Whats going on?

LegacyUser

I am just out of a serious relationship, over 3 years, met this new guy, he knows all about the ex and all. We are mad about each other. Thing were just perfect with him every since I first met him. We were just like a soul mates, I didn't know guys like him existed. Until we had sex for the first time. I didn't feel he was enjoying having sex with me that much . Good sex is very important to me. I mentioned it to him, said if I turn him on that much maybe there is no point in staying together. He said he couldn't explain why he was like that but he didn't mean to made me feel not wanted and he does enjoy sex with me a lot. Asked me to give him another chance to make it up to me...

Does anyone have any suggestions why was he like that??

karen3212

boring? wrote: »

Good sex is very important to me. I mentioned it to him, said if I turn him on that much maybe there is no point in staying together.

I think if you have stressed how important sex is to you, then perhaps he was very nervous and trying too much to do everything right, which may have looked like he wasn't enjoying it.

The only way to know what is bothering him is to gently speak to him and try and find out nicely. Try and be very sensitive about the whole issue, as some men are very sensitive about ''performance''.

MagicMarker

boring? wrote: »

I am just out of a serious relationship, over 3 years, met this new guy, he knows all about the ex and all. We are mad about each other. Thing were just perfect with him every since I first met him. We were just like a soul mates, I didn't know guys like him existed. Until we had sex for the first time. I didn't feel he was enjoying having sex with me that much . Good sex is very important to me. I mentioned it to him, said if I turn him on that much maybe there is no point in staying together. He said he couldn't explain why he was like that but he didn't mean to made me feel not wanted and he does enjoy sex with me a lot. Asked me to give him another chance to make it up to me...

Does anyone have any suggestions why was he like that??

Jesus you don't expect much do ya???

It was your first time together, maybe he was nervous?
Maybe he's just not very ''animated'' in general?
Maybe a lot of things!!

One things for sure though, you've put an awful lot of pressure on this poor chap for the next time you have sex which imo, is pretty ****ing insensitive and i personally wouldn't stand for it. I mean, he asked for another chance to ''make it up'' to you ffs

Instead of taking it personally and telling him that if things don't improve then you basically should not bother, maybe you should have waited a little longer to see how things panned out??

Beetlebum

Your first time with somebody new usually a little bit awkward as you are just discovering each other bodies. As time goes on you learn each others idiosyncrasies and what turns you both on.

He obviously likes you if he's seeing you and of course you turn him on...you were sh*gging him and he wants to continue sh*gging you ffs!!

Give the guy a chance and stop being such a drama queen. If I was him I'd probably walk away from you after your comments on performance but that's just me.

Iago

maybe you're just not that good in bed?

When you start seeing someone new you have to work out what works for them and turns them on, just because nibbling on your exs ear drove them wild with desire doesn't mean that will work for your current partner. Maybe your current partner prefers you gently stroking their spine while kissing their neck.

You only find this out as you get used to sleeping together, I think you've jumped the gun a little here and you should have found a better way to articulate what you were feeling.

MJOR

First times are never earth moving in my little experience. It's as you get to know each other better and what you like etc it gets better.

He knows sex is important so he was probably nervous.

A lot people aren't animated or noisy during sex.


Give the guy a chance!

TheDriver

The poor lad, his a great guy but because the 1st time wasn't perfect, you want to write him off. Geez girl, don't fall off that realistic high horse of yours, how would you feel if a guy said that sex was very important to him and you needed to do it perfectly right, you'd be out of there quicker than a hot snot I'd say. Take a step back and enjoy being with him and getting to know each other, both in AND out of bed.

Aurora Borealis

First time is quite often crap with someone. Take the emphasis off the bedroom antics for a few evenings and just enjoy going on a few dates or something. You'll be tearing each others clothes off before too long...

LegacyUser

I was kinda very nervous myself doing it with him for the first time, so when I was there all over him but he just lied beside me doing nothing I got worried (do I turn him on enough??) I never told him if he doesn't improve there is no point staying together, I said if I don't turn him on enough there is no point. I appreciate all the comments and I agree I probably overreacted, but its just because I was worried we didn't match in bed. I am more that wiling to give him another chance and hopefully it'll work out.

Thanks for giving me a kick in the ar*e ..

McGinty

Hi Op

It could be he is very nervous or inexperienced and he is not going to open up initially but what you can do is make it easier for him. Show him what you like, tell him what you like and ask him what you like but also be kind and considerate that maybe his erection may falter or he may not come or he may come too fast. I have learned that men are incredibly nervous in bed, I'm a bit of an old git and I've been around the block a few times and what I have learned is when you treat men sensitively and as human, they become responsive and tender lovers. If you berate or put pressure or assume that the sight of your naked body is enough to have him gasping, then you are in trouble. Yes there are some guys who can respond like that, but my experience is that a sensitive, loving man needs tlc and careful handling, and they open up to be the most beautiful and wonderful lovers ever. Let go of performance and go for feeling, find out if you like your back being tickled or feet or whatever, and explore together without the pressure to perform or be like the movies, make allowances for **** ups and you could have the most beautiful time in your life.

Marksie

McGinty wrote: »

Hi Op

It could be he is very nervous or inexperienced and he is not going to open up initially but what you can do is make it easier for him. Show him what you like, tell him what you like and ask him what you like but also be kind and considerate that maybe his erection may falter or he may not come or he may come too fast. I have learned that men are incredibly nervous in bed, I'm a bit of an old git and I've been around the block a few times and what I have learned is when you treat men sensitively and as human, they become responsive and tender lovers. If you berate or put pressure or assume that the sight of your naked body is enough to have him gasping, then you are in trouble. Yes there are some guys who can respond like that, but my experience is that a sensitive, loving man needs tlc and careful handling, and they open up to be the most beautiful and wonderful lovers ever. Let go of performance and go for feeling, find out if you like your back being tickled or feet or whatever, and explore together without the pressure to perform or be like the movies, make allowances for **** ups and you could have the most beautiful time in your life.

+1

and vice versa.
In that way there will be no limits to what both can achieve

zuroph

every "first" time im involved in is usually me tryin to think of ANYTHING else to keep the wolf from the door! give him time.

SnowMonkey

McGinty wrote: »

Hi Op

It could be he is very nervous or inexperienced and he is not going to open up initially but what you can do is make it easier for him. Show him what you like, tell him what you like and ask him what you like but also be kind and considerate that maybe his erection may falter or he may not come or he may come too fast. I have learned that men are incredibly nervous in bed, I'm a bit of an old git and I've been around the block a few times and what I have learned is when you treat men sensitively and as human, they become responsive and tender lovers. If you berate or put pressure or assume that the sight of your naked body is enough to have him gasping, then you are in trouble. Yes there are some guys who can respond like that, but my experience is that a sensitive, loving man needs tlc and careful handling, and they open up to be the most beautiful and wonderful lovers ever. Let go of performance and go for feeling, find out if you like your back being tickled or feet or whatever, and explore together without the pressure to perform or be like the movies, make allowances for **** ups and you could have the most beautiful time in your life.

yeah ...

how the hell can you enjoy something if you under preasure. ???

Sex should be enjoyable. and fun and passionate. not you must perform nazi style that aint fun and it certainly aint sexy its a turn of god you like sex but serously your makeing it the be all and end all it snot its fun time. not perfprm or your dumped.... I know you no that not the case but good things come to those who take there time...

LegacyUser

How long were you seeing the guy before you slept with him? I mean did you know him really well?

Sometimes when people know each other really well sex can be completely nerve wracking