27 year old boy going out with a 20 year old girl?

von Neumann

Hiya.

Need some advice on this one,

I meet this very cool and attractive girl but she's only 20 and I'm 27.

Now, we've been getting on great and I was think about asking her out..... would I be mad/stupid?

One part of me is saying go for it.........how many times in your life are you going to meet a girl like this.

However the other part of me is thinking............ this can never be a real relationship because of the gap in age / maturity / life phase etc and I'd just setting her and myself up for a fall! (and in away I be taking advantage of the situation, which would make me a prick, and well life is too short to go round being a prick).

So, I need a outside opion...... should I go for it or let it fizzle

eveie

i thik you should go for ir, if it doesnt work well then move on, but at least try.
alot of girls ike older men, plus a girl of 20 has the same level of maturity as a man of 25.
what have you got to loose

highdef

Go ahead and continue. I was 27 when I met my BF and he was only 19. We are still going, stronger than ever almost 2 years later. Don't let the age thing put you off. It should not matter at all......up to a certain point of course

Honey-ec

She's 20, not 12. I really don't think it's an issue.

LegacyUser

I'm 27, my gf is 20, living together over a year now, happy as.......noone even spots the age difference for the most part, so don't be looking for excuses, take your opportunities in life

Dizzyblonde

When I met my husband I was 19 and he was 26 - it's never been an issue and we're married 25 years now

iMax

First off, at 27, it's a long time since you could have been classed a "boy". Sorry but that's just how it is, you're a man, she's a woman (I'll give her "girl" at 20 because it's kinda crossover age).

Secondly, I was 25 when I met my missus, she was 18 (going on 19). We're together 14 years now, married for five, go for it, it's great when you're say 34/35 & your partner is in her 20s !!!

Jesus Wept

eveie wrote: »

plus a girl of 20 has the same level of maturity as a man of 25.

This is a silly sweeping statement imo.

Meathlass

I wouldn't be worried about the age, more what phase of life you're both in. I mean if she's still in college with little or no money and you're used to going out alot, weekends away etc it might cause some problems in the long run. Also a lot of 20 year olds can't get into certain bars so that could be an issue too. I still say go for it though, just maybe take it easy at the start.

homerjay2005

give it a go in my opinion, you will only wreck your head otherwise with regret. if she is in to you and your into her, then go for it. be careful though, girls that age, can be a bit emotional and beware of her friends , they can cause trouble. im speaking from experience here, although there was only a 3 year gap between me and my ex when she was 20, we went out for over 4 years.

Dont rush anything and you will be fine. lets us know how it goes! but if you go for it, be 100% sure that you can handle it (you may have immature mates slaggin you etc) and handle her. she is young yes, but it maybe worth it in the long run and at least you will be happy that you gave it a go.

Blazer

Studies have found that the most successful marriages are those with the man is approx 5 years older than the girl..
It's all down to our maturity level.. girls mature earlier than the men.
So I say go for it.

togster

Or you could just take it as it comes and stop worrying about things that son't matter. Chill out you just met her fgs

seamus

The fact that you still describe yourself as a "boy" at 27 shows that you're in the right frame of mind to go out with a 20 year old.

Seriously though, there should be no issue. Just enjoy yourself and take it as it comes. I don't understand the logic behind people sabotaging potential relationships over things which may or may not happen.

von Neumann

All right already!

I'll ask her out tonight................and if she doesn't say yes I'll be blaming yous all!!!

will let you know how it goes!

cheers for the advice,

Dave!

Good luck!

If she says no, will ye pass her number on to me?

I'm closer to her age in fairness

homerjay2005

Dave! wrote: »

Good luck!

If she says no, will ye pass her number on to me?

I'm closer to her age in fairness

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I was in your shoes not too long ago!

I actually posted here about it unregged aswell, and all I got was "go for it" "age is only a number" yada yada yada so I did, the rest was history as we would say......

All was goin great until the more we saw each other I realised the age gap became an issue for myself in my own mind, it wasnt a case that it interfered with our relationship but still always played on me in the back of my mind, basically we drifted apart as things werent up to much between us after bout 7 or 8 months, and then we broke up, fair enough, that was grand -

Lets just say things ended fairly sourly with her sleeping with one of my mates not even a month after we broke up, so that was a lesson learned for me, I know it CAN work between people and every case of it is different, but that just emphasised my own point to me in my own head that going out with someone so immature, they can be easily capable of pulling a stupid stunt like that!

Thems the breaks though and life has a funny way of throwing things like that at you, a "live and learn" case if there ever was one!!! I learned a very valuable lesson meself, and im kinda glad (bizarrely) that things panned out the way they did, as im glad im not married /settled with someone who would do that to me, trust plays a big part of any relationship and im glad that didnt happen when we were together!

Now im seeing a girl who's my age, proper job, has a child (not mine) and we are as happy as can be with a mutual respect for one another, age is only a number but sometimes ages can show what age that they really are!!!!

If she's worth it go for it though

michael.oleary

The-Rigger wrote: »

This is a silly sweeping statement imo.

+ 1

I've had a few older girlfriends, and they all seem to surprise me some stages, but I suppose I we all have our immature moment (I know I have plenty of them )

coco06

Ye dont miss out on something good just because you are afraid of what people may think..
feck the begruggers!! they are only jealous!!

rescue26

Never again wrote: »

Lets just say things ended fairly sourly with her sleeping with one of my mates not even a month after we broke up, so that was a lesson learned for me, I know it CAN work between people and every case of it is different, but that just emphasised my own point to me in my own head that going out with someone so immature, they can be easily capable of pulling a stupid stunt like that!

Another sweeping statement. Sleeping with someones best friend has nothing to do with age. She probably would still have done it if she was in her fifties. I think you should go for it. Every situation is different though so your going to have to use your own head too. If she is a mature girl and not immature for her age then go for it.:)

von Neumann

Ya, I hear what your saying,

But my arse is getting sore from sitting on the fence!

Just to make things more complicated she is still in college, 100km away.

So would probablely be seeing her weekends only......asuming a get a date to start with :rolleyes:.

So in my heart of hearts, I know the odds are stacked against it working out.

And the only thing worse than "I told you so" is a "I told me so"

jellie

von Neumann wrote: »

And the only thing worse than "I told you so" is a "I told me so"

Only thing worse than regretting something you did is regretting something you never tried & might have worked but youll never know.

Jack Sheehan

Never again wrote: »

Hi there,

I was in your shoes not too long ago!

I actually posted here about it unregged aswell, and all I got was "go for it" "age is only a number" yada yada yada so I did, the rest was history as we would say......

All was goin great until the more we saw each other I realised the age gap became an issue for myself in my own mind, it wasnt a case that it interfered with our relationship but still always played on me in the back of my mind, basically we drifted apart as things werent up to much between us after bout 7 or 8 months, and then we broke up, fair enough, that was grand -

Lets just say things ended fairly sourly with her sleeping with one of my mates not even a month after we broke up, so that was a lesson learned for me, I know it CAN work between people and every case of it is different, but that just emphasised my own point to me in my own head that going out with someone so immature, they can be easily capable of pulling a stupid stunt like that!

Thems the breaks though and life has a funny way of throwing things like that at you, a "live and learn" case if there ever was one!!! I learned a very valuable lesson meself, and im kinda glad (bizarrely) that things panned out the way they did, as im glad im not married /settled with someone who would do that to me, trust plays a big part of any relationship and im glad that didnt happen when we were together!

Now im seeing a girl who's my age, proper job, has a child (not mine) and we are as happy as can be with a mutual respect for one another, age is only a number but sometimes ages can show what age that they really are!!!!

If she's worth it go for it though

sorry but this sounds like the problem had more to do with your own insecurities with the age gap rather than the age gap itself.

Cost Boy!!

von Neumann wrote: »

Just to make things more complicated she is still in college, 100km away.

So would probablely be seeing her weekends only

My bf is 30 and i'm 18, like the distance thing as well he is 140km away from me but we see each other at most weekends. I've been seeing him now for over 2 years and i've never been happier.

couerdelion

The supposed tried and tested formula for working it out is half your age plus seven.

You're grand.

Colonel_McCoy

Dont worry about, your age gap is nothing, if you have a connection thatsall the counts.

Enjoy

dee8839

I'm 20. My boyfriends 29, almost 30. We're not together very long, just a few months, but I think it depends on the maturity and stage of life of each person, not the age itself. Like right now we are both working in Dublin, so we do have the same priorities, free time, etc. It suits. But I will be doing another year in college soon. That's when I can see problems could develop if we aren't careful. Distance, different time off, different lifestyle socially. But the age is not the issue, is what I'm trying to say. I'd be more concerned about the distance and the college-work thing.

EDIT: I hate that half your age plus 7 rule. It means I'm only allowed guys up to age 26. I'm gonna just ignore that rule when it suits!:P

Turner

Go for it

christeb

Cost Boy!! wrote: »

My bf is 30 and i'm 18, like the distance thing as well he is 140km away from me but we see each other at most weekends. I've been seeing him now for over 2 years and i've never been happier.

So you were with him when you were 16 and he was 28? I think no matter what way I look at it I would never to out with a 16 year old as I'm currently in my mid 20's.

As for the OP and his problem - as Chief Wiggum says: "If it feels good, do it!"

Cost Boy!!

christeb wrote: »

So you were with him when you were 16 and he was 28?

Yeah thats it.

MJOR

Go for it you have noting to lose....
At the moment there is a 50yr old man and a 16yr girl getting hitched. (thats an age gap):D:D

Dudess

Never again wrote: »

Hi there,

I was in your shoes not too long ago!

I actually posted here about it unregged aswell, and all I got was "go for it" "age is only a number" yada yada yada so I did, the rest was history as we would say......

All was goin great until the more we saw each other I realised the age gap became an issue for myself in my own mind, it wasnt a case that it interfered with our relationship but still always played on me in the back of my mind, basically we drifted apart as things werent up to much between us after bout 7 or 8 months, and then we broke up, fair enough, that was grand -

Lets just say things ended fairly sourly with her sleeping with one of my mates not even a month after we broke up, so that was a lesson learned for me, I know it CAN work between people and every case of it is different, but that just emphasised my own point to me in my own head that going out with someone so immature, they can be easily capable of pulling a stupid stunt like that!

Thems the breaks though and life has a funny way of throwing things like that at you, a "live and learn" case if there ever was one!!! I learned a very valuable lesson meself, and im kinda glad (bizarrely) that things panned out the way they did, as im glad im not married /settled with someone who would do that to me, trust plays a big part of any relationship and im glad that didnt happen when we were together!

Now im seeing a girl who's my age, proper job, has a child (not mine) and we are as happy as can be with a mutual respect for one another, age is only a number but sometimes ages can show what age that they really are!!!!

If she's worth it go for it though

Yeah, your situation doesn't warrant a "no way" to the OP at all. It's more to do with the people you are, not your ages. You can't really say "never again" about any girl who's seven years younger than you. People aren't defined by their age.

OP, are you nuts?! If you really like her, ya gotta just go for it. You're both adults. Best wishes with it!

sunnyside

Honey-ec wrote: »

She's 20, not 12. I really don't think it's an issue.

I think that's really important, your both adults so it's totally ok. If she was so young that it was illegal and you were a lot older than I'd be worrying about what's acceptable.


As others have said how well you'd get on with her is more about maturity than age. But these days most 20-40 year olds seem to share a lot of the same interests anyway so the acutal age shouldn't be an issue.

Never again wrote: »

that just emphasised my own point to me in my own head that going out with someone so immature, they can be easily capable of pulling a stupid stunt like that!

Just because someone advises you to go for it doesn't mean it'll work out unfortunately but it's usually worth trying. People of all ages hurt one another.

OP have you asked her out yet?

LegacyUser

Hey OP, Im 24 and my boyfriend is 31. We are so happy, cant believe how many wrong people we went through to meet each other.

We make each other so happy and the relationship is so easy. It could be the best decision of your life, if she makes you happy, do it. She may have a great head on her shoulders and teach you alot xxxx

sunnyside

Maeve98 wrote: »

Hey OP, Im 24 and my boyfriend is 31. We are so happy, cant believe how many wrong people we went through to meet each other.

We make each other so happy and the relationship is so easy. It could be the best decision of your life, if she makes you happy, do it. She may have a great head on her shoulders and teach you alot xxxx

So true, but like any relationship it could go either way. As Maeve says it's definitely worth trying.

Vertigo100

hahaha i was in exactly the same situtaion op! was gonna post here about it and all but i just decided to go for it! 6 months later and things are good really good so much so we are getting a place. Im 27 shes 20 and it makes no difference, bear in mind also i was engaged to a girl a couple of months older than me at one stage and that didnt work out so age really doesnt matter its all about your connection to the person and the 2 main things COMPRIMISE and TRUST. Good Luck.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Never Again wrote:

Lets just say things ended fairly sourly with her sleeping with one of my mates not even a month after we broke up, so that was a lesson learned for me, I know it CAN work between people and every case of it is different, but that just emphasised my own point to me in my own head that going out with someone so immature, they can be easily capable of pulling a stupid stunt like that!

Mmm yeah, it's great the way it would be completely impossible for someone your own age to do that to you.

Anyway OP if she's mature enough & you haven't mentally gotten old(ie want marriage & kids within next 5 years) there's no issue here.

Hopefully her friends will be mature too, I'd imagine that would be an issue in these type cases

entropi

Dudess wrote: »

OP, are you nuts?! If you really like her, ya gotta just go for it. You're both adults. Best wishes with it!

I totally agree here, i was in the same situation a few months ago, asked the girl out but she didnt wanna break up a friendship we had so we stayed friends, but the thing is that i DID ask her and i think you should definately do the same.

Good Luck with it, come back on and let us all know what she said yeah ?:)

von Neumann

Thanks for the advice,

I asked the question, and to be honest i don't really know what the answer was!

The conversation went something like this

Me: I think yourself and myself should go for a pint sometime, just the two of us.

Her: But when could I meet you, I'll be in Mayo next week and I going on holidays the week after.

Now I'm thinking if she was interested she would have suggested a new date.

So I'm taking this a gentle brush off.............at least one of us has sense LOL!!!!

Better to have tried and failed and all that........

I've no regrets!

Latchy

Age gap isint that different tbh ,when she's 23 your still only 30.

Go for it

von Neumann

Just one last question....

Should I pursue this girl or would I be making an ass of myself?

Sure I nothing to loose except my dignity

dee8839

von Neumann wrote: »

Just one last question....

Should I pursue this girl or would I be making an ass of myself?

Well, I think this:

von Neumann wrote: »

Sure I nothing to loose except my dignity

answers your own question, but a bit harshly! Why not? What will you really lose? We've agreed for the most part that the age gap isn't a big deal.

As for the first attempt, she may have just not realised the significance perhaps? Ask her again, but try to find a date that you know she's around on, and if she excuses herself again, then maybe its time to leave it. But give it one more try.

von Neumann

I asked already............... posted late last night.

dee8839

von Neumann wrote: »

I asked already............... posted late last night :(:confused:

My bad, my previous post is edited, I didn't notice your earlier post!:o

seamus

von Neumann wrote: »

Me: I think yourself and myself should go for a pint sometime, just the two of us.

Her: But when could I meet you, I'll be in Mayo next week and I going on holidays the week after.

Oh god that reminds me of the one and only time I mustered up the courage to ask a girl out.

We were part of a scouting group, so after about an hour of thinking about it and ringing other people for moral support, I rang her and asked if she fancied going to the cinema. She responded very positively, adding that it'd be cool to have us all go out to the cinema, then bowling or something.

When someone else told her why I'd rang her, there was much embarrassment.

If the above is how your conversation went, then it's possible that she misinterpreted your call....

__plec__

when i was 24 i met a girl who was only 18, same as yourself i tried to talk myself out of it as i thought it was wrong or whatever, ended up going out with her for over 4 fantastic years, age doesnt mean alot if 2 people get on

Dizzyblonde

Go for it

coco85

Go for it ...again...

She might have gotten the wrong impression from your casually mentioning that ye should go for a pint!!..

If you ask her to go out for dinner/cinema etc she'll get the msg that its a date you are asking her out on- not a few pints and a chat down the local!!!

Best of luck!:)

entropi

von Neumann wrote: »

Thanks for the advice,

Her: But when could I meet you, I'll be in Mayo next week and I going on holidays the week after.

Now I'm thinking if she was interested she would have suggested a new date.

Well if you think she didnt get the proper message about your intentions, contact her, let her know that she could always meet you once you both get back from holidays. It will give you both something to talk about, and you can tell her how you feel about her, and DO inform her you would prefer it as a date-type situation as us men normally don't get this part right and confusion ensues.

Learning new lessons and ways may seem horrible, but it's better late than never !!! Get in there

AmyG

von Neumann wrote: »

Hiya.

Need some advice on this one,

I meet this very cool and attractive girl but she's only 20 and I'm 27.

Now, we've been getting on great and I was think about asking her out..... would I be mad/stupid?

One part of me is saying go for it.........how many times in your life are you going to meet a girl like this.

However the other part of me is thinking............ this can never be a real relationship because of the gap in age / maturity / life phase etc and I'd just setting her and myself up for a fall! (and in away I be taking advantage of the situation, which would make me a prick, and well life is too short to go round being a prick).

So, I need a outside opion...... should I go for it or let it fizzle

Go for it what do you have to loose , she may be the one ya never know:D
youldnt ya knoe im a hopeless romantic!!!!
Best of luck