Last chance ?- need advice

LegacyUser

Hi going unreg for this one.

I was going out with a girl on and off for 6 yrs, we broke up about 3 times and got back together after roughly 6 to 8 months periods. (Yes I know people have said on previous posts that u break up for a reason and it fails dont try again). So we broke up about 8 months ago, in those 8 months I met a few girls nothing serious.......about two months back I text my ex and met up a for a chat. Had the usual catch up and got down to serious stuff asking her to get back together and if we did it was for GOOD i.e. wedding bells etc . I got the line.....I am happy by myself...I said fine if you change ur mind in the next two weeks text me otherwise please cut contact for good with me. Obviously, heard nothing, I was glad I said what I had to say and felt I got closure.

So now I am meeting this girl for the last month (3yrs age difference dont think that matters? I am 30 btw) only met up 4 or 5 times but we seem to be getting on well. Taking it slowly but I really like her.

Today I received an email from my ex, asking to met up for a chat. Totally shocked me and to be honest, I was not really thinking about her much at all. Spoke to my friends about it, one or two said meet and see what she had to say majoritiy said tell her to basically get lost (in stronger terms)!! They said she screwed me around and had her chance, she always ended things before!! They think I am totally different person when I am with her and I suppose I am right. My family also agree that we were not suited.

I have a choice meet up try again for the 4th time and lose the current potential gf or ignore her and see how the new potential gf goes. Either way I will be wondering what if.

Baiscally I need an unbiased opinion on what I shud or shud not do.


Thanks for reading.

benson99

change is good

Wibbs

Couples get back together all the time. A few work out really well. Most don't. Why, because the things that split them up haven't changed. If those reasons are still there on both sides it won't work. Simple as. That's why people use the statement of never go back. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome is a bit thick.

You know the reasons why. You know if they're truly gone or not and you know what you should do with that information.

Don't string the new woman along until you make up your mind either.

Redpunto

leave the old relationship alone, you gave it enough chances and it obviously was not meant to be. If you knew she was right for you, youd know for sure now and you would not be able to go out with anyone else.

Colonel_McCoy

Saty wit the current girl. No future in the past, you have broken up enough times to know its not meant to be

How Strange

From a woman's perspective, in those two months she's met no-one or she did and it didn't work out and maybe heard that you have so she's getting back in there before you get serious with this girl and the opportunity of a reconciliation is gone for good.

'I'm happy on my own' can mean anything from 'I'm happy on my own' to 'I've met someone I might like more than you and I'm waiting to see how that pans out before I decide if I want to get back with you and get married'.

OP, spare yourself the headaches. The agreement was that if you didn't hear from her within two weeks then contact was cut. So stick to that and see how things progress with this new girl. You clearly don't miss the ex if you haven't been thinking about her and things are going well for you.

Beruthiel

I'd have to agree with How Strange on this.
You've tried three times and failed. Why should the fourth time be any different?

Personally, if someone had messed with my head that much I would have had my fill of them. I certainly would not be going back to give them another chance to mess me around, expecially if I wasn't even missing them all that much and had moved on with my life.

Leaving the new g/f out of it for a minute, what has actually changed with the old one?
You say you would always be wondering 'what if'? Why?
I never look back with that attitude. If I do look back, it's to say to myself, I did that because it was right for me at the time. Therefore, no regrets with whatever decision I made at that time.

Do some hard thinking, know what it is you want from this life, make your decision and know it was the right one for now.

_blank_

Old gf heard about the new gf.

Now wants back in?

Is that the tyoe of girl you want to be with? She's already starting to wreck your head.

jellie

you should be moving forward not backwards. you have a lovely new girl who you werent even considering dumping until the ex came crawling back.

as someone said, whats changed? how will it be different?

think its probably time to move on.

herya

ManInDoubt wrote: »

Totally shocked me and to be honest, I was not really thinking about her much at all.

I think this line says it all, doesn't look you were missing her much tbh.

AngryBadger

Granted you have broken up and gotten back together several times, but the fact that you would approach her proposing to get back together with a view to marraige and so on makes me think you really don't know what you want.

You had already broken up 8 months, you met several other girls, and then you decided you wanted to get back together and become marraiged eventually?

I think this relationship is a huge comfort zone for you. You get bored after a while, and so you break up. Then you go play the field for a few months, and when you#'re sick of that, or you crave the stability/comfort of a relationship, you give old faithful a call, know she'll take you back.

You need to stop this cycle. It's not doing you any good, and it's not doing her any good. Either you have some major issues with relationships, or it's jsut not meant to be between the two of you.

I've leave the first one alone, and explore the new lady, see where it goes.

Also, why do ye usually break up? Or at least, ostensibly, why do ye break up?

MJOR

It's called a break up because it is broken..... Don't go back there. She had her chance nnd now she is like a typical selfish woman...

She's not sure that she wants you however she knows someone else does and is afraid of losing the back up plan...

Tell her thanks but no thanks.....

It'll most definately NEVER work.....

Give your love to someone that truly deserves it and not for "old times sake"

4Xcut

You broke up three times already. Once, maybe yeah, give it a shot. Twice, ok, really stretching it here but maybe in extreme circumstances, give it a go. After the third break up i think its time to jusst stop trying.

Wibbs

How Strange wrote: »

From a woman's perspective, in those two months she's met no-one or she did and it didn't work out and maybe heard that you have so she's getting back in there before you get serious with this girl and the opportunity of a reconciliation is gone for good.

'I'm happy on my own' can mean anything from 'I'm happy on my own' to 'I've met someone I might like more than you and I'm waiting to see how that pans out before I decide if I want to get back with you and get married'.

OP, spare yourself the headaches. The agreement was that if you didn't hear from her within two weeks then contact was cut. So stick to that and see how things progress with this new girl. You clearly don't miss the ex if you haven't been thinking about her and things are going well for you.

Sooo true and good advice. Been there with exes like that myself. Some people want what they can't have, some really really want what they thought they had but is slipping away. I guarantee that if you made moves back to her it'll go south when she has you back in your little box of backup plan.