how to stop bringing up the past ?

heavyheart

Hi All

I had an argument with my OH the weekend, it wasnt a major one i was just hormonal and snappy but sometimes, when a fight does happen i cant help thinking of other bad stuff that has annoyed me from previous arguments . I no whats in the past should stay there as it doesnt do any good whatsoever bringing it up but how do you stop it, how do you forgive enough to completely forget it about it ?

Captain Ginger

Well it's not that complicated.

You sit down with yourself and decide if you can forgive them or not. If you can then leave it in the past, don't bring it up.

If you can't talk to them and tell them it still bothers you and try to resolve it.

It's not fair on either of you bringing up old wounds if you want to move on and they don't want to be reminded.

Beetlebum

Captain Ginger wrote: »

Well it's not that complicated.

You sit down with yourself and decide if you can forgive them or not. If you can then leave it in the past, don't bring it up.

If you can't talk to them and tell them it still bothers you and try to resolve it.

It's not fair on either of you bringing up old wounds if you want to move on and they don't want to be reminded.

Well said and I've nothing to add except that if you keep dredging up past hurt in arguments you'll end up sabotaging your relationship. You obviously haven't forgiven your boyfriend if you keep throwing old arguments back in his face. If you have an argument with somebody and you resolve it, it's very unfair to bring it back up and it won't do you any favours.

Just exercise some self control and ask yourself what you hope to achieve from bringing up the past. Life is too short for that, forgive and forget or be miserable.

heavyheart

I dont enjoy doing it , i dont want to do it at all but sometimes when he says "ive said sorry thats all i can say" it sometimes just isnt enough.. like even an attempt to say it will never happen again or ill TRY etc....but sometimes i drag it up cause i dont feel he is sorry enough and i would love more than anything in the world to accept the apology without thinking all the time that he has just got off light and is probably gonna do it again cause i just accepted the apology and said no more about it ?? Does that make sense?


I do want to change how i react and if anyone has tips or anything.. im really all ears...

loismustdie

why don't you take the evening out, remember that you love him and it's not fights you are havin it's just some issues to be sorted. sometimes in a relationship it can be easy to see each other as enemies during arguements and that's so destructive,ive been there. explain to him that your not happy still bout previous problems you had and you need more empathy and maybe explanations depending on the case, only then can you move forward?

Mr. Incognito

i was just hormonal and snappy

Please- I hate these excuses.

Firstly, you should apologise to the man.

Secondly, you should learn to forgive and forget. Bringing stuff up from the distant past to fling around because you're "hormonal" is a load of crock.

Simple really. Grow up.

AnonoBoy

I agree that 'hormonal' isn't an excuse. It's a reason sure but not an excuse.

I had an ex who used to say that it was just 'regular psycho girl stuff' after going mental about something completely unreasonable. I told her that I didn't care if she thought it was 'regular' behaviour but I wouldn't be taking any **** from her like that.

You have to be able to let things stay in the past. If things are still bothering you about an argument then maybe try and talk to him about those things (as long as it's something that is continuing to happen). If it's something that was done and is long over and done with then bring it up at your peril. You don't want to turn into a nag.

LegacyUser

Hey, I'm on the recieving end of this!
Both of us have done some bad stuff, but no matter
how much I try to make it up to her, she doesn't accept that
I am trying. She continually brings up things from months
ago that are over and done with. Old fights where I went playing
football with mates instead of hanging with her. Etc. I am continually
made out to be a bad guy, when in fact she has been just as bad.
I just can't bring myself to bring up old things in an argument like she
does, so I come across terribly.

I really wish she would stop, and live in the now.
I mean, I could take her to a lovely hotel, have a perfect dinner, rub
her feet in a big tub of hot water with aloe vera, telling her how
wonderful she is and so on. Then she will start arguing out of nowhere,
or with just a tiny reason to, and the old long forgotten to me
arguments get pulled up again.

Hope this helps you, try and go easy on the lad, I'm sure he loves you, but is probably finding it hard because you fight and bring up old things!

heavyheart

SetantaL wrote: »

Please- I hate these excuses.

Firstly, you should apologise to the man.

Secondly, you should learn to forgive and forget. Bringing stuff up from the distant past to fling around because you're "hormonal" is a load of crock.

Simple really. Grow up.

Wow did someone get up the wrong side of bed this morning or dont you believe in that either ?
Who exactly are you to say its an "excuse" i think your the one that needs growing up .
And i brought it up cause HE did something current NOT ME and it reminded me of other stuff HE did , he's no angel and im not the devil for gods sake.

heavyheart

on d other end wrote: »

Hey, I'm on the recieving end of this!
Both of us have done some bad stuff, but no matter
how much I try to make it up to her, she doesn't accept that
I am trying. She continually brings up things from months
ago that are over and done with. Old fights where I went playing
football with mates instead of hanging with her. Etc. I am continually
made out to be a bad guy, when in fact she has been just as bad.
I just can't bring myself to bring up old things in an argument like she
does, so I come across terribly.

I really wish she would stop, and live in the now.
I mean, I could take her to a lovely hotel, have a perfect dinner, rub
her feet in a big tub of hot water with aloe vera, telling her how
wonderful she is and so on. Then she will start arguing out of nowhere,
or with just a tiny reason to, and the old long forgotten to me
arguments get pulled up again.

Hope this helps you, try and go easy on the lad, I'm sure he loves you, but is probably finding it hard because you fight and bring up old things!

No it doesnt help me really, im actually not just saying this but he is actually the one who starts many if not all the arguments and he even admits it himself.
He starts it then wont apologise so i start bringing up old stuff to make him feel bad, yes its horrible but its also horrible when you deserve an apology and you get a half hearted attempt at one.
I asked for help so i could try stop this one person has suggested something ( thank you ) the rest are just saying i use hormones as an excuse which is complete bull and very annoying......

bored and tired

heavy heart, its hard to let go of the past somethings should others are amunition that we feel we have to carry with us to protect us from getting hurt,

i work on the rule of thumb that if something happens that has happened before then it is ok to bring up that incident again, but it may not make any difference.
simple example, dirty socks left on floor of room instead of being put in hamper, if youve had 20 fights over this and he does it again and says half hearted sorry then you can scream and shout till youre blue in the face, he moans that your bringing up stuff from past, he says sorry wont happen again, you feel unsatisfied by whole thing, no one wins,

same principle can be used for drinking, coming home late, gambling, cheating, whatever its up to you to decide if his behaviour is coming from somewhere that you can put up with, or work on changing, or not, laziness, inconsiderate fool, or just plane old jackass that needs the door,

on the other hand, if he comes home late without ringing and you start shouting that he didnt bother to load the dishwasher last week, he may not get the intended connection of him taking you forgranted so you may have to spell it out to him like a 2 year old rather than rant and shout,

I hope that makes some sense and helps a little.

MJOR

Hey HH,
I can have the urge to do that too sometimes not necess just with my OH but with my family too.

My OH and I decided that once we had a disagreement or falling out once it was talked thru it got "put to bed".

Never chatted about again....

It works trust me
Carpe Diem and live in the now!

LouOB

Face the past, with all the feelings, tears, tantrums and disappointments it holds - then free yourself of it. Reconcile to the fact it cannot be changed. Learn to forgive, yourself and your OH. Then make a decision can you live with the past (in the past) or with it.

Otherwise you will never get over it

heavyheart

LouOB wrote: »

Face the past, with all the feelings, tears, tantrums and disappointments it holds - then free yourself of it. Reconcile to the fact it cannot be changed. Learn to forgive, yourself and your OH. Then make a decision can you live with the past (in the past) or with it.

Otherwise you will never get over it

But how ? How do you deal with it and move on ? For me this seems really hard to try and do and i dont even no where to start ?

MJOR

heavyheart wrote: »

But how ? How do you deal with it and move on ? For me this seems really hard to try and do and i dont even no where to start ?

Tell you how i do it.... I think to myself "will this matter in a year? will it matter in ten years?"

This helps you get perspective and trust me it works

LegacyUser

heavyheart wrote: »

But how ? How do you deal with it and move on ? For me this seems really hard to try and do and i dont even no where to start ?

If there is one thing I will say to you, leave it in the past. I had serious trust issues with my ex (all his fault i may add) and everytime I questioned something the past always came up. We ended up breaking up cos of this and I really regret it.Like you, he always saaid sorry but then six or ten months later he did it again.there was never any promises made about not doing it again. If they are only petty little things, well then just try and forget about them.but if there are more serious issues like cheating or gambling or anything like that well maybe you will never be able to get over them like I wasnt. Its time to assess how bad the past issues were and then make a decision and stick to your guns.

heavyheart

MJOR wrote: »

Tell you how i do it.... I think to myself "will this matter in a year? will it matter in ten years?"

This helps you get perspective and trust me it works

Hmmm ill try .. do you do that even when you get no satisfaction from an apology ?

MJOR

heavyheart wrote: »

Hmmm ill try .. do you do that even when you get no satisfaction from an apology ?

Well it shouldn't be about getting satisfaction. It should be about resolving the problem really.

heavyheart

MJOR wrote: »

Well it shouldn't be about getting satisfaction. It should be about resolving the problem really.

See this is my problem when i ask for a reason why he did something he comes back with " i dont know " .
I cant get satisfaction from an apology when he doesnt know why he did what he did in the first place.

Lucy Locket

Hi HH,

I can understand where you are coming from, and sometimes the need to maybe hurt your OH with the old arguments because possibly you are still hurting from them....(not sure oh what was done in the past)....but you know yourself and you've said it yourself that the past needs to stay in the past and If you can't leave the past in the past, and you want to keep dragging up these old arguments, you need to ask yourself if this is how you want your relationship to be?? because if you can't get past leaving old arguments in the past, there is no point in being in a relationship where you are going to continue hurting your OH and yourself.

I'm in a similar situation at the moment, and I've been warned about my snide remarks and little digs, but I'm working wit my OH and Accord to see if I can put what has happend in the past and leave it there. Accord is working for us, in that my snide remarks are getting less and less. and I feel that I am coming closer to a decision as to if I should stay in with my OH or not. Accord might be a bit extreme for your situation, but then again it might not.

Hope you get it all sorted.

heavyheart

Thanks Lucy Lpcket...
I dont want to spend the rest of my life dwelling on old stuff i really really dont in the end i know ill just drive myself insane..ill work onit..see what happens.. wish i could just erase all the hurt ..

Lucy Locket

Hey HH,

When you figure out how to erase all the hurt, please let me know - I'm hoping for some sort of memory loss to come my way and clear out the last 6mths....then I'll be all good - If I figure it out before you I'll sure to pass it on.

But apparently what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!! (so THEY say, not meet them yet though)

heavyheart

Lucy Locket wrote: »

Hey HH,

When you figure out how to erase all the hurt, please let me know - I'm hoping for some sort of memory loss to come my way and clear out the last 6mths....then I'll be all good - If I figure it out before you I'll sure to pass it on.

But apparently what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!! (so THEY say, not meet them yet though)

Ha ha i guess ill just have to tell myself that over and over " what doesnt kill you makes you stringer " !
Thanks again.

MJOR

heavyheart wrote: »

See this is my problem when i ask for a reason why he did something he comes back with " i dont know " .
I cant get satisfaction from an apology when he doesnt know why he did what he did in the first place.

Men can sometimes suffer from foot in mouth syndrome. they say things willy nilly without thinking and then really have no explaination.

vorbis

I'd echo the other poster about feeling hormonal not being a valid reason to have a fight.
From some of your responses heavyheart, it sounds like you're quick enough to fly off the handle. Do you let small stuff get to you? Wanting "satisfaction" from an apology is a bit bizarre to me. Its almost like you want to rub his nose in it. Thats pretty unhealthy behavior.

Can you give examples regards what these fights are about?

LouOB

Sounds like OH
1. doesnt care he hurts you
2. doesnt know his actions hurt you
3. doesnt care either way

Face the past by telling OH how he has made you feel. Say you acknowledge his apology but cannot reconcile his actions to his words. As he has to gain your trust again.
During this discussion, let it all out - say you have to get it off your chest (queue full trears and snots and tissues etc).
Give it awhile then see if any effort has been make on both sides.

If say after 2/3 mths there are no change - call it quits
If you cannot live with past - live without it

heavyheart

vorbis wrote: »

I'd echo the other poster about feeling hormonal not being a valid reason to have a fight.
From some of your responses heavyheart, it sounds like you're quick enough to fly off the handle. Do you let small stuff get to you? Wanting "satisfaction" from an apology is a bit bizarre to me. Its almost like you want to rub his nose in it. Thats pretty unhealthy behavior.

Can you give examples regards what these fights are about?

Pretty unhealthy behavior, get a grip. You have no idea what your talking about but i bet you would take every single word written there if you knew half the stuff ive had to put up with .
So quick to judge me arent you ?

Wibbs

MJOR wrote: »

Men can sometimes suffer from foot in mouth syndrome. they say things willy nilly without thinking and then really have no explaination.

That can be true.

What also can be true is after a while of getting stuff thrown at you, that you understood from the last time was resolved, you just blank out.

Now a lot of the time the woman is right. I know in the past I've skirted issues just to get a quiet life and that was wrong. They built up until one day they buggered off. Don't particularly blame them either.

I also have experience of exes who although the issue was resolved and they themselves and the man in the street could see it was resolved, would still bring things up. They were like a dog at a bone and couldn't or wouldn't let it lie for emotional leverage. I'm easy going, but emotional blackmail is a bugbear of mine, so they get dumped rapido if I see too much of that.

Now they're extremes and maybe the OP's problem lays in the middle.

Heavyheart wrote:

Pretty unhealthy behavior, get a grip. You have no idea what your talking about but i bet you would take every single word written there if you knew half the stuff ive had to put up with .
So quick to judge me arent you ?

Now I agree with you as far as none of us know what's what in your life. Of course we don't. Don't get me wrong, but you do seem sensitive to others judgement(hormonal guff/this last post).

Now that's ok, but don't jump to thinking it's always an attack. Vorbis' post wasn't aggressive in tone and asked fairly good questions. Your reaction adds weight to their point more than detracts from it. The addition of "things I've had to put up with", is all to often used as an excuse rather than an explanation. As I say don't get me wrong. I could have it arseways and be way off base, but TBH there is a slight element of me walking on eggshells even typing this and I don't know you from adam.

MJOR

heavyheart wrote: »

Thanks Lucy Lpcket...
I dont want to spend the rest of my life dwelling on old stuff i really really dont in the end i know ill just drive myself insane..ill work onit..see what happens.. wish i could just erase all the hurt ..

Nobody can erase the hurt... all you can do is forgive. My Dad always used to say "what's done is done you can't undo it" my parents were married 43 years... they'd be celebrating 50 years this year. So I think while he can't unsay what he's said maybe he needs to think before he speaks too.

Can you give examples of "what you have to put up with". Is he a bully agressive or passive agressive?

heavyheart

Wibbs wrote: »

That can be true.



Now I agree with you as far as none of us know what's what in your life. Of course we don't. Don't get me wrong, but you do seem sensitive to others judgement(hormonal guff/this last post).

What is so annoying is that i said i was hormonal. I did not say or state that i started the fight but because i put the word " hormonal" in a post everyone thinks they can come on here and air there opinions on it and assume i started the fight cause i was "hormonal" .
my post was clearly about coming on here looking for help and i am sensitive to the fact that they ignored that and just focused on the hormone part.
Wouldnt anyone find that frustrating ?

heavyheart

MJOR wrote: »

Nobody can erase the hurt... all you can do is forgive. My Dad always used to say "what's done is done you can't undo it" my parents were married 43 years... they'd be celebrating 50 years this year. So I think while he can't unsay what he's said maybe he needs to think before he speaks too.

Can you give examples of "what you have to put up with". Is he a bully agressive or passive agressive?

He had just done some stupid things in the past but then repeats the mistakes and i feel like im getting no where sometimes. Sometimes it all feels like too much hard work. And when someone puts so much into something and the return is hardly existent you start wondering what the hell you are doing here...

Mr. Incognito

Pretty unhealthy behavior, get a grip. You have no idea what your talking about but i bet you would take every single word written there if you knew half the stuff ive had to put up with .
So quick to judge me arent you ?

You ASKED for an opinion, don't shoot the messenger if you don't like the answer.

Can you give examples regards what these fights are about?

I think this is a very reasobable request.

FACTS:
You had a fight.
You brought up stuff from the past.

( i note that you edited your OP to reflect that now you "think" of stuff from the past wheras in the OP you were flinging it at him during the fight. Very cosmetic edit- Kudos)

This unreasonable and frankly, chilish behaviour is "his fault" for unknown prior stuff, (that obviously you cannot let go of). or give Vorbis an example of without playing the vague and generic victim top trump card.

You seem to have a victim mentality under siege from the past that trumps any of your own unreasonable behaviour. If you cannot forgive your boyfriend- move on.

There are no external factors here. This is YOUR reactions and YOUR responsibility. If you cannot forgive you can never forget.

Men can sometimes suffer from foot in mouth syndrome. they say things willy nilly without thinking and then really have no explaination.

To be honest I think this is off topic and unhelpfull. Women are just as guily of this so lets leave the generic man bashing to the ladies lounge.

heavyheart

Wibbs wrote: »

T

I could have it arseways and be way off base, but TBH there is a slight element of me walking on eggshells even typing this and I don't know you from adam.

Wibbs i have respected your answers and opinions in the past but on this note i believe you have the wrong end of the stick and are letting the other posts sway your opinion rather than just asking me for facts.

heavyheart

SetantaL wrote: »

You ASKED for an opinion, don't shoot the messenger if you don't like the answer.



I think this is a very reasobable request.

FACTS:
You had a fight.
You brought up stuff from the past.

( i note that you edited your OP to reflect that now you "think" of stuff from the past wheras in the OP you were flinging it at him during the fight. Very cosmetic edit- Kudos)

This unreasonable and frankly, chilish behaviour is "his fault" for unknown prior stuff, (that obviously you cannot let go of). or give Vorbis an example of without playing the vague and generic victim top trump card.

You seem to have a victim mentality under siege from the past that trumps any of your own unreasonable behaviour. If you cannot forgive your boyfriend- move on.

There are no external factors here. This is YOUR reactions and YOUR responsibility. If you cannot forgive you can never forget.



To be honest I think this is off topic and unhelpfull. Women are just as guily of this so lets leave the generic man bashing to the ladies lounge.

I asked for help not someone to criticise my hormonal behaviour.

Your right they are my reactions and my responsibility but because i think you are male you are prone to taking defense in their honor when you really dont no the full story at all.
The fact of the matter is - he keeps making the same mistakes in different circumstances over and over and over again and im trying to figure whether i can spend the rest of my life knowing there gonna happen again and be able to move on or .. the alternative.

MJOR

What are the mistakes though? Are they leaving the toilet seat up mistakes or bashing you over the head with the toilet seat mistakes?

I'm not trying to get on your back just trying to ascertain are his actions maybe unforgiveable? That's all.

heavyheart

MJOR wrote: »

What are the mistakes though? Are they leaving the toilet seat up mistakes or bashing you over the head with the toilet seat mistakes?

I'm not trying to get on your back just trying to ascertain are his actions maybe unforgiveable? That's all.

Like going out and arranging to meet me and friends and taking off with his own and not showing up then not answering calls or taking off drinking when we have a fight or .. never being able to explain why after he insults to me when he has had a few ...

Wibbs

heavyheart wrote: »

Wibbs i have respected your answers and opinions in the past

You see that's your first mistake....:D

but on this note i believe you have the wrong end of the stick and are letting the other posts sway your opinion rather than just asking me for facts.

As I said, I probably did get the wrong end of the stick. Maybe somewhere in the middle is where the right answer for you is to be found.

but because i think you are male you are prone to taking defense in their honor when you really dont no the full story at all.

Possibly. I would say that most guys who've been dating for any length of time have come across a certain type of woman that moans for the sake of it or for leverage. Any bunch of guys together will agree. Similar thing when women complain about guys who wont talk with them. I'm NOT saying this is you. Not by any means, just it may explain why he takes that "male" view.

The fact of the matter is - he keeps making the same mistakes in different circumstances over and over and over again and im trying to figure whether i can spend the rest of my life knowing there gonna happen again and be able to move on or .. the alternative.

If it was me, my opinion would be if someone( male or female) is making the same mistakes, doing the same thing time and time again which impacts the relationship, I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship.

Everyone screws up. That's a given. We all screw up to various degrees throughout life, but if we continue to screw up the same way, it means we're not learning from it and learning to change. No one but ourselves can make that change. You can't change him, no matter how many times you bring this up. Only he can.

Change is possible, but only if the person wants to change and has the capacity to do so. If not they and their partners are on a hiding to nothing.

heavyheart

SetantaL wrote: »

( i note that you edited your OP to reflect that now you "think" of stuff from the past wheras in the OP you were flinging it at him during the fight. Very cosmetic edit- Kudos)

What are you talking about here ?????

Wibbs

heavyheart wrote: »

Like going out and arranging to meet me and friends and taking off with his own and not showing up then not answering calls or taking off drinking when we have a fight or .. never being able to explain if he insulting to me when he has had a few ...

The drink seems to be a common thread. Now taking off when you've had a fight is immature I grant you, but IMHO when the bloods up, escape can seem the better option, so that alone wouldn't for me be a hanging offence. The other stuff would be tbh. It shows lack of respect.

Mr. Incognito

I asked for help not someone to criticise my hormonal behaviour

So you want no criticism and help? Well to help someone you have to have the FACTS- something sadly lacking here. And if you think they are wrong you may have to tell them to advise a course of action. This is called constructive criticism. If you cannot accept this it's a small wonder nothing ever changes for you. You must make mistakes in life to LEARN from them and sometimes thi means admitting when we are WRONG.

i think you are male you are prone to taking defense in their honor

This frankly is bull****. Read any of my post history.

you really dont no the full story at all.

Whoose fault is that?

The fact of the matter is - he keeps making the same mistakes in different circumstances over and over and over again and im trying to figure whether i can spend the rest of my life knowing there gonna happen again and be able to move on or .. the alternative.

This is kinda like the Iraq invasion. Different justifications after the fact. The thread title is how do i let go of the past. Now we're on to this?

I think i'll stand by this

If you cannot forgive your boyfriend- move on.

heavyheart

SetantaL wrote: »

So you want no criticism and help? Well to help someone you have to have the FACTS- something sadly lacking here. And if you think they are wrong you may have to tell them to advise a course of action. This is called constructive criticism. If you cannot accept this it's a small wonder nothing ever changes for you. You must make mistakes in life to LEARN from them and sometimes thi means admitting when we are WRONG.



This frankly is bull****. Read any of my post history.



Whoose fault is that?



This is kinda like the Iraq invasion. Different justifications after the fact. The thread title is how do i let go of the past. Now we're on to this?

I think i'll stand by this

Just dont post so if its getting to you that much. I owe you no explanation so if your not interested in the post except for nit picking at it then please dont waste your time and energy posting again.

Mr. Incognito

I don't think I will. If you want honest advise you're going to have to realise that sometimes you may not like the answer. You've decided to take the ostrich approach, if you only want omeone to agree with you- why did you post here? ring ray for a bobblehead.

You still have not provided any tangible criticisms of your boyfriend apart from this.

Like going out and arranging to meet me and friends and taking off with his own and not showing up then not answering calls or taking off drinking when we have a fight or

Hardly the end of the world if he doesn't answer the phone on occasion. How old are you because mountains out of molehills springs to mind.

heavyheart

SetantaL wrote: »

I don't think I will. If you want honest advise you're going to have to realise that sometimes you may not like the answer. You've decided to take the ostrich approach, if you only want omeone to agree with you- why did you post here? ring ray for a bobblehead.

You still have not provided any tangible criticisms of your boyfriend apart from this.



Hardly the end of the world if he doesn't answer the phone on occasion. How old are you because mountains out of molehills springs to mind.

I do want honest advice but you came on here with attitude already formed cause i mention hormones in my original post and every post you have put up since has a holier than thou attitude attached to it.
I dont appreciate it and i dont appreciate your judgments.
I suppose you consider " ring ray for a bobble head " constructive advice do you ?

togster

Jesus if it's making you so unhappy just leave him. Otherwise quit your moaning and move on.

LIFE's TOO SHORT.

MJOR

Well drink seems to affect a lot of peoples relationships and in my opinion no person should put drink before their partner.

He sounds to be immature..... It's the behaviour of someone in their late teens early twenties.

We all enjoy our friends company but this friends before everything gets a litttle boring after a while I think. The whole bros before hoes mentality(how ricki lake is that?)

I think we've all been there.... and then he makes you feel like a nag because you're going over old ground right?

I'd say you need to let him know his card is marked. Either ship up or shape out.
Either you make plans and he sticks to them or he is out.

There is however no need to be contacting him all the time if he is on a lads night out that is planned. Leave him to that.

Standing you up isn't on

heavyheart

MJOR wrote: »

Well drink seems to affect a lot of peoples relationships and in my opinion no person should put drink before their partner.

He sounds to be immature..... It's the behaviour of someone in their late teens early twenties.

We all enjoy our friends company but this friends before everything gets a litttle boring after a while I think. The whole bros before hoes mentality(how ricki lake is that?)

I think we've all been there.... and then he makes you feel like a nag because you're going over old ground right?

I'd say you need to let him know his card is marked. Either ship up or shape out.
Either you make plans and he sticks to them or he is out.

There is however no need to be contacting him all the time if he is on a lads night out that is planned. Leave him to that.

Standing you up isn't on

Ok thanks.

But if he is on a lads night out i wouldnt even text him let alone ring him?? He made arrangements then couldnt be bothered keeping them that was the only night i rang him.

MJOR

heavyheart wrote: »

Ok thanks.

But if he is on a lads night out i wouldnt even text him let alone ring him?? He made arrangements then couldnt be bothered keeping them that was the only night i rang him.

Ah well... Maybe he needs more nagging.

We should all learn from our mistakes (as said by Wibbs the great).

He should stick to plans and I'd scream blue murder to be honest if I asked him why he didn't and he said "i don't know". Translation he does know and won't tell you... It might be simple as his friend was having women / work problems and needed him badly. He just needs to communicate a bit better...