Why always the friend?

LegacyUser

Im just wondering. Because anytime I've ever gone on a date or anything, sure, its gone well. Like the other day, we met up, spent plenty of time together, etc. between all the hugs and kisses we even went to go see the sunrise on the coast (her idea).

But now its a couple days later and we have been talking to eachother since and thats when she asks Oh Just So We're Clear You Just Want To Be Friends Right?



I mean, what. Do I just come on too strong? I'd like to try and figure this one out.

So anyway as a knee-jerk reaction I just said Yeah. and shes says Great So Were On The Same Page.

But now I feel crappy. What do I do here?

biko

First of all - when a potential partner says: are we just friends, you say no!

You probably give out the wrong signals and she interprets these as you just want to be friends. This is very common among guys that always end up in the friend zone.

I'm afraid this one is probably a lost cause as you have now clearly stated you are just friends, which is strange as you were hugging and kissing.

LegacyUser

well ill try talking to her tomorrow about it. this was said just before she went to bed. what specifically went on to ask was am I looking for a companion (for the summer) I said yes. To which she concluded meant Just Friends.



I'll have to clear it up anyway even if it means the whole thing blows up in my face. I think the mistake here is she assumes while yes Im abroad at the moment, that I'll just drop her as soon as I leave, which isnt the case necessarily its too early to say that at all we only really just met in the last week. I mean if its going to head somewhere I would certainly go for it. Thats what I read when I read companionship. Then she just says Ok, Just Friends Then. Kind of dazed in the headlights all i managed to do was let out a smiley face before she signed off for the night.

-_-

So I can kinda see where I went wrong right there but I wonder where I went wrong before that; i mean why would she feel the need to even ask if we were getting so close with each other on day one? I just assume I came on too strong, or something. I'd like to know what those wrong signals are!

Wibbs

You end up her friend, basically because you act like one. You're not coming across as a sexual being to her. Agreeing to being her friend was the end of a line of examples of that.

Now she knew what you wanted. The hugs and the kisses and walk in the sunset and all that stuff told her that. So early on she was checking out your potential as a sexual partner. For whatever reason she decided she didn't want you, so to make it easy for you(well easy for her really), the friendzone comes into play. You agreeing to it just reinforced her decision.

Advice? Walk away from her. Hey down the line when you lose the mopey eyes then be her friend all you like, but now? No.

Next time you meet someone you like don't go OTT. Don't be a shoulder to cry on until other body parts are in play. Try not to get into deep emotional talk. That's more often than not anti sexy. Put it this way, if I think a woman's into me and I'm not into her, then the surest way to make her change her mind and go eeeurgh about me is to act like her "friend" and get her to talk about her problems.

Keep it light, keep it fun and keep it sexy. If another says "let's be friends" then walk away from her too. Sounds harsh, but it may help you get a better grip on stuff if you have to do it once or twice.

RugbyFanatic

Wibbs wrote: »

You end up her friend, basically because you act like one. You're not coming across as a sexual being to her. Agreeing to being her friend was the end of a line of examples of that.

Now she knew what you wanted. The hugs and the kisses and walk in the sunset and all that stuff told her that. So early on she was checking out your potential as a sexual partner. For whatever reason she decided she didn't want you, so to make it easy for you(well easy for her really), the friendzone comes into play. You agreeing to it just reinforced her decision.

Advice? Walk away from her. Hey down the line when you lose the mopey eyes then be her friend all you like, but now? No.

Next time you meet someone you like don't go OTT. Don't be a shoulder to cry on until other body parts are in play. Try not to get into deep emotional talk. That's more often than not anti sexy. Put it this way, if I think a woman's into me and I'm not into her, then the surest way to make her change her mind and go eeeurgh about me is to act like her "friend" and get her to talk about her problems.

Keep it light, keep it fun and keep it sexy. If another says "let's be friends" then walk away from her too. Sounds harsh, but it may help you get a better grip on stuff if you have to do it once or twice.

Bang on the money. Perfect response.

AngryBadger

hownowbrowncow wrote: »

she asks Oh Just So We're Clear You Just Want To Be Friends Right?

OP this is your major falling down point. She wasn't telling you that you were friends, she thought you liked her and was waiting for you to make a move, so she gave you a little hint. And you missed it.

I've learned that you shouldn't wait for your perspective other to make the first move. If you enjoy a date, make plans for another one, don't wait around, be pro-active about it. If she asks "are we just friends" don't go "uh...yeah?" tell her that you would like more than that, but are willing to be friends if that's all she wants.

Clearly you don't have a problem attracting the laydeeeees, but you aren't so hot at sealng the deal.

I've been there, we all have. As against waiting to just slip into a relationship scenario, take action yourself. Secure that next date, make it clear you want more than to be friends. And dont' worry about being shot down, at the very least the woman in quetion will respect and admire your gigantic balls in approaching them like this.

MJOR

did you ever consider OP that maybe she was testing the water? Seeing how you felt before she made hers known

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies

I'll have to take into some consideration acting sexy (:p grr) but for the here and now,

I decided to open right up today by rolling back the conversation with her and set the record straight, to a point where she knew what I honestly wanted. Unfortunately with me being effectively on holidays and her working about 60 hours a week she just doesnt feel how she can possibly live up to that expectation: that she needs a friend more than anything else at the moment. I can live with that down a lot easier now that I feel we're being honest here.

Praytell though fair Badger, is that what im lacking? It makes sense though. I just always get nervous during the planning stages worrying she feels like im dragging her somewhere she doesnt want to be when im making the decisions. But I forget that generally speaking thats what women appear to like in a man.

I guess they wouldnt test me so much if I was sending out the same set of signals all the time :rolleyes: