Going soon but girl came along..

LegacyUser

Hi Guys'n'Girls,

Just looking for advice/an opinion. Essentially I'm 25, great job, car, apartment all is rosy. Been single for a year now and it's OK but not great. Almost year ago I decided to change my life and jump at new job. This involves moving abroad and subsequently travelling to different countries after that. Dream job, huge commitment. I've been training for a year for this and almost finished. I should be moving in December. Problem is a girl has come along. Yep, I've said it since the start, I'm single for so long then I bet a girl appears and steals my heart.
Now she doesn't know of my plans to move, only my family and a few close friends know. I would plan on telling her within the month as soon as I get further information on my job contract. We're not an item but it's looking that way quick. I really like her, I haven't felt like this in ages.

My question, do I jump in and go with her till I move? Or try and play things down and be friends. It'll kill me to push her away, but it'll also kill me to leave her as I don't intend on coming back anytime soon. Should I go for the "it's better to have lost and lost..." or forget about it?

MagicMarker

If i were you, i'd tell her.

There's not point leading her on if it's not going to go any further. Better get out now and save yourself, and her, the heartache.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Where you moving to? Just talk to her about it.

Overheal

hey she deserves to know.

Wurly

goingawaysoon wrote: »

Hi Guys'n'Girls,

Just looking for advice/an opinion. Essentially I'm 25, great job, car, apartment all is rosy. Been single for a year now and it's OK but not great. Almost year ago I decided to change my life and jump at new job. This involves moving abroad and subsequently travelling to different countries after that. Dream job, huge commitment. I've been training for a year for this and almost finished. I should be moving in December. Problem is a girl has come along. Yep, I've said it since the start, I'm single for so long then I bet a girl appears and steals my heart.
Now she doesn't know of my plans to move, only my family and a few close friends know. I would plan on telling her within the month as soon as I get further information on my job contract. We're not an item but it's looking that way quick. I really like her, I haven't felt like this in ages.

My question, do I jump in and go with her till I move? Or try and play things down and be friends. It'll kill me to push her away, but it'll also kill me to leave her as I don't intend on coming back anytime soon. Should I go for the "it's better to have lost and lost..." or forget about it?

Mate, just be honest with her. Seriously. There is no point in pushing her away before you talk to her. You never know what the future holds and it could possibly work.

Talk.

Good luck.

towel401

take the girl with you. sry i mean persuade the girl to go along with you, gone are the days when you could just take a girl with you.

usually these type of jobs allow you to take someone with you if they are any way good (i know someone who used to have that sort of job). you can always do long distance unless she's one of "those" girls that you could never trust.

MagicMarker

towel401 wrote: »

take the girl with you. sry i mean persuade the girl to go along with you, gone are the days when you could just take a girl with you.

usually these type of jobs allow you to take someone with you if they are any way good (i know someone who used to have that sort of job). you can always do long distance unless she's one of "those" girls that you could never trust.

They're not even in a relationship and you're saying to take the girl with him???

Like, WTF?

LegacyUser

You have to tell her straight away, it's so unfair to be leading her on when you know that it really can't go anywhere. You'll end up hurting her badly if you keep this up, you really have to make a decision now. Don't put it off any longer.

Wibbs

calgurl wrote: »

You have to tell her straight away, it's so unfair to be leading her on when you know that it really can't go anywhere. You'll end up hurting her badly if you keep this up, you really have to make a decision now. Don't put it off any longer.

That's it, pretty much.

MagicMarker wrote:

They're not even in a relationship and you're saying to take the girl with him???

Kinda thinking that myself.

RedXIV

Tell her. See what she wants to do from then. Not telling her is wrong. that is pretty much all i have to say

MJOR

Tell her be straight about it..... It is for the best that you're honest from the start.The longer you leave it the more "led up the garden path " she will feel
Best of luck with your new life!

ntlbell

I was in a very similar situation as yourself except she was the one leaving.

She told me after about a week or two of "dating" she was leaving in 3 month's, I told her I was fine with that and I would still like to spend time with her over the next 3 months or so.

we really got on well over those 3 months and spent a lot of time together and when she left it was tough. We kept in contact for a couple of weeks afterwards and I knew there was something there, so I took a break from my job and flew out and spent a couple of months with her, came home again it was a bit tough. Again we kept in touch for a few more months and luckily for me she decided she wanted to come that was four years ago and we're together today.

You don't know what can happen if it's meant to be it's meant to be but don't hide it from her be honest from the get go and see what happens.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the replies. You guys have hit the nail on the head. I have to tell her this week. There is absolutely no way I could bring her with me, my job will take me to some hostile countries. Long distance relationship will be difficult as it is a high pressure job, but as one of you said it worked for you so something could happen.

I have to be honest with her. Thank you everyone.

irelandsown

I've been in the exact same situation twice now in the last few months. Decided in January that I would go travelling for a year this October. Then in Feb I met a lovely girl and we dated for two months. I was honest with her from the start about my plans and in the end she decided to end it because she didnt want to get hurt in a few months. That was perfectly understandable and we're still good friends now. Met another girl recently but I ended it before it got serious as the same thing would have happened again. I've decided now to take a break from all of that lark now until I go away as its not fair to mess people around like that.

You should defo tell her man. Your only 25 so you've got loads of time.

HoneyButterfly

towel401 wrote: »

take the girl with you. sry i mean persuade the girl to go along with you, gone are the days when you could just take a girl with you.

usually these type of jobs allow you to take someone with you if they are any way good (i know someone who used to have that sort of job). you can always do long distance unless she's one of "those" girls that you could never trust.

They're not even a couple so I'd say taking the girl is out of the question. Its not a fairytale movie were in here.

Anyway, I've had this happen to me, except we both knew from the start that he was going away (to other side of the world no less) and I was going back to college after a year out (in the UK) but we still went ahead, ignoring the obvious. And to be honest with you, I'd say don't even get into it. It only causes hurt. You're not going to let yourself get close enough to her (you'll both be subconsciously pulling away), to the point that you might be close enough that she might go with you...so its inevitably going to end with both you being hurt.