Husband - weird?

LegacyUser

Hi,
long time read/occasional contributor here...hoping to get some opinions from the good folk of boards...

anyway, happily married a 5 years or so, all going grand (no kids yet). I've noticed recently that my hubby seems to have developed what i can only describe as a mild obsession with lingerie, particularly hosiery like stockings, holdups etc. Perhaps I should clarify that he's not actually wearing them (afaik), but is constantly 'at' me to dress up for those intimite times we share. It seems every time we start any kind of seduction, he'll inevitably interrupt it by saying "i've something nice for you to wear" or "would you mind wearing these tongight" etc. then he'll produce a pair of stockings or something for me. I have noticed that it's almost always a brand new pair still in the packaging, so he's clearly going and buying these things somewhere, which in itself I find a bit strange. At first I loved dressing up for him and really enjoyed it but lately I'm wondering whether it's me or the stockings that turn him on. he's very persuasive so the odd time I've tried to say no to his requests, he'll either find a way to convince me or go all moody which really kills the moment. I suppose I indulge his fantasy for a quiet life to some extent.

I work in an office with lots of guys and 80% of the time I wear trousers and a blouse, occasionally a skirt and blouse, but last night my hubby was saying I should wear stockings to work and he came up with some story about tights giving me thrush in warm weather. where he found this gem of knowledge I don't know, and not sure I want to know either. I get the feeling though that his motive is some kind of turn on for him for me to wear stockings to work, rather than any concern for my nether-region health!!

anyway, thanks for reading... would love to know if anybody has any views/thinks this is strange etc? Lads - what do u reckon? ladies, i'd be pleased to get any feedback that might help me explain this.

Sarah.

Oryx

Using lingerie or stockings as a turn on is not weird in itself, its pretty mundane. In your case though, Id worry that your husband is getting to a stage where he cannot get turned on properly without them, and your other comments do add to the feeling that this is becoming an obsession with him. As obsessions go it is pretty harmless, I can think of many other sexual habits I would have bigger problems with.:) But thing is, this is a problem for you because you see it as being all consuming, and I can guess you wonder where its going and how far it will go!

Im no sexual therapist, but the gap between what you find sexually acceptable and what he sees as ok is widening, and now is the time to tackle it before you start to feel worse and more alienated by his needs. That begins by talking to him about it at a time when you are not in the bedroom. What you do beyond that depends on how the talking goes. The main thing is to never allow yourself to be pressured into doing anything sexual you are uncomfortable with, no matter how innocent it appears to your partner.

rescue26

I think this could be quiet a common problem. Fair enough if he wants you to dress up sometimes but there has to be a compromise too, he cant have it all his own way. You obviously arent that comfortable with it but are still prepared to do it? There has to be give and take. You really need to talk about this away from the bedroom and ask him where this is all coming from all of a sudden.

Dizzyblonde

It sounds as though this is getting more and more extreme. You need to talk to him about it and find a happy medium that you're comfortable with.

r3nu4l

readyo wrote: »

he came up with some story about tights giving me thrush in warm weather. where he found this gem of knowledge I don't know, and not sure I want to know either.

Well, wearing tights can pre-dispose some women to bouts of Candida (thrush) infection. It's not the cause but in some women prone to thrush it can help aggravate the situation, so in that sense he's not wrong. However, it's nothing to get worried about and to be honest it seems as though he's just using that as a way to manipulate you into wearing stockings to work.

It sounds like your husband has a stocking fetish. Most lads love women in lingerie, including stockings. If he can't have sex with you without them then that indicates that it's more than a simple liking. It sounds like he's trying to bring his fantasies to life. He may fantasise about you being at work looking prim and proper in your blouse and skirt but underneath you are dressed like a 'sexy secretary' or 'love goddess' or...well...you get the idea.

It would do no harm to tell him that the frequency is freaking you out a little but do so before it comes to a 'moment of passion'. Sit him down after dinner some evening and tell him how you feel. Discuss it between you, like adults.

/On a tangent, a friend of mine is a teacher and she always wears stockings, never tights. She finds them more comfortable. It's not a sexual thing for her in any way, they're just like tights witht he tops cut off in her mind. I'd say if the lads in her class knew that they'd need bathroom breaks every five minutes :pac:

Quazzie

Personally stockings and lingerie aren't my thing, but its obviously his. If he stopped shaving for a few days and had stubble that you didn't find attractive would you ask him to shave before you have sex? Its much along the same lines. he thinks you look sexy in stocking/lingerie.
I think you should be happy he feels open enough to suggest such things to you. maybe you should fire back a few suggestions yourself and see where it brings ye

p

Sounds like a perfectly normal issue to crop up over the course of a relationship.

Just talk to him about it in a non-judgemental way and communicate your feelings and listen to his. There's nothing weird about lingerie, but the important thing is to be open about it and make sure you both understand each other's needs and indeed, fantasies.

Good luck!

LadyE

I dont thin kthis is strange at all....lots and lots of men like women to dress up in the bedroom.

Maybe his excuses thrush etc are just his way of asking because he will get embaressed if if just comes out and says it.

I wouldnt worry about it tbh..but if you want to talk to him about it...choose your words, because theres nothing wrong with this, its just not your thing. Maybe talk to him about your fantasies too..?

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies and views you have all given - much appreciated. I totally appreciate it's a turn on for him (and me as well if i'm being honest), but I didn't know to what extent others might have experienced this with their OH's.

We're fairly sexually adventurous anyway and regularly engage in spanking, mild dom, tie 'n tease etc.. (you get the pic!), but the whole stockings issue seemed to be getting out of control.

Oh, I probably should've said I did actually wear stockings and suspenders to work today, and yes they do feel great and yes I do feel sexy in them! I've had more than a few raunchy texts from him this morning and replied, as they say, with interest! I'm sure I'm in for an interesting evening when I get home! lol.

I think what I'm going to do is suggest we go lingerie shopping together so he can help me choose some nice things... the idea of him alone in the undies & hosiery department was kinda freaking me a bit!!! at least this way I'll have some control over it.

thanks again pets
sarah x

LegacyUser

This does my head in.

For so long men are told to be sensitive to the 'needs of women' to 'understand' yadda yadda yadda.

Your husband is trying to bring something to your sexlife and you're concerned that he's weird ?

Women: it is a 2-way street. Men are very visually stimulated. Deal with it. Nothing weird or odd about it.

OP : lighten up and live a little. It's sex. It's SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

Now get back in there and give him a good spanking or whatever it is *you're* into. Stop with this 'I'm a woman so I don't have sexual fantasies' nonsense.