What do you make of this situation?

LegacyUser

Okay, I'm just going to make this as short as I can as there's not really much to it, but it might take a bit of time to explain.

Anyway..
My current long distance girlfriend had a long distance boyfriend in the same country as me. It only lasted a few months or so and they never met up or anything, so it was hardly a relationship. She asked HIM out (not that there's anything wrong with that but I just wanted to make it clear that she initiated things).

The thing is, he was never really in the relationship because he liked her, but more so because he wanted to impress one of her other friends that lives here that he also liked. There wasn't much attraction between the two in words they exchanged, and she was always upset that he never said any kind words to her.

Granted, that was a bit immature of him to do while at the same time was seeking another girl. My girlfriend back then was heartbroken. Anyway, 4 or so months later the guy wants her back. She 'goes out with' (as in long distance, nothing in reality, no meet ups etc) again because she wants to then dump him to get revenge to break HIS heart. Possibly even more immature. He was aware that she did this.

So she does that, whatever they're even stevens.

Now, because they're part of the same group of mates they saw each other at [a very well known music festival that just took place] this year. She was polite to him and friendly while he acted the complete opposite due to what she had done in turn to him.

My girlfriend went on and on about all this to me, and I explained to her that she decided to fight fire with fire and that's what she got for doing this. She played an eye for an eye and that's what she gets as a result. Despite the fact he played around with her at first, she also decided to mess him about the same way he had with her - she can't possibly expect to be treated in a positive manner after all this when she looked for revenge.

Now here's where it gets deeper - I'm casual mates with her ex, talk to him online a good bit about whatever. One day he tipped me off about something that she said in her group of friends which could concern me and my relationship with her. I confronted her about it and explained her ex had told me. Irregardless of what it was that had been said it has all been sorted out now but she thinks he is set out to destroy our relationship just to get to her. This isn't the case, and she's obviously overreacting.

She cannot believe that I claim she is to blame as well as him for deciding to go to war with her ex and expecting everything to be dandy next time they meet. I was just giving my honest opinion, I mean I could have said 'ah love you know what you're always in the right' etc but what good would that have been?

I don't know what to make of it - her ex is a good guy really and I'd hate to completely side with her because that's NOT how I feel. She stated that if I keep on talking to him, we WILL be over. Not because of her, or me, but because he will continuously inject the poison. Granted her ex has a chip on his shoulder, but he's not out to make me or her miserable as he's moved on himself.

Thoughts?

dlofnep

What was it that he said? Just curious.

MJOR

a sticky situation. It depends on your depth of feeling for this girl. I think she is being irrational in asking or dictating who you may or may not chat with.

It all seems very pie in the sky if i am honest. A lot of he said she said crap.

I suppose the bottom line is do you value your realtionship? Do you want to be friends with the guy? Which do you want more?

Other question is what was the nature of the thing he said re what she said?

LegacyUser

This opens up another can of worms...but alright!

Okay, well basically her circle of friends dislike me (think I'm taking her away from them or something).

She knew her friends back in Ireland who she only sees once a year would be unhappy and it would cause a lot of tension if she told them she was with me again (we had a bit of a bumpy road). So she said she had another boyfriend back where she lives permantly for the 'mo. Now I think her ex was right to tip me off about that, because obviously I was NOT HAPPY with that at all. I mean I'm not really sure what problem I had with it, I understand that she didn't want all this banter with her friends talking shite about me but WHY make up someone else? I know its not true obviously, but it just seems like she's insecure about telling them she was with me and cares too much what they think of her (even though she rarely sees them). I love her to pieces as she does to me, and she's sorry for what she did but I just don't know how to make her feel more confident about it all...I dunno.

IRISH RAIL

just out of curiosity how often do you meet up with her and how old are you?

dr.bollocko

This is playground stuff man.
I don't know if I would be sticking around for this chick.
She sounds vindictive, in that vindictive teenage girl way.
Do you agree backwards Penfold?

LegacyUser

I agree doctor. But I really love this chick and she usually isn't that immature.

bennyblanco

+1

spinandscribble

it all seems alittle immature. why'd you stick with her after the made up second bf thing? she did it to impress her friends? its very silly.

what age are you all?

Aurora Borealis

The two of them have obviously been very immature in their dealings with each other but you do not have to follow suit. Explain to your girlfriend that you're not taking sides and that there are only the two of you in your relationship so anyone elses affairs are nothing to do with two of you and you want to keep it that way.