Am I Insane??

LegacyUser

Sorry if this is posted twice,Im not sure I did it right the first time!

Going to keep it short as poss:

Boyf just moved into new place - been there couple of months,lives with couple of girls,they seem nice. We were seeing each other pretty much every night, he'd stay in mine couple of nights and I'd stay in his couple of nights and we'd alternate weekends depending on who had a 'free' house.
He told me the other day that the girls have said I stay over in his too much, obviously he cant stay in mine every night so that means we have to cut the time we spend together in half. Id just like to add that when I stay in his I dont get round until gone 9pm and we pretty much go straight into his room, have watched dvd couple of times, in fact Ive hardly met the girls as they are not usually even there when I have been.

So this is the 'am I insane' bit -

Im thinking maybe he just said that because he doesnt want to see as much of me as he has been. Which, Id like to add, would be fine and Id understand if he wanted some space etc but I wouldnt want to be lied too about it. And obviously now I feel extremely uncomfortable even going to the house.

opinions much appreciated :-)

The_Conductor

In all honesty- from the point of someone who has houseshared before- it is extremely awkard when one of the people has a girlfriend or a boyfriend who is constantly coming over. Even when they're not there- you assume that they are (as they might be in their room a lot of time with the door shut etc) and you're tiptoeing around the place trying to make sure that you don't disturb them (or hoping that they aren't too vocal in the bedroom, which can be embarrassing for everyone......)

Instead of renting two rooms in two apartments- if you're serious about each other, might this be an opportunity to explore the possibility of sharing someplace yourselves?

I don't think that you're insane- no, and I also don't think that its that he wants to see less than you.

Ultimately- you have to sit down and talk to each other. Communication after all is key to any relationship.........

Redpunto

dont be silly, he wants to see you....it is a pain in the bum with girl or boyfriends staying over in house shares...dont take it personally

Sheena99

Would agree, can be hard on people sharing if boy/girlfriends around a lot. Been on both sides of that. Take it easy for a while, maybe try to get to know the girls on your own, makes it easier if everyone is friends.

kittensoft1984

Sheena99 wrote: »

Would agree, can be hard on people sharing if boy/girlfriends around a lot. Been on both sides of that. Take it easy for a while, maybe try to get to know the girls on your own, makes it easier if everyone is friends.

+1

Yeah it can be awkward. Dont take it personally and try to get to know the girls maybe.....especially as it is a new house share....might make it easier....

MagicMarker

From your post it sounds like you spend every night together as well as weekends.

TBH, if this is the case then i can definitely understand if he wants his space! You seem to be living in each others pockets. I've done this in the past myself but in future when in a relationship i will always make sure to have my alone time and time with my friends.

Maybe cut down on contact, instead of spending every night together, how about every other night?

4Xcut

His flatmates probably said it to him. I know i'd have no problem saying it to someone and if someone said it to me i'd act on it.

Also, it's not that they mean it in a negative way about you. But it can get annoying of someone eho doesn't live in your house is there all the time and they probably wanted to nip it in the bud now.

It may have occured to them that the time you spend there may increase if they didn't say anything now.

Bottom line, i'd say that exactl what was said happened actually did happen.

Overheal

maybe im just easygoing but i never had a problem sharing a house with a college couple outside of regular house sharing issues, like coffee. Damn coffee.

You said yourself you barely know these girls and this may just be creating tension all around. Any chance you can all just get together and break/drown the ice a bit? That might do a lot to make his flatmates feel more comfortable.

MagicMarker

personally, i wouldn't have a problem with a flat mate having a gf/bf over.. So long as they were quiet, dirscreet and didn't eat my food/hog the front room.

hussey

Yeah house sharing can be weird, it's not your house, so you have to respect the house rules, no matter how you think it might be over the top etc.

You also don't have to cut time in half.

If he was staying in yours (e.g.) 3 days a week
and his 4 ... if you cut that down in half to 2 that is 5/7 ... hardly half.

Also if you stay the entire weekend, that can be pretty awkward on existing housemates ... even if you do nothing wrong, sometimes they can feel like it's a you guys and them situation (known from experience)

I've been housesharing for 3years now, so have had experience.
Don't take it personally.

echosound

They probably did say it to him - maybe they're worried that you'll eventually end up spending all your time at the house and be an unofficial extra housemate, but one who is not contributing to the rent, and that can create resentment. Or they may be worried that you will end up moving in as a fully paid up housemate and then they will be sharing with an extra person, and a couple to boot.

Also, they might be a bit uncomfortable with a relative stranger (you say they seem nice, as if you don't know them too well?) that could be in the house without them being aware of your presence.

what I mean is when I houseshared, I'd not be worried what my housemates thought of me as we were all very good friends, I'd think nothing of slouching from the bedroom to the kitchen for a cuppa after I got up, with hair all over the place, no make-up on, and possibly in just a PJs or nightdress or teeshirt, but I'd be mortified if I bumped into someone else unexpectedly in the kitchen (happened once that I stumbled into the kitchen in just a teeshirt and shorts, just up out of bed, and there was one of my housemate's mother and sister sitting there having a polite cup of tea while I looked like a total skank all hungover and shabby). I also used to iron clothes when wearing just a towel after a shower, and I would have been embarrassed if anyone bar my housemates walked by.

They might just feel like they can't relax knowing you may or may not be in the house- eg they arrive in from work and not be expecting anyone to be there, then they'd run into you on the stairs and be startled etc.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions that your BF is using them as an excuse TBH.

AngryBadger

As a lot of people have said already, if someones OH is crashing at their place every other night, it can become really awkward for housemates.

I live with a polish couple, lovely people, we often wind up gett drunk on their massive stash of numerous vodkas, but I'm always mindful of them as a couple and not being too disruptive since they were living in the apartment on their own before I came along.

So I'd say his housemates did say it to him, and anyway, that would be a fairly lame excuse if he was just trying to fob you off, and the lie could be very easily exposed.

LadyE

I wouldnt read into it like you are, thinking that because he said his flatmates said about you being over all the time (which is prob true!) that he doesnt want to see you...can you not go out and have a coffee/walk with him rather than staying in the odd time?

If you know he cant stay in your every night, then consider that you cant stay in his every night! Its the same...dont get all paranoid!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your comments, Im over my paranoid moment now and I think thats all it actually was! Thanks again :-)