Am livid with him!!!!!!!!!!!!

rohe

Ok, I've been with my bf for 3 years, he's seperated from his wife, and has kids, and to say his wife hasnt taken our relationship well is an understatement,

My bf left his marriage and i met him 4 months after he left his wife, since then we have had problems with his wife and his wife's family

one day i was driving through a fast food place and was ordering food and his wifes sister was at the window serving, i hadnt a clue who she was but she starts shouting out the window at me calling me a wh*re,sl*t and all this kinda stuff and said she was gonna slap the head of me, whilst i sat there gobsmacked, she then slammed the window shut and stormed off,

I rang my bf and told him what happened and he said to ignore her as i would only cause problems for him with his wife, and his wife wont let him see their son if he says anything to her

In the pasr few years she has written abusive texts about me to my bf nd he has shown me these and she has mouthed things at me when she passes me driving and gives me dirty looks, and has tried to poision their child against me, said she wouldnt have their child staying in mine and m bfs house as the child would get a disease off the same sheets as me!!!!

My bf has continously ignored her and told me to do the same, but it makes me soooo angry, its like he has no backbone

I come home from work today and he starts showing me a text he got from her, where she was being smart, this goes on the whole time,and he said yesterday that he sent his wife a text ment for me by mistake, and kept saying " oh she wont like that now, that will drive her mad, see will she answer me back",just going on and on about the fact that he sent her a wrong text and then he informs me he was out walking today and met her sister the one who verbally abused me, and he said hello to her, i just feel disgusted with him

its like he never standsupfor me, had to get this off my chest, its driving me mad

AngryBadger

Lose the bf. End of.

LegacyUser

i wonder why he's showing you the texts she sends about you and then tells you to ignore her? does he get off on seeing you upset like this?
i don't blame you for being mad, it's one thing to tell you to ignore the wife's behaviour, but for him to not do anything about it, even say 'look ex-wife, knock it off, you're a complete mentaller' is showing no regard for how much this upsets you (and this isn't even regular bitter ex behaviour from the sounds of it, it's psychotic!)

regarding him being afraid he won't be allowed see his child any more, im not familiar with custody laws, but surely he can go to court if she tries anything like that? as far as my limited knowledge goes, i thought he'd only be denied access if he was a complete shambles of a father? (and im well prepared to be corrected there, like i say, i woulldn't know)

rohe

its not that easy, my head is telling me to go, as am so sick of the baggage and arguments with him and the fact he never stands up for me, just thinks of how things effect him

but i gave my house a month ago for him and moved in properly, now i feel trapped

Sherifu

You're not trapped, walk away from him.

rohe

where do i go?

i havent enough money saved up for a deposit for a place yet, family i woulnt stay wit

Looby_Loo

Its not just that he wont stand up for you- he is showing you the nasty texts for no valid reason. That really serves no purpose other than to make tensions worse. Sounds like its time to make a split

Ickle Magoo

Some people will always blame "the other person" for their partner leaving because it's easier than dealing with the facts. Your partner is always going to be tied to his ex-wife through his kid so you both need to come to some kind of understanding with her. If she will not stop this behaviour or enter into dialogue then you have a dilemma.

I'm sure your bf does not want his ex-wife to make his life difficult with regards to seeing his kid & if he went nuts at her & demanded she treat you with respect then that may be exactly what would happen - and I'd put money on it that it wouldn't stop the abuse either.

So, I think you have a choice - you can leave him & the situation or you can acknowledge that being the woman who hooked up with her husband 4 months after he walked out on her & their child was never going to win you any popularity contests in her house/friends/family regardless of the circumstances, ignore it & hope time heals all wounds. Not a great choice really.

Rent or suck it up with the family until you can afford to rent.

rohe

Unregoogly wrote: »

i wonder why he's showing you the texts she sends about you and then tells you to ignore her? does he get off on seeing you upset like this?
i don't blame you for being mad, it's one thing to tell you to ignore the wife's behaviour, but for him to not do anything about it, even say 'look ex-wife, knock it off, you're a complete mentaller' is showing no regard for how much this upsets you (and this isn't even regular bitter ex behaviour from the sounds of it, it's psychotic!)

regarding him being afraid he won't be allowed see his child any more, im not familiar with custody laws, but surely he can go to court if she tries anything like that? as far as my limited knowledge goes, i thought he'd only be denied access if he was a complete shambles of a father? (and im well prepared to be corrected there, like i say, i woulldn't know)

i have said to him on soooo many occasions that she's only bluffing when she goes on with her bull about him not seeing his kid,its only an excuse i think he uses to me to justify him not standing up for me, as i said this is going on 3 years and am so sick of it, he will never change in my eyes, he just thinks of how things will effect him and in my eyes he's a coward

rohe

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Some people will always blame "the other person" for their partner leaving because it's easier than dealing with the facts. Your partner is always going to be tied to his ex-wife through his kid so you both need to come to some kind of understanding with her. If she will not stop this behaviour or enter into dialogue then you have a dilemma.

I'm sure your bf does not want his ex-wife to make his life difficult with regards to seeing his kid & if he went nuts at her & demanded she treat you with respect then that may be exactly what would happen - and I'd put money on it that it wouldn't stop the abuse either.

So, I think you have a choice - you can leave him & the situation or you can acknowledge that being the woman who hooked up with her husband 4 months after he walked out on her & their child was never going to win you any popularity contests in her house/friends/family regardless of the circumstances, ignore it & hope time heals all wounds. Not a great choice really.

i never expected to win any popularity contents with anyone when i met him because i knew he was seperated, but i didnt expect to me be verbally abused, and have lies and dirt spread aboutme,

i cant keep ignoring it, i have ignored it for 3 years, just believed his excuses everytime,thanks i know what to do

Looby_Loo

rohe wrote: »

thanks i know what to do

It sounds like you do, good luck

masseyno9

Maybe he's showing her the texts as a way of keeping her in the loop. I imagine the OP would be equally, if not more, upset if one day she discovered a ream of texts from the ex and her sister, and had never been informed of them. Just another way of looking at it.

Ickle Magoo

My heart goes out to you Rohe, because you have done nothing but fall in love with a man who was already separated. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone will ever convince his ex-wife or her family/friends of this. I don't know why your bf even bothers telling you about the abuse or showing you the texts as it must be hurtful & quite scary but other than not show you or tell you, which you can ask him not to do - what do propose he does & do you think they'd pay a blind bit of notice to him?

Looby_Loo

masseyno9 wrote: »

Maybe he's showing her the texts as a way of keeping her in the loop. I imagine the OP would be equally, if not more, upset if one day she discovered a ream of texts from the ex and her sister, and had never been informed of them. Just another way of looking at it.

There is a way of doing that-"Sorry love, I am getting a few messages from the ex, but she is only stirring **** and I told her where to get off" not "ooh here is yet another message where she called you a slut, look here it is"
Anyway the decision has been reached

Firetrap

You need to get away from this mess. If your boyfriend was committed to you, he'd be standing up for you. I'm not seeing you gaining a lot from this relationship to be honest apart from industrial strength hassle.

You should move out and rent somewhere. If you can't put together enough money to rent a place on your own, why not house-share? You need to get away from this.

DAWNRISER

Get as far away from this situation as possible. He should cut his ties with his ex.
Get him to get a new mobile phone number and leave all contact written and through a solicitor.
If he values you enough thats what he will do. There is no need for him to have contact with his ex at all.
If he insists he has to keep contact for the sake of the child well ask him " what about for the sake of you?"
The child should have no idea about any of this and it wont affect the child in any way if contact is arranged though a solicitor.

Then you should get a solicitor to write to her and warn her that if she does not stop this behaviour you will take it further.

Your BF can surely see that his child must be affected by his low life of an ex.
Maybe he needs to look at custody.

And if he doesnt agree to this you will then have to realise that HE likes the attention and its not about you or her OR even the child...... its about him
AND you dont need that....... Best of luck... but trust me... its a very long road... think about turning back before you are at the point where you.

hope this is of SOME help

zAbbo

He can hardly cut ties with his ex, when they share a child...

DAWNRISER

Of course you can....... if the situation is that bad, a solicitor can do all the "in between stuff"

He needs contact with his child ..... not his ex...

It is perfectly reasonable thing to do in a situation were the ex is making life unbearable.....

IT WORKS!!!!! And the child is in a healthier environment, not having to listen to all the crap...
Unless of course the mother continues to give out in front of the child.

The ex needs to let go .... and so does the BF.

DenMan

Hi OP

This is a terrible situation for you to be in. You don't need all this crap you are carrying around inside. It must be very soul destroying. As much as I hate telling people to break up with their partner, I am forced to agree with a lot of the responses you have been getting to this thread. You don't want to be carrying this around with you for the rest of your life. Word spreads like wildfire and this could really tarnish your good name if enough people start talking about it. Your bf not standing up for you must be inconceivable to you and very inconsiderate. There are many more words I could use to describe him but I would probably get a rather long suspension from here for doing so. You deserve much better than this OP and you need to evaluate your current situation. You should leave him and move on with your life. A change of scenery would do you the world of good as well. You need to remove yourself from this situation. Do what is right for yourself, you will feel a lot better trust me with this chapter of your life out of the way. Good luck rohe.

LegacyUser

rohe wrote: »

where do i go?

i havent enough money saved up for a deposit for a place yet, family i woulnt stay wit

You can't have your cake AND eat it.

Take responsibility for yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you.

MagicMarker

rohe wrote: »

i have said to him on soooo many occasions that she's only bluffing when she goes on with her bull about him not seeing his kid,its only an excuse i think he uses to me to justify him not standing up for me, as i said this is going on 3 years and am so sick of it, he will never change in my eyes, he just thinks of how things will effect him and in my eyes he's a coward

Have you told him this? I would leave if i were you, don't make excuses, just do it!

OrangeDaisy

Honestly, while I don't know enough about it to say that you should break up with him it's obvious that you need a break from this situation perhaps you could move out temporarily (maybe it won't be so bad going back to family if you know its temporary?) just so both of you can get a little perspective. He'd get to see what he stands to lose unless he takes control of his ex and you'll get a break from all the stress.

chump

It's very hard to have sympathy for you OP.

Why the fkk do you put up with it, any of it?

You must have a pretty low self opinion and/or be too lazy to actually DO anything to change the situation.

Sensible person would tell him what you will/won't accept, and if he doesn't buy it, you'd move on.

DenMan

chump wrote: »

It's very hard to have sympathy for you OP.

Why the fkk do you put up with it, any of it?

You must have a pretty low self opinion and/or be too lazy to actually DO anything to change the situation.

Sensible person would tell him what you will/won't accept, and if he doesn't buy it, you'd move on.

That is a little heavy of a response there chump. The OP would like some advice not a constant reminder of her problem. Her situation is not akin to you or I, it is unique. She is obviously feeling down on herself and her self esteem must be very low, there is no point in compounding it further.

DonJose

rohe wrote: »

Ok, I've been with my bf for 3 years, he's seperated from his wife, and has kids, and to say his wife hasnt taken our relationship well is an understatement,

My bf left his marriage and i met him 4 months after he left his wife, since then we have had problems with his wife and his wife's family

Just wondering, why haven't they had a divorce after 3 years? Concerning the sister in law shouting abuse at you from the drive thru window, why didn't you persue a civil action against her and her employer for defamation of character.

Mikel

He obviously likes the drama. It will never stop.
His wife can't stop him seeing his kid, he's bull****ting.
He's getting off on the whole situation

marti101

More importantly why did you give up your house.Its not if this stuff has only happened after you moved in but it was going on before,is there no way to get your place back or no gf you could stay at.If you cant say you will give him 6 months to sort it out if not youll be out and at least this way it will give you a chance to save.I think he loves the attention he thinks 2 women are fighting over himgO TO A SOLICITER THE NEXT TIME THEY SAY SOMETHING .Keep all texts as proof and do it that way then youll know where your bf stands on the situation.

MJOR

I think he is displaying a total lack of respect for you and your relationship.

You don't deserve to be given the scarlet woman treatment.


Dump him he cleary has more baggage than terminal two at heathrow

rohe

chump wrote: »

It's very hard to have sympathy for you OP.

Why the fkk do you put up with it, any of it?

You must have a pretty low self opinion and/or be too lazy to actually DO anything to change the situation.

Sensible person would tell him what you will/won't accept, and if he doesn't buy it, you'd move on.

firstly i didnt come on here looking for sympathy as you putit, i came here to ask people's advice as to what they would do in my situation, thats all advice

secondly i aint lazy or have low self opinion of myself, i believe in giving someone the benefit of the doubt and dont believe in throwing out 3 years of a relationship because of other people, and i believe in trying to save a relationship if its worth saving, and lastly i have told him that i have enough of this situation and if he dont get a pair of b*lls, i will sort this situation out myself, by getting legal advice regarding his wife and leaving him