I owe my Ex money & I don't have it:(

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Tricky situation here and I could use some advice.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months a few weeks ago. He took it very badly initially but is dealing with it much better now. We great on great and had so much together, we hope we can be friends in the future.

We are due to go on holiday for 2 weeks in September. We booked the flights a few months ago at a time when we were very happy and neither of us had envisioned breaking up. They cost €1,000 and he put it on his credit card. I was broke at the time
and he is very well off.

I now owe him 500 quid and while I have no problem at all with paying this money back, I am completely smashed this month. I got paid today and the bank took over half my wages (credit card bill, loan repayments, overdraft) leaving me with very little to live on.

I told him that I can give him 100 quid this month but that’s all. The rest will have to repaid in instalments over the next few months. I feel really bad about this as I hate being in debt to anybody.

He is not happy about this. The thing is, he is loaded. Money is not a worry for him but I am sick with financial worry all the time. I get paid half of what he does. Obviously this is not the point. I owe him the money and his financial situation doesn’t come into it.

I really want to pay him back but only can in stages. He seems to think I am trying to be a b*tch and rip him off.

Any advice? Having contact so soon is awakward enough without bloody money being involved. God, I hate money sometimes. It’s my biggest daily stress.

Thanks.

Beruthiel

Moneysunny wrote: »

He is not happy about this. The thing is, he is loaded.

Him being loaded has nothing to do with the price of turnips.
I am of the opinion that you should never spend money you don't have.
If you couldn't afford the holiday in the first place, why did you agree to it?

Get his bank details from him (bank, sort code and bank account)
Tell him that you will be putting 100 into his bank account for the next 5 months. This makes it easier for everyone as you don't have to hand it over in person and he gets paid back.

Wagon

Considering you broke up with him, he's not going to be as accommodating or patient with you. Natural enough really, any ex would be like that. But if installments is all you can manage then he should be alright with it.

John Mason

what Beruthiel said.

You seem to have quiet a few financial problems going there, may be you go and speak to MABS and learn to live within your means

Karen_*

Well you broke it off and he was upset and probably still is. Why should he pay for your holiday? You had a holiday and its not up to anyone else to pay for it.

And its unfair to ask him to drag this on for months paying it back in dribs and drabs. so ask someone else for a loan, your parents maybe or the bank. And you should have just paid him when breaking up with him. Your money problems shouldn't be his problem.

If you really can't get a loan from someone else then why not ask him can you set up a standing order for the next five months so that you don't have to have anymore contact but he can be assured that he'll be paid?

RedXIV

Ok, chances are, he just wants the money back because he's doing the whole "cut her out of your life completely" and while he feels there is still a financial obligation, he's required to keep contact. If he's unhappy with this, tell him you'll set up a standing order to keep contact to a minimum.

cjmcork

I agree with Red - his financial status has nothing to do with anything - since it appears to have ended badly, be thankful he's not looking for interest.

metamorphic

get 500 off the bank or someone else in your life and pay them back in stages, give him the full amount immediately.

I was in a similar situation, suffice to say it's easier to clear the decks with the ex and then either pay the bank back or someone else. If you're trying to stay friends with your ex you'd want to remove this bone of contention ASAP.

LegacyUser

Moneysunny wrote: »

Hi Guys,

We are due to go on holiday for 2 weeks in September.
Thanks.

What are ye doing about the holiday? Are ye still going together or is one of ye going with someone else? Or not using it at all?

GreeBo

Karen_* wrote: »

Well you broke it off and he was upset and probably still is. Why should he pay for your holiday? You had a holiday and its not up to anyone else to pay for it.

-1
she is not asking him to pay for any holiday, Im actually assuming that neither of them are going to go on it.

These 2 people went out for 6 months, despite what may have happened since I doubt he wants to put her in debt over €400.

OP, give him 5 cheques with each one postdated for a month in advance.
Im sure he will be reasonable about it, as others have said he might just want a clean break.

good luck.

Karen_*

Apologies I misread that!

jellie

im in a similar but opposite situation - im the one who was broken up with & im the one whos owed money to! again, it was for a holiday.

i finally got half the money a couple of weeks ago, but he still owes me some. but for me, its not that i mind when i get the money, i know hes broke, its the fact thats its dragging on. we have to keep each others numbers & stay in contact until this is sorted.

i would guess your ex is similar, he just wants to finish everything completely so he can move on. just offering a view from the opposite side

also: is it too late to cancel the holiday? (im presuming youre not going?) could you get some of the money back & only lose the deposit?

VW08

Could you just get a 500euro loan from the bank. He'd have all his money and you'd be paying back to bank instead. You could pay them back in 50euro installments, which might be easier for you.

Also, if he's that upset about the break up, do you think its a good idea to remain friends?

PurpleBerry

I agree with Karen, metamorphic and VW08. If possible, arrange a loan from someone else. It's not fair on him being out of pocket. You'd be better off trying to arrange it with a (very, very) good friend or a family member as the bank will want interest. Just be careful you don't fall out with the person you borrow from and repeat the cycle of money-worry.

And, I'm sorry to be harsh here, but I want to explain further why I think it's not fair for him to be out of pocket despite him being "very well off", which is irrelevant. While I am sorry for your money struggles, I notice that you have a loan, a credit card and an overdraft to pay back. This sounds really careless, to be in three kinds of debt. I hope you take the advice you have been given here and get help with managing your money.

jon1981

speaking from experience in this situation, i just wanted to move on as painless as possible, i didnt chase the money, i just wrote it off as experience. chasing her for the money would only have dragged the whole situation on further... that was my thinking anyway!

that said, if i was stuck for cash i may have had no choice but to pursue it. although it was me who did the breaking up, i suppose i had less rights...

mookishboy

Give him the tickets back!
Tell him to take a buddy or something. have them stump up the moola

LegacyUser

Neither of us are going on the holiday. I asked him if he wanted to change the names and go with somebody else but he said 'If we're not going, nobody is'.

He is not out of pocket either. He put it on his CC and has agreat wage. He has no debts so he is not stuck. I realise that is not the point. i owe him 500 quid and I will re-pay it but I can't do it all in one go.

I also told him at the time of booking that I'm broke and he said not to worry that he'd pay and I could slowly pay him back. Now that I broke up with him though he wants it all back.

I simply don't have it. The reason I took out a loan was for my friends wedding so I can't take out another one.

Sigh...it's just unreasonable of him to demand it all back in one go. I don't have it and I feel he's being spiteful.

4Xcut

Beruthiel wrote: »

Him being loaded has nothing to do with the price of turnips.
I am of the opinion that you should never spend money you don't have.
If you couldn't afford the holiday in the first place, why did you agree to it?

Get his bank details from him (bank, sort code and bank account)
Tell him that you will be putting 100 into his bank account for the next 5 months. This makes it easier for everyone as you don't have to hand it over in person and he gets paid back.

Bang on. you took a loan(doesn't matter who from), assumed you could pay it back and now can't. Tough. you should have not gone on holiday, picked up a little work(promotions here and there, stuff like that would have had the 500 in no time). Hell, even sold some stuff but not borrowed money you didn't know you could pay back.

LegacyUser

4Xcut wrote: »

Bang on. you took a loan(doesn't matter who from), assumed you could pay it back and now can't. Tough. you should have not gone on holiday, picked up a little work(promotions here and there, stuff like that would have had the 500 in no time). Hell, even sold some stuff but not borrowed money you didn't know you could pay back.

Read the thread properly or don't post.

I didn't go on the holiday, we broke up!! We are due to go in September. I told him at teh time of booking that I couldn't afford it and he booked it anyway.

stcatherine

Umm they havent 'gone' on holiday yet ! unless september has been and gone without me noticing !

I think the dated cheques Idea is a good one, then you have limited contact and can both move on.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Is there any chance he could find someone else to go with him? Then that would take the burdon of paying the holiday back to him away from you.

I was suppose to take an ex to Paris one time. Included was the France v Ireland game. At the last minute, something came up and she couldn't go. I had paid for everything and I still wanted to go. I ended up asking a few friends if they wanted to go and because it was short notice, I didnt mind my friend paying me back in bits and pieces although it didn't even come to that in the end but what I'm saying is that if he is well off, maybe he won't mind doing that for a friend hence relieving you of the pressure of paying for something you wont be going on and a holiday not been wasted.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Look, forget the fact you broke up, it has no bearing on this from a "verbal contract" point of view.

The agreement was he'd pay for the whole holiday up front, and you'd pay him back over time - the implication being either you'd save for a few months and pay him back a lump sum or that you'd pay him in installments.

You're still honouring your side of the agreement, and so should he. The suggestions re: standing orders and post-dated cheques are great and you should offer him both of those options. Alternatively, offer to pay him the full whack on 30th November.

Again, to re-iterate, the original agreement was you'd pay him back over time and you two breaking up has no bearing on that agreement. None whatsoever. Silly boy.

PurpleBerry

Moneysunny wrote: »

Sigh...it's just unreasonable of him to demand it all back in one go. I don't have it and I feel he's being spiteful.

How is it unreasonable for him to expect his money back in one go? It's his money.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Neesa wrote: »

How is it unreasonable for him to expect his money back in one go? It's his money.

Because when loverboy first brought up the idea of a holiday, he knew she hadn't a bean and went ahead and sorted it all out.

chump

Moneysunny wrote: »

Neither of us are going on the holiday. I asked him if he wanted to change the names and go with somebody else but he said 'If we're not going, nobody is'.

He is not out of pocket either. He put it on his CC and has agreat wage. He has no debts so he is not stuck. I realise that is not the point. i owe him 500 quid and I will re-pay it but I can't do it all in one go.

I also told him at the time of booking that I'm broke and he said not to worry that he'd pay and I could slowly pay him back. Now that I broke up with him though he wants it all back.

I simply don't have it. The reason I took out a loan was for my friends wedding so I can't take out another one.

Sigh...it's just unreasonable of him to demand it all back in one go. I don't have it and I feel he's being spiteful.

OP, could you take 500 out on your CC?
It is your debt afterall?

All said, I don't think he would have a real problem with you paying it off over a few months. He probably just wants to hurt you a bit in the process :pac:

Goodluck with it - by the by don't make a mountain out of a molehill, it's a relatively minor problem.

Zulu

Rob from Peter to pay Paul.

ie: borrow the money from someone you are not going to break up with in the next 5 months, and pay him back now.

You clearly feel his financial situation has something to do with this, as you mentioned it. It doesn't.
Pay him back.

LegacyUser

Neesa wrote: »

How is it unreasonable for him to expect his money back in one go? It's his money.

Because I told him even at the time of booking that I'd pay it back in installments. suddenlt we break up and he demands it all back in one go.

Read the thread or don't post.

trio

He is not out of pocket either. He put it on his CC and has agreat wage. He has no debts so he is not stuck. I realise that is not the point.

Well you're certainly mentioning it a hell of a lot, for something that you agree isn't the point.

I also told him at the time of booking that I'm broke and he said not to worry that he'd pay and I could slowly pay him back. Now that I broke up with him though he wants it all back.

Yet you haven't paid a cent of it back so far, since the time of booking? When was it booked?

If it was booked 6 months ago, and you haven't bothered to pay him even 20 quid towards it yet, then I wouldn't blame him for worrying, and wanting it sorted PRONTO. If you didn't start paying him back when you were all loved up, what's to make you pay him back now?

Sigh...it's just unreasonable of him to demand it all back in one go.

No it's not. He wants well rid. Considering you have credit card debt, and a loan for attending a wedding, you may be a looooong time paying him back, and he knows it. He wants to move on. Right now. Borrow from someone else if you must, or a number of people, sell something if you have to - but pay him back immediately.

LegacyUser

Brody Eager Gem wrote: »

Look, forget the fact you broke up, it has no bearing on this from a "verbal contract" point of view.

The agreement was he'd pay for the whole holiday up front, and you'd pay him back over time - the implication being either you'd save for a few months and pay him back a lump sum or that you'd pay him in installments.

You're still honouring your side of the agreement, and so should he. The suggestions re: standing orders and post-dated cheques are great and you should offer him both of those options. Alternatively, offer to pay him the full whack on 30th November.

Again, to re-iterate, the original agreement was you'd pay him back over time and you two breaking up has no bearing on that agreement. None whatsoever. Silly boy.

Thank you!! That's exactly how I see it and plan on doing it.
He will get every back, no doubt about that, just not in one go!!

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

You're welcome, now contact him, offer him the three options, and put it out of your mind.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Just one thing actually. Are you sure he is not going on this holiday and isn't bringing someone else along as a name change on holidays costs next to nothing and then you'd end up paying for someone elses holiday and this could be a little revenge thing?

Just thought I'd put that out there.

beth-lou

MuPpItJoCkEy wrote: »

Just one thing actually. Are you sure he is not going on this holiday and isn't bringing someone else along as a name change on holidays costs next to nothing and then you'd end up paying for someone elses holiday and this could be a little revenge thing?

Just thought I'd put that out there.

Is that a concerned "thought" or a sneaky dig?

MuPpItJoCkEy

beth-lou wrote: »

Is that a concerned "thought" or a sneaky dig?

Concerned because it could be true. She's already struggling financially and it is something a spiteful person could do to make a show of her for breaking up with him.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

MuPpItJoCkEy wrote: »

Just one thing actually. Are you sure he is not going on this holiday and isn't bringing someone else along as a name change on holidays costs next to nothing and then you'd end up paying for someone elses holiday and this could be a little revenge thing?

Just thought I'd put that out there.

Actually, that's a good point. You need to establish the exact status of the holiday, and exactly how much it has cost him. You owe him half of that amount. If, for example, he's cancelled the holiday and gotten a refund of everything except €200, then you only owe him €100. He cannot profit from this situation, nor can he lose any more money than you. If he loses €500, you lost €500. If he loses €100, you lose €100. If you do pay for half of this holiday, and neither of you are going on it, make damn sure that up to and including the time of departure it is your name on the ticket. Otherwise, what are you paying for?

Edited to elaborate on my point.

Zulu

well it's a moot point. She owes him money. That is the point.

spinandscribble

i don't know why you can't cancel your flight. you mightn't lose that much money.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Zulu wrote: »

well it's a moot point. She owes him money. That is the point.

Not if he's bringing someone else.

spinandscribble wrote: »

i don't know why you can't cancel your flight. you mightn't lose that much money.

Yeah actually, don't you only lose your deposit if that's the case. Isn't some part refunded? The tour companies usually don't have any problems selling last minute deals as plenty of people go for them.

You should really check with your ex boyfriend to see what he has done with the holiday. Get some sort of confirmation that it's cancelled and ask him how much the real cost is if that's the case.

These are things he should have no problem in telling you anyway. All you have to say is that you want to make sure you can plan to give him back whatever amount he is out of pocket.

LegacyUser

MuPpItJoCkEy wrote: »

Not if he's bringing someone else.



Yeah actually, don't you only lose your deposit if that's the case. Isn't some part refunded? The tour companies usually don't have any problems selling last minute deals as plenty of people go for them.

You should really check with your ex boyfriend to see what he has done with the holiday. Get some sort of confirmation that it's cancelled and ask him how much the real cost is if that's the case.

These are things he should have no problem in telling you anyway. All you have to say is that you want to make sure you can plan to give him back whatever amount he is out of pocket.

Hmmm, interesting, he told me he got back 25 euro on each flight. We had booked a one way flight to one city and a return from another so he said he got back 50 euro in total for taxes with Aer Lingus. the flight was 1,100...doe sthat sound right?

beth-lou

MuPpItJoCkEy wrote: »

Concerned because it could be true. She's already struggling financially and it is something a spiteful person could do to make a show of her for breaking up with him.

Hmmmm never thought of that. Suppose she should cancel it herself so or check that it is cancelled. Altough I don't know how you would do that.

Aurora Borealis

OP I would make sure I could source the money from somewhere else, loan from bank, friend whatever and pay him in full and then look at paying the loan back in installments as soon as possible. Best to put this behind you as quickly as possible.

Zulu

MuPpItJoCkEy wrote: »

Not if he's bringing someone else.

There is nothing to suggest he is.

Piste

You had an agreement, you'd pay the money back over time and when you could. It's completely unfair of him to try to change the agreement now.

PurpleBerry

Moneysunny wrote: »

Because I told him even at the time of booking that I'd pay it back in installments. suddenlt we break up and he demands it all back in one go.

Read the thread or don't post.

Look, little girl this is your debt and your responsibility. The world does not owe you anything as you seem to think it does. Am I missing the part where he jumped out of the shadows and yelled "A ha ha! I have bought a ticket for you. Don't worry about the €500. pay me whenever." The responsible thing to do there is say "Look, I can't afford it right now, I'll buy a ticket for myself when I can, I don't want you to think I'm sponging off you."


Ostensibly you came here looking for advice. The advice is 1) Grow up 2) Pay the poor bloke back the money that you owe him and 3) Stop spending money that you don't have and moaning that your wages are gone before you get them. Of course they are, they are paying back your loans and debts.

I'll add a 4) Stop insulting people who try to offer the advice that you say you seek.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Zulu wrote: »

There is nothing to suggest he is.

And I never said there was but I'm telling the girl to make sure nobody else is going on the holiday and that it has been cancelled. That's all.

I wouldn't like to find out somehow that some holiday I was suppose to go on with an ex that I paid my half for and then find out that the ex went and with someone else meaning that I paid for it or I wouldn't like to find out that I paid 500 for a holiday that I didn't go on and yet it didn't cost 500 because it was cancelled and a fair amount was refunded to the ex meaning, why did I have to pay 500 so.

It's just making sure no-one is getting ripped off.

spinandscribble

it doesn't make sense. why wouldn't her ex cancel it? i know from experience you wouldn't lose all your money. maybe this ticket was different but i doubt it.

lostinnappies

get a loan and pay him back

Moneysunny wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Tricky situation here and I could use some advice.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months a few weeks ago. He took it very badly initially but is dealing with it much better now. We great on great and had so much together, we hope we can be friends in the future.

We are due to go on holiday for 2 weeks in September. We booked the flights a few months ago at a time when we were very happy and neither of us had envisioned breaking up. They cost €1,000 and he put it on his credit card. I was broke at the time
and he is very well off.

I now owe him 500 quid and while I have no problem at all with paying this money back, I am completely smashed this month. I got paid today and the bank took over half my wages (credit card bill, loan repayments, overdraft) leaving me with very little to live on.

I told him that I can give him 100 quid this month but that’s all. The rest will have to repaid in instalments over the next few months. I feel really bad about this as I hate being in debt to anybody.

He is not happy about this. The thing is, he is loaded. Money is not a worry for him but I am sick with financial worry all the time. I get paid half of what he does. Obviously this is not the point. I owe him the money and his financial situation doesn’t come into it.

I really want to pay him back but only can in stages. He seems to think I am trying to be a b*tch and rip him off.

Any advice? Having contact so soon is awakward enough without bloody money being involved. God, I hate money sometimes. It’s my biggest daily stress.

Thanks.

TheBlock

1. Ensure the ticket is cancelled and all applicable refunds have been made.
2. Establish how much you owe him.
3. Pay Him Back immediatley (Borrow from personal sources bank credit card) not a freind.
4. Do not agree to go on holiday's with someone you have just met 6 months ago unless you are able to pay for it.

Don't panic about this what's he going to do call the Gardai??

Karen_*

Moneysunny wrote: »

Sigh...it's just unreasonable of him to demand it all back in one go. I don't have it and I feel he's being spiteful.

Well I'd be feeling spiteful if someone dumped me just before we were to go on holiday and I'd already lost €500 on it. You've an awful cheek OP. Just give him his money back and make it quick. Really, try and imagine how you'd be feeling in his shoes.

MuPpItJoCkEy

What you should do is ring the tour operator and find out what the process is for cancelling the holidays.

There is usually a cancelation fee applied with most tour operators and they will cancel the holiday if usually around 20 days before the due departure.

All you need to do is ring the place where you booked the holiday. Say that your due to fly out on whatever date to where ever. Ask them "IF the holiday was cancelled, how much would you actually get back. They will tell you that there is a cancelation fee, say ok. Don't go cancelling the holiday yourself, let him do that.

Then you can go and tell your ex that all he needs to do is cancel the thing. Therefore, you he gets money back and you have to much pay less. Due to the fact that both of you where going, you should just pay half of whatever needs to be paid out.

Victor

Moneysunny wrote: »

Hmmm, interesting, he told me he got back 25 euro on each flight. We had booked a one way flight to one city and a return from another so he said he got back 50 euro in total for taxes with Aer Lingus. the flight was 1,100...doe sthat sound right?

No, that doesn't sound right at all.

Waylander

Tell him he can have his money but you are now thinking of going so you will need the tickets when you are paying over the money. His €50 refund sounds dodgy.