Need to Let It All Out - No.3

Dory-Tina

Hi again, here is my third entry.

so if you have read the other entry you will know that i found out that i had found out some horrible, heart breaking news that bascially said " i may not have children".at first , i was in shock and thought yeah ok i am young maybe it would all work out when i wanted children .. but when i thought about it a few days after i found out i started to get down, upset , and angry.i needed help. i needed to talk to somebody . the only thing i ever wanted was to be able to know that i can get pregnant .have children that i always wanted. but having this slight doubt in my head made me hate myself.one day it all got too much for me i was in school and i was in irish class when suddenly i cracked. i had to talk to somebody and fast . i started to confind in a counciler in school. i was silent going to see her first , but after a few open ending questions i began to open up to her until i eventually needed to see her every wed after school for 2 hrs sometimes three.it helped me for awhile but the hurt was always there. i felt broken as a women . why? why me? why me, the woman who would die for children, cant have any?all these questions started circulating around my head like a mini twister. i told my bf mark at the time i wanted children and my problem but he didnt give me much comfort. i knew then i was alone. but deep down i was breaking up inside..loosing all my hope of children .how could i loose interest in the one thing that i wanted in the future?? was i giving up too quick ???.. i was sure that my future career would be to do with children but deep down i didnt think i could go ahead with it. the pain in the head , my heart and my stomach at this part of my life was horrible. i think looking back on it now, i dont think i would have grasped the news at all if my counseller in school didnt sit down with me on a wed after noon. so thank you <name deleted>! Thanks again Tina