Women advice needed!

LegacyUser

ok so i gotta go un reg for this, dont like to do it but.....


k, about 3 weeks ago i met this girl, i took a shine to her straight away,and i felt something almost instantly with her, i cant explain it, sometimes i just get feelings about people if that makes sense, like intuition.

So i made a play for her, and it worked! amazingly! we had a kiss and a cuddle one night while out on the town, and another night we went back to hers after a night out and spent the night together, everything was going ok for me, but i could feel something wasnt fully right for her

i spoke with a mutual friend who filled me in on this girls situation, she has recently had her heart broke, she walked in on the idiot cheating on her and ended the relationship about 6 weeks ago now, maybe 7.....

so straight away i figured she isnt ready to get into anything right now

we spoke about it, met up for dinner and had a good talk, just to see where we were headed, im normally laid back with relationshps and dont see a need to define them after such a short period of time, but for some reason this one is different, she felt it too and wanted to talk aswell

basically it was decided that 50% of her was telling her to go for it, and 50% was telling her she isnt ready, i respect that so i told her ill back off and give her time and space so she can figure it out

that brings me to my question, how little contact should i actually have with her? we have only texted once or twice since then as i am trying not to get in touch cause i figure its what she wants, she did say she doesnt want me to break all contact though

but a female friend of mine told me last night that if i back off altogether i will definatly lose her cause everything will go off the boil and that i should text her every couple of days or whatever and ask her about her day and stuff like that

will she think im pressuring her if i text her when i told her i would back off?

id love to get some answers from a female point of view, what do you normally want a guy to do when its mutually agreed that you need some space and time, how much space i mean haha!

also am i completely over thinking the situation? i normally just go with the flow, but i feel like if i dont do something about this girl im gonna miss a chance

sorry for the length of the post, got carried away and thanks for reading if you made it this far!

Karen_*

Well I don't think it would be a good idea for her to jump back into something at the moment. I'd say she's all over the place and its good that she knows herself that she needs some time and space to figure out how she feels and what she wants.

I don't think you should cut off contact with her. Be a friend to her at the moment. Send the odd text, not every day. Ask her in a week or two to go for coffee. Don't put any pressure at all on her and see where it heads. If you really like her then certainly don't back off completely.

MJOR

If she has asjed you for space just give it to her. Ask her does she still want you to steer clear. If she is undecided she may thik you are pressuring her.

I suppose text her and if you're getting monosyllabic replies stop but if she seems chatty then go for it.


It's a difficult one and you're obviously mad about her! At the same time you don't wanna be the rebound guy!

Wibbs

I would take it very slow. She is just out of a relationship that appears not to have fizzled out at least on her side. It ended suddenly. She'll still have a hell of a lot of emotions tied up in that relationship. She's not over it yet. Not by a long shot. That's all a rebound is. One person in the couple is still holding on to emotions from the previous relationship. Now it could work, but it does seem to have rebound written all over it.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replys so far guys

i am actually mad about her obviously! dont wanna let a chance pass me by but i deffo dont wanna just be the rebound guy either

i texted her yesterday on my friends advice, she had been away at the weekend and i just asked did she have a good time and that, she replied pretty normally to me, told me she had a great time and asked me about a specific thing that she had heard about me while she was away (nothing bad!) she was working yesterday and i was too so I didnt texted her back straight away, when i did I just kept it short and breezy

think it was the best thing to do, i really will try to keep it at a text the odd day for a few weeks and see if its the way to go

we might actually be seeing each other tomorrow though, through a mutual friend, we supposed to all be going out together, im a little worried about that for drink reasons, but i know myself i wont drink too much to be on the safe side.

or i was considering just giving the evening a miss altogether

LegacyUser

Of course go out and meet her. I'll bet she'll be looking out for you. At the end of the night there is no need to be jumping into bed, is there!!!??? A friendly peck at the end and do keep in touch with regular texts etc.

StormWarrior

Why not just ask her how much contact she feels comfortable with? Or hang out with her as a friend, but without putting pressure on her for more? Or why not just explain this dilemma to her and ask what she wants?

coco85

when i told a guy once that i did not want any type of relationship with him he turned up the next weekend out with mutual friends- he did this on purpose.. i spent the night trying to stay away from him but he ended up being my rebound guy- a year later i dumped him..

Be careful- do not become her rebound guy and the only way that can happen is to give her plenty of space...

At the same time the occasional text will do no harm at all, and if the spark is there for both of ye when the time is right it will happen..

Best of luck.:)

StormWarrior

I think you should just forget the uncertainty and game playing and ask her outright: "Do you actually want to associate with me at all right now as friends, or should I back off totally?"

tinkletoes

StormWarrior wrote: »

I think you should just forget the uncertainty and game playing and ask her outright: "Do you actually want to associate with me at all right now as friends, or should I back off totally?"

Only way to do it

LegacyUser

@ stormwarrior

i have cut out any game playing, i laid my cards on the table and it was agreed that she wanted space but wanted contact, she called me today and everything seemed cool so im hopeful she will just naturally fall for me over time haha!

i totally respect and understand her situation, its why i was asking for advice cause a couple of my female friends told me if i back off completely back off (which she doesnt want) i will lose her for sure

ill just see what happens i guess, take it easy and not force anything

sure ill be back with an update im sure!

kryogen

friends with benefits?

On a more serious level, if you like the girl stay in touch and maybe it will work out. If you start something before she is ready it is pretty much doomed from day 1

LegacyUser

ok, so i said id give an update in a while and here it is!

its been pretty rough going for a couple of weeks, we have had a couple of heart to hearts lately, they have been tough, but i feel like maybe we heading towards a positive outcome eventually

i cant explain why im so drawn towards her actually, but i feel like i understand alot of what she going through cause i have been through it before and i am willing to be patient with her and not expect too much too soon

we have had some open talks which have gone well, it seems crazy to me that we are having these kinda chats so early in our (potential) relationship! but it feels right somehow

i just think that there could be something special there and am willing to try all the different avenues possible, i still dont think shes ready emotionally for a real relationship and neither does she actually, but maybe we can start something slowly if she is prepared to move on from this guy she was with

as has been said before, her feelings for him didnt fizzle out, the relationship stopped suddenly cause he was an idiot. but it means she still must have feelings for him and has to work them out herself, dont think i can do much there except maybe be there for her to talk to if she needs it?

i dunno if this post was necessary and sorry if it was boring, im just kind of thinking out loud!

i am still crazy about her and we have a date during the week so as i said still taking it slowly and seeing what happens, but feeling better then last time i posted cause we have got alot of stuff out in the open now!