Too Goodlooking for my own good!!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I'm just wondering why men are so intimidated by beautiful women.

I am 28 years old and have been single since I was 18. I go out every weekend and nearly
always go home alone. I would be classified as a beautiful woman and my male friends
have told me that's the reason that men don't approach me. They are scared of me or assume
I have a boyfriend because looking like I do, how could I not??

Well I don't and it's driving me crazy. I see men nudge each other as I walk by and barmen give me free drinks
but men in general just don't approach me. I am very confident and have no trouble making eye contact and
flirting with men I fancy but they usually act all shy and giddy (not sexy) or get nervous and hide behind there
buddy.

I am a lovely girl with loads of love to give but men ignore me or just stare but do nothing about it!!!

Help, I am lonely and so tired of being alone.

Any advice on how to make men approach me more. I always smile but they run away!!

Nevyn

Why don't you approach them ?
if they run away and you are intrested why don't you chase them ?

MJOR

God i wish I had the too goodlooking gene!

Lucky you! Approach them yourself... Ask someone out they'll be thrilled.

panda100

It seems like the only place your looking for men is in bars? Honestly,Ive never met anyone in a pub or a night out.

Get involved in clubs or sports or ask your male friends to set you up with their mates then they will get to know how lovely you are. Finding someone special isnt about getting free drinks of barmen,or blokes nudging themselves when you walk past in some pub.

RuailleBuaille

Are you too beautiful to approach them? TBH, it seems like you want to be worshipped, no wonder they stay away.

herya

Try to hunt in packs ie with other girls. Guys are more likely to approach a bunch of girls for a chat than a beauty solitaire.

cournioni

Where you from?! I'm single.

LegacyUser

herya wrote: »

Try to hunt in packs ie with other girls. Guys are more likely to approach a bunch of girls for a chat than a beauty solitaire.

I always go out with the girls and they get chatted up but I get ignored or have some guy drooling all over me telling me I'm beautiful.

I don't want to be worshipped as another poster said, I want to love and be loved.
I'm not big headed either, I'm just being honest. I happen to be above average in the looks department, where's the crime in admitting that?

Too many people have low self esteem, I have high self esteem and I'm being critisied, you can't win!!

biko

Do you want sex or a relationship? For relationship, look among friends of friends or join a society. Internet dating?

Or wear a "young, free, single" t-shirt next time you're out

LegacyUser

Can we have picture proof?

I find it hard to believe you are single for this long and it would be due to your looks. One person may not find you attractive but I have no doubt somebody else would.

I would suspect it might be more to do with your personality / attitude then your looks.

Also, that Wicnst guy is single. He wants you.

Wibbs

It depends what we define as beautiful. There are many many women that others will say "isn't she gorgeous" and she may be, probably is, but actual, universally gorgeous is rare enough.

In my experience very attractive women like that can often have more problems finding the right guy. I've a friend who is striking to look at and she has had a lot more difficulty than her "plainer" mates. She's very easy going too so its not that.

A lot is down to what you said, intimidation or the expectation that a woman like that is already spoken for. The other problem is sometimes the kind of guy who will approach such a woman is not the type she would want. the more cocky type, if you know what I mean(not the naturally confident type), or the drunk as a skunk bloke where alcohol makes him temporarily forget the tide wouldn't take him out.

This is made a lot worse in the high alcohol environment of the pub/nightcub cattle market. As Panda100 wrote not a great place to meet someone. It can happen, but usually only when it's through mutual friends in said pub nightclub.

While top end beauty is nice, the personality has to be there too. Top end beauty is rare enough, but it's not so rare that the rest of the package can be ignored.

STUBBORNGIRL

MJOR wrote: »

God i wish I had the too goodlooking gene!

Lucky you! Approach them yourself... Ask someone out they'll be thrilled.

+1

Put yourself out there - Everyone would kill for your good looks! At the end of the day you also have to remember it is not always about good looks it is about Charisma and confidence and i know this because i have some stunning looking friends and no joke there is one in particular where men just flock to her - There is just something about her! Men arent put off by her beauty (let me tell you they are all over her and she has no problem getting attention). I think you need to be able to exude charisma! Maybe you appear unapprochable - a few of my other good looking friends could be standing at a bar all night and a guy wouldnt approach them and all because they have that look - the look that says stay away from me i am unapproachable!

I dont know you OP but if you were as good looking as you say and approachable then the guys would be flocking! Find that charisma inside you and turn it on! Be mysterious - not too loud or brass! These are jsut idea's, i am not saying you are any of the above. Ask your friends if they find you approachable? Failing all the above - find a guy you like and ask him out...he will be flattered!!!

Good look to you i would do anything to be a stunner...:)

Wibbs

PORNAPSTER keep on topic, down with that sorta thing etc

Victor

PORNAPSTER wrote: »

Where you from?! I'm single.

Behave.

John Mason

I had the same problem as you but i eventually meet someone really great, so just hang in there and stop looking so desperate and may be get some hobbies like rugby or something like that

mosfo

if all of your male friends think you're beautiful then why hasn't one of them asked you out? have you asked them why? maybe if you didn't try to think of your self as beautiful but as interesting and interested then you might get a diff result. personality goes a long way. cleavage helps

aye

herya wrote: »

Try to hunt in packs ie with other girls. Guys are more likely to approach a bunch of girls for a chat than a beauty solitaire.

as i guy, i find it more intimidating to talk to a group of girls, than if the girl is just with one or two friends, or just at the bar on her own.

Prettylonely wrote: »

I always go out with the girls and they get chatted up but I get ignored or have some guy drooling all over me telling me I'm beautiful.

are these guys always drunk?
joining clubs or doing a class can be a good idea.
or get a friend to set you up.

biko wrote: »

Or wear a "young, free, single" t-shirt next time you're out

+1.
might buy one of them myself!

smartypants

hey why dont you try approaching a guy, see how that works out for ya. tbh i find it really hard to believe that you cant get a guy, there are loads guys out there that would jump at a chance to get cosy with a good looking girl. I think your either going to the wrong places or looking at the wrong guy.

RuailleBuaille

irishbird wrote: »

I had the same problem as you but i eventually meet someone really great, so just hang in there and stop looking so desperate and may be get some hobbies like rugby or something like that

The size of some people's heads is hilarious!

OP, has it occurred to you that you might need to do more than stand there and look pretty? Do you initiate conversations? If men find you intimidating to begin with, being aloof and unapproachable is going to kill any interest altogether. Smile! A lot! And laugh! And just put out the impression you're having the time of your life. People like to be included (see above) and will be drawn to somebody they see as fun and engaging. Your face is the ice-breaker, your personality should be the deal-maker. Good luck!

mosfo

mosfo wrote: »

if all of your male friends think you're beautiful then why hasn't one of them asked you out? have you asked them why? maybe if you didn't try to think of your self as beautiful but as interesting and interested then you might get a diff result. personality goes a long way. cleavage helps

you say you 'nearly always go home alone'. whats happened when you didn't? no calls / numbers? girls should always ask for the guy's number if they want to see him again. we're s***e at calling back. we mean to at the time but..well...you know...

Wibbs

Prettylonely wrote: »

I always go out with the girls and they get chatted up but I get ignored or have some guy drooling all over me telling me I'm beautiful.

The either/or problem.

STUBBORNGIRL wrote:

I dont know you OP but if you were as good looking as you say and approachable then the guys would be flocking!

wintiepoos wrote:

I find it hard to believe you are single for this long and it would be due to your looks.

I'd believe it. I've seen it happen. More than once with more than one very good looking woman too. An ex of mine waaaaay back in the day was one of those. Half Italian/English with some Swedish and Irish thrown in. 5'10, size 10, Raven hair, approached in the street to do modeling(not airfix). You get the picture. She was single for 4 years before I met her. How we ended up together was more luck than judgement on my part that's for sure. The weird thing was that when we were out and I was at the bar or wherever, she would very very rarely be approached. Looked at yes, approached no. Anytime she was the guy was usually absolutely blotto. After we split she was single for a good few years after too.

To take the crass scale angle. A 5 or a 6 in the objectively defined looks dept. will have it easier than a 8 or 9. For a fair few reasons. The 8 or 9 may be looking for someone equal in the looks dept for a start so that drops the numbers right off. An 8 or 9 will intimidate far more men than a 5 or 6, so that drops the numbers even more(She may even intimidate other women around her so her chances of getting introduced to guys may be less). Then the type of guys who will hit on an 8 or 9 tend to fall more into the category of cocky or drunk. This is the extreme end of head turningly gorgeous of course.

The only advice I would give the OP is flirt more with a guy you like. Let him know you like him. Say something along the lines of "I wouldn't mind coming here again, what about you" kinda thing. Keep looking and keep out there.

unreggd

get this printed on a tshirt



Girls are the same. One of my mates is an absolute cracker, and shes goin out with a guy who's dead sound and all, but not a great looker


She told me girls go for not so good lookin guys cos if she had a gorgeous bf other girls would be all over him and she'd get jealous/paranoid


With all things, if you try force them they usually wont happen, so just go with the flow. Concentrate on having a good night with your mates

I dont go on the pull anymore, cos if I dont pull, ill think I had a crap night, or else ill score someone I dont want to, then feel stupid

Good luck!!

smartypants

p.s. i love punching above me weight .... going out of my league! :pac:

I cant except a good looking girl gets no attention...she has to be blind to the genuine guys that showing interest...

STUBBORNGIRL

mosfo wrote: »

you say you 'nearly always go home alone'. whats happened when you didn't? no calls / numbers? girls should always ask for the guy's number if they want to see him again. we're s***e at calling back. we mean to at the time but..well...you know...

mosfo - You are obviously a guy - and a lazy one at that! If a guy really really liked a girl he would get her number and ring her - so spare us all that S***e about meaning to - The same goes for a girl!

I asked a guy for his number before because his phone was dead and he gave it to me but wouldnt reply to my text so was he s***e at texting? - no i dont think so - he just wasnt that into me FULL STOP!

mosfo

STUBBORNGIRL wrote: »

mosfo - You are obviously a guy - and a lazy one at that! If a guy really really liked a girl he would get her number and ring her - so spare us all that S***e about meaning to - The same goes for a girl!

I asked a guy for his number before because his phone was dead and he gave it to me but wouldnt reply to my text so was he s***e at texting? - no i dont think so - he just wasnt that into me FULL STOP!

well maybe. but being serious for a moment, too many irish girls still expect the guy to make all the running. they expect him to approach them, (which takes enough courage btw which can explain OP's drunken suitors), him to make a move, him to ask them for their number etc etc. too many girls are passive in this regard. if you like a guy it's this simple. smile and say hello. really. it's that simple. now you're in control of what guys you talk to and not standing there waiting for 'that guy over there' to come over

cowzerp

really good looking people are usually very shallow, so if some fella gets the courage to approach them they get shot down most of the time, this is not a nice thing, i've seen it lots of times..if your not shallow, you'll do well.

try approaching people in a relaxed friendly manner and see if you's hit off, if i was single and a stunning sound girl came over to me, id be a happy boy!

Whyner

10 years single, not just related to your stunning looks....couldn't be

Do they not even chat to you when they've had a few? Do your friend's not have boyfriends?

Hope you meet someone soon anyway. Good work on the self-esteem, too many people drop the chin when things don't work out.

Just a matter of time for you I think.

Chatting to guys in the pub can be so easy, if things continue you may have to leave the girl side and approach the boys, you scared? Nice problem.

PurpleBerry

OP, you should give Internet dating a go. That way your outstanding looks won't be an issue. Don't swap photos with any of the people you meet, don't let them see you until you've already established a connection based on deeper things.

I know how you feel OP, I'm far too rich. It sucks, tbh. But what can you do?

Wibbs

cowzerp wrote: »

really good looking people are usually very shallow, so if some fella gets the courage to approach them they get shot down most of the time, this is not a nice thing, i've seen it lots of times..if your not shallow, you'll do well.

I wouldn't agree. It really does depend. I would say that averagely good looking women who have been told they're gorgeous may be shallow. Truly good looking women, those with "model looks" have usually gone through a gawky awkward stage in their teens and may feel even more self conscious than other women. When they do realise that they have those looks that can mess with their heads too. They're regarded differently to others by both men and women. That can be a head wreck. I would say they're as shallow or not as any one else, with the added weirdness of beauty.

try approaching people in a relaxed friendly manner and see if you's hit off, if i was single and a stunning sound girl came over to me, id be a happy boy!

That I agree with.

STUBBORNGIRL

cowzerp wrote: »

really good looking people are usually very shallow, !

dont agree - there are just as many average looking people out there that are just as shallow.

Op would you consider yourself Shallow? Would you have high standards when it comes to men... are you fussy? just throwing a few things out there since cowzerp opened up a can of worms!

To be honest i think the Op would have mentioned that she had high standards in her original post if she did, maybe Op you could shed some light on this?

easyontheeye

id guess she might be picky, heres a shock to all you girls...as many assholes as there are out there... equally there are as many nice lads out there willing to date a pretty girl :eek:

How Strange

Prettylonely wrote: »

I always go out with the girls and they get chatted up but I get ignored or have some guy drooling all over me telling me I'm beautiful.

What impression do you give when you're out in a bar or club? Are you approachable and friendly to guys when they chat to you? I used to know a girl who believed she was above average looks and woe betide any average looking guy who came near her. She wouldn't spit on him. She was only interested in the most beatiful guys in the bar.

I'm not big headed either, I'm just being honest. I happen to be above average in the looks department, where's the crime in admitting that?

No crime at all. As long as you're aware that looks aren't everything. They only get you so far and to use another cliche it's most definitely whats on the inside that counts. Irish bars and clubs are full of girls who think they're too good looking for their own good (and for most Irish guys).

Too many people have low self esteem, I have high self esteem and I'm being critisied, you can't win!!

I don't think your self esteem can be as high as you think it is otherwise you'd be approaching guys yourself and using your good looks to your advantage. I doubt many guys would turn down being chatted up by a good looking woman. Instead you hang around with a gang of girls and wait to be chatted up.

STUBBORNGIRL

Neesa wrote: »

I know how you feel OP, I'm far too rich. It sucks, tbh. But what can you do?

Oh my God - Actually i am glad i am average in the looks department and I am glad Im not too rich - there really is no pleasing people!

What i would have always assumed is that men were after money and looks - now we have two people complaining about the very things that we are led to believe are men magnets!!

God i must stand a chance then!!! Must put myself out there again!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies so far..

I'm not shallow either. I am really loney and would love to meet a funny, intelligent guy who was attractive to me. He doesn't have to be Brad Pitt!

Saying I've been single for 10 years while technically true, is not entirely true. I've had flings and a few one-night-stands but the longest has been 2 months.

My male friends don't ask me out because they are just that - friends! I've kissed a few of them over the years but I'm not into any of them.

I am very smiley and love to dance and have fun when I'm out but to no bloody avail!!

kaimera

Come to a boards beers.

Seriously. Shouldn't have a problem finding someone there.

MuPpItJoCkEy

There is a thread on here "Do men like being asked out" and there's even a "Do men like being asked out part deux" which could give you another view on things.

Personally I don't know how I'd rate myself looks wise as some people find one type of person attractive where as the next person might think the opposite.

I get on well with all sorts of women and have a good laugh with women but if I do like someone, I would be reluctant to make the first move. I don't seem like a shy person but if I really like a girl, I not one to make a move unless it's pure obvious that the girl likes me. I value the girls I do take a fancy to and soemtimes I feel that if I did make a move, it could make them feel awkward to be just friends when they would know how I feel. I That's the kind of person I am. Sometimes I'll find out later that a certain person really liked me but they thought I didn't like them because I never made a move or said anything and by that stage, it's probably when they have found someone else.

Now I'm guessing that I'm not the only person this happens too so there may be people out there who do like you and you like and it may not be about your looks why they don't ask you out either so have a go at asking them out if you are interested in them. I should probably follow my own advice but that usually easier said than done.

Amazotheamazing

cowzerp wrote: »

really good looking people are usually very shallow!

That is utter rubbish. I know plenty of extremely good looking people who are among the most thoughtful and interesting people I know.

MuPpItJoCkEy

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

That is utter rubbish. I know plenty of extremely good looking people who are among the most thoughtful and interesting people I know.

Agree. It's a harsh thing to say, especially when you don't know the person.

You can't judge a person by how they look.

TomMc

Not saying this is the case or anything like that, but the post kind of reminds me of the really pretty girl who gets everything relatively easy growing up (through childhood/teenage years when lets face it we are a bit more superficial), never has to try hard to get her wishes met (things just happen by default, lets face it someone easy on the eye will tend to have us guys more eager to please, shallow yes but it's the way we are hard wired). So never has character building challenges or where the need to develop a personality is more essential to get ahead in life.

The trouble is when they are adults, they can be a pretty face but a wallflower. As adults we value and appreciate personality far more. Without it someone would have a very short term appeal if any. When looks fade what is left to fall back on.

Maybe you are a pleasant/regular kind of girl (if really pretty as well), just very reserved. Giving off an air of aloofness. Possible shy yourself, someone that likes someone else to make the first move and then you will talk to them and not initiate things first yourself. Conversation skills may not be your forte or maybe you just dislike small talk. Only you can answer that for yourself. Nothing attracts people more than someone with a smile on their face and a sense of fun / adventure about them. I can guarantee you if you are a well rounded individual and you approached guys first or looked more approachable yourself, guys would have much less approach anxiety in an instant.

cowzerp

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

That is utter rubbish. I know plenty of extremely good looking people who are among the most thoughtful and interesting people I know.

Thats why i said usually and not just that all where shallow, most people who base things on looks are shallow and thats what the op is doing, maybe she is a sour puss and not approachable, maybe she's just around to many dudes, its all ifs and buts! maybe she's not as good looking as she thinks!

usually when someone knows there fantastic looking they come across as cocky, in my experience the most pleasant people are average looking and dont have any of the cockyness that people who think there good looking can have, i also know good looking people who are brilliant too but there in the minority, sorry i said it as i see it.

sull

"I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking, and I plan on finding out what that is."

Seriously, what a hilarious thread. You say you would be classified as a beautiful woman - now, what classification system is being implemented here exactly? And where do all these shy and giddy chaps hang out, wide-eyed with wonder of a Saturday night? I think your problem is you are not getting attention from the ones you want attention from. And unbelievably, you deduce that the only possible flaw this can be attributed to is that you are just too beautiful. Loosen up missus and don't believe the hype.

Ah lads. There's nowt so queer as folk.

easyontheeye

sull wrote: »

"I'm pretty sure there's more to life than being really, really ridiculously good looking, and I plan on finding out what that is."

Seriously, what a hilarious thread. You say you would be classified as a beautiful woman - now, what classification system is being implemented here exactly? And where do all these shy and giddy chaps hang out, wide-eyed with wonder of a Saturday night? I think your problem is you are not getting attention from the ones you want attention from. And unbelievably, you deduce that the only possible flaw this can be attributed to is that you are just too beautiful. Loosen up missus and don't believe the hype.

Ah lads. There's nowt so queer as folk.

lolz couldnt have said it better!

Anti

Oh please the ego's in here

"I had the same problem too, then i met" Cop on, ta fook.

OP. Maybe fella's feel intimidated by your looks. Try approaching them

sunzz

Seems like a troll to me, but what do i know.

Beruthiel

I'll start handing out bannings if you lot don't stick to the OP's topic.
B

SnowMonkey

Its hard to aproach beautifull women because most men dont have the ball's to. There affraid that they'le get shot down ule ruin there "EGO'S" I dont want that!!!!

That would me my nice shirt my horrible patchy looking jeans pointed shoes,
same hair cit as 6 other blokes..... kinda man

I suspect look, personally, if i saw any remotly attractve lady cheackin me out ID run for the nearist dooor :P.. Nah it jsut depends on where your drinkin.... dont it!!! Imature men are every where there's not many truly mature men out there from what my X girl friend says...
half of them wnat rockin n roll the other half want well they dont know what they want...

I do no one thing i prfer being single its less B/S but then again thats the way i am.. We could say internet dateing, join a club ....

SnowMonkey

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

That is utter rubbish. I know plenty of extremely good looking people who are among the most thoughtful and interesting people I know.

+1

Pen1987

I love women like the OP. Love them because I actually will approach them when they havent been apporached all night and usually connect with them pretty easy. Generalising here, but theyre usually MUCH more open to being approached than 'just good looking' women.

This is possibly because they have enough self-confidence that they dont simply need the self-validation most women need/get from being approached. Hence, when they are approached in a non-sleazy or drunken manner they are open and respectful to the man who has the balls to do so. Beautiful people are the same as the average person (believe, I'm one of the beautiful ones :P) in that most of us appreiciate a boost in confidence but some are pricks/bitches and some are open/respectful... its a normal demographic!

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

i definitely don't want to be rude here OP - but, is it possible that it is something to do with your personality? I really can't imagine how you could be v good looking and yet still be single for 10 years without some sort of personality flaw. Men do actually look for more in women than just good looks. Maybe it might be worth engaging in a little introspection.

of course, it is entirely possible (and, i'm sure, highly likely) that this isn't the case, but it is maybe worth thinking about...

Sunn

She has been single for 10 years as she is too good looking?

I find it hard to believe that not a single man has attempted to ask you out within that period of time.

Maybe if you stopped been so neurotic you would stand a better chance but I do believe this thread is a fake.

chickenhawk

Prettylonely wrote: »

I always go out with the girls and they get chatted up but I get ignored

The best example of this is in the film 'A Beautiful Mind'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JDoQb6A2YI

The explanation starts around fifty seconds in and i know of a good few groups who work on the wingman thing. As in you all go for the less attractive ones and leave me to the hottest one. However if a girl looks like a model some people might just aim for the next one down to maximise their chances of not being rejected.