat on the needle they put into her arm by accident. She nearly jumped off the bed and screamed in pain. I mean the pain she was in already was enough but the needle been dug in?????? It must have been like a scene from the exorcist.

He left her to go to a pub to watch a match during the 3 days.

Then he complained about the lack of good food available and brought back chippy and ate it infront of my mother, whilst she was in agony.

Not only did my dad do that, he had the nerve to complain about what he was missing on telly:eek:. How my mother never throttled him I don t know???:D

To this day she complains about him and really wished he wasn t there for my delivery.

Not the modern man,my father. More like that old fella out of the Royale family, labour pains, my arse! he would say

lostinnappies

you are doing everything she would want you to do .... one thing... if your using gas and air make sure you follow her movements ... my hubby had it facing him but i was facing away which ment i always had to twist to use it and that wasnt helpful.

Get working on the back rubs, i tell you if you're not going for an epidural it really REALLY helps.

Most of all, get excited about the baby coming (not OTT) your happiness will fule your wifes adrenaline and provide that last bit of energy she needs to give birth.

paulksnn

Thanks for the advice all.
This time was completely different to the last 2 times. Experience of knowing how not to annoy her really helped.
littelbitdull reminded me well not to make stupid jokes, which is a general problem that I have.

So little Molly was born with very little fuss last sat. night.
Thanks again all.

deisemum

Congratulations

littlebug

yay Congratulations and welcome to little Molly!