Funniest/Most Embarrassing Put Down

piby

I was in a club one night on the dancefloor and there's this gorgeous girl dancing a few feet away from me. Now I was pretty plastered by this stage but next thing she's rubbing up against me and I'm thinking happy days! I go to make a move when she turns around and goes 'Stop it!' and before I can say anything she tells me that's the third time I've tried it on with her that night and if I do it again she'll get the bouncer. It was only 1am at this stage! It turns out some girls use their ass to try get lads to go away


I suppose that's really not that bad but I've probably been quite lucky like that! So what's the funniest/most embarrassing put sown you've ever experienced or witnessed or even given yourself?

Steve_o

piby wrote: »

It turns out some girls use their ass to try get lads to go away

very confusing when your drunk and lookin for a roide!!!

Sherifu

piby wrote: »

It turns out some girls use their ass to try get lads to go away

For some reason i'm skeptical of this.

horseydevine

:DI no this isnt really a put down phrase but its funny..

there was a gang of us out in a pub in town and few crackers at the bar (as alwys) my mate goes up to chance his arm with ne of them...
before he even opens his mouth ,
the blonde burd goes, "you couldn't ave me ever.."

Quick as a flash he replys "yea i could, im a rapist"

her face dropped and we were on the floor in stitches haha:D

Steve_o

horseydevine wrote: »

:DI no this isnt really a put down phrase but its funny..

there was a gang of us out in a pub in town and few crackers at the bar (as alwys) my mate goes up to chance his arm with ne of them...
before he even opens his mouth ,
the blonde burd goes, "you couldn't ave me ever.."

Quick as a flash he replys "yea i could, im a rapist"

her face dropped and we were on the floor in stitches haha:D

LOL thats brilliant!!!:D

I heard something similar one night, one of the lads says to a girl "Do ya fancy a roide?"
She says "No way" and he looking rejected and shaking his head says..."Rape it is so"...

horseydevine

Steve_o wrote: »

LOL thats brilliant!!!:D

I heard something similar one night, one of the lads says to a girl "Do ya fancy a roide?"
She says "No way" and he looking rejected and shaking his head says..."Rape it is so"...

yeah i know proper classic.. I was laughin as i wrote that, me boss is wundering what the f**k im at ha

BubbleWrap85

Didn't happen to me but heard about it:
Boy chats up "ugly" girl [don't like using the word ugly to describe anyone!]
Boy says "You remind me of a film I saw once"
Flattered girl replies "Really, what film?"
Boy says; "Jurassic Park" or "Godzilla" [Choose one!]

Boy chats up "ugly" girl
Boy says :"Do you want to dance?"
Girl can't believe her luck and says "Yes of course!"
Boy says: Well **** off so and let me chat up your mate!

Terrible really. Would love to hear of the males being shot down! Loving the one about the rapist [though it's hardly a topic we should laugh at!]

And yes it is true, girls do use their arses as a means of pushing someone away, girls included when the drunk ones insist on dancing practically on top of you or standing on your foot, or spilling their drink all over your top. I've done it. Realise now that it does have that confusing and ambiguous meaning though for the horny guys, as stated previously

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Homer

Meh, this has been done to death but anyway here goes...

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there considers you a ****ing slut.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you will be on your knees gobbling my c**k.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, 'cause after I get done ****ing you in the back of my car, I don't give a **** where you go.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got that little mustache.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I can always shoot it on your back.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: That works for me, as long as you are still a little warm when I shove it in your *ss.

Man: Did it hurt?
Woman: What when I fell from heaven?
Man: No, when you got hit by the fücking bus!

Man: Would you like to dance?
Woman: I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last man on earth.
man: No, no love. You misheard me. I said you look very fat in that dress.

Fratton Fred

One of my mates chanced his luck with a girl and her fat mate turned round and said "Blokes like you will try it on with anything with two holes two inches apart"

He replied "Yes, but in your case they are probably two feet apart

BubbleWrap85

These are so mean! Alright to laugh about until they get said to ya I suppose! Loving the one about "You look fat in those pants" though!

GirlInterrupted

The Scientist wrote: »

Nice...

I asked a girl at a Cheili in Irish college years ago "would you like to dance?"
I got a swift "not with you anyway" to wich i replied "Oh sorry you must have misheard me, i said you look fat in those pants"

Funny:D

Some girls are just such bitches to guys they deserve it.

Epic Tissue

horseydevine wrote: »

:DI no this isnt really a put down phrase but its funny..

there was a gang of us out in a pub in town and few crackers at the bar (as alwys) my mate goes up to chance his arm with ne of them...
before he even opens his mouth ,
the blonde burd goes, "you couldn't ave me ever.."

Quick as a flash he replys "yea i could, im a rapist"

her face dropped and we were on the floor in stitches haha:D

I laughed so hard at that

Love2love

Read this in 'Overheard in Dublin'

Italian Boy: You are the most beautiful girl in this club... If you lived in my country you would be a princess!

Dublin girl: Well if you lived in my country you would work in a chipper.

I couldnt stop laughing when I read that.

Gone West

The Scientist wrote: »

I asked a girl at a Cheili in Irish college years ago "would you like to dance?"
I got a swift "not with you anyway" to wich i replied "Oh sorry you must have misheard me, i said you look fat in those pants"

I dislike when people pass off stories, anecdotes etc as their own, when they aren't. That particular line is from popular culture somewhere and if you did use it, it was misplaced as "pants" hasn't yet been accepted ito the colloquial yet. Especially not in Irish college.

A good one I heard was
"She was a food connoisseur in the same manner that Georgie Best was an Alcohol connoisseur"
Think I might have used it about Le Rack in the thunderdome and won "best boards burn 2005" or something. Sorry le rack, I didn't really mean it, you're actually lovely

Xavi6

The best put down ever happened right here on boards.ie.

Miss Pinky

Love2love wrote: »

Read this in 'Overheard in Dublin'

Italian Boy: You are the most beautiful girl in this club... If you lived in my country you would be a princess!

Dublin girl: Well if you lived in my country you would work in a chipper.

I couldnt stop laughing when I read that.

Cruel but VERY funny:D

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

fitz0

Man: If you had no feet would you wear socks?
Woman: ehm, no.
Man: Why do you wear a bra then?
*Man makes hasty exit*

javaboy

The Scientist wrote: »

Jokes. Work better when told in the first person.

Take note Pighead. :pac:

cournioni

I was using my chat up line randomly one night just for the craic... Not sure how common/uncommon this chat up line is, but for those who don't know it, it goes like this:

I go up to the girl and ask her "How much does a polar bear weigh"
Girl replies "I don't know. How much does a polar bear weigh" (or a variation of that)
I reply "Enough to break the ice, I'm Colin"

Anyway, I went up to this girl, significantly older than me and quite attractive (I would). I started the line, to which she replied "As much as you do?". Was too busy laughing to give a decent come back like "no no I said your hair looks gay!" and she walked away.

Bitch!

A_M101

A girl and a lad are in the taxi rank in front of my friend and myself.

The girl's chatting up your man, has his palm in her hand and is giving it
"I can read palms....you've a dodgy love line, you're love life is troubled".

To which my friend goes to them
"You don't have to look at his palm to tell that..!"

cournioni

A_M101 wrote: »

A girl and a lad are in the taxi rank in front of my friend and myself.

The girl's chatting up your man, has his palm in her hand and is giving it
"I can read palms....you've a dodgy love line, you're love life is troubled".

To which my friend goes to them
"You don't have to look at his palm to tell that..!"

Priceless!

AckwelFoley

A few weeks ago a pretty good looking girl i was sitting beside put her hand on my leg as i was telling her dead baby jokes in the night club.

I told her if she touches me again shes getting raped.

She brought me home that night.

Good times.

Adam

snyper wrote: »

A few weeks ago a pretty good looking girl i was sitting beside put her hand on my leg as i was telling her dead baby jokes in the night club.

I told her if she touches me again shes getting raped.

She brought me home that night.

Good times.

I love it when lolocaust posts leak out in to the greater boards area, they smell like roses! :pac:

Adam

Mate of mine on the dance floor gettin up close and personal with this chick, she plays along for a while, grindin of the poor fella, then leans in close and says 'D'ya wanna meet me in the disabled's toilet in a minute?' Him thinking deadly, gonna get me hole says yeah and she responds 'Why, are ya fuckin handicapped?!!'

Burn.

AckwelFoley

Mirror wrote: »

Mate of mine on the dance floor gettin up close and personal with this chick, she plays along for a while, grindin of the poor fella, then leans in close and says 'D'ya wanna meet me in the disabled's toilet in a minute?' Him thinking deadly, gonna get me hole says yeah and she responds 'Why, are ya fuckin handicapped?!!'

Burn.

My answer to her would have been..

"no darling, but im goin to give you such a love pounding ur going to need to get used to those disabled toilets."

razorblunt

Read one before about sporting insults and there was one about the cricketer Viv Richards having a bad enough game, when the wicketkeeper is constantly having a go at him and say "Hey Viv, it's round and red shouldnt be that hard to hit.

The very next delivery Richards smashes it out of the ground turns to the wicketkeeper and says "Now you know what it looks like, fook off and get it"

tech77

industria wrote: »

Meh, this has been done to death but anyway here goes...

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there considers you a ****ing slut.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you will be on your knees gobbling my c**k.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, 'cause after I get done ****ing you in the back of my car, I don't give a **** where you go.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got that little mustache.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I can always shoot it on your back.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: That works for me, as long as you are still a little warm when I shove it in your *ss.

Man: Did it hurt?
Woman: What when I fell from heaven?
Man: No, when you got hit by the fücking bus!

Man: Would you like to dance?
Woman: I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last man on earth.
man: No, no love. You misheard me. I said you look very fat in that dress.

LOL

tech77

The Scientist wrote: »

Jokes. Work better when told in the first person.

Jeez....:rolleyes:

Reminds me of Will explaining to Sean in Good Will Hunting how jokes work better in the first person after Sean calls him on the the air-hostess-blowjob joke.
Sean agrees of course (because they do)

Gone West

tech77 wrote: »

Reminds me of Will explaining to Sean in Good Will Hunting how jokes work better in the first person after Sean calls him on the the air-hostess-blowjob joke.
Sean agrees of course (because they do)

Nah, not when its something old that someone is passing off as their own story! Just lame tbh.

Heard on the packed train today: guy was trying to squeeze in and an overweight girl butted him back to the platform with her ass.
He got back in and said "Fat cúnt" and stood in the only place he could... right behind her.
Major tension and lulz in the carraige all the way back home.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Tha Gopher

Love the scene in Peter Kays Max and Paddys Road to Nowhere, the lads are in a nightclub (fancy dress IIRC) and Paddy is throwing off lines not used since some medallion wearing snakeskin jacket wearing knob used it in the place in 1976

Paddy "Alright darlin! Heres 20p, call yer mam and tell her you wont be coming home tonight"
Girl "I have a mobile you tosser, fcuk off!"