underage drinking

LegacyUser

Ok Long term Poster but have to go anom for this.

Ive a younger sis who is really underage (Aged 11-15) and is on bebo. I was checking my page and clicked onto hers and noticed a few comments from her friends referring to a free house and drinking session. Now she is not a pioneer as da parents allow her the odd drink on special occasions etc and has always been adamant that she doesnt drink outside the home or without da parents approval. Now I dont live at home i'm in a different county altogether but am very concerned. How do i approach the situation if she is drinking behind my parents back and with this free house too. I know she is going over as she has told her friend that she is. Peoples suggestions on what to do would be great.

litup

What age is she? There is a big difference between 11 and 15.

What sort of relationship do you have with her? What sort of kid is she?

Personally I would give her a call to see what she has to say about it. Even if she is not drinking a house full of drunk teenagers isn't a great place for her to be. Try to have an honest discussion with her about alcohol in general.

I would then have a chat with your folks and tell them you heard on the grapevine that her mates are drinking and maybe they need to keep an eye on the situation. If you are in a different country there is not much else you can do.

Wurly

Well it depends what side of the bracket she is closer to - 11 or 15.

I started drinking when I was 13. Not ideal but I was rebelling and I don't regret it.

I can see why you're concerned. You can ask her to be careful. Not much else you can do.

A lot of young people experiment with drink in their early teens.

I wouldn't lecture her cos that will make her rebel more.

I would use the tack that you trust her to make the right decisions and that you know she's a good head on her shoulders etc.

When you're growing up, there is nothing worse than being told 'you've let your mother down' etc.

Whereas if someone is lecturing you, you will just wanna do it more to p1ss them off.

Also, you wanna be the approachable one so she feels she can trust you to tell you stuff.

all the stars

closer to 11 : negative to the drinking
closer to 15: have a chat about being responsible with alcohol and all ther sex chat... coz we all know drunk teens, free house, unprotected sex is an issue.
(just to be on the safe side)

Burial

Unsure210 wrote: »

Ok Long term Poster but have to go anom for this.

Ive a younger sis who is really underage (Aged 11-15) and is on bebo. I was checking my page and clicked onto hers and noticed a few comments from her friends referring to a free house and drinking session. Now she is not a pioneer as da parents allow her the odd drink on special occasions etc and has always been adamant that she doesnt drink outside the home or without da parents approval. Now I dont live at home i'm in a different county altogether but am very concerned. How do i approach the situation if she is drinking behind my parents back and with this free house too. I know she is going over as she has told her friend that she is. Peoples suggestions on what to do would be great.

First off, don't tell her you've been looking at her bebo. Huge invasion of privacy. I think that this house party isn't going to be the first or last time she'd be having one or drinking. In honesty, try to make her have a bad experience from it. Like drink too much, or get embarressed. She'd less likely to continue drinking in the future if it was a bad night as a result of the drink. However that isn't the best option. Your best bet is find the address if possible, or if you can't, tell the police anomanosly, citing the bebo page, provided it's not private. Another idea is to inform the neighbours or the parents! What you don't want to do is make it an invasion of privacy. I think that'd just encourage her more. As the other posters have been saying, Sex is the bigger issue. If you trust she won't have sex when really drunk, then I doubt she'd get really drunk in the first place.

LegacyUser

litup wrote: »

What age is she? There is a big difference between 11 and 15.

She is closer to the age to 15. I want to be the approachable person for her to confide in but alcohol is such a big deal. Ok I drink myself on the rarest of occasions BUT I am very protective of her also three of my friends were assaulted while underage and having consumed alcohol. I dont want that to happen to her. I worry too much i think but unfort I cant stop that. Ive learnt with some topics to hold my tongue but unsure if i can do the same here

Kernel32

Burial wrote: »

First off, don't tell her you've been looking at her bebo. Huge invasion of privacy.

I don't understand that comment at all. The current generation of teenagers and 20 somethings seem to take a lot of time and effort to log the boring mundane details of their lives in a public forum on these social networking sites. I don't get it really, but if it's public or private and you are given access to it how is it an invasion of privacy?

AARRRGH

I think it's pretty normal for kids to drink these days. "Normal" as in common, that is. But as we know, just because something's normal doesn't mean it's right...

When I was a teenager I used to get drunk every weekend. At the time I thought it was harmless, but I do regret it now. Maybe I've damaged by liver? I don't know.

I think you need to intervene.

Is your sister the type of person who would react positivily to a telephone call from you? Or is she the type of person who needs a firm message (e.g. an angry dad) to cop on?

marti101

Exactly about bebo dont post stuff if you dont want people to find out stuff or get caught doing stuff you are not meant to.Tell your parents youll have to as you are in a different count.Let them handle it but be there for her if she needs to talk.

LegacyUser

AARRRGH wrote: »

Is your sister the type of person who would react positivily to a telephone call from you? Or is she the type of person who needs a firm message (e.g. an angry dad) to cop on?

Neither, Depending on the topic to be fair. Firm messages/angry parents dont work never have worked and positive phonecalls or conversations with her may not work. It sorely depends on her mood at the time the conversation takes place. If i approach her i feel she'll say im trying to be the mother wen im only da sister (which has been said on quite a few occassions) or if i say it to my parents then i'm an interferring old bag who has nothing else to do (also has been said)

I find i am in a no win situation. I do know where the house is and from further reading of comments seems only a few ppl have been invited over to da free house but still unsure as to how many will turn up

Burial

Kernel32 wrote: »

I don't understand that comment at all. The current generation of teenagers and 20 somethings seem to take a lot of time and effort to log the boring mundane details of their lives in a public forum on these social networking sites. I don't get it really, but if it's public or private and you are given access to it how is it an invasion of privacy?

Well, being a teenager myself, I expect privacy. I don't care why or who you are. My bebo is my page for my friends only. No outsiders. no employers. (Unless I use it at work, which i do but they don't mind, that much...) Most people don't set there profile to private because your friends can't access you then, unless you added them as a friend. If I found out my parents or brothers or sisters were monitoring me on bebo, I would put my profile to private and wouldn't listen to what they had to say.

And yes, it is an invasion of privacy in my eyes. Maybe not the law. But in my eyes it is. How would you feel if everything you told to anyone was told to everyone? TBH, it's not the teenagers fault that bebo is so stupid that you don't have to be signed in to access people's pages. Anyway, the teenager will view this as an invasion of privacy. So don't tell them you were monitoring their bebo.

LegacyUser

well my page and her page is private. We also share some friends who are not private as well. So in effect i have free reign in regards to accessing her site and what some of her friends say. Its not my fault if i can look at her friends sites who are not private. Like someone originally posted if the page is public then its stupid writing stuff that they want to keep private.

beth-lou

Well being an adult it is your responsibility to look out for your younger sister. If you don't want people to know stuff don't put it on a public forum with your name attached. Simple as. Those sites are a receipe for disaster. I hope the address isn't up on the site. we've all seen the results of those.

I think only you know your sister. You could tell her you saw her Bebo page, which is totally reasonable considering you're away. Why wouldn't you look up your sister. Tell her you saw the thing about drinking and you're cool with it but just make she she doesn't drink so much that she's out of control. Better to be there for her than be the enemy. There's a fine line where trust and concern kinda get blurred. We all drank inour teens.

If she's 11 though, I'd be telling the parents. She's far too young and a parents jo is to lookout for their kids even that means stopping them from doing what they want sometimes. What age i she exactly?

Kernel32

Burial wrote: »

And yes, it is an invasion of privacy in my eyes. Maybe not the law. But in my eyes it is. How would you feel if everything you told to anyone was told to everyone? TBH, it's not the teenagers fault that bebo is so stupid that you don't have to be signed in to access people's pages. Anyway, the teenager will view this as an invasion of privacy. So don't tell them you were monitoring their bebo.

Well that's the difference between the real world and what a teenager might view as fair or not. The fact that you post something publicly on website means you have just told that information to everyone whether you like it or not and if an teenager views this as an invasion of privacy is totally irrelevant. They have now committed this information to the public domain and it will be cached, indexed and stored there forever.

Jack Sheehan

Well I started drinking at 15, and it wasn't a huge deal. I know many people who started earlier. My advice is to ring her, make no mention of the bebo thing and just say 'listen when i was your age i had a drink etc etc take it easy always be careful of what you're drinking etc etc. Unless she's totally unreasonable she wont mind a bit of sisterly advice.

LegacyUser

She is closer to the age to 15(Im not saying exact age). I want to be the approachable person for her to confide in but alcohol is such a big deal. Ok I drink myself on the rarest of occasions BUT I am very protective of her also three of my friends were assaulted (One sexually) while underage and having consumed alcohol. I dont want that to happen to her. I worry too much i think but unfort I cant stop that. Ive learnt with some topics to hold my tongue but unsure if i can do the same here. NO the address is not shown thankfully

I'll give her a bell later and talk to her

LouOB

OP I understand that you are concerned for your lil sis
But really whats the worst thats going to happen?
She will get really drunk, make show of herself, get sick and one of her friends will hold her hair and put her into bed. The next day you can point and laugh
Or if you REALLY that worried (i.e. if you think some of her friends are in the dodgy variety) go to party with her - and maybe be the person to hold her hair.

She has to learn to make her own mistakes and will thank you for being there (holding said sicky hair and supplying her with pints of water)

pookie82

Kernel32 wrote: »

I don't understand that comment at all. The current generation of teenagers and 20 somethings seem to take a lot of time and effort to log the boring mundane details of their lives in a public forum on these social networking sites. I don't get it really, but if it's public or private and you are given access to it how is it an invasion of privacy?

+1!!!!!

That's what bebo is FOR. If you slap your boring life and all its details up there and don't privatise the page you're asking for people to view it.

He said he clicked on it, sounds like he just viewed the page. Which is the point of bebo.

pookie82

LouOB wrote: »

Or if you REALLY that worried (i.e. if you think some of her friends are in the dodgy variety) go to party with her - and maybe be the person to hold her hair.

She has to learn to make her own mistakes and will thank you for being there (holding said sicky hair and supplying her with pints of water)

OP is in a different country so i doubt that's possible.

litup

Unsure210 wrote: »

She is closer to the age to 15(Im not saying exact age).

Why on earth not? Its not like we can work out who she is on the details you have provided. There is a world of difference between an 11 and a 15 year old. There is also a huge difference between a 13 and a 15 year old. If you don't give people the facts it is hard to give appropriate advice.

Fad

Unsure210 wrote: »

well my page and her page is private. We also share some friends who are not private as well. So in effect i have free reign in regards to accessing her site and what some of her friends say. Its not my fault if i can look at her friends sites who are not private. Like someone originally posted if the page is public then its stupid writing stuff that they want to keep private.

To be honest id say you'll struggle to justify the fact that you were reading here comments

Before you even attempt to confront her, have an excuse WHY you were reading HER comments because im fairly sure she'll want to know why.

marti101

Fad wrote: »

To be honest id say you'll struggle to justify the fact that you were reading here comments

Before you even attempt to confront her, have an excuse WHY you were reading HER comments because im fairly sure she'll want to know why.

Because its on a public forum like this one.Its not as if she wrote it in a diary without the intention of anyone reading.She put it up on BEBO which anybody can see.Shes 15 she should be grateful she has someone looking out for her.

AIR-AUSSIE

all the stars wrote: »

closer to 11 : negative to the drinking
closer to 15: have a chat about being responsible with alcohol and all ther sex chat... coz we all know drunk teens, free house, unprotected sex is an issue.
(just to be on the safe side)

Gota agree. I drank when i was 14 / 15 its not really gonna be much harm. Wouldn't do any harm to maybe go into the sex thing though as teens seem to be to having it earlier ( at least according to papers n such) A free gaff may be dangerous as they may hav a lot of time to drink. I wouldn't mention to your parents though really. And I'm not sure if you saying anything would have any effect on her especially as you won't be able to talk to her in person

uniquechic

Im 15 myself and started drinking alcopops/bulmers at 13. It is a very common thing these days,altho I have to say that the whole underage sex thing is a bit of an exaggeration,at least in my area it is.
Most of the girls I know are smarter than to risk getting pregnant/catching STD's,especially at our age.
OP, I would just advise her to be careful, as telling her not to do it or telling the parents will only annoy her and she will go and drink anyway.

pisslips

People seem to be ignoring that the OP seems to have obtained (I think)this information from a third party bebo site and not her sisters. Of which her sister would have no control.So she didn't exactly publically volunteer the information.

Also she's a teenager trying to establish a little independance and self, while full of brooding hormones.I think she'll block you from her bebo for starters.

Maybe if you have a story about one of your friends who've been assaulted, you could tell her that story without giving her advise or being judgemental. Tell her how it affected you and your friend's life.Maybe ease the conversation into casuality, with a bit of comic relief or asking her about boys etc.......whatever it is you girls talk about.Avoid being an adult and be a friend even if you have to hold yourself alot.It sounds a bit delicate because it is, but it's not a huge deal either.

And being a 21 yr old male, I think it's absolutely ridiculous that I even typed that.

pookie82

pisslips wrote: »

People seem to be ignoring that the OP seems to have obtained (I think)this information from a third party bebo site and not her sisters. Of which her sister would have no control.So she didn't exactly publically volunteer the information.
.

Look if people are willing to volunteer information on publicly viewed websites of any sort they cannot complain about someone seeing it. So I don't think the OP should have to explain himself there. I often look at my brother's bebo. If there was anything on there that he wanted to hide from me or any other passer-by he'd privatise the page. The OP did not invade privacy by reading comments open to millions to view. He/she knows that their sister accepted the invite, probably from bebo. There's been no mention of hacking private accounts.

pisslips

Third party as in neither of the siblings involved.
If someone else publicises information about me for example, I did not do so volutarily, therefore my privacy is being invaded.If it's incorrect, it's slander.