Is it tough being gay?

needhelpguy

I'd love to get some honest opinions on this. Do you think it has been/is tough for you being gay?

You know what parents say about how they think it will be a difficult life for you etc. I have no experience in this area but I am honestly curious. Has it been a good or bad experience for you? Do you regret coming out? Have people treated you differently since you came out? If you had a choice, would you prefer to be straight?

I.e. If there was a pill that you could take to become straight, would you take it?

It would be intesting to get some honest opinions here.

Boston

If you work your way through the first page of this forum you'll find more then enough detailed personal accounts to answer your questions.

In short, it can be, at times. Such is life.

marie_85

Despite the few issues I've had to deal with (I'm bi btw, not gay), I wouldn't be any other way. Yeah, parts of it have been difficult, but I like who I am. I couldn't imagine being any other way, and I wouldn't want to be.

Goodshape

I'm not the most "out and proud" person around.. but I don't keep a secret either.. so.....

needhelpguy wrote: »

Do you think it has been/is tough for you being gay?

Life can be tough sometimes.. I don't think my being gay has really affected it too much though. Was tougher before I came out. Repression is bad for the brains.

Has it been a good or bad experience for you?

Good. Broadened my horizons, increased my social circle with some great and interesting people, and shown me that most people (at least those worth spending any kind of time with) aren't as closed minded or bigoted as I might previously thought.

Do you regret coming out?

No.

Have people treated you differently since you came out?

Some people. Mostly woman ("you like shopping now!!" "eh,.. no. Not really :-/") or people who I've never been all that friendly with in the first place (lots of big friendship-affirming smiles and handshakes all of a sudden).

Don't think I've had any negative reactions from friends or family at all, which is great.

If you had a choice, would you prefer to be straight?

No.

username123

needhelpguy wrote: »

I.e. If there was a pill that you could take to become straight, would you take it?

OP - if there was a pill you could take to be gay would you take it?

Do you see how your original question could be construed as offensive?

anotherlostie

I would say that being gay was tough for me until I came out of the closet.

Random meetings with strangers on gaydar, hoping that I wouldn't come across someone I knew - that was hard.

Once I decided to come out (and tell my family), it was much easier, and within a month of starting to go out on the scene - at age of 30 - I met the guy who is now my partner of 3 years. It won't always happen like that of course, but I would definitely recommend you do it, and much much earlier than I did so you don't spend years going out with the lads, pretending to be interested in girls!!!

rainbow kirby

Being closeted is a lot worse than being out - things become easier when you do come out.

Reflector

It was tough when I was younger but no regrets.

If there was a pill that made you straight why would I take it. I may as well take my own life because I would be killing the person I am.

david_the_great

username123 wrote: »

OP - if there was a pill you could take to be gay would you take it?

Do you see how your original question could be construed as offensive?

i dont agree i think with all the commotion still hapening over this issurenowadays that its a fair question to say if you could choose- would you?

Boston

How many straight men wold be gay if they could ?

shay_562

needhelpguy wrote:

If there was a pill that you could take to become straight, would you take it?

If it meant taking it right now? No chance; all of my relationships with my friends would be completely fundamentally altered, and I wouldn't want that. But if I could hop in a time machine and give it to myself as an infant? Yeah, probably, and I don't feel ashamed saying that. I'm happy with who I am, I have a good life and a good circle of people around me. But that isn't to say that I didn't have to go through plenty to get here, and the fact that the vast majority of people have reacted/will react relatively OK doesn't take away (a) from the fact that there will always be people who don't, and while "Then they're not worth knowing" is an easy answer, it's not always a particularly comforting one or (b) from the fact that it'd be nice to live a life where I didn't have to worry about how people would react towards me when they found out something so basic about me. Just my $0.02 etc...

As for the rest of the OP stuff, no regrets about coming out, wish I had done it sooner in some cases. That said, I maintain that the world would be a better place if everyone just had their Kinsey number tattoed across their forehead at age 15 or so.

Duddy

Yeah, I'd say its tough, but only sometimes. There's a lot worse things I've been through, the death of a parent, bad breakups, things that plunge you into total darkness.

Its not like we woke up one day and were suddenly gay, however. For the vast majority of people, there's no alternate "lifestyle" to compare it against lol.

If there was a pill...Nah, I'll take some Panadol instead:P
Although its a sexuality, being gay affects who I am, what I like, what I'm interested in...so to take the pill would make me someone completely different:P

And hell, I'm an egotist!:P

tin_can_ted

In fairness, I'm only young and haven't had a relationship yet so I could be a bit bias here.

If there was a pill, I would take it in the morning. I'd just love to be "normal". I think things would just be so much easier. I'd love to be able to go on the pull with the lads, and what have you, instead of just being there feeling slightly out of place.

Now, I don't mean to offend anyone here by the above statement, it's just the way I feel.

ixoy

Sure it can be, but a lot of that toughness was self-imposed in my early days as I worried and fretted what others would think. I also questioned it myself - I mean I wasn't like Graham Norton was I, and all gay people (according to the TV) are like that so surely something's up there?

When I got at ease with myself though, and began to tell others (where generally the worst response was irritation at not being told sooner), that toughness eases as you realise that sure, you're different in some aspect, but that's not nearly enough to break any decent friendship. In fact that almost strengthened some of them.

And then I used to worry about finding someone. After all, if only say 5% of men are gay, surely that's an extremely limited pool from which to find someone? Even among them, I'd think, what small percentage will I like and who will like me back. Yet the wonderful thing is, there was someone there for me and now, just shy of three years later, we're still together.

Yes at times, in the early days only, sure a pill might have been great. As I grew to accept myself though, I'd reject that notion for what others said above - I'd be altering a fundamental part of myself that's shaped my life, helped forge my friendships, and guided myself down my path. And right now, being in love with someone wonderful, I could never even contemplate why I'd ever want to pop such a pill.

moridin

You mean you don't ask people anymore how camp they think you are? Damnit Ixoy, you've changed!

*wide evil grin*

markw999

tin_can_ted wrote: »

In fairness, I'm only young and haven't had a relationship yet so I could be a bit bias here.

If there was a pill, I would take it in the morning. I'd just love to be "normal". I think things would just be so much easier. I'd love to be able to go on the pull with the lads, and what have you, instead of just being there feeling slightly out of place.

Now, I don't mean to offend anyone here by the above statement, it's just the way I feel.

I know what you mean about the normal thing, and this goes without saying, but you are normal. There's plenty of straight people who feel out of place going out on the pull with the "lads"

Personally, no pill for me. When I was younger, this thought crossed my mind, but when I was down it was of other things, not my sexuality. Being gay is me, and a pill would change that.

username123

Plenty of straight people have a very tough time over their choice of mate even though its a hetero relationship. Plenty of straight people have a very tough time going out 'on the pull' or trying to score with someone.

What is 'normal'?

The OPs original post asks if 'coming out' was something that would cause people to treat you differently, but there are all sorts of relevations that someone could make that would cause them to be treated differently. I have a (straight) friend who is currently estranged from his family because they wanted him to be a teacher and he didnt want to be. He claims it would have been much 'easier' to take the road his parents wanted him to go on but he wouldnt have been happy.

I personally find it bizarre that someone could think a pill to change sexuality would make for an easier life, when life itself can be tough for a whole myriad of reasons, and sexuality is only one small part of that.

Boston

Ah yes, when you're young the grass is always greener and that person over there never seems to have any problems. Being straight is a different set of problems, in the same way being male is a different set of problems to being female. No one has it easy.

kisaragi

I came out when I was fifteen and I don't regret it at all! Although I'm only 19 now it feels kind of like I've been out my whole life. I mean, all my relationships with my family and friends now are just totally natural and comfortable. No worrying about what people will think or blah blah blah.

I'm actually glad I came out so young. People used to call me names and such when I was younger, but it seemed that after I came out it more or less stopped. It even meant I got to enjoy a better friendship with some people I probably wouldn't have really known otherwise.

So yes it changed some of my relationships, but really I think it just brought them to a kind of natural state if you get my drift.

Personally I love who I am and there's no way I'd ever want to change my sexuality. Apart from being bullied when I was younger and shouted at on the odd occaision I haven't had too many problems in regards to my sexuality though My choice of partner causes some but that's a different story

So yeah, it's been a positive experience

Monkey61

To be perfectly honest it's been a bloody nightmare!!!

Up until I met my current girlfriend, yes I would have taken a straight pill in a second!! If we ever broke up and there was absolutely no chance of reconciliation then yes I would in a second again. I wouldn't even think twice.

Who I fancy is not who I am. It has absolutely nothing to do with my personality or my interests. Changing it wouldn't change me as a person, it would just have made my life and growing up a hell of a lot easier.

I absolutely love chatting people up and always felt severely disadvantaged by the fact that only 5% ish (if even) of the population was available to me instead of 50% (100% for some). It felt like being a one legged footballer.

I imagine it's entirely different for people who's personalities and lifestyles revolve around their being gay though.

shoegirl

I wouldn't say more difficult, as I see straight friends with plenty of problems. Its just different.

Tula

Again, I'm another whipper snapper so please don't criticize my naive views :P

Being gay, as I see myself now, hasn't been hard. The whole coming out experience was very hard though. It took me a long time (and some good old HSE therapy!) to realize that it wasn't my fault my relationships weren't working or felt wrong, it was the simple fact that i was with the wrong sex.

I don't regret coming out at all. Its broadened my world, my social circle and I feel like I've come home after years of being lost. My closest friends have stuck by me and love me for who I am and I've found a group of lovely people who just 'get' me. I've never been happier in my life than I am now

People treating me differently, my mother for one. She's taking the slow route to accepting me as I am but she'll get there some day.

And last but not least being straight. A year ago I would have done anything to be straight, to avoid hurting the love of my life purely because he was a man and not a woman. Now however the damage is done and I am undoubtedly gay and I feel so normal and so myself I wouldn't change it. Besides coming to terms with your sexuality once in a lifetime is hard enough :P lol

Wendy

http://www.belongto.org

aidan24326

Boston wrote: »

How many straight men wold be gay if they could ?

Not many I'd imagine! I don't think the op's question was meant to offend though. In days gone by it would have been very difficult (I imagine) being gay in Ireland, there was just no acceptance of it at all. Had the question been posed to gay men in the 1950s perhaps the answer to the 'would you take the pill?' question wouldn't have been so straightforward.

Monkey61 wrote: »

Who I fancy is not who I am. It has absolutely nothing to do with my personality or my interests. Changing it wouldn't change me as a person, it would just have made my life and growing up a hell of a lot easier

But your sexuality is an integral part of who you are. Perhaps things are 'easier' for straight people (I am one) when growing up, but I wouldn't be too sure if that's always the case. Straight people have all the same problems in life and maybe more in some cases, I've seen people in gay relationships who seem to put each other under less pressure than their straight counterparts. Perhaps being of the same gender even helps in a way, as you have more of an intuitive understanding of what each other is thinking and where you're coming from. That's just my unqualified take on it!

Boston

I'm not too certain. I've had a few conversations with straight guys where I've been told I have it lucky with regards to hooking up with other guys. I admit these conversation wheres over pints and usually after said person had had a run in with a woman, but still...

fliptzer

Tula wrote: »

Wendy

http://www.belongto.org

Wow, just clicked on the link and wished there was an organisation like this when I was at school. Would have made it so much easier because you’re not the only queer in the country…

It’s been tough, very tough but turning 30 soon and only now fully ‘out’ – popped out about seven years ago but was never really comfortable with being gay until recently when I realised no really gives a toss.

In relation to the pill….yes, would have taken it a million times over in the past but not any more.

MCMLXXXIII

Of course it's tough. It's also tough being straight. It's probably even when you compare the two.

First time I messed around with a guy: I was 12
I went to Belongto events from when I was 14 until I was ~17. At the time, I didn't actually like the organisation but I met a lot of other gay people that have become my good friends (I am now 25). I appreciate the actual organisation and what it did for me once I saw people that didn't get that experience and how their social networks and insecurities are.

What's tough about being gay - Belongto took away. The only thing that makes it tough is when people expect it to be tough for you. I think I'm sucessful (so far), but people look at me like I had to work harder to get to the same spot...it's slightly offensive to me. Everyone should work hard to obtain their goals, everyone should protect themselves from STIs, and everyone should expect nothing less from themselves because of their sexuality (or anything else). Belongto, my parents, or any other social influence never saw my sexuality as a handicap...so neither did I. It boosted my confidence and enambled me to obtain my goals.

Also, as part of the conversation...
I went to college in the US, and many of my college friends, at one point or another, wished they were gay. The guys I would bring around were good-looking, grounded, and a lot less dramatic than the sorority girls they were dating :cool: The feeling never lasted long with them, but quite a few expiramented - just to make sure!

Only one of them turned out to actually be gay in the end

estebancambias

lmfao

kraggy

needhelpguy wrote: »

Do you think it has been/is tough for you being gay?

No. It's gay being tough.

shoegirl

I think there has been moments when it was difficult, like with family. Otherwise, no its been quite good actually. People tend to respect you for being open and honest, and are mostly very receptive. It is difficult to meet somebody alright and the scene is like a scene from a kennel but otherwise its fine.

P!nk

WHen I came out my parents thought I was making my life more difficult but if anything I found it easier. I wouldnt change who I am for anyone! Why should who Im attracted to make my life difficult and why would I give it up??
I do think coming out when your a teenager would be much harder though cos teenagers are horrible to be honest. In college no_one actually cares who you fancy:)

face1990

I'm bi myself, and personally I have found it very easy. I'm sure this is due in no small part to having a very accepting family, and wonderful friends who don't care who or what I want to be. And I wouldn't change myself for anything in the world.

hatful

The availability of women that I am attracted to is minimal and even then finding someone who doesn't already have a girlfriend is hard (mostly they want to mess around behind the gf's back). It's also hard to separate the real person from the drunk Friday night 'party person' which goes without saying obscures what most people are like. The only reasoning I can think of is in terms of going out and meeting randomers and drinking in a gay friendly environment most gay people start later than straight people, so alot of gay people are living out their 18 year old mad clubbing time in their mid 20's.

I find places like London have a more diverse gay scene, dedicated clubs and friendly cafes for women.

Just my perspective maybe entirely misinterpreted :P