I'm so down at the moment

LegacyUser

hi there

I am going to try to make this short. i was supposed to be going on holidays with a friend of mine this week and she has completely left me stranded - with a few weeks take off from work and no plan b! i text her on Friday to see if she was ok with booking the holiday on Monday and she said yeah we would book it then (late deal)! well i got my suspicions sun nite that she was goign to pull out - call it gut instinct - she is not the most reliable but i thought no way would she back out of a holiday.normally its just little events that she has an issue with keeping to plan.... we were meant to go to a match together recently and her boyfriend decided he was going, so her thinking it was stand tickets I had she rang me and said she had decided to go into the terrace (20mins before the match) Now i was fine cause there were other friends of mine that were going and they were going to the terrace aswell so i tagged along with them(i didnt have stand tickets it was terrace but the opposite end to her!). what annoyed me the most was she would have let me go to the stand on my own jsut to be with her boyfriend! not impressed.

so sunday night i text her with 3 questions in a text of which she replied to two of the questions and totally avoided the holiday question...i sent another text saying had she seen the rest of my text as she never replied! the next day i tried to ring her and couldnt get through so i sent her another text to which she replied with a really snotty text saying that she felt that i was only concerned on going on holiday at any cost with no regards for the other person and their situation. Now in all fairness she has been my friend for years and she was the one that suggested that we go on holiday so i cannot see where she is getting that that i wanted to go at any cost. She says that she is so stressed with wondering how she is going to survive (money wise - she had a lot on the last week) Which i think is a fair enough excuse but to leave it so long to tell me that she couldnt afford it wasnt really fair on me!

anyway my issue is she said she would ring me yesterday evening to talk to me about it and she hasnt - should i jsut cut her out of my life and move on and write it down to experience or should i pick up the phone and ring her and get an answer from her?Im not one for confrontations and avoid them where possible.at this stage i have decided that i am not going on the holiday with her no matter what and i bought a car for myself today to make myself feel better! i cried all yesterday morning when i got her terrible text as i couldnt believe she could do something like that to me and with so little notice! If i had found out earlier i wouldnt have used up my holidays as now they are wasted and i would have understood her financial difficulties. (by the way a wedding and the galway races is what led her to her difficulties which were known about for weeks and weeks! )

Any advice welcomed as to what course of action i should take!

Mr Benevolent

Advice? Go on the holiday on your own. Unreliable 'friends' are not worth the time or effort.

MagicMarker

Cut all contact with her, she is not your friend.

Miss Fluff

She has shown you no consideration whatsover, the football match debacle combined with recent antics is not just rude, but downright nasty and she obviously has no concern for your feelings. She owes you a BIG apology so I'd let her call you. If that call doesn't materialise then she obviously is not a real friend and you are better off without people like that in your life imo.

davyjose

Don't be down, you got a new car. you will regret not enjoying moments like that. Take the next week to test drive the new wheels, maybe head off for a weekend away in it.

And keep your friend at a distance in future. Remember that you have been put out for one week, she's the one with the actual problem. She loses.

tinkletoes

MagicMarker wrote: »

Cut all contact with her, she is not your friend.

best advice you could get

giveitago

hi there,
I know exactly the situation you are in. I have two "friends" like the one you are describing. Over the years, they would let me down on going out, calling over, arranging things then cancelling that type of stuff. The way I treat them now is, I welcome them into my home when they come, but don't go out of my way to offer an inviation. I only reply to their texts and rarely send any from me unless by request. And if we have planned to do anything with each other, I usually invite a few other friends along too, and if they show up well and good if not, no big deal. In effect I give them a wide berth, and don't count them as "true" friends. I learned the hard way. My advise, don't rely on this "friend" take everything with a pinch of salt and keep them at arms length.

Karen_*

Op your friend is a gutless wonder! And even worse she is trying to turn this around as if its all your fault. Give her a wide berth. Maybe she won't always have her boyfriend and then who will she have if she treats people like that?

Can you tell work you don't need the time off after all? Get a new friend. Keep putting up with this behaviour and nothing will change. I feel for you, this is very upsetting and hurtful

girl_friday

giveitago wrote: »

hi there,
I know exactly the situation you are in. I have two "friends" like the one you are describing. Over the years, they would let me down on going out, calling over, arranging things then cancelling that type of stuff. The way I treat them now is, I welcome them into my home when they come, but don't go out of my way to offer an inviation. I only reply to their texts and rarely send any from me unless by request. And if we have planned to do anything with each other, I usually invite a few other friends along too, and if they show up well and good if not, no big deal. In effect I give them a wide berth, and don't count them as "true" friends. I learned the hard way. My advise, don't rely on this "friend" take everything with a pinch of salt and keep them at arms length.

I've been in this position and after getting upset one too many times I decided to go with this option. To be honest haven't seen that particular friend in almost 2 years now but we do exchange the odd text and bebo message and it works for us. Occasionally she tells me that she really has to meet up with me soon or will call me on a certain day and I tend to just say 'yeah, that'd be nice' and let it pass. No point making a big fuss but do take care of yourself. Friends come in all different forms... Accept it for what it is.

Liam Byrne

I need a holiday!!! Can I come ?

Seriously, though - I took the long weekend off work because I was due to have a guest and they copped out (actually, copped off with a new s/o, despite knowing that I'd taken the night off) and left me in the lurch with a night off that I didn't need....

So I went out on the town with better mates and had a great night!!!!

Some people ain't worth the hassle......not saying don't be some level of friends with them, just don't put yourself in a position where your plans are reliant on them.

Treat them like a dodgy car.....does the job when it works, but you wouldn't rely on it to go to a concert or for a weekend away.

Burial

Liam_Byrne wrote:

Treat them like a dodgy car.....does the job when it works, but you wouldn't rely on it to go to a concert or for a weekend away.

I think it has to be said, I have the dodgiest car ever made. Head Gasket, Gear box, etc, all about to fail. Mechanic said One week. It's been two months and it's still going!

completely down wrote: »

hi there

I am going to try to make this short. i was supposed to be going on holidays with a friend of mine this week and she has completely left me stranded - with a few weeks take off from work and no plan b! i text her on Friday to see if she was ok with booking the holiday on Monday and she said yeah we would book it then (late deal)! well i got my suspicions sun nite that she was goign to pull out - call it gut instinct - she is not the most reliable but i thought no way would she back out of a holiday.normally its just little events that she has an issue with keeping to plan.... we were meant to go to a match together recently and her boyfriend decided he was going, so her thinking it was stand tickets I had she rang me and said she had decided to go into the terrace (20mins before the match) Now i was fine cause there were other friends of mine that were going and they were going to the terrace aswell so i tagged along with them(i didnt have stand tickets it was terrace but the opposite end to her!). what annoyed me the most was she would have let me go to the stand on my own jsut to be with her boyfriend! not impressed.

so sunday night i text her with 3 questions in a text of which she replied to two of the questions and totally avoided the holiday question...i sent another text saying had she seen the rest of my text as she never replied! the next day i tried to ring her and couldnt get through so i sent her another text to which she replied with a really snotty text saying that she felt that i was only concerned on going on holiday at any cost with no regards for the other person and their situation. Now in all fairness she has been my friend for years and she was the one that suggested that we go on holiday so i cannot see where she is getting that that i wanted to go at any cost. She says that she is so stressed with wondering how she is going to survive (money wise - she had a lot on the last week) Which i think is a fair enough excuse but to leave it so long to tell me that she couldnt afford it wasnt really fair on me!

anyway my issue is she said she would ring me yesterday evening to talk to me about it and she hasnt - should i jsut cut her out of my life and move on and write it down to experience or should i pick up the phone and ring her and get an answer from her?Im not one for confrontations and avoid them where possible.at this stage i have decided that i am not going on the holiday with her no matter what and i bought a car for myself today to make myself feel better! i cried all yesterday morning when i got her terrible text as i couldnt believe she could do something like that to me and with so little notice! If i had found out earlier i wouldnt have used up my holidays as now they are wasted and i would have understood her financial difficulties. (by the way a wedding and the galway races is what led her to her difficulties which were known about for weeks and weeks! )

Any advice welcomed as to what course of action i should take!

Did you just lose money because this person bailed on a holiday? No offence, but she shouldn't have said yes at all. Your friend only wants what she wants. I can't understand people like this. I have a friend who is exactly like you describe. I'm still friends with him, but what I have to do is ask him and remind him of any time he bailed. That way if he says yes and doesnt go, he can't get bitchy to me and he has to deal with why he didn't go. Now it's working out that he's doing everything as he says he would. Anyway, i she knew she had financial difficulty and she said she'd go on holiday, then its her fualt. Your not at wrong, even if you say FU your coming. She knew her situation and said she was going. So, if you wish to remain friends, invite her out again. Bring up the stadium or the holiday. Like, "do you want to goto the cinema on Friday?" "yeah, sure" "Are you sure your able to go, are you sure the Galway races were too expensive that you don;t have 8 euro?" If she gets pissy, just say to her, well, I'd much rather KNOW if your coming, rather then show up, buy my ticket and have you not showing up. Does she know she's a bailer? Like as soon as she gets that reputation, you'll see alot less of your friends will invite her out anywhere. My friend now has to ask EVERYONE if anything is going on, so we know he won't bail on us.

Ebonyellie

you should definately go on holidays, be determined not to let her waste the leave you took off, throw caution to the wind, you might even have a better time, but make sure you send her a "wish you were here" postcard, she'l be amazed that you even went, and it will show that you are not there at her convenience and disposal, i know what im talking about, i have a "friend" who used to make and break pur plans all the time, when i found out that it was mainly because she got better offers i decided that from that point i didnt need that crap. so take a look at the weather outside and a look at how your friend is treating you and that should help with your decision!

LegacyUser

Do not wasting any time being upset over this girl. She is a terrible person and has completely let you down. She is so not worth it! You should go on the holiday on your own and it might help you think through things and get into a better frame of mind. I cannot say enough do not be down over this! I have no idea how people (especially girls) can treat others so badly.

Congrats on the new car!!!

trio

Start the big freeze. She's self-absorbed and will always be self-absorbed. You'll never feel as important to her as she is to you.

One of the most painful thing you have to go through when you're young is the inevitable realisations that some friends are just crap. It seems to have happened to everyone I know, including myself. It's always incredibly traumatic. But there's only one thing to do, and that's just keep at arms length.

LegacyUser

good comeback buying yourself your new car-so jelo!

your friend sounds totally selfish,she did you a favour in the end because you didnt have to endure any more of her on a holiday and you bought a new car with your hard earned cash so it wasnt waisted on the trip-

I had a similar friend and i just stopped putting all the energy i was into that relationship,so id text her and say hi to keep in touch but i never go out of my way to meet her or anything anymore,it was a great realisation and great to move on from negative friends....

very often when one friend goes out of your life you make way for others to appear,and till then you can spend time with yourself,your own company wont let you down and you can be miss independant in the new car.

I left a gang i was hanging around with when i was in my early 20's i thought theses people were my friends but i realised i had to watch my back constantly and the put downs were endless,eventually i just started doing my own thing,i felt really ineadequate for a while because i had no friends-but i prefered to be on my own than be with them (i felt i was on my own with them anyway!)after a while lots of new really decent friends showed up in my life-i had made way for it to happen and now i have different friends of all sorts,and i am much happier.

dont look at it as a bad thing,she has shown you she is not capable of offering a 2 way relatonship so at least you know so you can 'put it out there' for new ones who will respect you-good luck xxx