unsure

LegacyUser

been dumped since Jan

I've been keeping myself busy with work and etc but everytime I have time off I end up in tears and can't seen to get over it. I've got a nightmarish feeling of numbness and I'm not sure how to go about feeling normal. I keep reassessing things and seem to be in a loop, not sure where to go from here any advice.

Creamy Goodness

i find when i try to keep busy in work to keep my mind off other things it totally fecks me around big time.

you come home mentally drained and the second you get out the door your mind is fixated on passed relationships.

the way i try and combat this is to find something that i can do on my own, that i enjoy and just basically being alone but doing something other than sitting thinking or sitting in work. i feel that i need to feel comfortable with myself before i can be comfortable around others.

for me this can be as easy as grabbing my camera and driving any direction. everyone has their own way of dealing with life's downs i just feel that you haven't found yours yet.

break your routine try different things and find something that helps you cope with it, it's not easy i can tell ya that but once you find something it will become easier.

girl2

Can I suggest you talk to someone close and tell them how youre feeling? I can suggest an excellent book that we use at work that helps people get through separation / divorce.....its called "Rebuilding" by Bruce Fisher. I was reading it the other day in fact and it really gives some excellent advice. Contact me if you would like more information.....I can send it to you if you like.

In the meantime, can I suggest that you try your best and build up your self esteem and look to any positives that you may have going on?

Sorry I cant be of more help to you.

chickenhawk

If you are still thinking about the person who dumped you try and forget about them. Delete all their phone numbers, old texts, emails and anything else that reminds you off them. I could be way off the mark but I get the feeling you miss the person you were going out with?

Cremo and girl2 were right. Tell a friend or someone close. They won't judge you and might be able to give you some perspective or help you focus on something else.

IamBeowulf

I noticed you said you've "been dumped since January."

This sounds like you feel like you've been stuck in the same spot since then, like you're pereptually dumped, but that's not true. You are now free to be yourself, do what you want, on your own time, and you've no one to answer to but yourself. This is a great thing!

Life is too precious to waste on needless irritations like ex partners and old relationships. I think you need to find what makes you happy---whether it be simple things like hanging out with friends or catching a good film at the cinema, to maybe a hobby no matter how abstract. Go see places and spend time having fun, alone or with friends, whichever you prefer.

Let go of whatever's dragging you down. The doubts and worries we carry after failed relationships are just our brain's way of learning lessons, to prepare for the next relationship. Think of it as self-defense. But it can be wearying and upsetting. So embrace every moment, share yourself, have fun.

MJOR

Ok OP i think what is happening here is that you are not dealing with the issue. You are putting it to the back of your mind and it keep rearing its ugly head.

Talk to someone about it. Voice your concerns fears out loud and then you will have to face them.

The end of a relationship is tough no doubt but you will get through it. It's like a death of something and you just have to deal with it

I don't mean it in a nasty way more of a feel the fear and do it anyway kinda way
good luck x

Wibbs

MJOR wrote: »

Ok OP i think what is happening here is that you are not dealing with the issue.

+1. Very good advice in the rest of that post too.

The split is like a death, but unlike a death the exes keep on living. The gits.:D

You need to start to move on by accepting little by little that it's over. Until you do, the loop you refer to will keep on playing.

Now it will be hard and some days you will find it doubly hard, but it's doable and you will move on. In many ways you don't get over someone, you get through them.

You have to feel all the feellings, bad and good. You need to see that both you and them made mistakes and learn from the ones you may have made and accept the ones they did. Every time you feel the emotions of this, just remind yourself that this too is part of the healing and acceptance.

Just be aware that in times to come you will look back on this as a time you learned about yourself and who you are. The best lessons are always the hardest.

LegacyUser

ok so i didn't follow your advice and now i've started emailing said ex is this a bad sign i feel better emailing but am I mad

I wonder if i've made a mistake but I can't help but notice that I have more energy and in better form people in work have commented on this -

so is it the lesser of two evils or not ?