I feel like I'm being ridiculed

LegacyUser

Hi this might sound stupid to someone who is not in the same situation as me...

I'm a girl in my early twenties. I wouldn't exactly call myself attractive but I'm too bad looking. The thing that sticks out about me most is that I have really boobs. That never really bothered me until I started me current job a few months back. I work Reception in a male-dominated building site office. I always feel like the guys are staring at my tits (probably 'cause they are). I catch guys staring all the time if I bend down or something. I try not to wear revealing clothes or low tops, but with a bust this big, you're always gonna see something when I bend over unless I wear polo-necks! The guys stand at reception and just stare down at my chest when they're talking to me. I saw a couple of guys gesturing behind me and giggling in the canteen too. It makes me feel so embarrassed. They can easily ignore me in many situations, and then give this type of attention. And in case anyone on wondering, this is not the kind of attention that a really attractive woman gets, it's something else entirely. I'm not usually prone to paranoia either, so please don't tell me I'm just imagining it!

I'm so embarrassed I would never say anything. I told one of the other women in the office about it, and she told me that the bosses would never take me seriously anyway, and that I should expect stares with boobs this big. I just can't get over the feeling that none of these guys take me seriously, and that they are laughing at me behind me back. It's really getting me down.

Gumbyman

Next time you're talking to a man in the office and he's copping an eyeful say, loudly "I'm up here. I am talking to you, my boobs are not." That should stop it with that guy and anybody else who hears it. Good luck!

WilmaRidesAgain

OP, they are a bunch of [EMAIL="tw@ts"]tw@ts[/EMAIL], this is a form of bullying, I bet you are dreading work every day....

The woman you confided in doesn't sound much help, if its so male dominated I would guess going to HR is not going to make much difference in the long run....

You could stay and fight, might not get anywhere........ or look for something better perhaps in a more female dominated setting?

RedXIV

There are guys who's attention can be simply obtained by looking at lumps of flesh and you feel stupid? Think about that for a bit lass, guys are so easily manipulated by visual stimulation and while you may not like thinking of it in this light, you have more power than most people in there. I work in a male dominated environment too, and there are a very small number of girls here. As a result, they get alot of attention from some of the guys and they realise now they can use that to their advantage.

I'm trying to change your mental approach to this so you actually won't care but if you really want them to stop, Gumbyman's advice is bang on the money, make sure to do it loud and do it in public.

Best of luck OP

Red

What did this woman say exactly?

It sounds like extremely unusual and odd behaviour. Most men are capable of behaving around a pair of boobs.
Is it possible she is paranoid/loopy?

R0ot

Coming from the male gender, yes at times we stare most sound minded men should be able to control themselves but are still subject to the odd glance. I am in no way defending my gender as a lot of us are in fact pigs and couldn't care less if its inappropriate to stare or make gestures towards women or any part of their anatomy.

However although you say don't call you paranoid, I have run into occasions in one of my jobs (bar tender) where a woman accused me of staring at her chest, which I had not. What i'm saying is everyone gets a little paranoid sometimes about certain things (Personally i'm paranoid about my hair but that's just me /me pokes fringe).

If you are continuing to feel uncomfortable about it, bring it to the attention of your superiors or the men in question, you're all adults and should be able to act maturely in a work environment, or any environment for that matter.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your support and advice everyone.

I realise that a couple of male posters are saying that men can usually control themselves but that's men working in a civilised environment. These are builders, tradesmen etc. the type of guys who DO behave like this. There are many men in the office (mainly management) who are respectful and don't oogle. It's the site guys and the younger guys that do it.

I'd love to be able to say what Gumbyman has suggested, that would be so uncharacteristic for me! I'll try to work up the courage to do it.

St_Crispin

It's what men do. Some are more prone than others, but we all do. I read a study last year which stated that when men look at an attractive woman certain pleasurable hormone are released into the brain so we actually get a slight buzz from looking at women. Men don't even realise it, but it feels good.
And as much as I hate to admit it, I know I'd glance. If I were introduced to you the first thing I'd think is "BOOBS!" for about a split second. Then I'd get over it. I, like all men, am a very simple creature with very predictable reactions. It doesn't make me a bad person so long as I realise that there's more to you than just boobs.

Just as a woman might get a bit tetchy occasionally from hormones (about once a month), so men too get hormonal. Just all the time in our case. (ironic isn't it).

Think of it like this. You'd forgive a little bit of moodiness from a woman who's having her period. But if she let it control her and she turned into a bitch, you'd take a dimmer view. Do the same with men. If they glance, that's ok. They can't help it. If they obsessivly oogle, then they're pricks. Meanwhile, enjoy the attention. And ignore the people you think are giggling. They're probably not giggling at you (it's easy to think they are if you're feeling particulary self conscious) and ifen if they are, just raise yourself above their childish level.

Wurly

Is there a HR person you can talk to about this?

If so, I would go immediately. This is a form of bullying and you shouldn't have to put up with gestures behind your back.

You should not be the one to feel stupid. Would you point at a male co-worker's crotch and snigger like an idiot? No? Well there you go then.

The words 'you are making me uncomfortable, please stop', should do the trick. I can't imagine any man continuing to leer after you say that.

So either go to HR and make the complaint formal. Or say the above words to the person directly.

LegacyUser

Moonbaby wrote: »

What did this woman say exactly?

It sounds like extremely unusual and odd behaviour. Most men are capable of behaving around a pair of boobs.
Is it possible she is paranoid/loopy?

Like I say, it's not every man in the place but a good few.

The woman I talked to about the problem is of the opinion that because she is "fat and ugly" the guys at work don't like her/are mean to her. So I guess, she is a bit hung up on image and stuff. Unfortunately I'm one of only 4 women working in the whole place, and wouldn't really confide in the other two as they're a lot older

ntlbell

Tri wrote: »

Is there a HR person you can talk to about this?

If so, I would go immediately. This is a form of bullying and you shouldn't have to put up with gestures behind your back.

You should not be the one to feel stupid. Would you point at a male co-worker's crotch and snigger like an idiot? No? Well there you go then.

The words 'you are making me uncomfortable, please stop', should do the trick. I can't imagine any man continuing to leer after you say that.

So either go to HR and make the complaint formal. Or say the above words to the person directly.

I don't often literally roll my eyes but seriously....

What the hell are HR going to do?

women have breast's men will look at them....there's nothing you can do really bar accept you have a pair of t|ts and men will look at them..

she's on a reception EVERYONE working their or not will have a look if they're as big as she says, what will they do to stop that?

gesture's behind her back, how is she going to catch this in future? that's usually why their done behind your back so you won't see them!!

come off it seriously..

Wurly

ntlbell wrote: »

I don't often literally roll my eyes but seriously....

What the hell are HR going to do?

women have breast's men will look at them....there's nothing you can do really bar accept you have a pair of t|ts and men will look at them..

she's on a reception EVERYONE working their or not will have a look if they're as big as she says, what will they do to stop that?

gesture's behind her back, how is she going to catch this in future? that's usually why their done behind your back so you won't see them!!

come off it seriously..

Ok, can you simmer down your agression please? Thanks.:)

As it is a form of bullying, HR can have a chat to the people who are doing the leering. If any person in a workplace is made feel uncomfortable by the behaviour of others, then they are entitled to complain.

This happened to a girl in my old job. She went to HR about it and suddenly, staff were made attend a bullying and harassment seminar. The 'leering' reduced considerably after that.

So, there you go. I gave the advice based on my own experience of a similar situation and I thought it may benefit the OP.

Furthermore, its not that they are looking at them that is the problem. Yes things catch your eye.

If you re read the OP's post again, you will see she said they did more than look. They sniggered and were suggestive behind her back. That anything to do with looking at a big pair of tits? No, its not.

So go roll your eyes somewhere else, quite frankly.

hermit

ntlbell wrote: »

I don't often literally roll my eyes but seriously....

What the hell are HR going to do?

women have breast's men will look at them....there's nothing you can do really bar accept you have a pair of t|ts and men will look at them..

she's on a reception EVERYONE working their or not will have a look if they're as big as she says, what will they do to stop that?

gesture's behind her back, how is she going to catch this in future? that's usually why their done behind your back so you won't see them!!

come off it seriously..

completely agree with this.

This is one of those cases where you gotta stand on your own two feet and do something about it instead of crying to other people...

You can:

a) make a show of those doing it.
b) use it to your advantage
c) hide in your bedroom for all eternity

boogle

Why the hostility from some people? She wasn't "crying about it". She has a problem and wanted advice which is what this forum is for.

ntlbell

Tri wrote: »

As it is a form of bullying, HR can have a chat to the people who are doing the leering. If any person in a workplace is made feel uncomfortable by the behaviour of others, then they are entitled to complain.

This happened to a girl in my old job. She went to HR about it and suddenly, staff were made attend a bullying and harassment seminar. The 'leering' reduced considerably after that.

So, there you go. I gave the advice based on my own experience of a similar situation and I thought it may benefit the OP.

Furthermore, its not that they are looking at them that is the problem. Yes things catch your eye.

If you re read the OP's post again, you will see she said they did more than look. They sniggered and were suggestive behind her back. That anything to do with looking at a big pair of tits? No, its not.

So go roll your eyes somewhere else, quite frankly.

Maybe I'm a bit of a cynic, but if these moron's are making gesture's behind her back then they're eithier

very young...

or very stupid...

in both cases a "bullying" seminar won't help them one friggin bit

it would be a bit like asking builders not to whistle at passers by.....

by all means OP go to HR spend your days saying "i'm up here"

but at the end of the day, men will stare at big t|ts.

Wurly

ntlbell wrote: »

Maybe I'm a bit of a cynic, but if these moron's are making gesture's behind her back then they're eithier

very young...

or very stupid...

in both cases a "bullying" seminar won't help them on friggin bit

it would be a bit like asking builders not to whistle at passers by.....

by all means OP go to HR spend your days saying "i'm up here"

but at the end of the day, men will stare at big t|ts.

I agree with you about the young and stupid part. But this is a work place. Its is different than whistling at passers by.

And my point was, yes boobs will catch your eye. Everyone's eye would naturally drift. Its the laughing and suggestive comments that are unacceptable. If the OP is in a position to make a formal complaint about this, then I would advise her to do that.

She has aleady said she is too shy to say anything to the people doing it. So that leaves either my advice or doing absolutely nothing about it whatsoever.

ntlbell

Tri wrote: »

I agree with you about the young and stupid part. But this is a work place. Its is different than whistling at passers by.

And my point was, yes boobs will catch your eye. Everyone's eye would naturally drift. Its the laughing and suggestive comments that are unacceptable. If the OP is in a position to make a formal complaint about this, then I would advise her to do that.

She has aleady said she is too shy to say anything to the people doing it. So that leaves either my advice or doing absolutely nothing about it whatsoever.

I'm referring to the mentality of the guys who whistle at passer's by

a bullying seminar for a group of builders = banging head of wall

talking to idiots about looking at your breasts = banging head of wall

Wurly

ntlbell wrote: »

I'm referring to the mentality of the guys who whistle at passer's by

a bullying seminar for a group of builders = banging head of wall

talking to idiots about looking at your breasts = banging head of wall

Well my old job was in an engineering company so it was workmen too..

Anyway, lets agree to disagree on this and not derail the thread. Both of us entitled to our opinion so its all good.;)

OP, good luck with this. I hope you find a solution.

LegacyUser

I actually do understand why some people are saying that going to HR is not a good idea. I don't think it would do any good either, and I would feel so petty complaining to them because "boys are staring at me". It sounds so irrelevant and minor when I say it out loud. That's why I am reluctant to do anything, and who I don't even know if I am over-reacting or what. I just have a general feeling of discomfort about it. It's not ruining my life or anything, just make me feel bad.

Wurly

feeling stupid wrote: »

I actually do understand why some people are saying that going to HR is not a good idea. I don't think it would do any good either, and I would feel so petty complaining to them because "boys are staring at me". It sounds so irrelevant and minor when I say it out loud. That's why I am reluctant to do anything, and who I don't even know if I am over-reacting or what. I just have a general feeling of discomfort about it. It's not ruining my life or anything, just make me feel bad.

Well OP. Whatever you feel most comfortable with, you do.

But if you don't wanna take it formal then you're gonna either have to do it loud and in public as the other posters have said or do nothing.

The point here is, you don't deserve to feel bad over this.

fuzzywiggle

I've worked on reception on building sites for years.

Wear normal tshirts, they dont have to be polo necks as you say, just regular tshirts. Obviously no V-necks or rounded/scoop necks. If you're wearing a low cut top wear a vest top underneath it to cover cleavage.

Other than that there's nothing you can do. Men will be men. And especially when a few are together.

Personally I loved working on site. The craic was brilliant. Think it takes a certain type of girl for it. If it's really getting to you maybe you're not cut out for it.

One tip i will give you when working on site... leave your sensitivity at the gate