Husbands Questions Fetish

LegacyUser

My husband has rescently started asking me questions about what happened with my ex boyfriends, ie undo my bra, feel my breasts, see me naked, sex, etc, etc.

He is totally obsessed with what has gone before him, for me that's all in the past and i want to forget about it he says it turns him on.

I'm getting very sick of it now and find it a passon killer as he must think i'm a slut, not that i did anything i did not do to him

has anyone experienced this kind of behaviour before from their partner

MagicMarker

unregjuly wrote: »

My husband has rescently started asking me questions about what happened with my ex boyfriends, ie undo my bra, feel my breasts, see me naked, sex, etc, etc.

He is totally obsessed with what has gone before him, for me that's all in the past and i want to forget about it he says it turns him on.

I'm getting very sick of it now and find it a passon killer as he must think i'm a slut, not that i did anything i did not do to him

has anyone experienced this kind of behaviour before from their partner

Why must he think you're a slut.. He's already told you that it turns him on, so thinking something as stupid as that isn't going to do you any favours.

But if you don't like it, then tell him to stop asking, full stop.

Miss Fluff

Tell him to mind his own frigging business. This kind of questioning is completely unacceptable whether you be a virgin or a female Don Juan. Tell him you refuse to play in whatever sick mind-games he wants to get tangled up in.

MagicMarker

In all fairness, it's hardly ''sick mind games''...

He asks the questions because the answers turn him on, it's really not sick and there are definitely no mind games being played.

OP: All you have to do is tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel and if he's worth his salt he'll stop. If he doesn't, get rid of him.

Feelgood

Whats scares me about this is that he is your husband?. I take it you have been with him a long time and you don't know what he is into?.

He obviously has some underlying reason for asking you this, maybe it is a fetish, maybe its curiousity?. Maybe he likes the idea of seeing you with other people or thinking about you having sex with other people. Not a very uncommon fetish to be honest.

I think it would be wise for you to talk to him very patiently about it and see where he is coming from. The number 1 reason people have affairs is because they get to do stuff that they otherwise couldn't do with their partners, which is why I am saying talk about it and figure out where this interest stems from rather than trying to brush it off....

Victor

Talk to him. Explain how it make you feel.

Possibly arrange something different - perhaps a stanger fantasy where you imagine a stranger doing it, not an ex.

Also bring up your fantasies.

Beruthiel

Seriously. Just tell him it's none of his business and he's not to bring it up again.

Deadeyes

Next time he asks tell him one of your ex's used to be into the same thing as your husband, so you dumped him because it made you uncomfortable. Now take the 'kin hint.
Both parties need to take part, if one person is not really into it, then resentment will build up leading to further problems down the line.

Miss Fluff

MagicMarker wrote: »

In all fairness, it's hardly ''sick mind games''...

You'd be surprised. Regardless of what does or doesn't turn him on my fear would be that if things are ever to turn nasty or they have an argument then he would just throw this information back in her face. The past, including anyone's sexual past is just that, the past. Going into every last detail of past conquests with a current partner is simply not a good idea ever.....ffs, the OP is already questioning whether she thinks her husband sees her as a slut...!Nip this in the bud once and for all, if he likes to be regaled with sexy talk, start with some light role play etc and work up from there but he doesn't need to know every single detail of every guy you have ever been with. Tbh I think his behaviour just isn't acceptable.

TerrorFirmer

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You'd be surprised. Regardless of what does or doesn't turn him on my fear would be that if things are ever to turn nasty or they have an argument then he would just throw this information back in her face. The past, including anyone's sexual past is just that, the past. Going into every last detail of past conquests with a current partner is simply not a good idea ever.....ffs, the OP is already questioning whether she thinks her husband sees her as a slut...!Nip this in the bud once and for all, if he likes to be regaled with sexy talk, start with some light role play etc and work up from there but he doesn't need to know every single detail of every guy you have ever been with. Tbh I think his behaviour just isn't acceptable.

Seriously, that's a total over-reaction. It sounds like he simply finds the thought of her with other men arousing, which is fairly common and no-where near a 'sick mind game', to quote yourself. I really have no respect for those who offer such advise based upon so little, it's simply not constructive in the slightest. Everyone's entitled to like or dislike something, but referring to it as sick, wrong, or whatever is downright rude and disrespectful - notwithstanding the obviously universally loathed practices like child porn, obviously. How would you like it if someone referred to you as an instigator of 'sick mind games' over a verbal fetish? Maybe if you happened to mention in passing to someone you liked to be spanked, how would you feel if that person turned around and said 'God, that's disgusting, you're sick'? Because that's the sort of attitude you're taking.

Fair enough, she might not be into that at all, and if not, she does need to firmly tell him no, and that it's not something she's keen to share. No arguments there. But she also seems to be wary of it because she's unsure as to why he's asking really - afraid that maybe he's curious as to what sort of women she was before she met him, rather then seeing it as simple fetish he's trying to explore. She could try indulging him, perhaps as well as satisfying his curiosity it'll add a bit of extra spice into her sex life - but I definitely think she has nothing to fear of it, which seems to be her real concern rather then the topic itself. In fact, maybe he enjoys the thought of her being a slut as she put it - but the important thing to remember that fantasies are fantasies, not reflective of reality. Escaping to a slightly different and non-existent you is harmless - who know, maybe you could both enjoy it and it could develop further. Sometimes going along with these things with surprise you. Me and my girlfriend enjoy a fairly open relationship and there is very few things out there that could possibly jeopardize our relationship in any possible way, regardless of whether it works for us or not - but it's all about trying. Saying 'no' is not hard, once you know exactly what you're saying no to.

STUBBORNGIRL

IMO i dont think its weird that he asks that sort of question, different people get turned on by different things! but if it makes you feel uncomforable then relay this to him and let him know that you would rather not discuss it and if he loves you enough he should respect your wishes. Tell him that it turns you OFF having to discuss this with him!

MAybe you could dress up for him or do something different and that might take his mind off asking you these questions in future!

John Mason

i would take he is being turned by the idea of a threesome, watching some other man with you.

okay, its not for everyone but some people are in to it.

Why havent you asked him what is going on rather then some random internet people.

I mean, we can hardly guess what is going on in your husbands head, now can we.

just ask :rolleyes:

Marksie

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Fair enough, she might not be into that at all, and if not, she does need to firmly tell him no, and that it's not something she's keen to share. No arguments there. But she also seems to be wary of it because she's unsure as to why he's asking really - afraid that maybe he's curious as to what sort of women she was before she met him, rather then seeing it as simple fetish he's trying to explore. She could try indulging him, perhaps as well as satisfying his curiosity it'll add a bit of extra spice into her sex life - but I definitely think she has nothing to fear of it, which seems to be her real concern rather then the topic itself. In fact, maybe he enjoys the thought of her being a slut as she put it - but the important thing to remember that fantasies are fantasies, not reflective of reality. Escaping to a slightly different and non-existent you is harmless - who know, maybe you could both enjoy it and it could develop further. Sometimes going along with these things with surprise you. Me and my girlfriend enjoy a fairly open relationship and there is very few things out there that could possibly jeopardize our relationship in any possible way, regardless of whether it works for us or not - but it's all about trying. Saying 'no' is not hard, once you know exactly what you're saying no to.

Nice post

My mind flicks back to yesterdays threads though and one possible effect if teh OP decides during passion to tell all as it were....
and that is hubby hears something he later can't get his head around.

There would in my mind be nothing worse then having told a partner things at their request to "turn them on".. only to find it thrown back at them later in an argument or worse still the other having a complete fit because they then consider themselves to be deficient and worthless in the light of past escapades.

Of course openly communicating and bonded couples would accept and ejoy whats given and received.. but sometimes, opening a can of worms is a simple as saying "well it was THE biggest i have ever seen"

Its a completely normal fetish but talk to him and tell him your thoughts on it

Miss Fluff

Marksie wrote: »

Nice post

My mind flicks back to yesterdays threads though and one possible effect if teh OP decides during passion to tell all as it were....
and that is hubby hears something he later can't get his head around.

There would in my mind be nothing worse then having told a partner things at their request to "turn them on".. only to find it thrown back at them later in an argument or worse still the other having a complete fit because they then consider themselves to be deficient and worthless in the light of past escapades.

Of course openly communicating and bonded couples would accept and enjoy whats given and received.. but sometimes, opening a can of worms is a simple as saying "well it was THE biggest i have ever seen"

This is exactly the point I was trying to make albeit not so well. My concern would be that by sharing what I consider secret stuff there is a chance this guy could throw it back in her face.

How many posts have there been in PI about partners demanding a full blow-by-blow account (;)) of a person's sexual history only for them then being unable to handle the ins and outs(;)) of it? In this society of chav-type Jeremy Kyle programmes where people feel COMPELLED to impart with every single minutae of their lives, I still believe that some things should be kept private. Simple as. You don't need to tell your partner EVERYTHING.

MJOR

Tell him to stop... in all fairness... another good one is I DON'T REMEMBER that should stop him in his tracks....
The way the mind works from a sexual perspective... Boggles. Its harmless but maybe getting you down and rightly so if it makes you uncomfortable

cowzerp

He might just want to think of you with someone else, tell him you'll make some up for him. dont tell him about real experiences, lots of men get turned on thinking there girls are been dirty..

LegacyUser

In all fairness ... if he finds strange stuff a it of a turn-on
then why don't youse try some stange stuff - like a
3-some or something.

katie08

You catch a man with lust, you keep him with mystery (or so my nana said)

Talliesin

unregjuly wrote: »

he says it turns him on.

I'm getting very sick of it now and find it a passon killer

With the irrelevant details removed, is it a turn on he can live without or something he really needs to get it on? In the first case just tell him you find it a passion killer and ask him to stop. You only have a problem in the latter case.

MissThing

Read some erotic books to him and insert your name for the female character.

STUBBORNGIRL

unregjuly wrote: »

My husband has rescently started asking me questions about what happened with my ex boyfriends, ie undo my bra, feel my breasts, see me naked, sex, etc, etc.

He is totally obsessed with what has gone before him, for me that's all in the past and i want to forget about it he says it turns him on.

I'm getting very sick of it now and find it a passon killer as he must think i'm a slut, not that i did anything i did not do to him

has anyone experienced this kind of behaviour before from their partner

Sorry Op for this question but it is confusing me - you say he is your husband so what exactly turned him on up until recently. (until he started requesting this from you)

This is something new he has started requesting from you isnt it?? i would only wonder why it is coming to light now! strange.....

Dave!

Sounds to me like he's into the thought of you with other guys

Oryx

unregjuly wrote: »

My husband has rescently started asking me questions about what happened with my ex boyfriends, ie undo my bra, feel my breasts, see me naked, sex, etc, etc.

He is totally obsessed with what has gone before him, for me that's all in the past and i want to forget about it he says it turns him on.

I'm getting very sick of it now and find it a passon killer as he must think i'm a slut, not that i did anything i did not do to him

has anyone experienced this kind of behaviour before from their partner

I doubt hes doing it to write you off as a slut. I can actually understand the turn on. If you see someone as sexual and hot, it can be exciting to think of them with other people, doing what they now save only for you.

Only you who know this man will know if there is any reason to feel threatened by it. If you do or if you are just uneasy about it, then tell him. Suggest other ways he can experience the same thrill where you also feel ok about it. Creative sexual storytelling, maybe.

MJOR

Dave! wrote: »

Sounds to me like he's into the thought of you with other guys

I'm with you on that Dave I was actually wondering that myself..... But does that then mean that he wants her now to have a bit of jiggy with someone else? I hope not:(

Dave!

MJOR wrote: »

I'm with you on that Dave I was actually wondering that myself..... But does that then mean that he wants her now to have a bit of jiggy with someone else? I hope not:(

Well alot of couples are into that, it's not that unusual. As long as both partners are fully aware of what's going on and are consenting then it's not a problem really. Doesn't sound like the OP would be game for it though!

Still, might be worth chatting with the partner about it.

Mr. Incognito

It's a fantasy-

He wants to see you as a sex object and what's sexier than a girl who other men find attractive, most people feel threathened by the past- he's secure enough to seperate what went before him- what's wrong with it- unless it bothers you but i don't think he sees you as a slut in a negative conoctation of the word.

Quazzie

Dave! wrote: »

Well alot of couples are into that, it's not that unusual. As long as both partners are fully aware of what's going on and are consenting then it's not a problem really. Doesn't sound like the OP would be game for it though!

Still, might be worth chatting with the partner about it.

I agree Dave. The OP might not be up for it but maybe that her OH thinks is the eventual route to that outcome. Maybe he is trying to warm her up to the idea. Is the OP isn't game for it as you put it then she should try nip it in the bud right now

MJOR

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

I agree Dave. The OP might not be up for it but maybe that her OH thinks is the eventual route to that outcome. Maybe he is trying to warm her up to the idea. Is the OP isn't game for it as you put it then she should try nip it in the bud right now

+ 1 I'd have a pink fit if my OH suggested it!

mickoo

SetantaL wrote: »

It's a fantasy-

He wants to see you as a sex object and what's sexier than a girl who other men find attractive, most people feel threathened by the past- he's secure enough to seperate what went before him- what's wrong with it- unless it bothers you but i don't think he sees you as a slut in a negative conoctation of the word.

1 of my favourite fantasy's. i love my wife but considered doing this, she was not into it so we just dirty talk about it instead, i just love thinking of her in a pure sexual way, and love to think of her as a dirty girl! she's not, but its only a fantasy, if she was really dirty im sure i would not like it. no harm and it gets me excited..

LegacyUser

If anything I'd be worried about the fact that he gets turned on about you talking about other men during sex to be honest.

Everyone else, you can just dismiss it as a fetish and say it's no big deal but I'm sure when you're lying under someone sweaty and pumping it actually is a big deal to hear something like that.

OP just tell him NO, it obviously makes you uncomfortable and I assume this wasn't part of the marrige vows.

dr.bollocko

The guy has a mild cuckolding fetish or similar I reckon. It doesnt mean that he is gonna use it in an argument, he just likes the idea of you with other guys from time to time.
If you find something wrong with that then tell him you dont like it. But if you wanna be GGG and can handle it, explore the fetish play with him and you can maybe start a dialogue about your own sexual wants.

LegacyUser

Wow. The over-reaction of some of the responses here beggars belief. Unfortunately girls it's you who I'm looking at! Yes *you*.

Would the OP prefer if her husband *didn't* speak to her at all ? that he didn't share his turn-ons/fetish/fantasy ? Is that what you want ?

There is NOTHING wrong with what he's asking about. Many men are turned on by what their partners have done. It's PERFECTLY NORMAL.

What's not normal is some of the prudish, prissy reactions here.