what happens?

redcrew

Ok, I'm a guy in my mid 20s (this thread is inspired by the guy who asked how often do you fall hard for a girl) and I never fall for people...ever...well almost.

Throughout my teens there was 3 girls I fancied.

No. 1 was the girl who made me realise that girls were no longer icky

No. 2 was the girl of my dreams at the time (and a few since). She's my ideal lookswise (not that that is everything) but we were also best friends for a long time too before we grew apart - school, exams, college and all that

No. 3 was the Leaving Cert girl who I secretly fawned over for a whole year

These three were at different times my ideal women. No. 1 is the sweetest girl ever, still very hot but I've no interest (other than fulfilling a teenage fantasy). No. 2 I don't see and we lead different lives completely but is still sexy as hell. No. 3 I would have no interest in now, we've become very different people

No. 4... college sweetheart who slept with another guy while we were going out... I didn't find out til a long time afterwards. We were perfect together, everyone said we were twin halves of the same person, her mother thought we should get married (her telling me that was scary at 20!).

College is well over now, it's been 5 years since No. 4. My problem is that I've not really been interested in anyone since...well not anyone who was interested back. I've been on a few dates but nothing major. There were 2 girls in that time that I was actually interested in but one was moving away and didn't want to start anything (we've remained friends) and I've become friends with the other girl. My other major problem is that unless I'm really into someone I can't be bother scoring anyone.

AngryBadger

What are you asking OP? Are you wondering if it's normal not to meet anyone you're interested in? Or if there's some reason you're not meeting people?

You touched on one or two big ones in your post, a little clarity might make it easier for us to help

redcrew

Kind of got lost in my own thread there....sorry!!


Ok basically I'm trying to figure out if it is normal to be attracted to so few people. I'm more into personality but end up friends with anyone I may have been interested in. I'm also afraid that I'm afraid to let myself go.

girl2

Just be yourself. And sometimes its ok not to looking, that special girl might just walk into your life and blow you away!

Hope it works out.

redcrew

That I understand girl2...just thought I'd been doing that so long that maybe I was doing it the wrong way...

There've been a few girls I've turned down because I wasn't interested and not one of them do I regret (I don't mean drunk girls in clubs btw I mean friends of friends etc) but I have thought maybe I should've given one or two of them a go to see how things developed

AngryBadger

No need to apologise.

Personally I don't see a problem with what you describe. From my own experience what you're describing sounds like you feel you should/would like to be with someone because that's what people do, but on the other hand it seems like you're exploring yourself a bit too. You're looking at women you meet, and assessing them in terms of how suitable they'd be to you, but also in terms of how much of an infringement they'd be on your own life.

I'm guessing you're out of college maybe 2 years or so? And been working for a lot of that?

I think when we're in college, we're basically in an en ormous sandbox where we get to try the menu without buying the dish, in terms of a lot of things. There are drugs, women and so on. It's a playground really, and while some people do meet life-long loves there, i think most people just have a crazy mash of experiences.

The bottom line is that when you leave college, you suddenly find a situation where there aren't new women on your doorstep, you have to go looking fpor them. Thios is a hard lesson to learn, and it doesn't just apply to women, it becomes harder to do many things, even just keeping up old friendships.

In relation to your situation, I'd be inclined to go with my gut. If you meet someone and you're attracted to them, go for it, if not, don't bother.

It's not unusual to meet so few people you're attracted to. Think about it, you work all week, probably head out at the weekends, and even then it's as much to unwind as anything else. Maybe you're looking for someone, maybe you're not, but that represents maybe 1/2 opportunities a week to meet people, and what're the odds that you're going to be attracted to all, or even some of them?

So don't sweat it OP, keep at it and you'll find someone, and if it's bugging you that much, maybe make and exception every now and then, even if it's just to restore your faith in your instincts.

hope that helps!

CharlieCroker

Don't worry about it. I always found that girls tend to get more interested when you don't act interested. The ideal girl will come along when you least expect it. just relax and it'll happen in its own time

redcrew

I hope so guys, thanks for the encouragement... it rarely gets to me but I'm going to be working flat out all week and with all my friends having their own lives and troubles it'd just be nice to share something with someone who cares and not feel like I'm burdening friends.

I guess I just see friends who at times might be kissing 2 different people (not an alternate night basis or anything just might get with the same people for a while and not be going out) and I'm wondering why I'm not kissing anyone

I think you are probably right AngryBadger, I am very busy with work and it's all-consuming (I'm not out tonight on my birthday because I've too much on and need to work most of the night). There are times when I'm out regularly too though... I don't know, sometimes it's depressing sometimes I'm glad I don't have anyone to worry about

HoneyButterfly

Just always go with your instinct. If you don't find someone attractive then you don't! I've gone against my instincts before and gave guys a chance just because on paper they were ideal for me, or what everyone considers the 'ideal man'...good job, manners, blah blah, basically someone that would please everyone else in my life. But I'm rarely attracted to men in comparison to, well, really any of my friends from either sex. So I don't think theres a 'normal' here...just, if you don't like a person enough to meet them, then don't. It will all fit together perfectly eventually, and when you let it go and go with the flow thats when things will start to happen for you. Well thats what I hope for me too :rolleyes: Am I makin any sense at all or just ramblin

redcrew

Making perfect sense Honey...and you are telling me everything I already know...that's why in 5 years I haven't been with anyone though...wow I'm sad :P (this is a joke)

HoneyButterfly

Ah ...k. Well I don't really get what you're question was then. But Happy Birthday

johndaman66

redcrew wrote: »

Ok, I'm a guy in my mid 20s (this thread is inspired by the guy who asked how often do you fall hard for a girl) and I never fall for people...ever...well almost.

Hi redcrew. Think from what you say in your initial post after the above comment that you quite obviously do fall for girls in one way or another. Looking at your initial post I think it may be a case of once bitten, twice shy after the girl you listed number 4. I may be very wrong in saying that and stand to be corrected by you as such.

Im 27 myself and about 4 years ago I met a girl who I fell for hook, line and sinker. She proclaimed she liked (she used the loved word even) me and we hit it off. Trouble was she was seing a fella when we got together and I knew that from day one. She was saying she wanted to finish with him and everything as he was treating her bad and after she met me etc but guess what... she didn't finish with him and in the end she turned out quite cold and callice really.... very two sided. You may say I was wrong to go near her in the first place and yes I was but lets just say it definately takes two to tango and she did draw me in quite well.

Howsever, thats my story and ever since I have being sorta cynical bout relationships and find myself very slow to get close to women. So much so that I may have a problem as nothing serious is happening for me. It probably rubbed off on me to a certain degree too and to the extent that I am cynical it may not make me very endearing to the opposite sex in any case.

I can make a comparison between you and me as such in that regard. And I think maybe it's a good way to be as you may be less inclined to jump readily into any relationship without regard for considering the personality and how decent the other person is in the first place. I may be bit too cautious though as i haven't got into a serious relationship since.

Hope this might help a wee bit...

redcrew

Ah well I think it was more of a rant...get it off my chest...and for consolation that there are other people like me...which there are it seems

I'll be the pick of the bunch at 30 :P

johndaman66

redcrew wrote: »

Ah well I think it was more of a rant...get it off my chest...and for consolation that there are other people like me...which there are it seems

I'll be the pick of the bunch at 30 :P

It probably does help though, even if you do only write it down man, something like that, that may be annoying you. Sure look at my rant, my problem may not have being of any signifigance to you but it helped me get it off my chest that small bit too for that matter.

redcrew

Hey John,

It definitely helps to rant, even just to clarify my mind... I guess it's not that I even hold No. 4 up on a pedestal but maybe the way I felt at the time...I begin to wonder if it's even possible to feel that way...I've spent all my time thinking about a girl but it generally wears off pretty fast so I've begun to wonder if it's different out of my teens (I was a late teen when I met No. 4) and that maybe I'm looking for the wrong thing altogether

Calibos

I think I know where the OP is coming from. Its funny because I am not the type of person who has concious romantic notions about finding the one, waiting to fall for someone before sleeping with them etc. I see nothing wrong with one night stands, flings etc etc

However like the OP I just don't find them satisfying despite having no moral objection to them. The same with meeting someone new. I should enjoy the prospect of someone new and getting to know them....and their bodies but I just don't get the enjoyment and satisfaction a feel I should have. Sure its exciting but after a few days/weeks....'Meh'

The only relationships I have truely enjoyed are the ones where I fell for someone before any relationship started. I never fell for anyone after a relationship started. ie, I never met someone at a bar, friend of friend etc, started going out and then start to fall for them.

redcrew

Hi Calibos, I don't have any moral objection to a one night stand...not my bag but for two consenting adults it's all good and if the time and place was right and the girl was right I probably could indulge myself.

That's the thing I do need to be in deep from the start....oh for life to be a movie and for Maggie Gyllenhaal to hang out in Galway :P

Seriously though please someone give me hope that love happens the same way all through life??

MJOR

I suppose you are just one of those people(I am too). Yoou like your probable other half to be to you the whole package.....

I get this. It's totally normal. You just don't want to settle.

Believe me when I tell you when you find the right person it'll be great

redcrew

ya....but i'm waiting and waiting and waiting...and i've been busy and not looking for or expecting it...isn't that when it hits you??