Hate my appearance

LegacyUser

Hi folks, wondering if any guys out there have similar issues regarding their image...to start, I've never been a very confident person and I've always found fault with how I look. Always hated having freckles, or being too skinny, or having to wear glasses, etc. Got laser eye surgery done about three years ago but ever since I have huge dark circles under my eyes which makes me look constantly tired.
I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago, after a four year relationship. While we were going out, I never really had any major issues with how I looked as my gf loved me very much for who I was and I wasn't under any pressure to 'impress' anyone. Since we broke up, my confidence has hit an all-time low. There have been situations in nightclubs where my friends have nudged me in the direction of girls, telling me to chat them up but I just can't do it. If I was them, I'd have absolutely no interest in this ugly looking guy approaching them. The thing is, I never thought of myself as a shallow person so it really annoys me that I'm so stupid as to be hung up on how I look. But I'm starting to get worried, as I've been single for a while now and I'd love to move on from my last relationship.
Any advice etc appreciated!!

Karen_*

OP no one will ever judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. IF your girlfriend was attracted to you then you are attractive. Everyone is in some way or another. But insecurity isn't attractive and if girls don't fancy you its because of that and not the way you look. Your friends think you're ok or they wouldn't be pointing you in the direction of women.

Moving on from your last relationship doesn't mean jumping back into another. Move on by learning to like yourself first. If you like yourself everyone else will I guarantee it. You're as good as the next guy and why not let the girls decide whether they want to talk to you or not instead of deciding for them? They aren't all standing around thinking they're fabulous either you know.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder OP. You might think you're ugly but I'd be willing to bet there's many that would disagree.

taidghbaby

if you do make any changes make sure you take small steps.....its far more important to be comfortable in yourself than being something you feel you should be!!

maybe instead of changing your appearance you should change part of your lifestyle-something small like going for a jog or swim.....anythin a bit different!!
it could get the situation of your mind, and also help boost your confidence again!

couerdelion

shyguy84 wrote: »

Hi folks, wondering if any guys out there have similar issues regarding their image...to start, I've never been a very confident person and I've always found fault with how I look. Always hated having freckles, or being too skinny, or having to wear glasses, etc. Got laser eye surgery done about three years ago but ever since I have huge dark circles under my eyes which makes me look constantly tired.
I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago, after a four year relationship. While we were going out, I never really had any major issues with how I looked as my gf loved me very much for who I was and I wasn't under any pressure to 'impress' anyone. Since we broke up, my confidence has hit an all-time low. There have been situations in nightclubs where my friends have nudged me in the direction of girls, telling me to chat them up but I just can't do it. If I was them, I'd have absolutely no interest in this ugly looking guy approaching them. The thing is, I never thought of myself as a shallow person so it really annoys me that I'm so stupid as to be hung up on how I look. But I'm starting to get worried, as I've been single for a while now and I'd love to move on from my last relationship.
Any advice etc appreciated!!

Skinny is in. All the male celebrities are skinny.
I'd much rather be skinny than the 19st I am! (albeit 6ft 4)
If you are that bothered join a gym that gives good training advice.
I guarrantee after 12 weeks you'll notice a huge difference.

Dark circles? Try L'oreals anti-dark circle moisturiser. or Boots No7 eye stick.

The main thing is to get a bit of confidence in yourself. If you can't like you how can you expect others to?
Go speed dating. Don't tell your mates you are off, just go along and don't even think about getting a date. Think of it as practice in talking to girls.

pookie82

Karen gives good advice. You had a girlfriend who was attracted to you and loved you for four years. This means that you're not repulsive to the opposite sex. A lot of people begin to feel unattractive after a break up. Trying to "get back out there" can seem terrifying after a long term relationship and it's natural that that insecurity transforms itself into a lack of self belief and feeling unattractive. If that's carrying through to you feeling shy with the opposite sex then girls won't get the green light from you and you go home alone - hence your feeling unattrative is compounded even further. the trick is to break the cycle. Until you start to feel like you deserve to be happy with somone who's attracted to you, you're unlikely to meet someone. It sounds like a cliche, i Know, but it's a cliche because it's true.

The dark circles under your eyes might be a signal of the stress you're feeling. Going through a break up and all that that entails may have contributed to this, and your current state of mind probably isn't helping. Are you suffering from lack of sleep???

My advice would be not to get too hung up on finding someone else. Ok so you're ready to get back out there, but that doesn't mean that you should rush yourself. It's unlikely you'll find someone very quickly after deciding to get back out there. Not because you're unattractive but because, as we all know, finding somone that you feel that way about is hard in any circumstance!!!! So don't put it down to you not being good looking enough. It's natural for us all to feel as if we're not the best looking at some stage or another. We're our own worst enemies when it comes to picking out our faults.

I would say don't let it get you down. Try to build up a bit more confidence with yourself before you approach anyone. As Karen said, if your friends really thought you were hideous and would get rejected, they wouldn't be pushing you towards grils!!!

I hope it works out :-)

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies folks! All of what you say makes sense, I just find it very difficult to overcome this shyness that I've always had.

couerdelion

shyguy84 wrote: »

thanks for the replies folks! All of what you say makes sense, I just find it very difficult to overcome this shyness that I've always had.

It's not easy. I was chronically shy as a young man. I turned women down quite often because I was too scared! and even though that means they must have liked me I still had major hang-ups about my appearance.

You just have to 'put yourself out there'.

Think of it as riding a bike (sorry couldn't think of a better anology).
You get on and fall off. It hurts a bit. But it's not too bad. So you get on again. You keep falling off, but it doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would. Eventually you stop falling off and continue riding.

Special K

Gotta laugh at the analogy!

OP try not to worry. I too feel the same about attracting men. I have hang ups with my appearance, and sometimes they do too. But that's because they're egotistical and pathetic. I'd hate to think that I was shallow enough to be worried about my looks as well, and I'm slowly but surely beginning to learn not to give a rat's arse! I am making changes, but healthy changes for myself. Granted, they may benefit me in the attraction stakes as well so it's a win win situation. But I don't want someone to be attracted to me just for my body [which isn't going to happen anytime soon!] but I have to stop thinking that it's oh so important and let my dazzling personality shine through! Good luck! x

jayteecork

Special K wrote: »

But that's because they're egotistical and pathetic.

What?
Men in general?

Special K

No no, perhaps I should have been clearer! If they have hang ups about my appearance! Even still, perhaps wrong choice of words. It's all down to what one deems as attractive. It varies. There is no common definition. I have ideas about what I find attractive and if someone doesn't meet that then chances are I won't be interested. I won't bother trying to get to know them. Maybe I'm the egotistical and pathetic one! Virtually impossible though when I'm not good looking myself! It'd be a bit ironic if I was wouldn't it?!

Refresh

when i was younger I used to think that women were only attracted to guys with the good looks, this is not the case with probably 80% of normal women.
To guys looks are almost the deciding factor when it comes to the opposite sex, to women, it is personality, but if you are insecure about your looks this will most definitely come across to women. But the best thing about the problems you have is, they are changeable, also if you do not approach the women how do you know that they will not like you?
Just have a go, and don't think

Talliesin

You sound like you're trying to find ways to "proove" you aren't attractive.

As said above, skinny is quite commonly sought after.
Remeber the Superman tv show a while back, how silly it was because Dean Cain looked hotter in glasses than without?
Freckles. You mean you've never heard of people having a thing for freckles? Really?
Dark rings under the eyes didn't do James Dean any harm.

Overheal

90% of appearance, is all about confidence OP, and 10% about looks. I've been looking through some old family photos and seen some times I recall feeling really grumpy about the whole picture thing (insistent mums!) but here I am in really high spirits lately and for some reason all those pictures I use to look awful in, just look good now for some reason. Its hard to explain much beyond that.

Just take a chance and dive in the deep end, throw caution into the wind. Even if you aren't ready to believe you look good yet, try and take a chance.

Special K

I have a thing for glasses!!!!!!

Overheal

Special K wrote: »

I have a thing for glasses!!!!!!

+1. nerdy wimmin are teh hawt. im sure it works the other way around too.

Special K

Seriously, glasses like, seriously! My friends think I'm a pure dope but I'm captivated! Provided I of course find them somewhat attractive otherwise. A run of the mill ugly geek with glasses does nothing for me. Personally!

MJOR

firstly you are not unattractive.... there is someone for everyone.

Shops like Zara and Top man cater for your phsique I believe... A lot more than they do for the huskier male shall we say.....

Buy some clothes first, and a nice new bottle of ladykiller scent ( I like Platinum or the new D and G)
In terms of dark circles drink lots of water and buy a cream Boots are great.

Appearance scent and how you carry yourself are all important to a lady. If you look and smell like you have made a big effort it goes a long way. It'll also help you be more confident.
The internet is a good way of meeting women too....
Shyness can be endearing tooo

Good luck xxx

Dragan

Attitude + Confidence = Attractiveness.

There is a MASSIVE distinction between being "good looking" and being "attractive".

Think about that one for a bit OP.

BubbleWrap85

MJOR wrote: »

firstly you are not unattractive.... there is someone for everyone.

Shops like Zara and Top man cater for your phsique I believe... A lot more than they do for the huskier male shall we say.....

Buy some clothes first, and a nice new bottle of ladykiller scent ( I like Platinum or the new D and G)
In terms of dark circles drink lots of water and buy a cream Boots are great.

Appearance scent and how you carry yourself are all important to a lady. If you look and smell like you have made a big effort it goes a long way. It'll also help you be more confident.
The internet is a good way of meeting women too....
Shyness can be endearing tooo

Good luck xxx

Take this advice!!!!!

IamBeowulf

Skinny,glasses,freckles...you talk of these things as if they're in some way negative, as if they make you unattractive in some way. Think of the warmth you felt when you were with your girlfriend. That wasn't just love. That was self-confidence, belief in yourself. Her love for you made you strong...at least, you thought it did. But you're strong anyway, without her. You can attract other girls, just by being yourself.

I've suffered with self-confidence since my early teens. I used to wear glasses and braces and I got called names, and I was overly-anxious, breaking into sweats when in a room full of people. Girls were a distant dream that I never thught could become reality for me. I looked in the mirror and despised what I saw.

Now I realise that I'm Ok-looking, that I'm fun. I can't chat up girls and I don't try. Leave the cheeze to the sleazy guys. Just have a laugh. be true to yourself. Don't try and be someone, just be.

Here's what I do when I feel self-conscious or weak (which can be often): stand up straight, pull the shoulders back, head high, breathe in deep and slow. Look around you, deliberately make eye contact. If you see someone you like, just smile at them. If someone looks at you, again smile at them. I found people smiling right back, which made me more at ease with myself.

It seems you're like me in that you live in your own head alot. Msaybe I'm way off. But if I'm right, just let the brain cool down, and instead enjoy yourself. You don't have to be vain to be proud. You'll soon enjoy the single life for what it is: the opportunity to meet some pretty girls and have a laugh. You might find your next GF this week or 2 years from now, but neither is a bad thing. Just take ach day as a gift and stop putting yourself down. We're all freaky and weird and different in our own ways---some subtle-some not so much---but from the sounds of it you're far from ugly, and you have lots of fun awaiting you if you let it come.

Marksie

Special K wrote: »

I have a thing for glasses!!!!!!

Its sometimes how they take em off, its the mechanical version of the look that says hot and ready for business.

Its mor important OP that you are happy in your own skin to begin with. By all means make changes you feel you want to but not because you feel, spuriously, that you have too to bolster a flagging self image.

Better by far to accept your own body with its differences (note i didnt say flaws). When you come from that perspective then your own inner confidence will grow and it will show.

Look, its been said before, how many guys and gals, who have been classed as not being attractive by physical standards, walk home with the guys/gals at the end of the night?
Its all down to inner view, if you think your unnattractive you will project as unnatractive.
While smartening appearance will help, that inner view will remain, it will be one catalogue of things to change after another with no addressing of the real issues whihc is what you really think of yourself.

Change that and realise how uniquely individual you are and the rest will fade. Don't follow the herd and think that you have to be a particular way or it wont happen.

St_Crispin

This is a nasty byproduct of the feminisation of men. We're so fecking pansyassed now.

OP, don't give a damn about how you look. It doesn't matter.

Seriously, women go for more than just looks. They're not as shallow as we are. Well, they are. But not when it comes to that. We look at a woman and immediately size her up according to looks. A woman will do the same but will look for details that we don't. We look for purely physical attributes. Women will look at how we're dressed, how we hold ourselves etc... I've known some women to look at shoes. Seriously, when was the last time you looked at a woman and thought, nice shoes...?
Realise that however you look doesn't matter. Realise that however you dress, some women will still not like it. And just be yourself. Sounds corny eh? There's a bit more. Be yourself, be happy being yourself and be confident. Women will react far more to that than they will to looks, clothes or anything else.

Basicly, don't give a damn about what they think of you.

RedXIV

Dragan wrote: »

Attitude + Confidence = Attractiveness.

There is a MASSIVE distinction between being "good looking" and being "attractive".

Think about that one for a bit OP.

Once again, the simplicity yet pure truth in Dragan's posts astound me. OP, read this about 1000 times, until it sinks in. Nothing truer said here

LegacyUser

just want to say thanks for the advice given here. Took a lot of it on board, went out last night for the first time in ages and a girl came over to me in the nightclub and said "my friend thinks you're cute". I ended up kissing her friend, she even gave me her number. Was very flattered. Bit of an age difference, she's 21 and I'm 28 so dunno if I'll get in touch but it was a nice confidence boost.