Possibly crap verse.

Captain Ginger

Kiss me my sweet
I'm sleeping in sorrow
Hold me now
Till I wake tomorrow
My love is yours
But yours I borrow
Hold me sweet
My pride I swallow



Sometimes when I'm out I go off and run off random lines in my head and that came up a while ago. Anyway at the time I was going out with someone who hated their OH confessing how they feel and so I had a lot of stuff bottled up and I really wanted to get it off my chest.

To be honest I'm not great at this stuff, but any advice on how to improve would be great, because I do love writing.

Anyway this is just a few lines I was playing with, I tried to steer away from the cliche emo type of poem, don't think I did too good a job on that front though

Tremone

Your lines I cannot follow,
in your misery you seem to wallow,
you should reach for heights like a swallow,
but these lines are just too shallow,
I apoligise for being upfront,
but you sound a bit like James Blunt,
and who really needs that c**t.

Just an example of what you're trying to do, you're obsessed with rhyming.
Try fleshing it out a bit more and get out what you really trying to say. Keep going though we're all in the one boat.

Matt Holck

didn't google James blunts names
couldn't tell from where it came
some celebrity of fame
I imagine

elleA

Captain Ginger wrote: »

Kiss me my sweet
I'm sleeping in sorrow
Hold me now
Till I wake tomorrow
My love is yours
But yours I borrow
Hold me sweet
My pride I swallow

It's not crap. It's definitely not crap because you were trying to express things that you couldn't say out loud. It is a little bit cringey though. The rhyme is unnecessary and sore to read (sorry!). The emotion is definitely there but the 'realness' definitely is not. It's more Romeo and Juliet than real life but if you love writing then I suggest you stop trying to rhyme and just write what you really feel. Good luck!

Matt Holck

I feel like rolling dice to determine my primary characteristics