Lonely

LegacyUser

Hi. Long time boards user going to go unreg for this. Its a long one so apologies.

This all started about 7 years ago, I fell in love with one of my friends. Prior to me telling her how I felt we were v close, infact we acted like a couple. Anyways when I told her how I felt she didn't reciprocate. It was hard to hear but I respected that and tried moved on, we were still best friends though so it was v hard. We went on holidays together later that Summer and we got closer, I was getting serious vibes that she wanted what I wanted and after we came home it happened and we started a relationship. It was great except for one thing, she didn't want to let our friends know, insisting we should keep it a secret.

We ended about about three months, she didn't want to come clean to our friends and I wasn't prepared to deal with the secrets any longer. So we stayed friends and anytime we were alone we'd have a relapse, the next day it would always go back to being friends. It wrecked my head.

Long story short she suddenly got cold with me, some might say she started to blank me. I took this very hard and retreated into myself, I stopped going out with the big group of friends we had and eventually they just assumed I was a proper a$$hole for not returning calls and stuff. I couldn't handle seeing her with anyone else so I felt I had to remove myself from the situation i order to let her have what she wanted.

It all came to a head one night the group of friends ripped into me about not being around any more and that they wanted an explanation for my behavior. She was there during all of this and I couldn't come out and say that it was because I loved her. The result of that evening was that I would try harder to see them and stuff.

As it transpired I ended up having a nervous breakdown and sliding off the radar for awhile. During this period she nor any of the group got in contact. This whole period lasted about 2 years and I slowly started to get better, focused on my work and stuff. I had no friends left because they were all the friends I had.

Out of the blue she text me about 2 years ago wanting to meet up. I was delighted to hear from her but declined cause I was very shell shocked, to be honest at that point I was in no fit state to see her. I tried to keep contact with her but she got very cold again and then just started to ignore me again.

In the last two years I have texted a few of them to say Happy Christmas and Happy Birthday and stuff but got cold replies back or no relies at all. Fast forward to today, I added her and a few of them to Facebook. She declined my friend request which is fair enough, but all the other friends did too. Its like they can't be my friend because of her. I heard recently that she came clean about us to them so I am thinking she put some spin on it to make me look a freak, hence why they won't speak to me anymore.

I am in my late 20s now, a decent enough person, I work hard and I am very loyal. This whole thing is killing me. They remained the only friends I have had, between the breakdown and now I haven't had much chance to meet new people so I feel very alone. I just feel very useless and can't really see a point to a life this lonely. I just wish I could find out why I am being treated like a paraiah. All I ever did was love her and put up with some crazy **** in the process and she comes out looking like the victim while my life is so empty.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Lonely

AARRRGH

They're idiots, especially the girl you were in love with. She sounds very immature and selfish.

You're just torturing yourself by trying to stay in touch with them. They're ex-friends. You need to move on and start a new life. The sooner you do the sooner you'll be happy again.

Best of luck.

PS You can make new friends. Just start some courses in the evenings.

WilmaRidesAgain

My Good Jaysus, they sound like a bunch of toxic pr1cks!! This beggars belief. Your woman is a weasel of a c......

You have my sympathy OP, if I was you I would be inclined to just blank these people and move on and start afresh, they declined your friend requests on facebook, they sound like a bunch of utter idiots!

You move on and start again, dont give them any more thought, they have put you through enough.

That girl was nothing but a BULLY ! :mad:

chalad07

They do seem like a bunch of arseholes.........but, who knows what she's told them about you. She could have put some serious spin on what happened between you.

Was there any of them (apart from the girl) that you were especially close to? Could you give them a call, ask to meet up and explain the situation? If they were any kind of mates they'd understand,

Also to echo what the lads said, you can easily make new friends,

LegacyUser

chalad07 wrote: »

Was there any of them (apart from the girl) that you were especially close to? Could you give them a call, ask to meet up and explain the situation? If they were any kind of mates they'd understand,

After she got in touch to meet up, I was in email contact with one of them, then it suddenly went cold. I am falling apart over this, not knowing what has been said about me. Why they all hate me so much. I don't understand.

Miss Spelt

If that's how they act do you really want them as friends??

Old cliche but there are plenty more fish in the sea and you deserve better. As has been said you can make new friends - it's time to cut the links with these people, they're not good for you.

It's hard when you've been hurt like this but you're still young and you can't let this hang over you the rest of your life.

Evening classes, local groups (drama, music, sports) are great ways to occupy your time and you'll meet people with similar interests.

chalad07

HelpMeSoLonely wrote: »

After she got in touch to meet up, I was in email contact with one of them, then it suddenly went cold. I am falling apart over this, not knowing what has been said about me. Why they all hate me so much. I don't understand.

If you were good friends with these people and they suddenly turned, it seems like the girl might have told them some bullsh*t about you to get them all on her side.

It might be worth meeting that guy for a drink, explaining exactly what went on. Maybe he'll still be cold, and if so you've lost nothing, but MAYBE he'll have been under the impression that you did something terrible, and you can set the record straight.

In saying that Miss Spelt is right - either way you should go out and try and make friends. It's a lot less daunting than it sounds, and you can often be surprised about how nice people are.

Karen_*

You should be feeling sorry for this girl because she obviously has serious head problems and has so little respect for herself or for anyone that she treats a human being like this. Leave it to Karma OP.

You didn't deserve any of this and its soul destroying, I know. And we're all lonely at some stage and I can tell you you're not the only lonely or hurt person here. Difficult as it is you have to suck this all up. Its happened. Its awful. But you have to move on very slowly. This girl didn't want you and had no respect for you. Thats not something you can take on and let it eat you up. Its totally her problem.

You need to get out and start joining things and taking up hobbies. And there are loads of boards meet ups to attend! And there's lots of lonely people out there waiting for someone like you to come and brighten up your life. You're obviously a good and loyal friend. And thats very much needed!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies so far. I guess I am just having a low day with it all. Feel like I am slipping into a bad place. Feel like its eating me up, sat here on my own wracking my brains. What did I do, how can they treat me this way. Im desperate.

WilmaRidesAgain

You didn't do anything!

OP, you have got to "screw your courage to the sticking place" and confront one or all of these people and find out what this girl has been saying and obviously making people believe about you.

You have the right to be treated decently and honestly, you have a RIGHT to the truth, dont just sit there and wonder, you cannot allow yourself to be treated this way.

Get angry!!! :mad: A significant injustice has probably been perpetrated against you, this is NOT OK and that is why you are feeling terrible, it seems like you have just accepted it and rather than taking action you are passively suffering when there is no need to !

Look, at this stage they have all blanked you, what have you got to lose?

Nothing, at least by trying you can claw back some bit of self respect and control over this.

I wish you luck OP, its terrible to be in those shoes, being despised by people but not knowing why, do not allow this.

RedXIV

OP, i'd hearitly encourage you to make some new friends, and this is an awful lot easier than you think. There are plenty of ways to meet new and interesting people and as said above, you may be suprised how nice some people can be.

As regards your "friends", in your situation, i'd laugh them off. so what if they won't talk to you, they've lost the right to call you a friend now that they have cut you off and a group of people like that will cut each other off eventually until they are all alone and bitter. Where as if you start laughing now, you have this unrivaled opportunity to go out there, make BETTER friends and lead a happy life. Don't let these people drag you down, learn from the experience and become a better person

Beetlebum

Lonely,

It made me feel so sad reading your post. You have been treated very unfairly but the bottom line is, if
your group of friends were real, true friends then they'd still be your friends now despite your lack of
communication and despite what she may have told them.

You are lucky to have escaped a poisonous wench like her but unfortunately the aftermath of your secret
relationship has cause really awful repercussions for you. God, I would be so angry at her if that was me.

So, you have a few options here. Forget adding people as friends on facebook. If you really want to be friends
with these people then call one of them up, the one you were closest too and arrange to meet for a pint/coffee
to talk things through. If they refuse, then you have done all you can do on that score.

Second, and in my opinion best option, forget those so-called friends and more importantly, forget her. You and only
you have the power to make your life better. The world is full of wonderful people, places and opportunities. Don't let
that b*tch have any more control over you.

Start tonight. There is a boards beers on. I'm not able to go but if I was I'd happily meet you beforehand and we could go
together. Make a whole new bunch of friends for yourself. I hate the thought of anybody feeling lonely. I think it's the worst
feeling in the world. you can be rich, successful, creative etc but if you have nobody or you feel lonely - what's it worth. Nothing.

Please PM me if you'd like to talk or hang out. I'm 27 years old, a girl and have lots of great friends. you don't have to be alone.

chip up, stay strong and try not to focus on the past too much.

RossFixxxed

Ex friends, been there and as everyone has said get away from them now. Just cut off all communication for your own sake and your own pride. Come out to a boards beer, think there's an impromptu one tonight, or hell head out with me and my mates, there's loads of people always about! If you want as beetle above me said we can head to the boards beer or whatever. No point in looking back and i'll be damned if people fall into the same situtation i have in the past.

R

stevelknievel

I gotta agree with everyone else here. Lonliness is the worst feeling in the world. If I were you, I'd try one time and one time only to get back in with your old group. Try to meet the friend you were closest to. If he says no fcuk him and the rest of them. Move on. Social clubs, classes, online, boards beers, gyms. Even ask some co-workers out for a few post-work beers some Friday. Whatever you do move on.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, thanks for replying.

I took another stab at trying to get in contact with them once last time. One of them passed their exams and I sent a message saying well done and maybe we could go for a celebratory bevvie and all I got back was "Thanks."

I am falling to pieces. Its eating me up not knowing what has been said about me, I was awake nearly all of last night. My stomach is in knots, I can't eat.

Prior to me walking away and letting her have her space I told her that if she ever wanted to give it a shot for real she was to contact me and we'd do it right. That is why the text two years later shocked me so much, she said she'd only contact me if that is whats she wanted. We had a bit of contact then cold again. Now ignored.

I know i have to move on and get out there but I am so scared and messed up over all of this. The thought of going out and putting myself out there again scare me ****tless. I can't get hurt again. Its friday nght and I am in on my own again.

This is no life. I feel like this is it.

RossFixxxed

HelpMeSoLonely wrote: »

Hi everyone, thanks for replying.

I took another stab at trying to get in contact with them once last time. One of them passed their exams and I sent a message saying well done and maybe we could go for a celebratory bevvie and all I got back was "Thanks."

It is definitely time to let them go. That's definite now and keeping on trying to text is only going to make you feel worse.

I am falling to pieces. Its eating me up not knowing what has been said about me, I was awake nearly all of last night. My stomach is in knots, I can't eat.

I wish I could swear here but screw what they're saying. It doesn't matter at all in the scheme of things. I know there's people out there who hate me and will talk crap about me. To hell with them, I'm not going to waste my time or engery on whatever hatefilled, spiteful things they're consuming themselves with. Let them and whatever they think go. Seriously it's not worth feeling like this for. At all.

Prior to me walking away and letting her have her space I told her that if she ever wanted to give it a shot for real she was to contact me and we'd do it right. That is why the text two years later shocked me so much, she said she'd only contact me if that is whats she wanted. We had a bit of contact then cold again. Now ignored.

Forgive my bluntness, but she's a write off now. You'll have to move on. It's not much fun but you HAVE to do it.

I know i have to move on and get out there but I am so scared and messed up over all of this. The thought of going out and putting myself out there again scare me ****tless. I can't get hurt again. Its friday nght and I am in on my own again.

This is no life. I feel like this is it.

Right I know how scary it is. It's bloody terrifying to be fair. However, the fact you say 'this is it' is worrying. You are putting too much into other people and what they think. Go to a GP. And read my previous post, I was offering to pop to the beers with you or whatever. I can introduce you to people, or we could do a class together and you could meet people there.... Seriously, PM me if you want. Nobody should be feeling like this and I (and many others here) are willing to help.

You have to dig your head out and get moving. Go see your doctor, there may be more behind this, and start finding some interests.. .Martial arts, art, writing, there's MILLIONS of classes and things out there.

Ross

MJOR

I really cannot tell you how bad i feel for you. These friends are not worth having. You protected this girl and she repayed you by isolating you.

You need to forget these childish people that ganged up on you like a bunch of five year olds.

Newer friends that you can start afresh with is really what you need.

Good Luck

JonathanAnon

First of all, that girl abused your friendship. Fair enough if she said 'no' in the first place, but after you started a relationship it seemed like she wanted to have her cake and eat it. Possibly using you until something better came along. Guys usually get a bad rap for this but some women are just as bad. For your own sanity you should have NO contact with this girl. If you try to be friends, you will always want more than she is prepared to give you.

Personally I would have been insulted if she had failed to acknowledge the relationship in front of your friends, and this should have set off alarm bells about her intentions. Did she think she was better than you, or 'slumming it' by being with you, and embarrassed to tell your friends.

As far as the friends go, most people here are writing them off. I would at least give it one last shot with the one that you are closest to. Meet him/her alone and explain everything. Most people are reasonable and will understand. I think what they are annoyed about is that you abandoned them WITHOUT reason.

MJOR

Troll wrote:

Blaaaa

Trolling eejit basically so no need to give them the light of publicity. Banned to boot

RedXIV

Troll wrote:

Blaaaa

Trolling eejit basically so no need to give them the light of publicity. Banned to boot

RossFixxxed

I am not actually worthy of anybody's sympathy because I brought it all on myself.

You did, but that doesn't completely cut you off. There's plent of us willing to help, but you should go get some professional help and were here for backup!

Go out and start making steps. You're only young still and there's loads you can do to improve!

R

WilmaRidesAgain

:mad:

Stay away from "barely legal" young people, you dont know what age they are!

Sorry for your trouble but be responsible!

thebaldsoprano

Hi OP,

Completely gobsmacked reading this, what a bunch of complete ******s and as for that girl...

Sounds very much like your head is still back there with all that happened, it's probably best to move on - ie if someone not meeting you for pints has you in a bit of a state they have way to much power over how you feel. It'll probably be very difficult to break out of it and move on, but look at it this way, what's the alternative?

One thing that might be worth trying is to email/txt your side of the story to everyone and then completetly forget about them, do it from a temporary account if you have to.

G'luck, I hope things get better for you soon!


PS count to 10 before hitting the 'send' button

thebaldsoprano

PPS you'll be amazed how quickly you'll forget about her when you meet someone else