Advice needed about girl

LegacyUser

Hi, going unreg for this(never know who's on boards!). Here's the story, a few months back my friend(who i'll call joe) introduced me to his gf (lets call her...amy), We kinda hit it off and got on great. I felt like I could talk to her as there was no pressure coz she wasn't available. About a week or so later I took them out to dinner(owed joe for something). That was all grand we were all talking away having a laugh, amy was kinda of subtlety flirting with me but I didn't think anything of it as it was light hearted and not serious. This continued during the drive back and she insisted I stayed with them that night as I had a long drive home. I talked to her till all hours after he fell asleep but it was all innocent nothing bad, turned out we had a lot in common, similar tastes etc.
anyways following morning I head home. Was gonna meet up with them next weekend, then that night she started texting me. Was only friendly(at first) I felt guilt about replying but did it anyway. That went on for the whole week sometimes going on until 2-3 in the morning.
Fast forward to the following weekend I collected the two from her parents to go out. Met her parents and brother, got on with them really well, this is when I noticed that joe was starting to get jealous. So we headed into town where I was meeting up with a girl that I met earlier in the week. So that was a bad night. Same as before between me and amy, Joe got really possessive pulling her closer to him, arm around her etc. He gave out saying she was flirting and eventually stormed off calling her a wh*re etc...etc.
I convinced her to stay and enjoy herself. The girl I was with left(just didn't have much interest in her and I think she saw what was going on with amy).
Me and amy enjoyed ourselves, at one point I almost kissed her but stopped myself as I couldn't do it to joe but I knew she wanted it. We left after last orders in seperate taxis.
....skip forward a few days, to my surprise they were back together. The texting at this stage had become incriminating to say the least, lots of flirting(fairly heavy). over the next 2 weeks they broke up and got together again at least 3 times, She was texting me all upset and wanted to meet up(never did though) Looking back at phone bill now there were more than 2000 texts from her in less than a month(thank god for meteor) and i'm not a big texter!

Then it all blew up, he was rooting through her phone and came across some of the texts.
Then she called me, she was balling, he was screaming abuse at her. I jumped in the car and and an hour later I was at hers, I walked in to see him pushing her and getting rough. So I pulled him off, I restrained myself from clocking him and told him to gtfo. I don't care what she did there's no excuse for doing that to a girl. For god's sake her arms were bruised afterwards. I stayed with her for the night(on the couch!) since she was so upset.
Next morning after her sister arrived I gave her a hug and we said our goodbyes.

So that was all just over 3 months ago and Until today I had seen neither of them, well I spoke to her once a week after to see how she was doing. From what I heard they got back together but I heard from someone last week who thinks they since broke it off(yet to be confirmed). I really thought I was over her but then today I saw her in town while driving(but only briefly, saw a crowd of girls then looked in my mirror to see her staring back at me, damn near rear ended the car in front! ) All these old feelings came rushing back and I wanted to pick up the phone and call her but couldn't work up the courage...I'm sure she feels something for me,I did think that if she wanted to she could call me but then I realised that when they did get back together she or more likely he might have deleted my number. I know it sounds strange but it felt like we shared something earlier.
She's incredibly fit and I kept telling myself that was why I was still thinking of her but it really feels like there is something deeper there. Actually i've never felt this way about a girl before.


So sorry for the long story but basically I want advice on this. Should I call her? I want to but i'm afraid to cause any more hurt. With that said I think she could be "the one" or is that just me being crazy?

mbren

Of course you should call her!! If she looked back at you that time you saw her while driving, she was definitely hoping to hear from you!...Think about it man, how often do women make the first move...

dr.bollocko

Any relationship you have with this girl will hardly be a normal one.
Look at her behaviour, likes danger, loves attention, willing to negatively portray herself to do so, constantly in a romantic whilrwind and all the while maintaining the upper hand by pitting two friends against her.
That's a recipe for some quick pain there mate.
Leave it where it belongs, in the past.

COH

Fcuk it man call her. If you do really like her you'll only be left wondering 'what if' if you dont. It might go great, it might not, but at least you'll know for sure either way.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

TerrorFirmer

**** Dr.Bollocko's advice, with no personal disrespect meant to him. Life is too short to hang back and wish for things when the only chances you get are the ones you make for yourself. If there's nothing there, you'll always have closure on the whole affair, but the worst thing in the world is wondering what may have been....a simple text to say 'Hello' isn't going to ruin anyones life but it's going to answer a lot of questions.

dr.bollocko

You have a fair point. Life is too short to wonder and wish yourself into oblivion. There is always nothing to be lost by contacting this girl. But from what I am hearing, some advice should also be offered:

The allure of the hot psycho girl can be traced on a graph, with the numerical value of the hotness inexorably approaching zero the more time you have with this girl.

The closer you get to her, the more likely she is to portray her nutsness, the less hot she becomes.

I shall say no more on the matter.

King of Kings

you lost your mate over this girl - i doubt she is to be trusted - she ain't catch of the day, i'd leave alone

Jack Sheehan

King of Kings wrote: »

you lost your mate over this girl - i doubt she is to be trusted - she ain't catch of the day, i'd leave alone

I disagree, his mate lost him over the girl, it wasn't her fault that the mate was a jealous, violent prick. I say go for it man, and the best of luck to you.

pookie82

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

I disagree, his mate lost him over the girl, it wasn't her fault that the mate was a jealous, violent prick. I say go for it man, and the best of luck to you.

While the violence was uncalled for I think you'll find it was very much her fault that he became a jealous prick. She sounds like a right bint, texting her boyfriend's best mate into the small hours, openly flirting in front of him at length and then whinging when she gets found out. I don't think anyone would blame a guy for being jealous and pissed off.

Why did she keep getting back with boyfriend A???? That's what I want to know. Fair enough if she met the OP and got confused and didn't know how to solve it... but if she really liked the OP there should have been no question of getting back with the wrong guy once she knew the truth.

Sounds to me like she was big time playing the pair of you off one another. There was no need to constantly get back with the original boyf if she found you to be more attractive, OP. I'd steer well clear. You don't even know if they're still together. If they are, she'll just start playing the pair of you off one another again, and if they're not, how come she didn't call you first???

Sorry, I just think she sounds like a bit of a cow.

seahorse

pookie82 wrote: »

While the violence was uncalled for I think you'll find it was very much her fault that he became a jealous prick. She sounds like a right bint, texting her boyfriend's best mate into the small hours, openly flirting in front of him at length and then whinging when she gets found out...

Sorry, I just think she sounds like a bit of a cow.

+1

I agree with the above, except for the last line; I think she sounds like a TOTAL cow.

If your friend had any self-respect he'd be telling you you're welcome to her. If you do get together you can expect the same treatment further down the line, since she clearly sees nothing wrong with it.

Oh and 2000 texts in a month??? Stalker material or what?!!!

DerKaiser

If you just want sex, call her, if you want something deeper, that womans gonna wreck your head, circumvent by at least a mile. Total mind melter, she'll do the same to you if she gets bored, I promise you.

Jack Sheehan

pookie82 wrote: »

While the violence was uncalled for I think you'll find it was very much her fault that he became a jealous prick. She sounds like a right bint, texting her boyfriend's best mate into the small hours, openly flirting in front of him at length and then whinging when she gets found out. I don't think anyone would blame a guy for being jealous and pissed off.

Why did she keep getting back with boyfriend A???? That's what I want to know. Fair enough if she met the OP and got confused and didn't know how to solve it... but if she really liked the OP there should have been no question of getting back with the wrong guy once she knew the truth.

Sounds to me like she was big time playing the pair of you off one another. There was no need to constantly get back with the original boyf if she found you to be more attractive, OP. I'd steer well clear. You don't even know if they're still together. If they are, she'll just start playing the pair of you off one another again, and if they're not, how come she didn't call you first???

Sorry, I just think she sounds like a bit of a cow.

Why? She didn't actually DO anything with him, so what if there was a bit of harmless flirting, if the bf trusted her he wouldn't care.

pookie82

Come on, don't go down the whole route of "she didn't actually DO anything with him" cr*p excuse - 2000 texts in a month isn't sending off alarm bells??? Flirting to the extent that her boyfriend and the other guy's woman left the club in disgust?? That's not mild flirting or normal relationship behaviour. Maybe you have the patience of a saint and would allow your girlfriend to act like this, almost kissing you best mate in a club after you leave in disgust at their actions (and it sounds like the OP was the one who stopped that happening, not her) but most are entirely entitled to feel jealous and very mad. (Not violent mad, but certainly break up and never touch the sl*t again mad). "Harmless" flirting is a mile away from this. This girl is a tw*t. The OP needs to realise she will probably do to him what she did to his mate.

seahorse

pookie82 wrote: »

"Harmless" flirting is a mile away from this.

A feckin million miles more like...

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I think I will call her or at least send a quick text. I thought about that whole attention seeking thing but tbh he treated her like sh*t from the beginning. I don't know why they kept getting back together. It was f*cked up to watch, they'd have a fight and one of them would tell the other to gtfo, after he calmed down he'd grovel and say sorry, promising it wouldn't happen again and she'd take him back so she must have had feelings for him. I could never make sense of it. He told me when it blew up that he loved her but tbh I think that was utter bull crap as he never showed it and I know that he cheated on her at least once(she found out about it and eventually forgave him).
Oh and I don't think she is a psycho, she's actually incredibly nice and I don't think she meant to get between me and my mate as she asked several times if I was sure I wanted to keep texting her, also she just has a kinda flirty personality and it wasn't anything even remotely incriminating when he was around, most guys probably wouldn't have been bothered. He's incredibly possessive and even before the texting he wouldn't leave us alone unless he really had to(as if we were gonna jump each other while he was in the bathroom!) so I know he'd never just let me have her lyk but I don't care anymore!

RedXIV

Just one thing mate, she started openly flirting with you while in a relationship, do you think she will refrain from these habit if she's in a relationship with you. A girl that doesn't respect that loyalty is not relationship material. You have been warned

LegacyUser

Well i'm willing to take the risk and I know I'd treat her better than he did. I just don't want to be left wondering what could have been. I'm gonna call her tomorrow while i'm in town and just casually ask if she wants to meet up and i'll see how it goes.

LegacyUser

pookie82 wrote: »

Why did she keep getting back with boyfriend A???? That's what I want to know. Fair enough if she met the OP and got confused and didn't know how to solve it... but if she really liked the OP there should have been no question of getting back with the wrong guy once she knew the truth.

I was thinking about this but looking back on it I wasn't sending very clear signals. I mean I obviously showed interest but then not kissing her when she clearly wanted it and never making a move and as an earlier poster said how often do women make the first move?
I'm kicking myself for not doing anything at the time, jesus ..the willpower it took!! even when I slept at hers she was clearly asking for something cos she was sitting beside me(wearing f*ck all!) when i woke up but I would have been a bollocks to do that to my mate and even worse to take advantage of her when she was vulnerable. Maybe she thought I wasn't interested in starting a relationship?

LegacyUser

pookie82 wrote: »

Sounds to me like she was big time playing the pair of you off one another. There was no need to constantly get back with the original boyf if she found you to be more attractive, OP. I'd steer well clear. You don't even know if they're still together. If they are, she'll just start playing the pair of you off one another again, and if they're not, how come she didn't call you first???

If they are back together trust me I won't be going down the same road. I'll tell her point blank how I feel. If she is interested then she should leave him. As I said in my original post they did get back together at one stage so she probably doesn't have my no. anymore since he doesn't trust her(not that she hasn't given him his reasons but he always had trust issues when it came to her).

Overheal

RedXIV wrote: »

Just one thing mate, she started openly flirting with you while in a relationship, do you think she will refrain from these habit if she's in a relationship with you. A girl that doesn't respect that loyalty is not relationship material. You have been warned

Technically he did the same thing :pac:

anyway OP if youve never felt this way about it a girl you have to go for it. Its an exploration thing. Yeah you might get hurt badly but thats life: take chances

dont regret not jumping her half naked bones either - in the long run its probably much better you dont learn to take advantage - I wonder if thats how abusive boyfriends start out.

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

Technically he did the same thing :pac:

anyway OP if youve never felt this way about it a girl you have to go for it. Its an exploration thing. Yeah you might get hurt badly but thats life: take chances

dont regret not jumping her half naked bones either - in the long run its probably much better you dont learn to take advantage - I wonder if thats how abusive boyfriends start out.

Thanks man! F*ck though why can't relationships be simple!!

LegacyUser

So, this morning I popped in to her sister at work to try and find out the story so I just asked how her sister was ,trying not to be too obvious like. So turns out they did get back together. I didn't want to pry so I didn't ask much more but she did say that it was the same old story and that they were constantly fighting etc.

So this is what I was dreading. Should I still call her or should I try to forget about her?? I don't want to cause anymore hurt but damn it I can't bear to be left wondering!

Overheal

now that i dont know. im surprised she keeps going back, but then a lot of other posters here are better informed about the behavior surrounding abuse. All I know is that if you do try sooner or later youre going to get into direct confrontation with the boyfriend.

LegacyUser

What kind of a friend are you OP? Seriously. If my friends girlfriend started texting me I would keep my friend up to date. Fully up to date. My friends are worth a lot more then some flirtatious bitch.

LegacyUser

Unreg1279 wrote: »

What kind of a friend are you OP? Seriously. If my friends girlfriend started texting me I would keep my friend up to date. Fully up to date. My friends are worth a lot more then some flirtatious bitch.

I never said I wasn't a complete bollocks for doing it but I thought she was gonna leave him.
I don't regret not telling him as he's a violent pr*ck when he's angry and I'd hate to think what he'd have done to the girl if I wasn't there to stop him.

LegacyUser

Tried to post this last night but for some reason it never showed up. Anyway sunday night she called me but the line went dead so I tried to call her back but I couldn't get through. She text me later that night saying "how u tday luv?" thought it was odd she didn't mention that it was lyk 3 months since we last spoke. Anyway I replied with something like : good to hear from you, how have you been. no reply so off to sleep. Woke up to find "soz fel asleep! sur gimmie a txt tmra if u want! Nity nite! sweetdreamz....bou me :-D" (Thats her humour and yes she does love herself!)
emm...strange one! Definitely didn't expect her to get in touch first, my guess is she's on another of her 5 minute break-ups and that her sister told her that I was asking for her. I didn't txt her again until today just said 'sorry I was busy all day monday ,what you up to?' I'm going to be in town tomorrow and asked if she'd like to talk or... is this a bad idea? Only reason I ask is if she is 'broken-up' and does want to meet, she'll probably want to go out that night(as do I) and given our history I've a feeling(as do some of my mates) that it'll end up back at hers, so to say. I know i'm looking way too far into this(please brain shut off!!) but there's no way in hell i'd have enough will power to stop it this time....not that I don't want to 'do-it' but I don't want her to run back to himself afterwards.

dr.bollocko

Well if ya put out and she can have her cake and eat it too where the hell would you think she would go afterwards!!!

Aseth

if you feel so guilty about meeting her cause she is still in relationship why don't two of you just talk about it. if she is not happy(and clearly isn't if they are constantly breaking up) ask her what she's up to with her relationship. is she going to break up definitely or continue meeting with both of you(but then it just means she manipulative ... ekhm person) and not really worth your time. If she agrees to definitely break up you could think about getting together with no(?) bad conscience.

vandermeyde

Obviously neither you nor her care about the boyfriend, so just go for it.

It's a sh*tstorm waiting to happen but i get the impression that won't be bothering either of you.

Given that neither of ye have any respect for relationships and the boundaries that come with them don't be surprised if you/her end up in a similar mess further down the road.

JonathanAnon

Agree with vandermeyde, the two of you sound selfish so maybe you are well suited. I know a girl like that girl, she ****ed over two of my friends dumped them both when the next best thing came along.

And you kept meeting up with them, even knowing that she was flirting with you, then you arent much of a friend. You should have avoided them, if you thought that you were (granted indirectly) interfering with their relationship.

pookie82

Ah jesus this is a joke. Neither of you give a damn about decency of the guy caught in the middle of you.

OP you talk about her not leaving boyf because you didn't really make a move, even when she came down to you half dressed in the morn after staying over. A) What kind of move are you supposed to make these days on your mates girlf??? and She sounds like a ho, I'm sorry.

The latest text screams arrogance and deceit. She's a bad egg but you've obviously been sucked in so if you want to continue do it at your peril. I can't believe you're still contemplating meeting her. SHE'S WITH YOUR MATE. AGAIN. IT WAS OFF. SHE HAD THE CHANCE TO COME TO YOU. SHE DIDN'T. SHE GOT BACK WITH HIM. NOW SHE'S ACTING THE TART AGAIN. open your eyes.

Waylander

If I was Joe I would have slapped you around, and never met her again. I hope the rest of your mates have taken note of what you are prepared to do when it suits your selfish ends.

For the record I am not a violent man, and cant remember the last time I had an altercation.

LegacyUser

Waylander wrote: »

If I was Joe I would have slapped you around, and never met her again. I hope the rest of your mates have taken note of what you are prepared to do when it suits your selfish ends.

For the record I am not a violent man, and cant remember the last time I had an altercation.

What i'm prepared to do??? Did I Actually do anything with the girl...no! Jesus...I passed it up at least twice! For the record I spoke to her earlier and according to her she has left him for good, I told her to give me a call if she ever felt ready, i.e in a few months after the whole situation cools down.

pookie82 wrote: »

Neither of you give a damn about decency of the guy caught in the middle of you.

...I don't know about her reasons...but decency, that just makes me laugh, I stopped giving a sh*t about him when I saw him for a womanizing and abusive pr*ck. Would you give a toss about a guy who abuses women half his size?

LegacyUser

If she flirted so openly in front of her bf, and yet doesn't make contact with you when she is free I think she used you.
Plus since she has broken up and gotten back Joe so many times, she'd do it again if ye were together...

Move on

yogalady

Hey.
Just wanted to say that I know this situation must be hard for you. U seem to be mad about this girl and you have been very restrained in not going behind your friend back and sleeping with this girl which you could have done. U seemed to have tried very hard to do the right thing. At the end of the day she was the one in a relationship. Not you. You are single and not commited to anyone. And she was giving you the signs that she liked you and that she wasn't happy with her boyfriend.

How bout if you met her. Somewhere busy during the day so if ye are seen it will look fine and not sucpicious. Tell her that you like her and that you think that she might have feelings for you too. Explain to her that you know it is a very difficult situation for you both as her boyfriend is your friend. tell her that it isn't very often that you meet someone you have a real connection to and that you would love for the two of ye to give it a go. BUT in order to do that if she wants to give it a go with you SHE MUST CALL IT QUITS WITH HER BOYFRIEND out of respect for him and for you. Let her make the decision.

This is such a tough situation. I hope with all my heart that it works out for you

The Mighty Ken

Unreg08 wrote: »

I stopped giving a sh*t about him when I saw him for a womanizing and abusive pr*ck. Would you give a toss about a guy who abuses women half his size?

And yet she's still with him and not with you. I'd imagine she enjoys the abuse and the drama that comes with it. She hardly sounds like the long-suffering, fragile little flower who's stuck in an abusive relationship and can't get out. Flirting with you, 2000 texts and appearing half naked in the morning to tease you are dead giveaways! If he's such a prick, why is she still with him you might ask.

Besides, to come on that strongly to someone's girlfriend (particularly someone you consider a friend) and then to watch his reaction and call him a prick as a result is absolutely insane. While there's never any excuse for violence, your behaviour was largely the cause of it! Any sympathy I had for the current boyfriend is out the window because of the abuse, but I can imagine he's probably tormented by this cheating psycho bint. Ultimately though, she should break up with him and get with you - you sound like you both deserve each other.

SnowMonkey

dude, you need shaking vigurously.
forget about her no texts no nothing, if she happy enough to flirt with you in front of her boyfriend she's happy enough to get what she want's!

Waylander

Unreg08 wrote: »

What i'm prepared to do??? Did I Actually do anything with the girl...no! Jesus...I passed it up at least twice! For the record I spoke to her earlier and according to her she has left him for good, I told her to give me a call if she ever felt ready, i.e in a few months after the whole situation cools down.

...I don't know about her reasons...but decency, that just makes me laugh, I stopped giving a sh*t about him when I saw him for a womanizing and abusive pr*ck. Would you give a toss about a guy who abuses women half his size?

What ever helps you to sleep at night!

Loomis

Jack Sheehan wrote: »

I disagree, his mate lost him over the girl, it wasn't her fault that the mate was a jealous, violent prick. I say go for it man, and the best of luck to you.

No it wasn't her fault he was violent. But it was her fault he was jealous. She treated her boyfriend like crap and the guys friendship like crap.

Unreg08 wrote: »

I thought about that whole attention seeking thing but tbh he treated her like sh*t from the beginning.
Oh and I don't think she is a psycho, she's actually incredibly nice and I don't think she meant to get between me and my mate as she asked several times if I was sure I wanted to keep texting her, also she just has a kinda flirty personality and it wasn't anything even remotely incriminating when he was around, most guys probably wouldn't have been bothered. He's incredibly possessive and even before the texting he wouldn't leave us alone unless he really had to(as if we were gonna jump each other while he was in the bathroom!) so I know he'd never just let me have her lyk but I don't care anymore!

She didn't ask were you sure you wanted to keep texting because she was concerned about your, her boyfriend, your friendship or decency. She did it to get validation from you. It was attention. And you duly obliged.
It wasn't incriminating in front of him? Would you listen to yourself. How nice of you to do it behind his back so it wouldn't bother him. Fact is you both were out of line; she didn't give a toss about her boyfriend and you didn't give a toss about your friend. He didn't like leaving you two alone...well he had good reason didn't he?

Unreg08 wrote:

I stopped giving a sh*t about him when I saw him for a womanizing and abusive pr*ck. Would you give a toss about a guy who abuses women half his size?

No you didn't give a **** about him long before he hit her - you were flirting horribly with her before this weren't you? Throwing in the fact he was abusive doesn't change the fact you were wrong in the first place. Him subsequently doing something wrong doesn't absolve your past wrongs.

After all that you're still considering it? You need a serious wake up call.