Work Situation

babsbabs

Hi All,

I need some advice?? I have been working in my company for nearly a year now. Since starting I have had two big promotions. I started off at 22k plus bonus and am now on 48.5k plus bonus. I have been offered another promotion as overall management of my region - which is a huge deal!!! All other managers are about forty or over, Im 24!!!

The problem is I am very good friends with my manager who has been there six years, but now that I am getting promoted she is very upset - as she is there longer!!!! I feel really bad, I dont want to upset her, but what an opportunity this is, I will be the youngest in management and getting there in under a year is a great achievement. I have worked extremely hard, starting at seven and not leaving till about seven or eight most nights!!

I think I deserve it, and the increase in money is fantastic, will be 56k plus bonus which is about another two grand every month!!!

But do I upset a friend for a promotion - a really good friend who is taking this very personally against me???

Help

benson99

if ur getting promoted instead of your friend it just shows you worked harder and possibly deserve it more than your friend

canoe your own boat and take the promotion

best of luck.

btw if shes taking it personally against you shes not a good friend at all. If anything she should be happy for you

if you take this job your setting yourself up for life take it man i no i would

babsbabs

Thanks Benson99

Quigs Snr

Do what is right for you. No mercy, this is a great thing for you, to hell with anyone who begrudges you, friend or not. If they are a real friend they will get over it. Why hold yourself back to avoid offending anyone, you've earned it, and I am sure you didn't earn it by being someones doormat, keep up the good work !

Karen_*

Firstly very well done! You have to put yourself first Babs. Take the promotion. You worked for it and you deserve it. If you don't take it she still won't get it. When she works as hard as you do then she might get promoted herself. Best of luck!

Its not your fault they promoted you. you deserve it more than she does clearly. Congratulations. She needs to deal with that. She should be bitter at her employers. Doesnt work like that usually I know.


That said, look at it this way, is she your best friend? Will u be friends in 10 years time? Think about how you'll feel in 10 years looking back if u regret it for someone you're no longer in touch with. I always sday "No regrets" so do what will leave u with no regrets.

You cannot pander to everyone else, you will hold yourself back from being all that you can be.

leeroybrown

Yes, of course you 'upset' your friend! You'd be a fool to put your career on hold to spare the feelings of one friend. If they're really a good friend they wouldn't want to hold you back and will get over it. If they get genuinely upset and fall out over it then the chances are that if the roles were reversed they'd fall out with you if they thought you were holding them back.

One thing to bear in mind is that regardless of friendships, envy, etc, personal relationships at work do tend to change in situations where one party is promoted.

babsbabs

Thanks for all your advice guys, it really helped

Your right I have erned it

Thanks

ponygirl

Your hard work, your promotion!
Congratulations.
More importantly, you seem to have managed it whilst maintaining a sense of justice, loyalty and compassion towards your friend.
So double congratulations

Think of it this way - she was a good manager to have taught you/enabled your rise. Acknowledge and thank her for this and her friendship (if it's possible to do so without being patronising and antagonising her further) and remember her talents if/when you're in a position to repay. Maybe she hasn't been promoted because she's in the wrong job or industry, or doens't have the right energy or the commitment needed. But that's her path/lesson to learn, not yours. If she's not moving as fast as she wants to, then she should be learning from you, celebrating your sucesss, and not letting jealousy ruin your moment! Again; her learning curve, not yours.

One thing I know for sure - don't ever apologise or feel bad for hard earned success.

AngryBadger

As everyone has said OP, enjoy the promotion, you've earned it.

I can understand your friend being frustrated, but if she can't handle her feleings enough to at least put on a happy face for you then she's not much of a friend.

You get what you give, and you've put a lot into this, you deserve it!

So enjoy it!

Wurly

babsbabs wrote: »

Hi All,

I need some advice?? I have been working in my company for nearly a year now. Since starting I have had two big promotions. I started off at 22k plus bonus and am now on 48.5k plus bonus. I have been offered another promotion as overall management of my region - which is a huge deal!!! All other managers are about forty or over, Im 24!!!

The problem is I am very good friends with my manager who has been there six years, but now that I am getting promoted she is very upset - as she is there longer!!!! I feel really bad, I dont want to upset her, but what an opportunity this is, I will be the youngest in management and getting there in under a year is a great achievement. I have worked extremely hard, starting at seven and not leaving till about seven or eight most nights!!

I think I deserve it, and the increase in money is fantastic, will be 56k plus bonus which is about another two grand every month!!!

But do I upset a friend for a promotion - a really good friend who is taking this very personally against me???

Help

Her jealousy is not your problem. Its also not your issue, its hers. You catergorise her as a really good friend. Well, she ain't acting like one by making you feel guilty over this.

You worked bloody hard for this promotion and you deserve it. Please take it. For jaysis sake, don't buy into this emotional manipulation.

You are doing brill for someone your age. Well done you!!

Ickle Magoo

If your friend thinks she was more deserving of the promotion & shouldn't have been overlooked then she should take that up with her manager, it's both unfair and unrealistic to take it out on you or expect you to pass on the promotion.

Could you take her out for lunch and try to sort things out? If you hop over her from her managing you to you managing her and she tries to make life difficult it will be awkward and annoying - could be worth the effort of trying to make peace now? Best of luck.

How Strange

babsbabs wrote: »

Hi All,

I need some advice?? I have been working in my company for nearly a year now. Since starting I have had two big promotions. I started off at 22k plus bonus and am now on 48.5k plus bonus. I have been offered another promotion as overall management of my region - which is a huge deal!!! All other managers are about forty or over, Im 24!!!

The problem is I am very good friends with my manager who has been there six years, but now that I am getting promoted she is very upset - as she is there longer!!!! I feel really bad, I dont want to upset her, but what an opportunity this is, I will be the youngest in management and getting there in under a year is a great achievement. I have worked extremely hard, starting at seven and not leaving till about seven or eight most nights!!

I think I deserve it, and the increase in money is fantastic, will be 56k plus bonus which is about another two grand every month!!!

But do I upset a friend for a promotion - a really good friend who is taking this very personally against me???

Help

OP, if you've been given this promotion it's because the powers that be have recognised your management potential.

I would say how you handle this situation will be an indication of how you will manage people in general and conflicts in particular.

You have to make that difficult transition from worker to manager and assume a role of authority. Most importantly, you have to find a way to display this aura of managerial authority so you can deal with this situation with your friend as a manager and not as a colleague.

If she is a true friend then she's accept that while she may not be happy about being passed over that you deserve this opportunity and will accept it with grace. If she doesn't then you know what kind of person she is.

Essentially OP, if you accept a salary of €56k for a managerial role then you have to start acting like a manager. Business is business and your personal life/feelings have to be left at the door (to a certain extent of course). If you turn down the role because you don't want to upset your friend then it means you're not ready for this promotion.

I'd recommend that you go to your line manager and ask to enrol in a communications course (if you feel you need it) and most definitely a management skills course. The transition to management isn't an easy one especially if being friends with people, being liked and not upsetting them has always been important to you. One thing you learn very quickly as a manager is that the people you manage or those on lower grades may not like you anymore and you have to accept that.

Beruthiel

babsbabs wrote: »

But do I upset a friend for a promotion - a really good friend who is taking this very personally against me???

Don't you just love people like this.
Instead of looking to herself and getting the fact that you actually worked harder than her to get this, she instead is blaming you. What exactly does she expect from that?
Jealously is an ugly trate in anyone. If she were as good a friend to you as you say, she would be thrilled for you.
Enjoy your promotion, you worked hard for it and you deserve it. Well done!

preilly79

i'd love to know what line of work you're in! I know of few jobs that allow you to progress so quickly (obviously you've put in the work!), and you've got me thinking if I'm in the right industry!

PurpleBerry

We all get jealous sometimes, even of our friends, but if this lady is holding your promotion against you then she's let jealousy get in the way of a friendship. Not you. It's not your fault if you've done so well that someone is jealous of you. A good friend would be happy for your success.

Congratulation on your promotion. Go out and treat yourself this weekend and don't let jealous people hold you back.

___________________________
No sig yet

MJOR

Take it you deserve it.... The sentiment is nice but not needed in this case:De...

Plek Trum

You've put in long hard hours, dedicated yourself to your job and have rightly been recognised for your results. Absolutely take the promotion and do so with a positive and deserving attitude. No offence, but what hours was your friend putting in and what targets was she achieving? I doubt the same as you - so she has absolutely no reason to be put out. She should congratulate you!

4Xcut

Friendship is friendship, business is business. The two do not cross in this situation. In no way did you set out to cause upset to your friend, its her issue that she is upset that you got promoted ahead of her.

Take the promotion, she'll get over it and if she doesn't, well that's her issue.

WilmaRidesAgain

:eek: There is no dilemma here, TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN!!!

Fook the begrudgers!

Toots

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

If your friend thinks she was more deserving of the promotion & shouldn't have been overlooked then she should take that up with her manager, it's both unfair and unrealistic to take it out on you or expect you to pass on the promotion.

Definitely agree with this. If your 'friend' has a problem, with this then it's not you she should be bothering with it. Also, what's to say that if you give up the promotion she'd be the one to get it, it could go to someone else completely!!

Take the promotion, you're obviously VERY good at your job, and you deserve it! Well done!!

Blazer

Was in the same position as you Op a few years ago.
Came into a group and ended up managing it in a very short period of time.
I accepted the role though I had the same worries but I'm glad I did.
At the time I did have some authority problems with my mates but once I put the foot down everything was grand afterwards and we all remained the best of mates even after we all moved into other jobs.
If you take this position she will probably be begrudging and display a lack of respect, challenge your authority etc. You need to stamp on this asap as otherwise it will fester and lead to a falling out with friends. If you put the foot down asap she will get over it and hopefully things should work out if she's mature enough. It did for me no bother.
A management course is a definite yes to begin with.

LegacyUser

I was in the same position as your friend only 2 years ago.. I was really annoyed because I felt I was doing as much and in most cases even more than my friend at the time.

We fell out over it and within 3 months of her taking the promotion our team discovered that she had been sleeping with the regional boss for the purpose of getting promoted. This is a large private organisation (obviously I wont say which) but it just goes to show that some people get to were they are by sucking c**k rather than being good at they're job.
I am not saying thats what you done but it turned out I was right to be suspicious and upset by my friend getting promoted at that time. Maybe you should talk to your friend and see does she have any particular reason for being upset rather than just jealousy. It might serve you better to grow up and work out such issues yourself rather seeking the advice of strangers, especially when the topic is as personal in nature.or are you here to gloat about your achievements?

Blazer

BeenThere wrote: »

I was in the same position as your friend only 2 years ago.. I was really annoyed because I felt I was doing as much and in most cases even more than my friend at the time.

We fell out over it and within 3 months of her taking the promotion our team discovered that she had been sleeping with the regional boss for the purpose of getting promoted. This is a large private organisation (obviously I wont say which) but it just goes to show that some people get to were they are by sucking c**k rather than being good at they're job.
I am not saying thats what you done but it turned out I was right to be suspicious and upset by my friend getting promoted at that time. Maybe you should talk to your friend and see does she have any particular reason for being upset rather than just jealousy. It might serve you better to grow up and work out such issues yourself rather seeking the advice of strangers, especially when the topic is as personal in nature.or are you here to gloat about your achievements?

and someone still has issues with that....take ur own advice and grow up.

regardless people ask people for help..at least on boards with strangers they're going to give impartial advices 99% of the time..

How Strange

BeenThere wrote: »

I was in the same position as your friend only 2 years ago.. I was really annoyed because I felt I was doing as much and in most cases even more than my friend at the time.

We fell out over it and within 3 months of her taking the promotion our team discovered that she had been sleeping with the regional boss for the purpose of getting promoted. This is a large private organisation (obviously I wont say which) but it just goes to show that some people get to were they are by sucking c**k rather than being good at they're job.
I am not saying thats what you done but it turned out I was right to be suspicious and upset by my friend getting promoted at that time. Maybe you should talk to your friend and see does she have any particular reason for being upset rather than just jealousy. It might serve you better to grow up and work out such issues yourself rather seeking the advice of strangers, especially when the topic is as personal in nature.or are you here to gloat about your achievements?

Dear lord :eek: Would you like some salt and vinegar for that chip on your shoulder. Me thinks you're projecting your own bitterness onto this post.

babsbabs

Hi thank you all for your help on this!!!!

I am in the insurance field.

The reason I am asking for advice from strangers, is that all my family and friends want me to succeed so will tell me to take it, I wanted impartial advice.

As for being accused with sleeping my way to the top - no I just have the ability to get to places with my intellengence.

Maybe you should look at yourself and think jut because you may have had to do it, we all dont, some people get places because of good honest hard work

Maybe you should try it

For everyone else again, thank you very much for your advice, I took the job on Friday evening, start next Monday

Toots

Congratulations! Best of luck in the new job

LegacyUser

babsbabs wrote: »

Hi thank you all for your help on this!!!!

I am in the insurance field.

The reason I am asking for advice from strangers, is that all my family and friends want me to succeed so will tell me to take it, I wanted impartial advice.

1. As for being accused with sleeping my way to the top - no I just have the ability to get to places with my 2.intellengence.

Maybe you should look at yourself and think jut because you may have had to do it, we all dont, some people get places because of good honest hard work

Maybe you should try it

For everyone else again, thank you very much for your advice, I took the job on Friday evening, start next Monday

1. If you read my post again you will see that I say "I am not saying thats what you doneI am not saying thats what you done". So get down off your high horse on that one for starters.

2. Thank God that you didn't have to do a spelling test for that promotion.

And finally, in general:

You sought advice, I gave it according to my own experience, just because its not what you wanted to hear means you can go off and whinge about it??
Typical of the "intelligent Irish society post celtic tiger

as for those other two posters... well, you got a true account of my experience of the situation, sorry if it doesn't fit into your rose tinted world and all that but the reality is that people don't always get to where they are by simply doing their job.

My advice still stands OP, talk to your friend about it and find out why she's acting as such. There may be more to it than what it seems. Given the situation I feel its much better advice than just saying "well done OP, take the job, **** your friend, dont even bother trying to find out what is wrong" as other posters have alluded to.

Of course, how evil of me to suggest that you actually talk to your friend rather than seek the advice of strangers on an online forum. What was I thinking