I miss her so much

LegacyUser

I've had enough, I really have. I'm 24 and I've split from the best girlfriend anybody could ever wish for. I love her with all of my heart but I've hurt her too much over the 2 and a half years we were together. During the relationship I had a problem with depression which started years ago.
I flirted with the idea of suicide while we were together and instead of doing it I sought out help because I couldn't bear to leave my sweety without me. But now she's had enough of me and left. Now I feel I have no reason not to kill myself. I really just want to end it all. Last night she told me she found somebody else and I told her I was happy that she was happy, I wasn't angry, I was just very upset and sat in my room with a knife trying to find the guts to stick it in my wrists.

I don't know why i posted here tbh, I don't know what to do. I'm so devestated

Nevyn

email: jo@samaritans.org call: 1850 60 90 90 call: 01 8727700 (branch)

Get in touch with them rahter then doing something silly.

Go to your dr and get yourself the help you need.

Looby_Loo

You posted to ask for help, now please contact someone- thaed gave the numbers

Toto Wolfcastle

When I broke up with my boyfriend I was the same. I didn't see the point in going on. When he told me he was with someone else I was pretty devastated. However, as much as I loved him, it gave me the push I needed to move on with my life. I completely understand that right now it feels like you'll never be happy again, but trust me, you will be.

You need to work on making yourself better by getting yourself the help you need. This will mean forgetting about your ex and concentrating on yourself and why you've been so depressed, and it is hard, but it will work, and it will be worth it.

Don't do anything silly, because it's not worth it. You can and you will be happy again, so don't ruin your chances of that happening.

msg11

You need to get help, the numbers are there, and its just a call away. You may not think it but your worth alot more to family and friends than you think.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just don't do anything silly.

LegacyUser

Thank you, thanks all of you. I will call those numbers, or maybe mail first as i haven't got the neck to call just yet, i've never done anything like that before. I'm here alone in the apartment we used to share and all i'm doing is getting sick and crying. It's all i can do

AARRRGH

Broken.Heart wrote: »

I've split from the best girlfriend anybody could ever wish for.

Do you ever notice everyone who gets dumped thinks their ex was the best boyfriend/girlfriend anyone could ever wish for?

To me this means two things:

1. When you break up you idolise your ex, and can only see the good points. These good points get exaggerated so much it's like they were an angel.

Speaking from experience, I went through this as well, but now that I'm some distance from my ex's (i.e. a few years have passed) I can see they weren't that great at all!

2. There are lots and lots of great people out there. It is statistically extremely unlikely your ex was the best person in the world, ever.

The reality is, and this is 100% certain, with time you'll meet someone else who is a lot better than her.

I understand you're going through a hard time, but with a bit of patience (time heals all wounds), socialising (get out there and meet new people) and help (counselling, friends, boards, whatever) you'll get less depressed and more happy.

Just ride through this rough patch and you'll come out the other end.

Kazobel

I really feel for you OP, I broke up with the only person I ever really loved a few years ago and what made it worse was we had a child together that I haven't seen since either and at the time I was devastated, she dumped me for someone else and they lived straight across the road from me so I had to put up with seeing them everyday, them together and the child I wasn't allowed contact, for 8 months and I felt exactly like you feel now. I felt numb and pointless, life meant nothing and I eventually got to the place where you're heading and did slash my wrists. I can't stress this enough, IT ACHIEVED NOTHING! I spent 13 weeks in a psychiatric ward where I wasn't allowed have my clothes incase I tried to do a runner, for the first 2 weeks I had a nurse on me 24 hours a day, I wasn't allowed close any doors, they even watched me when I was going to the toilet, I had no privacy. I was fed a concoction of anti-depressants even though I was only really sad about the situation but they'll treat you anyway for depression and nothing you say matters to them, if you slit your wrist they won't listen to you because, as they see it, you're to far gone to make responsible decisions. I lost alot of friends because they felt betrayed and couldn't deal with what I had done and it took years to get my family to really trust me again and believe me when I say this your family will become VERY cold to you, they'll still love you but they'll hate you too for doing that to them. All I have to show for it now is 2 arms full of really ugly scars that I can never hide, I can't wear T-shirts in hot weather because my arms tan but the scars don't so everyone would see them and in places like your job you won't want that so now, no matter how hot it is, I have to wear long sleeve tops.

Although now you can't see it eventually you will want to date again and having to explain them scars (because it will come up) and sound sane will be sh1t hard too, not many people stay after seeing them and even if some girl does in years to come do you really want to have to explain to your kids how you got them? I'm not trying to be bad here but I'm trying to get you to see the consequences if you choose that route. There isn't a day goes by that I don't see those scars and regret what I did, they're with me for life now and everyday I hate myself a little bit more for what I did to my family, my friends and myself.

I'm not going to tell you that to do it is "silly" or any crap like that because firstly it'd be hypocritical of me and, more importantly, you already know that it's the wrong way to go. By posting here you've already started to look for help, forget ringing the Samaritans (do if you think it'll help, I didn't) and go talk to your GP, tell him/her how you're feeling and they'll refer you to someone that can help you get through this. You'll be amazed how different you'll feel after a one on one talk with an impartial person where there's no one judging you or telling you to cop on or that you're being "silly".

Between now and then just some advice, people, in general, like to know they are doing better than their ex and sometimes, even if not intended, will rub that in so you need to avoid all contact with your ex. It's eating at you now but the more contact you have the worse the sinario becomes in your head. The more she tells you she's happy the worse you're going to feel (there's probably a mathamatical equasion for it where her happiness = X and your sadness = Y so X++ becomes equal Y--) so the best cure is avoidance. Avoid drink, you'll get p1ssed and you will do something stupid.

I really hope you go to your GP and ask for help and don't be embarassed to ask, you're not the first person who's needed it.

Take care and forget the wrist slitting stuff

Looby_Loo

Kazobel I agree with most of your post but I dont think your description of your inpatient stay would inspire anyone to look for help if they need it for fear of the same thing happening to them. Im sorry you feel like you werent listened to. But I can assure you that I and the other staff I work with do listen to and care about the people we look after.
OP, good to here that you will take the step to contact someone

Kazobel

Looby_Loo wrote: »

Kazobel I agree with most of your post but I dont think your description of your inpatient stay would inspire anyone to look for help if they need it for fear of the same thing happening to them. Im sorry you feel like you werent listened to. But I can assure you that I and the other staff I work with do listen to and care about the people we look after.
OP, good to here that you will take the step to contact someone

My point was that I didn't look for help, I slit my wrists and was sectioned for my own good and I don't want him to end up the same, there's a big difference. As for listening to me I have to admit I found the psychiatrists to be totally cold to people, I seen lots of peole leave their office crying, we all had to go in for 5 minutes a day to "talk" but it was really just to up our dose. The nurses on the ward were brilliant though, I sorted out more issues chatting to them than I ever did with any psychiatrists.

LegacyUser

I'm not just idolising her, She was my life. Everything I did I did with her on my mind. All day every day I thought about her. We went through a really rough patch and I was going to walk away but decided I couldn't be without her. Wanted to work things out.

The way I feel now, I feel much worse than the last time I flirted with suicide, this time I want to do it, not cry out for help, if I want help all i need to do is ask. I really just want to be away fro it all, just looking for the sweet release. I don't really drink and don't do drugs so I've no release there

AARRRGH

Considering you will definitely feel better with time, is it really a good idea to end things now?

It's like a rigged soccer game. The team who are going to win don't quit at half time as they know they just have to see out the final half to be crowned winners.

Ending things is definitely the wrong option.

eddie.fandango

dublindude wrote: »

Considering you will definitely feel better with time

Although this is true, time is not a catch-all cure. Speaking from personal experience, the best thing you can do is admit to yourself that it is over, and most of all, have a plan. Decide what the next chapter in your life is going to be: do you want to stay single and meet different girls, do you want to find another girlfriend straight away ( not recommended ), do you want to take some time to find new friends, do you want to make improvments in other areas of you life.

For 2 and 1/2 years, your life was partially defined by your relationship with this girl, that ending is not going to be easy. I was in a similar situation
but now I realise that it was the best thing that could have happened: i've bonded strongly with some of my best friends, i've met so many interesting people, and made improvements in many areas of my life.

I'll end with this, if you need help it's there. As always, myself and Red XIV are always available to bring you on a night on the town in Dublin.

Overheal

Broken.Heart wrote: »

I'm not just idolising her, She was my life. Everything I did I did with her on my mind. All day every day I thought about her. We went through a really rough patch and I was going to walk away but decided I couldn't be without her. Wanted to work things out.

The way I feel now, I feel much worse than the last time I flirted with suicide, this time I want to do it, not cry out for help, if I want help all i need to do is ask. I really just want to be away fro it all, just looking for the sweet release. I don't really drink and don't do drugs so I've no release there

Thats the fine line we all dance on between a relationship and a reliance. You're going to have to re-learn how to stand on your own 2 feet, under your own steam.

chump

Broken.Heart wrote: »

I've had enough, I really have. I'm 24 and I've split from the best girlfriend anybody could ever wish for. I love her with all of my heart but I've hurt her too much over the 2 and a half years we were together. During the relationship I had a problem with depression which started years ago.
I flirted with the idea of suicide while we were together and instead of doing it I sought out help because I couldn't bear to leave my sweety without me. But now she's had enough of me and left. Now I feel I have no reason not to kill myself. I really just want to end it all. Last night she told me she found somebody else and I told her I was happy that she was happy, I wasn't angry, I was just very upset and sat in my room with a knife trying to find the guts to stick it in my wrists.

I don't know why i posted here tbh, I don't know what to do. I'm so devestated

To be fair you were an unhappy lad before you ended it.

You're going out with the best girlfriend in the world and you want to committ suicide?

Broken.Heart wrote: »

She was my life. Everything I did I did with her on my mind. All day every day I thought about her. We went through a really rough patch and I was going to walk away but decided I couldn't be without her. Wanted to work things out.

Broken.Heart wrote: »

I wasn't angry, I was just very upset and sat in my room with a knife trying to find the guts to stick it in my wrists.

Now I ask myself, if I was a girl, would I want to go out with you?

Tackle your own problems, enjoy your own life, then worry about getting involved in relationships.

RedXIV

eddie.fandango wrote: »

I'll end with this, if you need help it's there. As always, myself and Red XIV are always available to bring you on a night on the town in Dublin.

The gruesome twosome as we're affectionately known

OP, the most important concept to get into your head is that nobody here can predict the future and for all you know, in 2 years time you could be deliriously happy, hell even in two months time, the thing is you don't know. You are going to have to work for it, it won't just fall into your lap but if your willing to change, the resources available are infinite. Including myself and eddie.fandango