Friend's ex-gf issues

LegacyUser

For the sake of my friend (low 20's), i'll go unreg for this.
I'm pretty concerned for him since he's split up with his gf of 2 years
(his first true love). The only contact between them now is his unreplied emails. She's a
few thousand miles away. I know it can be very tough to get over someone you've invested
a lot in emotionally but this guy's life still seems to be still ruled by her!

He got rid of loads of cds / dvds... things they shared. He won't go into certain shops
due to the memories it rises. There's even a certain road he won't walk down that they
used to get to their home. Now he's always been the most stubborn lad I
know, but it's completely rediculous that I can't talk any sense into him now. He's absolutely no interest in the ladies and feels like he would be 'cheating' on the ex by even looking.

He's also told me about almost having attempted suicide. I can't verify this as
he's always talked loads of bull. He's talked about going over to see her to give her back stuff and for the sake of his head. Apparently he spoke to a psychiatrist in an informal
setting about doing sessions but there's been nothing further on that front.

It's also unfair on myself and another close friend of his that he 'jokes' about suicide, wtf!
What can I do here, just want my friend back. I'll give some more background as I see fit.

Oryx

How long since the split? Breaking up is a process, it can take time.

Youre being a good friend by listening, other than that my only thought is do your best to occupy his time, and his brain, with things, to prevent his dwelling on the past and sinking into himself more.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that. It's about 6 months now. He's not really into many 'things',
but starting back in college soon. It's hard to distract him as there's very little
else he even thinks about. The trouble is that there's memories of her all over the place.
This is despite the fact he's been in college here years and she only spent 9 months here.

jesus_thats_gre

Being sad and what not is one thing but he is taking it to the next level. All you can do is be there for him. Tis unlikley that you will be able to talk any sense into him - doesn't seem like the most rational of lads..

LegacyUser

jesus_thats_gre wrote: »

Tis unlikley that you will be able to talk any sense into him - doesn't seem like the most rational of lads..

True. It's no use unless he really wants to himself, but I think I should keep reminding
him of the availability of professional help. I've also suggested he post here but I
doubt he will. I'm pretty sure he's passed the suicidal thoughts phase and is just 'messing'.

MagicMarker

Tell him to cop on to himself.

Either he chooses to mope around or he chooses to move on with his life. After that, leave him alone until he makes a decision.

KAYA

MagicMarker wrote: »

Tell him to cop on to himself.

Either he chooses to mope around or he chooses to move on with his life. After that, leave him alone until he makes a decision.

Thats the way , the old cop yourself on when life turns bad for someone .
Great insight you have there . Best not to share it with too many.

OP

Hang in there with your mate , time will sort it, but you must be there for him . Your friend is going through a grieving process the same as someone who has a death of a close one

star-pants

MagicMarker wrote: »

Tell him to cop on to himself.

Either he chooses to mope around or he chooses to move on with his life. After that, leave him alone until he makes a decision.

It's not that easy though, in the guy's position. His whole way of thinking is changed, it doesn't see rationally, why would he want help ridding of a girl he still wants. It's very tough, you have rational and irrational reasons and thoughts in your head, not all of us are strong enough to cling onto the rational ones enough to pull through the same as others.

There is a certain level of pushing needed - encouragement is better, to see someone to talk to someone about things. Getting annoyed won't help either party, it will probably only make him feel worse, I'm sure he knows that things aren't right, and that he needs to fix things, but going through with that can be very difficult and can take a lot of time. The fact he's not gone through with anything damaging means he still wants life - maybe suggest to him about counselling, gently and say that you feel it will help get him through things.

I understand how frustrating it must be for you to see him like this - and I'm sure you'd love to just tell him to cop on to himself (which is what he needs to do) but it doesn't always work that way. Be supportive and encourage going to counselling sessions as they may help him. He really shouldn't be joking about self-harm -- that seems odd that he's saying it, maybe it's his way of saying help. It's a strange thing the brain sometimes - but maybe it's his way of letting you know how low he's felt.

LegacyUser

I've told him to 'JUST COP ON!' out of pure frustration as well.
The poor guy's not too responsive to subtlety at all. I guess I need to put myself
more in his position though it's hard as I was dumped around the same time from a
faaar longer relationship which he keeps on making light of ('it's not the same').
Normally I'd be finished with anyone who said things like that, thing he's that screwed up.

Hopefully, I'll have the patience to stick this through but I wish there was some professional
to give me a hand. Saturday night, goin out? He's sitting home alone, again

MagicMarker

Sorry to tell ya, but some people need to work stuff out on their own... It's been 6 months, although other posters disagree he doesn't need someone to hold his hand right now. He's moping, he's choosing to be like this.

You've done what you can. It's up to him at the end of the day.

LegacyUser

I guess he IS choosing to be like this. Maybe time will prove the best healer.
I wouldn't count on him sorting this out soon on his own steam and I don't
want him messing up college this year.
Thanks for all comments.