Hat design and its relationship to vehicular speed.

more tea vicar

It has been fully established that the wearing of hats in a motor vehicle usually amongst the elderly, has some sort of calming influence and vehicle speed dramatically reduces because of it.

If you have ever experienced rapid deceleration and near collision when approaching the back bumper of a 1992 VW jetta, and wonder whether the driver is a hat wearer, studies have shown that in 98% of cases, the driver is indeed a hat wearer and probably in their 70's or 80's.

However there are no indepth studies as of yet, as to what type of hats cause the slowest of speeds amongst elderly drivers.

Some claim the flat cap to be the most widespread for causing a reduction in driving speeds, others claim the trilby to be far deadlier but not quite as commonplace.

In my own studies, the trilby is the worst culprit and is on record for me as causing the longest tailbacks.

giddyup

more tea vicar wrote: »

It has been fully established that the wearing of hats in a motor vehicle usually amongst the elderly, has some sort of calming influence and vehicle speed dramatically reduces because of it.

If you have ever experienced rapid deceleration and near collision when approaching the back bumper of a 1992 VW jetta, and wonder whether the driver is a hat wearer, studies have shown that in 98% of cases, the driver is indeed a hat wearer and probably in their 70's or 80's.

However there are no indepth studies as of yet, as to what type of hats cause the slowest of speeds amongst elderly drivers.

Some claim the flat cap to be the most widespread for causing a reduction in driving speeds, others claim the trilby to be far deadlier but not quite as commonplace.

In my own studies, the trilby is the worst culprit and is on record for me as causing the longest tailbacks.

There was a 2004 study done by the European Institute of Millinery and Autovehicular Profesionals of Advanced Years which intimated that while there were strong correlations between age and driving speed and age and propensity for hat wearing while in control of a motor vehicle there was solid evidence that hat-wearing even among younger drivers resulted in statistically significant reductions in average driving speed. The tweed flat cap was found to have the biggest impact on average speed. Results for trilbys were statistically insignificant although it was noted that among trilby wearers there was an inverse correlation for those who moonlighted as private detectives (93% of the trilby wearing population).

more tea vicar

Yeah, I have just reviewed the EIMAPA studies and see where their extrapolations lead to with regard with tweed flat caps, and "Del Boy" in his three wheeler tends to bear out the low speed studies for this and the public's imagination, but I still cannot reconcile the trilby figures and graphs.

Do the reports cite urban or extra-urban studies, as I am sure that rural sightings of trilbys do focus on elevated figures of sub 10 kph speeds.

Star Lord

None of this stands up once you introduce the "chavs" with their peaked "baseball" cap wearing ways...

more tea vicar

Of course what we are talking about is hat design and its relationship to vehicular speed.

You note the introduction of a certain design of hat such as the baseball cap, and an elevated speed as a result of the wearing of this hat design.

Of course, this is the whole point. Different hat designs, and their different relationships to vehicular speed.

What is needed is a hat graph and a plotted speed curve starting say with the trilby lower down, up a little to the flat cap, then on to the straw boater, then building up a bit of gusto with a bowler hat, stetson, and wooly hat with bobble, on then to the faster hats, the Nike 60% polyester and 40% wool mix ski hat, up to baseball cap - forward mounted rim, right up to the chav baseball cap - rear mounted rim.

Star Lord

These guys also drove pretty fast:

more tea vicar

You can halve their combined speeds because one is dead now, and it is clear that by wearing dark ray bans your speed will elevate due to a lack of the sense of speed.

WindSock

What sort of lady headgear attire or hats as it were do ladies sport that make them drive at de-cellerated level? As it stands at the moment the ones who seem to be causing these roadway hold-ups also seem to fashion a large amount of hair dye. From blue rines to peroxide blonde, and any sort of general grey-area coverge, yet very few hats or even bonnets seem to be visable on the offending motorist as I direct my disapproving gaze into their cockpit.

Star Lord

Perhaps one like this:

One would not want ones neighbours or peers to associate one with speeding if one were to wear such a hat!

more tea vicar

Yeah, ladies hats with bunches of fruit on them and that sort of thing.

Furry bowlers probably take the biscuit for the elderley ladies getting on for 90.

TygerKrash

Bear in mind that these statistics are taken from a slightly outdated version of the EIMAPA figures , and this is original work and may contain errors.

feel free to make your corrections here:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=pvZhk9cdJ7m29eSA9qsFAbg&hl=en_GB

more tea vicar

Excellent work there Tyger.

Maybe one extra category for car robbing chavs wearing front peak bb caps at elevated tilt angle, say 45 degree, going to top of list.

navigatoroneill

I think it very remiss not to include a habit i.e. the headgear of nuns in this discussion. Surely you'll admit they are extraordinarily slow.

I will allow that members of the cloth are slow drivers, hatted or not but the habit is still headwear.

more tea vicar

Quote:

"A nun's hat can be part of her 'habit' ... The wimple worn by a nun is called a cornette. The habit is a robe."

Looks like we are talking wimples and cornettes for the ladies, and for the top jesus blokes there are mitres to contend with.

Monks are hatless, with extra streamlining on the bonce, so monks should step on the gas proportionately more so than bishops and nuns.