Should I Stay or Should I Go???

WorriedSick

Hey Everyone,

Looking for a bit of advice. I'm 24 and I broke up with my girlfriend about 6 weeks ago. We had a row and decided to finish it. We had been having problems for a while and were fighting quite a bit. I wasn't happy about it and it hit me pretty hard. I asked her several times to give it another go but she said that there was too much crap and that she was too young (she's only 20 btw). This has hit me pretty hard and I have spent the past few weeks pretty much all over the place! I have started going out with friends and I am actually enjoying it. My problem is my ex says that she still wants to be friends. It's her 21st birthday party tomorrow night and she says that she would like me to be there.

I would like to be there as we have been through alot over the past 18 months but I also feel that I need a clean break from her. I am mad about her but have to face up to the fact that it's not going to happen. That's why I feel that if I do go to the 21st that I will be going backwards instead of forwards. Over the past couple of weeks I have started to go out more, got new clothes and new hairstyle and I am feeling a little bit better about myself. I am still hurting like mad but it is getting easier day by day. My ex's dad, who I get on well with texted me the other day asking how I was and if I was going to the party.. I didn't reply to the text! I would like to wish her a Happy Birthday but I know if I do go to the party that things like the 21 kisses will piss me off!

Well.. What do you think.. Should I go to the party or go out with the lads and try and forget about it??

Thanks in Advance.

challengemaster

Move on and drop contact.. the whole friends thing wont work as you've obviously still got feelings for your ex.

hussey

I would say go, just out of respect for your ex.
a 21st is one of the few nights of the where she'll be the star.

Her dad texted you, it means there prob wasn't any hard feelings.

as you said you have been through a lot, you can start your clean break after this night.

If friendship means anything to you, you should go, because if you don't you'll look like the bad guy.

MagicMarker

I say forget about her and move on with your life.

Yeah, it's her 21st, but so what, you have to think of yourself now. All that will happen is you go, maybe drink too much and you two starting talking about ''things'' again.

It will do you no good to see her.

So, don't go, but tell her before hand rather than just not show up. The friends thing never really works. Cut all ties.

Wagon

hussey wrote: »

I would say go, just out of respect for your ex.
a 21st is one of the few nights of the where she'll be the star.

Her dad texted you, it means there prob wasn't any hard feelings.

as you said you have been through a lot, you can start your clean break after this night.

If friendship means anything to you, you should go, because if you don't you'll look like the bad guy.

Sorry, completely disagree. You can't dump someone and then expect them to do what you want afterwards. Just because you're the star for an evening doesn't mean it gives you the right to demand they show up so it makes you look good.

OP, why put yourself through it? You pretty much answered your own question. If things like 21 kisses are going to piss you off and you aren't comfortabe then it's not going to be a fun night. It woulsn't be fair on her either. If you get a bollocking, ask her what would she prefer.

a. You show up and be miserable as you watch her seemingly doesn't have a care in the world.

b. don't go and let her enjoy her night (as in not seeing you in the corner looking depressed) and go out with your own mates and have a good time

Her answer will tell you a lot. You're being pretty decent about the whole thing. The fact that you're considering even going is a lot more thought than many I know (including me) would give It's up to yourself man. And good luck.

the GALL

go for an hour say hello smile, have a chat with her ol'man and all that then feck off into town with your mate and have the crack sure you never know in a months time youse may be back and if youse aint although your p1ssed off angry about the whole situtation at least your holding your head up

Sephiroth_dude

Id have to disagree with everyone that has said go,if your gonna pissed off with the 21 kisses thing,think about how you would feel if she started mauling the face off some guy........its clear you would'nt be happy about it,so why put yourself through the torture?you owe her nothing,send her a txt "happy birthday"and leave it at that.

Beruthiel

WorriedSick wrote: »

I have started going out with friends and I am actually enjoying it. My problem is my ex says that she still wants to be friends. It's her 21st birthday party tomorrow night and she says that she would like me to be there.

Don't go. The evening would be nothing but awkward.
For your own sanity, cut all contact with her. In the long run, it will be best for both of you.
As it is, you are doing all the right things by going out with your mates and enjoying yourself. Don't look back.

MJOR

In an ideal world we could all hold hands and be friends. That is not the case worried sick and my advice is not to go. You will hurt yourself and her.

Text the dad back and just say you can't make it, then text her and wish her a great night. After that cut all contact.

jellie

Personally I dont think it would be worth the pain.

She has said she doesnt want to be with you, you owe her nothing. its all very well to want to stay friends but it doesnt really work when one person still has feelings for the other.

Grawns

Don't go. If you do, all her friends and family will be looking at you and trying to figure it out. Nightmare! Send her a nice text saying Happy Birthday, explaining it's too early to be hanging out but that you hope to be friends.

RedXIV

Not worth it, don't go. You know this is already true as you said yourself, you're going backwards, not forwards doing this.

Have fun with the lads, usually a better night anyway

Zulu

...and what will you do if she scores someone else at her 21st, now she's single?


Don't go. Send her a "happy birthday" text, and leave well enough alone.

angryInch

Definitely don't go. Was in a similar situation a long time back when I was 22. Broke up with a girl I was head-over-heals about, took ages to get over it, but the only way to get over it properly was to just cut all ties...and I mean totally cut all ties. Tried being 'friends' for 4 very hard weeks, as I tried to pretend everything was OK when I clearly still had feelings for her.

Its almost 9 years later now and I have no idea of where she is or what she is doing now. Was hard at times, but it was the only way to move on.

tinkletoes

Don't go I would advise. If you had no more feelings for her I would say go but since you do it would only upset you and set you back as you said each day is getting easier with no contact. Why put yourself through that. Wish her happy birthday in text and then cut contact for good.

GrumPy

As other posters have said, you should probably move on and forget about it. Probably be the best thing you will ever do.

Redpunto

NO NO NO NO NO.....do not go......send a card and wish her a great night but you cannot remain friends, of course you can want the best for her in life but you need to break all contact or youll never get over it.

fuzzywiggle

Don't go. It will drag up everything all over again for you. So unless you want to break your heart all over again. The only way to get over her is to have a clean break. No ''still friends'' thing. Of course be civil to her and all that but ex's don't make good friends. Text her dad, tell him you cant make it.