Ex - Possible Sex

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

My ex boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me a year ago and it tore my life apart. I was insanely in love with him and
he left me for another woman. I went off the rails and ended up losing my job cause I was out drinking every night. It
took me about 6 months to pull myself together and during that time we didn't speak or see each other.

I had a lot of anger towards him but I went into counselling and started to rebuild my life and piece back together my
broken heart. Looking back I realise that we hadn't been happy for the lfinal two years, were constantly fighting and had
very little respect for each other. Our break up was necessary as we were unsuited to begin with. It's only now that I can
clearly see that.

I've been with a few guys since we split. I've never had trouble meeting men, I get chatted up a lot and have had a fair few flings.
I am over my ex now and would never get back with him. I saw him a while ago in the supermarket and we briefly chatted but I
felt no more desire for him. I felt no anger either might I add, just indifference. My God, I never thought I'd feel indifferent towards
him so it goes to show all those heart broken people that it does get better.

Anyway, he called me yesterday out of the blue and asked if I wanted to meet for a drink on Saturday evening just to catch up.
I have no idea if he has a girlfriend, what he's doing with his life, if he's happy, if he misses me etc but I do know that I wouldn't
get back with him. To be honest I know he'd never get with me again either.

I agreed to meet him for a chat but now I feel sick. What if all my old feelings come flooding back? He is a gorgeous looking guy and I know
that he thinks I'm gorgeous so what if that sexual attraction is there and it overwhelms me and we end up sha**ing. I know I would regret
it so much because I know we can never be together again and the next day I'd leave and that would be it.

Is this a really bad idea, should I cancel?

Wibbs

Of course the obvious response is just say no to sex, but that's easier said than done, especially with drink on board and the blood up, so if it was me I'd cancel. After all, what good will come of meeting anyway. You don't want to get back with, you dont want to be his mate as the sexy stuff may get in the way and he may have a girlfriend to boot. I could be wrong, but I'd give it a miss.

Hooly22

I agree with Wibbs.

Sounds like you had a pretty rough time getting over the break-up - don't risk putting yourself in a position that could potentially leave you feel hurt and like crap. You deserve better.

Clare Bear

If it was me personally I wouldn't meet up with him and would stay well clear just to be safe. You've done so well in getting your life back together, keep going and forget about him.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

Of course the obvious response is just say no to sex, but that's easier said than done, especially with drink on board and the blood up, so if it was me I'd cancel. After all, what good will come of meeting anyway. You don't want to get back with, you dont want to be his mate as the sexy stuff may get in the way and he may have a girlfriend to boot. I could be wrong, but I'd give it a miss.

Yeah, that's what I'm scared off. He hurt me so badly but I still fancy the arse of him. I hate that. I think some people get under your skin and never leave, no matter what they do to you, you will always love them in some way. Still, you should be smart enough not to sleep with them.

I'd hate if he said he has a girlfriend, not because I want him back but because I'd know that she gets to sleep with him every night. He's great in bed.

Damn, how can I be confused about this after a year, more then a year in fact. I should be well strong enough to meet him!!

I DEFO won't sleep with him though. I promised myself I wouldn't. He wouldn't either tbh.

SnowMonkey

Hey op

I recently did the same thing had an exgf hadnt seen her in over 5 years. There's a huge sexual attraction between us when we where with each other..

So we met up for a few beers I ened up getting a bit pissed lol (cause ima lite weight) But We had such an open honest discosion about what happened, and because i was slightly drunk i said look your georges but being honest i dont think id ever sleep with you again. I just dont find you attractive any more... she laughed and said i feel the same way and we booth had a good night got drunk had a laugh.

Being honest The exact same thing went threw my mind but its weird when you meet up with a long time x as i was slightly worried about the same thing you where but i guess thats just my experence..

pvt.joker

cancel. You know its a bad idea.

pvt.joker

SnowMonkey wrote: »

Maybe all he wants to do is catch up.

Yes. He wants to meet up for drinks on a Saturday night to "catch up".
Get real.:rolleyes:

SnowMonkey

pvt.joker wrote: »

Yes. He wants to meet up for drinks on a Saturday night to "catch up".
Get real.:rolleyes:

My apoligys saturday really didnt register with me il editi it ...

Hooly22

pvt.joker wrote: »

Yes. He wants to meet up for drinks on a Saturday night to "catch up".
Get real.:rolleyes:

+1

Sherifu

Go for it OP. You don't have get drunk, just go and see what he has to say for himself.

Aurora Borealis

Think I'm in the minority here but I'd always agree to meet up with someone from my past if only once in a blue moon for a coffee. Pints may not be a good idea from what you say as lines get blurred.

Toots

Aurora Borealis wrote: »

Think I'm in the minority here but I'd always agree to meet up with someone from my past if only once in a blue moon for a coffee. Pints may not be a good idea from what you say as lines get blurred.

+1.

Give him the benefit of the doubt, cancel the saturday night hook up and arrange to meet for coffee some afternoon. If he agrees to this then you'll know his intentions are most likely honourable. If he insists on saturday night, then you'll know he probably has an ulterior motive.

Colonel_McCoy

Cancel...............nothing to be really gained from it.......you went through a lot to get over him............no point taking the risk of going back together.........or alternatively if you want final closure but I dont think its a good idea

LegacyUser

Hmm could it be that he has some particular news he wants to tell you in person? The kind of thing that you would find out sooner or later through others - like say he's got engaged - but he thinks he owes it to you to break it to you gently? Or something about a member of his family, if you had previously been close to them.

Of course even if it was simply something like this, that still wouldn't mean it was a good idea to go ahead and meet up. A year's not that long at all after your traumatic breakup, and even without sleeping with him this could still cause a setback for you. If it was me, I know I'd be burning up with curiosity as to his motives and tempted to go ahead but really, the rational head says it's a bad idea.

Miss Fluff

Cancel it OP. You owe this guy nothing, he left you for another woman and caused you an awful lot of upset and upheavel. Don't even know why you're considering it, do you want to be seen to just jump to attention when he asks to meet you for a drink? You're stronger than that and you know it. Why bother with him?

metamorphic

thankfully I've matured, but I used to pull similar stunts. I'd refer to it as "testing the lines" in a type of fishing analogy.

he's just seeing if he can get a bite from an ex. he's probably texted a few of his other girls already.

the fact you went to so much trouble to get yourself sorted out I'd personally stay away. But you seem to have your eyes open regarding his motive, or at least I hope you do now.

Lastly, nothing wrong with meeting people from your past, but you seemed to have a much more traumatic time of the breakup. I'd let sleeping dogs lie.

pookie82

This guy left you in such a mess that you went on the rip for months, lost your job adn needed counselling to recover. And now you're contemplating going back for a "chat"?????!!!!! Why? Why, why??? Don't do it. It took you long enough to recover and you'll probably end up having sex with him, judging by what you say about him in bed and being jealous of his current girlfriend if she gets him every night. No good can come of it.

Ginny

You really need to weigh up the pros and cons of this, if you meet him how far back will it set you.
Be honest with yourself, I kidded myself for months that talking to/meeting up with my ex wasn't setting me back, that I could handle it.
I couldn't a week or 2 down the line I'd be back to square 1.
I'd seriously sit down and think what could be gained from meeting up.
Judging from some of your comments like this

I'd hate if he said he has a girlfriend, not because I want him back but because I'd know that she gets to sleep with him every night. He's great in bed.

that maybe you're not completely over him, if so I'd stay well enough away from him.

SarahSassy

He messed you up - why bother with him.

Run like the wind - in the opposite direction. He is bored and probably newly single and wants to play....

Look after yourself first and let him off.

STUBBORNGIRL

SarahSassy wrote: »

He messed you up - why bother with him.

Run like the wind - in the opposite direction. He is bored and probably newly single and wants to play....

Look after yourself first and let him off.

Definitely agree - best advice you could get! let go of the past and move on! only until then will you really be free! you should never backtrack in life keep moving upwards!

Good luck anyway in whatever course of action you take

Talliesin

I'm not seeing what the potential advantage is here.

I'd be on for catching up with an old lover if there were no issues, enjoy a good-old-days chat and so on. But that doesn't seem to be where you are from what you say. So what's the potential win here?

LegacyUser

To be honest, I would cancel and not bother with him anymore.
Sounds to me like - after the few drinks (!!!) - he just wants his hole.