What to do? Advice sought!

LegacyUser

Hey guys to make a long story short ive known my current girlfriend for bout three years now but only through a friend. we use to text each other now and again but nothing ever happened. we've been together for bout 4 months now.

my friend and i went to visit her one day in her house and to my suprise she had had a baby. who was 3 months old. from that day we got texting again and basically now were a couple. at the start she told me that the the babys father wanted nothing to do wit her. i felt for her but she was totally fine with it. now after this time he has come back onto the scene wanting to be involved with the baby which by the way im totally cool with.

however my problem is that i am starting to feel that this whole relationship is getting messy at the moment they are trying to sort out payments and times when he can visit the baby etc and i just find myself kinda upset when i know he is coming to talk to her and see the baby. i feel as if im stuck in limbo is this selfishness?? another thing is am i standing in the way of a baby having a proper family??if i wasnt there would they try making a go of things. ive asked her when he first got in touch but she said no but now that its a month on i dunno!!!

Not sure if this makes sense or if its even worth a post but i tought id give it a shot.

Any comments advice welcome!!

Karen_*

You're not standing in the way of them being a proper family at all. She wants to be with you. Fair play to you for being so level headed about him coming back on the scene and also for being so supportive of the changes in hers and the babys life. You sound like a really decent bloke.

I don't think you're silly for feeling a bit pushed out. This isn't easy for you and you're important too. Why don't you talk to her and tell her how you're feeling. Its not unreasonable at all.

Wagon

Amibeingsilly? wrote: »

Hey guys to make a long story short ive known my current girlfriend for bout three years now but only through a friend. we use to text each other now and again but nothing ever happened. we've been together for bout 4 months now.

my friend and i went to visit her one day in her house and to my suprise she had had a baby. who was 3 months old. from that day we got texting again and basically now were a couple. at the start she told me that the the babys father wanted nothing to do wit her. i felt for her but she was totally fine with it. now after this time he has come back onto the scene wanting to be involved with the baby which by the way im totally cool with.

however my problem is that i am starting to feel that this whole relationship is getting messy at the moment they are trying to sort out payments and times when he can visit the baby etc and i just find myself kinda upset when i know he is coming to talk to her and see the baby. i feel as if im stuck in limbo is this selfishness?? another thing is am i standing in the way of a baby having a proper family??if i wasnt there would they try making a go of things. ive asked her when he first got in touch but she said no but now that its a month on i dunno!!!

Not sure if this makes sense or if its even worth a post but i tought id give it a shot.

Any comments advice welcome!!

I don't get what you mean when you asked her when the father got in touch and she said no. She wouldn't tell you?

katie08

thats a tough one, what age are you out of interest? Because to pull this relationship off you will need to have a mature head on your shoulders! To your partner/girlfriend this baby will always come first so be prepared for knock backs. You will need to accept that this relationship is complicated & will never be simple because there is a baby involved. You need to respect her feelings & how difficult the situation must be for her, be strong & dont feel in limbo.. if she wanted the babys father in his life he would be there...

tbh

I'll admit it, I read the first half of your post thinking it was going to end up with you being a dick. Well colour me totally and completely wrong, that's a lesson for me.

the main thing here is to try to take things easy- you're a resource for your g/f, not a drain. Let her decide how she feels and try not to pressure her, although to be fair to you, you seem to be doing that already. you have to trust that your girlfriend is with you because she wants to be - from the sound of things, you're a really decent bloke so I'm not surprised. Don't second guess her and have fun

MJOR

I'd say you need to just ask her straight out does she want him. You've said he wanted nothing to do with her but does she want something more from him?

To be honest I doubt it. I suppose she needs for her kid to get the differences sorted. It's hard to be stuck in the middle but i would suggest riding it out.

I think that had this situation not presented itself you would not be thinking these thoughts (i know stating the obvious). I think he maybe realises that he needs to pay up and is trying to be mature, but by doing that is upsetting the applecart big time.

themullet

How do you feel about this girl? Do know how she feels about you? I think your concerns or insecurity may be born from the fact that you may not be sure how much she actually feels about you.

I know you have only been together for 4 months but I think you need to sit down with her and have a talk. You need to express your concerns like you have here and see what she says.

My guess is, things didn't really work between her and this other guy. A child isn't going to change that.

Have a talk with her, tell her how you feel, tell her how much you care for her and her child. She will understand where you're coming from

SnowMonkey

I think your intilighted to be thinking what your thinking... Buy buy no means is it wrong
I would to if that happened to me..
The best thing you can do is talk aboout it with her, what can we do and granted we can see and understand where your comeing from and your not being sily...

LegacyUser

Wagon:
I asked her when the father got in touch did she want to be with him and she said no. However at that stage they had only spoke on phone after 4 months of him not wanting to know about the child. Granted its a big shock for anyone to go through so im not slating him here at all he has grown a set But known that they are sitting down talking will her feelings change??

To Katie08:
Im 24 and shes 22.Shes so independant its not funny at the start she didnt even want me to help carry stuff like the baby bag or buggy because she said she didnt want me feelin i had to because she had a baby. she has a great job and is doing really well considering her circumstances.

themullet:
i feel as if she does really like me and i really like her too but things change in these situations dont they it aint all black and white?even if she didnt really like him would it be worth a shot with him for the babas sake.

At only 24 years of age its hard to think bout gettin bogged down in something like this. i said to my friends wheather to even give it a shot and most said run for the hills because she has baggage!!!
Another thing is we were happy for the first few months knowing the father wasnt around and its just because he is back its just complicating things for me!!

Guys to be honest i really appreciate ur comments and advice thanks!

MIN2511

Hey,

I bet a lot of people here are in similar situations... And tbh it's understandable how you feel. Try to be patient and it's not about the baby having a proper family. I bet they tried to work things out, sometimes a kid doesn't need it's biological parents to be together to have a proper/loving childhood.



At the end of the day you need to excercise patience if you really like this girl and want more from her.

All the best!

SnowMonkey

OH and your helping raise a child that's not yours HATS off..

LegacyUser

Not really helping raise the baby tbh more like giving a dig out here and there!!if you know wat i mean!!