Deeply in love at the worst possible time

LegacyUser

Girlfriend and I, both in our mid-20s so supposedly mature, going out for two months, and been good friends for many months before that, are deeply-madly-crazily passionately in love: of the can’t get enough of one another and can’t spend enough time together - promise to leave at 8am and end up leaving at 4pm only to do it all over again that evening sort of love.

It’s wonderful cause I’ve never felt so deeply about anyone (and haven’t had all that much relationship experience) and she who has had a few long relationships claims to never have felt it … and everything stops mattering when we’re together. It’s what I read in books, never something I imagined experiencing.

Thing is that it’s at the worst possible time for both of us; we are just one week away from submitting our Masters dissertations and neither of us are anywhere where we should be. I should be working on it 17hrs a day and not spending 15 of those with her (and vice versa).

For all I can half rationally type this now, I know the next time I see her it is all going to melt away and nothing will matter anymore and another day will be gone.

I suppose usually I’d say keep the work together for a week, and then it we’ll have all the time in the world for each other, but that’s not true either since we each have fairly important commitments in different parts of the world right after submitting this. The whole thing is made worse by the fact we had liked one another for a long time but had to get over so many hurdles to get here and now we're here and now it's better than we ever imagined.

I know it’s irrational, I know I’m almost throwing away so many years of study on this and probably the chance to do further study (I know I’ll likely scrape a pass, but that’s not what I was doing this for)… and it’s ridiculous. I’ve never cared so little about something so important.

Any suggestions? Just not seeing each other is hardly an option, we live 30 seconds apart and I’d just be miserable, but I know it’s probably the right thing. Maybe I’ve answered my own question? Or other, probably less drastic, ideas?

RedXIV

I posted the following advice on another thread:

"There are no right or wrong choices, only YOUR choices and the concequences you can live with"

What i'm trying to say is that, sure, in a purely logical and sensible world you should avoid her like the plague and concentrate on your studies, but our logical world is corrputed by emotion and whims, and i can understand how strong passion can be and how easy it can be to disregard "logical advice".

Another phrase that might be worth pointing out is:

"Where there's a will, there's a way"

And remember, if the passion is this strong, it will survive your upcoming periods of absence, and you need to remember that things like your masters may affect your life just as much as your partner

Best of luck OP

Red

SarahSassy

I am all for romance but to be frank, the pair of ye need to seriously cop on.. You have both wasted minimum / approx 6 years of your lives to get to this position and now you are both going to let it slide... Ridiculous....

brianthebard

Dude if you both care about each other that much whats a week or two of no communication?Just tell her for the benefit of both of ye you won't be able to spend time with her til the dissertations are done.Its not like she'll leave you for that

Dudess

Congrats OP, that's wonderful. A love like that is rare and shouldn't be thrown away.

Look, all I can say is, pour yourself into that thesis. I know it's hard - I found it dreadfully difficult to get motivated for my thesis and I didn't have a distraction like that - but the panic should give you the red-hot pitchfork up the arse you need. After that, any chance you could change your career plans to equally desirable ones but with you being together? What are these commitments you mentioned?

Jwacqui

Why don't you try doing your work together. Both sit down in the same room and do 4hours hard work then maybe take an hour break and do another 4hours. That way you can both get more work done than now and are technically "together".
Or maybe try spending 2days apart to spend entirely on your work and then spend a whole day together. Like a reward for doing your work
Just try think of the long term and try motivate each other to get things done

TestTransmission

nLove24 wrote: »

Girlfriend and I, both in our mid-20s so supposedly mature, going out for two months, and been good friends for many months before that, are deeply-madly-crazily passionately in love: of the can’t get enough of one another and can’t spend enough time together - promise to leave at 8am and end up leaving at 4pm only to do it all over again that evening sort of love.

It’s wonderful cause I’ve never felt so deeply about anyone (and haven’t had all that much relationship experience) and she who has had a few long relationships claims to never have felt it … and everything stops mattering when we’re together. It’s what I read in books, never something I imagined experiencing.

Thing is that it’s at the worst possible time for both of us; we are just one week away from submitting our Masters dissertations and neither of us are anywhere where we should be. I should be working on it 17hrs a day and not spending 15 of those with her (and vice versa).

For all I can half rationally type this now, I know the next time I see her it is all going to melt away and nothing will matter anymore and another day will be gone.

I suppose usually I’d say keep the work together for a week, and then it we’ll have all the time in the world for each other, but that’s not true either since we each have fairly important commitments in different parts of the world right after submitting this. The whole thing is made worse by the fact we had liked one another for a long time but had to get over so many hurdles to get here and now we're here and now it's better than we ever imagined.

I know it’s irrational, I know I’m almost throwing away so many years of study on this and probably the chance to do further study (I know I’ll likely scrape a pass, but that’s not what I was doing this for)… and it’s ridiculous. I’ve never cared so little about something so important.

Any suggestions? Just not seeing each other is hardly an option, we live 30 seconds apart and I’d just be miserable, but I know it’s probably the right thing. Maybe I’ve answered my own question? Or other, probably less drastic, ideas?

You need to cop on/have a cold shower.
You sound like you're 15,get your ass in gear and do your thesis.

4Xcut

jackncoke wrote: »

You need to cop on/have a cold shower.
You sound like you're 15,get your ass in gear and do your thesis.

Pretty much what this. You can work around things after but you can't come back in a few months and ask to do the last bit again. Cop on and do some work.

Ainekav

aw.. well fair play to ya. i used to be forever runnin off to galway to see the oh and missin college.. i had to sop on though this year.. its somethin u have to do properly-the thesis.. so just discipline yourself and explain to her etc and do it.. youll only get one chance at it and it sounds like you too will be in it for the long haul anyway. itll be hard but get into the it-has-to-be-done frame of mind and DO NOT let yourself get up from the table until youve done a guilt-free chunk of work. gluck and the besht!

MagicMarker

yep, you need to a serious dose of cop.

You're not a child. You can survive without each other for a week or two.

If you throw all this away, then frankly, you're an idiot.

Overheal

2 weeks. Its nothing. Besides, distance makes the heart grow fonder. with the dissertations and your future commitments i hope you pair will last a good long time.

Splendour

Forget about yourself, if you are truely mad about this girl you'll put her first and think about her masters degree-leave her alone to study!!

Wagon

Get the thesis done. Then go nuts over each other some more May as well do the best you can and even a pass on a masters degree is a great achievement. Two weeks of less contact isn't going to kill you or her.

needhelpguy

Relationships that are so passionate at the beginning always fizzle out quickly so I wouldn't put so much emphasis on your "love". The brightest flames last the shortest and all that.

Do your goddamn masters. No woman is worth missing out on a college achievement. Jesus Christ.

And grow up, you sound like a teenager.

Wibbs

You're going out two months. Heavy duty chemical infatuation. That's about it and it's all lovely, don't get me wrong and it may turn into love down the line, but at the moment it's mostly hormonal madness.

You're priming yourselves through a cloud of love loopiness to believe you're perfect for each other. Sooo amazed at the similarities and ignoring the realities, good and bad. Standard operational.

It'll pass and either continue or not and you'll either have a degree or not. I would respectfully suggest having a degree is best for both of you.

You see that's actual love. Having respect and consideration for what's best for both of you, even if it's not either of you. The rest belongs on hallmark cards and chick flix and is equally transient.

Nevyn

If you both have deadlines why can't you be working in the same room on them at the same time ? or are you having that much trouble with blood just not flowing to you're cranium around her ?

Dizzyblonde

You both seriously need to grow up. It's great that you're so head over heels in love but there are other things that need your attention too.
I have to say, if someone was so besotted with me that they couldn't function normally I'd be completely creeped out :eek: - and I speak as someone who's been in love for many years.

jellie

as most have said - grow up! its a few weeks, she'll still be there when youre done. youre both risking all the work youve put into your degrees because youre too immature to prioritise college over each other for a few weeks.

as someone said, think of seeing her as a treat to work towards. if you can work 9-7 and then spend a couple of hours together or have dinner together. although even that seems a bit much if its due in a week, you should be concentrating all your energies on it.

Karen_*

Your dissertation is in a week. So don't see each other for a week. Did you really need to ask us that though? Wasting even more time asking questions to which the answer is screamingly obvious.

Congrats on the new love, hope it works out and is worth risking everything you and your parents have worked for.

MJOR

Thaedydal wrote: »

If you both have deadlines why can't you be working in the same room on them at the same time ? or are you having that much trouble with blood just not flowing to you're cranium around her ?

That seems like the most logical...