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Should i have left more time between relationships?

  • 07-08-2008 12:15pm
    #1
    pinkgirl1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15 ✭


    I just came out of a long serious relationship we were living together and were together 9 years.It ended quite badly and i got extremely hurt,to help me get over it I went out as much as possible. Two or three weeks later i met a lovely guy and now i am in a relationship with him. He is so different than my ex and we have such a laugh but sometimes i feel he only wants to see me or be with when it suits him and i seem to always come second. Now I don't know if its just me being insecure and maybe i shouldn't got into a relationship so fast but I am afraid of being on my own I will never find anyone again.I do like this new guy but it's hard to talk to him because we are always joking around. What should i do?


Comments

  • #2
    togster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,931 ✭✭✭togster


    Get to know who you are before jumping into another relationship


  • #3
    Aurora Borealis
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 939 ✭✭✭Aurora Borealis


    +1

    I think it's something we've all done one time or another, well I have anyway. Some do it habitually and are rarely out of a relationship as a result. You're not giving yourself time to process what happened in your last relationship by jumping straight into another and everyone has something to learn about themselves when a relationship ends. If not you'll come up against the same hurdles time and time again.


  • #4
    justsomebloke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,407 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    pinkgirl1 wrote: »
    but I am afraid of being on my own I will never find anyone again.

    Truthfully if for no other reason then this line I think you will be making a mistake getting into a new realtionship.


  • #5
    Dragan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,497 ✭✭✭✭Dragan


    jsb wrote: »
    Truthfully if for no other reason then this line I think you will be making a mistake getting into a new realtionship.
    Yeah, that would be the stand out line for me as well.

    Why so scared of being alone OP? To be honest i doubt you have even had time to get over the hurt of the last relationship.


  • #6
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Don't you think it could be a good thing to be on your own for a while? What exactly scares you about being "on your own" as you put it? Do you completely depend on other people to make you happy?


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  • #7
    Trinity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    Each to their own but i think its too soon personally. You are taking all the baggage and hurt and pain of the last relationship with you to the new one.

    you need time to rediscover yourself and get to know the individual you all over again.

    It must have been very painful breaking up such a long relationship, but hooking up straight away will only hurt you more in the long run as when you are vulnerable you may find yourself settling for less and accepting treatment you would not otherwise accept, rather than be alone and face the pain of dealing with the last breakup

    DO yourself a favour and try to enjoy being single for a while before jumping in. If you are happy and secure in yourself you are more likely to have a better, more secure, and happy relationship when the time is right and you are emotionally ready.

    Being needy and clingy will only drive guys away and you may find yourself facing rejection and breakup after breakup all because you didnt deal with it.


  • #8
    curly shirley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18 ✭curly shirley


    I think that it is very soon to be meeting someone again, unless you didn't love your ex for a long time!

    Without realising it you will judge your new man against your ex, and you will be looking for all the signs and reactions that your ex gave you (e.g. he seems to put you second!).... Your insecurities are carried through to the next relationship unless you deal with them first.

    I always dated from the age of 16 til 25, never took a break between relationships, thought it was great but always wondered why it didn't work out. I carried the problems from one relationship to another.

    Last relationship lasted 5 years til I was 30. I'm still on my own now after 4 years, didn't like the thought of being on my own but didn't want to jump into another relationship. Dealt with my insecurities and got to know myself (sounds strange but I really didn't know who I was until I was on my own)!

    I know I'm ready to date again and hopefully the next one will last.;)

    If you have any doubts about being with this guy then I'd say it's a bit soon.

    It does sound like he doesn't want anything too serious if you can't talk to him without him joking around.


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