feeling lonely since breakup, no friends about

LegacyUser

hi,

im male 26, broke up with my ex about 6 weeks ago, we were going out about 5 years. Wasnt a bad breakup, just run its course, i initiated the split.

since breaking up with her ive come to realise life is quite lonely, i dont have that many close friends, i have two good mates and i dont get to see them as often as i would like. yes i have lots of other friends through work and college etc but they all have close friends so i dont really get to see them that oftem maybe once every couple of months.

see the problem im facing is im thinking about getting back with my ex but it would be for the wrong reasons, im terribly unhappy because im lonely and i know this would be the only i reason i would be getting back with her (if she wanted me back at all!).

i was meant to be going out tonight with my freind but he had to bail on me and i literally have nobody else to go out with. its not like im some recluse, when im out with friends im normally a good joker and i can tell people like being in my company.

I think i got a reality check that in the last 5 years i stopped making new friends and started losing friends i had. im a very outgoing guy, i just dont have the social network of friends i would like. I even got self conscious about while i was with my ex, i used to think if i was to get married id feel ashamed because i wouldnt have loads of grooms men to match my all the friends my ex could have as her brides maids (lame i know)


so here it is, im alone on a friday night dying for a pint and a chat and i cant get one!

Nevyn

There is a gang of boardsies out atm in brookers bar on dame st, go on off out you go.

LegacyUser

i am very sociable and i am posting here as a regular over a year but i'd need a mate with me to tag along, i'm sure alot of people would know each other already. i might try it some day soon, thanks for the info anyway

Clytus

I think men are usually like that arent they??

Theres a difference between being alone and lonely...you just sound like your lonely..but not alone. 5 years is along time to be going out with someone...you just need time to adjust to being single again.

Nevyn

and thye have goten to know each other by going to beers, seriously why do you need someone to go with you ?

SnowMonkey

im 27 i cant go out my mates are scattered all over the place met some new people yesterday, who seem cool and where ringing me to go to the pub but had to get home.
The fat being mate that we all get that its were we start evaluateing things and the reason your doing that is beacuse your feeling lonely and your probably board but theres a way of stoping that...


reada good book and i promise your problems will dissapear...

entertain your self... itle make you stronger...

Dudess

To be fair, the OP hasn't said he's in Dublin. But if you are OP, you should definitely pop in there. Don't even think about it, just go.

OP, this is very common. It's very easy for people to say "you shouldn't let your social life suffer in a relationship" but human nature and all that. A relationship can be a comfort zone it's difficult for one to dig out of. Get out there and make new friends - people seem to have this notion that's impossible. Ridiculous. There are sports you can do, clubs you can join (e.g. a film club, book club), change accommodation, take on a second job of even a few hours a week, do voluntary work, be open to meeting new people - e.g. buddies of buddies. Don't be too pushy obviously, but relax, have a laugh with them - you could end up adding them to your friend list.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

and thye have goten to know each other by going to beers, seriously why do you need someone to go with you ?

I wouldnt know how to handle the situation, how to introduce myself. do you just go up to people and start chatting? how do these things work?


re Dudess:

i do live in Dublin. your right I was comfortable in a relationship and im trying desperately to stop myself from going back to it. Although i get on very well with freinds of freinds as I can be chatty after taking awhile to warm up i dont like to impose on friends of friends as they are not my friends. ( hope that makes sense). I do a couple of sports mainly water activities which are more solo hobbies. I used to be in a sports club but i have been injured the last 8 months and am itching to get back.


I suppose im still suffering the relationship hangover and trying to redjust as one poster put it.

Nevyn

i have nothing wrote: »

I wouldnt know how to handle the situation, how to introduce myself. do you just go up to people and start chatting?

Yes that is exactly what you do.

Dudess

Yup, go up and say "hey guys, are ye Boards people?" They're not gonna stare at you in disgust, they're gonna say "yes we are, how's it going?"

Be confident! This will take a good deal of work, but put in what you hope to get out...

impr0v

If you get back with her you'll just be postponing dealing with this issue because the relationship won't last based upon those grounds. It will spit you out again in six months, 12 months or 10 years with a whole host of other problems and less time to make changes to your life.

Sit still and consolidate, get to know yourself for a while. You've spent 5 of your most formative years as an adult defining yourself, in part, as being part of a relationship. Once you know and get comfortable with the new you as an individual, you'll naturally make friends. You mention having good friends so it's clear that you're not socially retarded or a fundamentally unlikeable individual.

Also keep this situation in mind the next time you get involved in a relationship and work a bit harder at keeping your friends close. Everyone needs friends.

sickpuppy

Hi op you say you have lost friends and not made many new ones the last few years common problem with people in long term relationships.

When you are going out with someone there your main focus naturally and friends more common in men then in women id say are often neglected.

Ihave a few friends who youd only here from if there gf was away or there arguing and to be honest i wouldnt bother with them much anymore hence you lose the closeness you maybe once had.

Waking up with no one beside you after years of having someone can be horrible especially soon after break up but going back to a relationship that you said yourself had run its course would be madness.

There is loads of social things you could do if you played sport before join a team 27 not too old good luck.

LegacyUser

I think you should try sailing, since you like water sports this is one of the more sociable ones. Do not cave in you'll be fine. The better you know and like yourself the more people will want to be around you.