What's the ideal gap?

Khannie

Wondering what people think is the ideal gap between children and why?

We have a 10 year old (nearly 11) and an 18 month old. That gap is not by design. It does work really well though. He absolutely _adores_ her.

nesf

Depends totally on circumstance. If you have your first child in your mid thirties then you probably want to get working on any other ones pretty quickly. If you have your first child in your mid twenties then waiting is more of an option.

Personally I think having a few years between kids is good, I wouldn't myself like to have to deal with essentially a new set of toddler tantrums every two years or whatever. We'd like a bit of a break before having another year of little or no sleep.

Ludo

Having had twins last October, I think the ideal gap for us is somewhere close to eternity

noby

nesf wrote: »

Personally I think having a few years between kids is good, I wouldn't myself like to have to deal with essentially a new set of toddler tantrums every two years or whatever. We'd like a bit of a break before having another year of little or no sleep.

We have fourteen months between our oldest two, and I find that they do a lot together. Yes it was a little tougher when they were both young (not half as tough as twins, I'd imagine) but to me it's a great age gap.
On the other hand, we now have a seven month old, and the older two (four and five) are great with her, while still old enough to entertain/feed themselves when you're kept busy with the baby!

Nevyn

It takes about 2 years for a woman's body and hips to go back to aprox where they were before they gave birth and thern there is the fact that the first two years are pretty hard going in therms of the rapid and intese devlopement of the child so I would say 3/4 years or more.

Saying that there is 2 years and 4 months between my two

Loopy

There's 5 years between my 2 girls... They get on really well.

I do think 2/3 yrs is the ideal gap though.. Get all the hard work over and done in a couple of years and sit back and watch em grow and kill each other

nesf

noby wrote: »

On the other hand, we now have a seven month old, and the older two (four and five) are great with her, while still old enough to entertain/feed themselves when you're kept busy with the baby!

Yeah that's our thinking on it. With a young toddler and a baby you have two kids that you have to keep an eye on, considering how stressful just one toddler or baby can be I think a gap is better but I can see why people would like to get them all out of nappies in one go. A few hard years and then a "break". You've multiple teenagers to deal with a decade and a bit later though...

Nevyn

I am in the golden bit atm with my two being 10 and 8 then the teen age years loom...

di11on

We have 5 and almost 2. It works really well! They both adore each other. Since around the 18-20 month mark, the've both started playing togther which is really nice.

When the older one wakes up in the mornings and the younger one is in her cot... we can send in big sister and that buys us another 20 minutes bed time. One time when I got up to get them their brekkie, I went into the younger girl's room and big sister had climbed into the cot and they were playing together... big sister pretending to be a 2 year old. It was so so funny... I laughed so much.

run_Forrest_run

Well we only have the one at the moment but from my own experience as a kid it was great having a bro 2 years older and a sis 3 years younger..so 2-3 years is my bet...however it was not great being the middle child...boo hoo poor me;)

High&Low

With less than a two year gap between my two (youngest is 3 months old) its pretty tough at the moment but I reckon it will be easier when they are older and so close in age...

marti101

A year between first two and 12 years later another baby.Saying that they are great with him and love him to bits.The goood thing about them being close in age is chool they both went together.And sometimes they do play to gether but like my 1st two complete opposites so they didnt play much together.

littlebug

I think that they change an awful lot between 2 1/2 and 3 in terms of understanding and maturity and really lose any babyishness at that age so I think 3 years is ideal. There's 2 1/2 years between my 2 and I think it might have been easier in the early days with another 6 months! That said they're good buddies (most of the time) now.

babyboom

There is just under 3 years between my first two and 3 years and 9 months between the middle fella and the youngest. The two younger ones spend half their time beating the living daylights out of each other (mostly because they are boys) but also adore each other at the same time. They are 10, 7 and 4 at the moment and I'm having difficulties when we go to the playground etc. as they are all at different stages and all want to run in different directions so it can be hard to keep everyone happy and keep an eye on them all. Also, the youngest wants to be on all the big kids stuff in the playground and wont go on the baby stuff. He has speech and language problems so trying to explain danger to him is impossible. If I was to do it all over again I'd have them a lot closer together and possibly have a 4th and 5th. I'm 38 now and probably wont have any more and I regret I didn't have them closer for that reason.

Khannie

babyboom wrote: »

I'm 38 now and probably wont have any more and I regret I didn't have them closer for that reason.

Fair play for your honesty. For what it's worth: My mother had me at 38 (10 days shy of 39), so you could go again, there are just more risks at 38 and above as far as I know.

To be honest, that regret you talk of would be a concern for me. I'm not sure what the upper limit on number of children I'd have would be (if it were totally up to me and life were ideal, lotto win, etc.), but it's probably around the 7 or 8 mark. Ignoring all other factors (money, lifestyle, etc.) we'd be just producing babies from now 'til late 30's to achieve that figure and that aint gonna happen.

Lizzykins

18,15,14,and 4! Nearly three years between first and second which was nearly ideal. 13 months between second and third which I wouldn't recommend. 10 years to the last is too much. I have one starting college and one starting primary school in September. All completely my own fault!

4 year old put up the purple unsmiley or whatever it is!

babyboom

"Fair play for your honesty. For what it's worth: My mother had me at 38 (10 days shy of 39), so you could go again, there are just more risks at 38 and above as far as I know."

My mother had me at 43 so I know its possible but I do remember her being much older than all the other mothers and I didn't like it. She's nearly 82 now and in brilliant health and fitness for her age but there is a gulf between us because of the age gap. I would dearly love another child but hubbie really doesn't want any more as both financially and physically we'd probably be knackered.

deisemum

Thaedydal wrote: »

I am in the golden bit atm with my two being 10 and 8 then the teen age years loom...

Same here, but I'm only weeks away from the teens :eek: my older boy will be 13 at the begining of September and the younger lad will be 11 in October so just over 2 years of a gap.

They are the best of buddies most of the time, the younger lad looks up to his older brother and big brother looks out for his little brother, but the older lad can sometimes wind up the younger lad.

Lizzykins

I was 41 having my last and the last month was a nightmare. She was so big I could hardly breathe and I nearly was on my hands and knees going up the stairs. Never again-I've made doubly sure of that!

Khannie

babyboom wrote: »

My mother had me at 43 so I know its possible but I do remember her being much older than all the other mothers and I didn't like it.

Yeah, I do remember that to an extent too. My dad has passed away and obviously I got a lot less time with him than my two older sisters....but.....my folks were a lot more chilled out by the time I came along, having done it all before they're less freaked out about you staying out a bit late and what not. Swings and roundabouts.

greine

I have 2 girls, 16 years apart.....baby is 3 months old! I am worried that the gap is too wide for them to be close sisters but who knows, right now the teenager is all about the baby and the baby is smiling at her big sister...so far so good!;)

Danes

My daughter is 14 and my sons are 22 and 11 months. There are advantages and disadvantages as with age gaps of any size. We have no sibling rivalry at all and each child got/gets loads ofindividual attention.The downside is that the eldest boy has already left home so he and the youngest probably wont be as close as if they were raised together. I didnt plan it this way but am quite happy at the way it turned out

Oryx

Theres a three year gap between mine and it was tough because the eldest got pathologically jealous and I had to watch him like a hawk. He will still hit her if he thinks he wont get caught. I realise thats got more to do with his personality than the actual gap, but I do wonder if it had been closer, would he have been less jealous as he wouldnt remember a time without a sibling.

littlebitdull

We had a smallish gap between the first two , two years and three months. And there was a hard year with them both in nappies etc. Then we had our third when the elder two were 8 & 6.

It worked grand for a while, and certainly the elder two accepted the baby well. And only having one baby to mind while the others were in school was lovely for me, there was also the fact that I knew she was going to be my last that let me enjoy her even more.

However now with a 17, 15 & 9 year old we are really seeing the disadvantages. Our recent holiday was difficult, there is not much you can do that suits all three. Family trips to the cinema are few and far between as their are few movies to suit all ages.

I would guess that in another year or so it will cease to be a problem again.

Khannie

Some great posts in here. Thanks to all that replied.

greine wrote: »

I have 2 girls, 16 years apart.....baby is 3 months old! I am worried that the gap is too wide for them to be close sisters but who knows, right now the teenager is all about the baby and the baby is smiling at her big sister...so far so good!;)

I'm 14 years younger than my nearest sister. Get on great with her. She doted on me when I was a kid, then I got older and now we get on really well as friends. I don't think a gap is anything to worry about. That family bond will still be there.